10 Thirsty Texts From Real Life Fuckboys Who Tried To Slither Back Into My Life

10 Thirsty Texts From Real Life Fuckboys Who Tried To Slither Back Into My Life

If you're not interested—stop texting me, stop giving me attention and I will happily do the same by cutting you out of my life.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong
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Here's my rule of thumb when it comes to dating: If you're interested in me—prove it.

Don't just make plans with me or "promise" to come see me on some random Thursday. Make the effort to stick to that promise and get off your ass to actually come see me.

Don't just send me a plethora of Snapchats as a sign of affection for me to ooh and ahh over because honestly, that dog filter looks hideous on you.

It's plain and simple. Call me when you miss me, text me when you're thinking about me. Be direct, up front and keep the conversation going, or GTFO and stop wasting my time.

It baffles me how so many boys out there are willing to play this endless game of slightly showing interest, developing a promising relationship, then leaving you for a few days/weeks only to come slithering back into your life.

Call it "ghosting" or "orbiting"—I call it complete bullshit. Because you know what? Boys don't seem more manly or masculine for being somewhat "less clingy" as they might perceive it to be. And when they try to hit you up with a text in order win you back, they're really messing around with your feelings to break your heart all over again.

Here's a complication of 10 ACTUAL texts I personally received from real life fuckboys who tried getting back in my life by using the most cringe-worthy excuses to follow with it. And ladies, here are some ways how you can successfully clap back at them the next time this happens to you.

1. The mysterious case of the lost/broken phone

Best reply: Sent from my iPod

OK, so this is misleading because I'm mainly confused as to whether you LOST your phone or BROKE it or did both. Did you break it first? Lost it at the club only to find it broken after you found it? Please, one excuse at a time. If you lost/broke it, how did you send that text if you didn't get a new phone yet??? This requires a full-on FBI investigation

2. The sob story

Best reply: Sorry to hear that. Must've been a loonngg trip to the vet!

Shit happens, but were you really at the vet for the entire three-plus weeks that you didn't text me? I'm crying actual tears while reading this but your dog's misfortune isn't a one way EZ pass back into my life.

3. The Father Earth, Mother Nature

Best reply: Nah it's cool, I was out glacier hunting, no biggie.

Oh dear, this fuckboy needed a break from reality and decided to go on a freaking BACKPACKING trip across California and Arizona (throw in Nevada just for fun). You should try glacier hunting next time you're at it. That way, you can be gone longer than a few days and still have a great excuse, you pretend tree hugger.

4. The howdy

Best reply: Let's keep it that way :)

Nothing like waking up to a morning text like this. I've been great, actually. We haven't talked in SO LONG that I decided to delete your contact and my phone no longer recognized you. Report Junk! Report Fuckboy Alert!

5. The workaholic on lunch break

Best reply: Enjoy your lunch break and leave me alone :)

How uneventful is your lunch break that you decided to whip out your phone, scroll through your list of contacts only to send ME a text? Wow, I am truly honored. Would you like a side of I-Could-Give-Zero-Fucks with that Teriyaki Chicken plate?

6. The aggressive

Best reply: Ghost emoji

I mean, if he's leaving on some extravagant trip tomorrow you might as well do the deed and ghost him first. Also, I just love when guys decide not to reply, only to blame YOU for not texting back...? Do the logic here, something doesn't seem to match up.

7. The send some noods

Best reply: You will hear from my attorney.

This culprit just reached a new level of fuckboy-ness by going straight for the kill on the first try. Maybe a “How are you" would've led me to snap a topless pic for ya...NOT. Ask for a picture one more time and I'm dialing up my attorney for invasion of my privacy.

8. The say my name, say my name

Best reply: May I fuckin' help you???

Yes, that's my name. Yay! You spelled it right! Now, do you remember how I pronounce it? Bet you don't.

(Hint: It's not L, its [/eh-lee/])

9. The airplane mode

Best reply: Sorry I received this text notification, my b

This could go two ways: either his phone was on airplane mode and all notifications were muted OR he saw the notification and just ignored it only to follow up on it a few days later. Either way, I'm sorry you had to swallow your pride to have to text me this afterwards. To your self esteem—RIP!!!

10. The classic I miss you

Best reply: Sure, I miss you. But my aim is getting better.

Aww, my pretty face was thinking about the different ways I can take a swing at you the next time you decide to show up at my house to see me again. Sucks that you miss me, all I can say is that I wish that I felt the same!!

To conclude this article, a final message to all the fuckboys in the world: If you're not interested, stop texting me altogether, stop giving me attention and I will happily do the same by cutting you out of my life.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

5 Questions To Ask Yourself When You're On The Fence With A Guy

Is he worth it?

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Whether you're contemplating if you want to continue your fling with a guy or contemplating breaking up with your boyfriend, there are always questions we're asking ourselves. Ranging from "is this right of me?" to "is this what will make me happy?" But if you are really sitting on the fence and don't know what to do next, check out these five questions you need to ask yourself if you're torn on what to do.

1. Do I want long term or short term?

This is a huge question to ask. If you're looking to settle down for a while, your guy may not want that. And it could always be the other way around as well. Make sure to decipher this with him so you both know what you want and no one gets a broken heart.

2. Can I see myself marrying this person?

I know this is a bold question to ask, especially if you're not dating. But really thinking about if you can see yourself with them for a long time can make it or break it. But say you're dating and you're on the fence of deciding you want to break up with them or not, think about if you can see yourself saying "I do" to them, and if you can't, let him go.

3. Can I see myself living with them/how do they live?

I've seen many people get engaged and move in together and later call it quits due to the way their partner lived. If you've been getting to know your guy for a while now and notices he lives like a pig, you may have to wonder if you'd be cleaning up those messes in the future.

4. How do they make me feel?

This question in a no brainer. If they make you feel bad, why even question continuing into the relationship.

5. Are they worth it?

Is he worth it? I know I have had some experiences when I was on the fence with a couple of guys and I've had to ask myself the same question. And when I'd question if he was worth it or not, my gut feeling always came out right. If you're looking to keep him around, always ask yourself if he's worth it.

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Girls, You NEED To Understand That Fuckboy Texting You ‘wyd’ 24/7 Will Never Give You A 24 Karat Ring

I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you his wife.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong
167
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There are five unofficial steps of hookup culture: Find a guy. Get to know him a little bit, but not too much (because you have to keep "boundaries," remember?) Make a pact to keep things "casual" and promise to still be "friends" with each other. Then, hookup with him. And keep hooking up with him without any emotional attachment — just over and over again and never expect anything more.

From a birds eye view, hookup culture seems so harmless. I mean, what's more convenient than having a booty call at your doorstep with the swipe of a screen? When you want to hook up, all you have to do is shoot that 2 a.m. "U Up?" text.

Hell, I even wrote a whole article about the perfect FWB situation.

Yet suddenly—here I am, Elle Hong, resident "Uncuffed" writer on Swoon and self proclaimed fuckgirl who glorifies hookup culture above anything else, catching feelings and falling for the wrong guys just like any other girl out in the world.

Consider this blasphemy. Or maybe I'm just dying to make a confession.

A confession that I, too, have experienced the feeling of wondering why I was never enough for the guys I hooked up with. Why they never chose me over the girls they would eventually form serious relationships with and why to them I only was nothing more than a casual hookup.

So, I thought about it. I critically analyzed it. I "Aristotle-d" my way into trying to find an answer behind the impossible question of wondering why I was never considered to be anything more. Over the past few weeks, it essentially became my new research topic and now, I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you into wifey material. Here's why.

First and foremost: Guys usually (but not always) choose to hookup with girls who they don't see as anything more.

Now, keep in mind I'm not saying that guys will NEVER fall in love with the girls they hookup with because it can happen. It's life. Life is unpredictable. No doubt, people have fallen in love on Tinder and married a random match who just happened to become The One. But we all know what Tinder is really for. Generally speaking, guys will seek random hookups with the types of girls they think are "easy" and if they're desperate enough, it's definitely not going to be someone they view as their future wife.

If he thinks you're cute, you're within 10 miles radius and you can hold a conversation, it doesn't matter what your annual salary is or how many siblings you got—he wants one thing and it's to get you in bed. And until a guys find this girl who captures his heart and inevitably makes him want to settle, he's going to go around hooking up with random girls left and right. So in this case, it's not your fault. You're just with the wrong type of guy who only thinks of you as his sexual conquest.

See also: Guys want to settle with girls that don't go around hooking up with other people.

Ironic as hell because I just talked about why guys would never want to settle, period. But think about it—guys are humans with rational thoughts and animalistic desires. When they find their territory, they mark it. Once he finds a girl who is the one, he never wants to let her go. And he never wants to see that girl be with another guy or god forbid, go around hooking up with other guys. So here's the moral of the story to get my point across: I hate to break it to you, but bragging about how many other guys you're f*cking outside of your current FWB situationship isn't going to help develop the relationship any further.

Finally: A girl's "hoe phase" might seem empowering but for guys they see it as a threat.

Thanks to the wonderful millennial encyclopedia that we call Urban Dictionary, we have a definition behind this certain life style: A phase in life which occurs when a girl goes around social settings exploring herself, committing promiscuous acts and connecting with random people. For girls, it seems pretty damn empowering, doesn't it? For us it's a chance to let loose, to live a lil bit more and to run around as independent women. Nothing wrong with that of course.

But for guys to perceive this type of lifestyle, they see it as a threat which could arise if they form a relationship with you. It's simple logic here. A girl who's in her "hoe phase" is more likely to be unfaithful since they're always out and about with this person and that person. Put it this way: a guy doesn't care if you're a hoe—but he only wants you to be HIS hoe and not everyone else's. So you might think that it's a great way to express yourself and to enjoy your college years, but keep in mind that it could possibly be holding you back from taking the next step with your casual FWB.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

OMG, check these out

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