10 Thirsty Texts From Real Life Fuckboys Who Tried To Slither Back Into My Life

10 Thirsty Texts From Real Life Fuckboys Who Tried To Slither Back Into My Life

If you're not interested—stop texting me, stop giving me attention and I will happily do the same by cutting you out of my life.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

Here's my rule of thumb when it comes to dating: If you're interested in me—prove it.

Don't just make plans with me or "promise" to come see me on some random Thursday. Make the effort to stick to that promise and get off your ass to actually come see me.

Don't just send me a plethora of Snapchats as a sign of affection for me to ooh and ahh over because honestly, that dog filter looks hideous on you.

It's plain and simple. Call me when you miss me, text me when you're thinking about me. Be direct, up front and keep the conversation going, or GTFO and stop wasting my time.

It baffles me how so many boys out there are willing to play this endless game of slightly showing interest, developing a promising relationship, then leaving you for a few days/weeks only to come slithering back into your life.

Call it "ghosting" or "orbiting"—I call it complete bullshit. Because you know what? Boys don't seem more manly or masculine for being somewhat "less clingy" as they might perceive it to be. And when they try to hit you up with a text in order win you back, they're really messing around with your feelings to break your heart all over again.

Here's a complication of 10 ACTUAL texts I personally received from real life fuckboys who tried getting back in my life by using the most cringe-worthy excuses to follow with it. And ladies, here are some ways how you can successfully clap back at them the next time this happens to you.

1. The mysterious case of the lost/broken phone

Best reply: Sent from my iPod

OK, so this is misleading because I'm mainly confused as to whether you LOST your phone or BROKE it or did both. Did you break it first? Lost it at the club only to find it broken after you found it? Please, one excuse at a time. If you lost/broke it, how did you send that text if you didn't get a new phone yet??? This requires a full-on FBI investigation

2. The sob story

Best reply: Sorry to hear that. Must've been a loonngg trip to the vet!

Shit happens, but were you really at the vet for the entire three-plus weeks that you didn't text me? I'm crying actual tears while reading this but your dog's misfortune isn't a one way EZ pass back into my life.

3. The Father Earth, Mother Nature

Best reply: Nah it's cool, I was out glacier hunting, no biggie.

Oh dear, this fuckboy needed a break from reality and decided to go on a freaking BACKPACKING trip across California and Arizona (throw in Nevada just for fun). You should try glacier hunting next time you're at it. That way, you can be gone longer than a few days and still have a great excuse, you pretend tree hugger.

4. The howdy

Best reply: Let's keep it that way :)

Nothing like waking up to a morning text like this. I've been great, actually. We haven't talked in SO LONG that I decided to delete your contact and my phone no longer recognized you. Report Junk! Report Fuckboy Alert!

5. The workaholic on lunch break

Best reply: Enjoy your lunch break and leave me alone :)

How uneventful is your lunch break that you decided to whip out your phone, scroll through your list of contacts only to send ME a text? Wow, I am truly honored. Would you like a side of I-Could-Give-Zero-Fucks with that Teriyaki Chicken plate?

6. The aggressive

Best reply: Ghost emoji

I mean, if he's leaving on some extravagant trip tomorrow you might as well do the deed and ghost him first. Also, I just love when guys decide not to reply, only to blame YOU for not texting back...? Do the logic here, something doesn't seem to match up.

7. The send some noods

Best reply: You will hear from my attorney.

This culprit just reached a new level of fuckboy-ness by going straight for the kill on the first try. Maybe a “How are you" would've led me to snap a topless pic for ya...NOT. Ask for a picture one more time and I'm dialing up my attorney for invasion of my privacy.

8. The say my name, say my name

Best reply: May I fuckin' help you???

Yes, that's my name. Yay! You spelled it right! Now, do you remember how I pronounce it? Bet you don't.

(Hint: It's not L, its [/eh-lee/])

9. The airplane mode

Best reply: Sorry I received this text notification, my b

This could go two ways: either his phone was on airplane mode and all notifications were muted OR he saw the notification and just ignored it only to follow up on it a few days later. Either way, I'm sorry you had to swallow your pride to have to text me this afterwards. To your self esteem—RIP!!!

10. The classic I miss you

Best reply: Sure, I miss you. But my aim is getting better.

Aww, my pretty face was thinking about the different ways I can take a swing at you the next time you decide to show up at my house to see me again. Sucks that you miss me, all I can say is that I wish that I felt the same!!

To conclude this article, a final message to all the fuckboys in the world: If you're not interested, stop texting me altogether, stop giving me attention and I will happily do the same by cutting you out of my life.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

I Am A Hopeless Romantic Living In A World Where One-Night Stands Are The Norm

It's the little things.


In today's society, it can certainly start to feel like no one takes love seriously anymore.

Whether it's that one couple who has broken up and gotten back together more times than you can count, the two friends-with-benefits no one can figure out, your local womanizer, or just hookups in general, love and lust are a huge part of specifically college life and culture.

As a hopeless romantic, being part of a generation that "just wants to have fun" can be really frustrating, especially when you just want to find something real. It is so easy for people to put on a fake act just to get what they want and sometimes this can be extremely hard to see through. I'm sure we've all had some kind of incident with someone who played nice but had ulterior motives and the sad truth is that it can be impossible to recognize a person's artificiality.

I am a hopeless romantic.

I have always classified myself as such, and it has remained true. Sure, I can make the most of the freedoms I have as a single college woman, but deep down I just want to find my person.

I've had my fair share of letdowns, and I think we all have, but being a hopeless romantic makes it that much more difficult to get past the "what ifs" and fantasies that come along with starting something with someone new. We may already have our hearts set on a person when they decide they've gotten what they wanted and leave.

For me, I find myself caught up in the little things that someone does. I have always been someone who picks up on small details in situations, and sometimes this works against me.

I pick up on the small facial expressions that he may not even realize he is making; the ones that tell you when their guard has been let down, even just for a split second.

I pick up on the way he sits our two cellphones side by side on the nightstand, taking care to line them up perfectly as if that's just their spot.

I pick up on the short moments of laughter where he actually lets himself laugh and forgets about the act.

I pick up on things, and sometimes I end up hurting because of it.

When it comes down to it, though, I wouldn't change the way that I am. I wouldn't change the fact that I find myself in the search for more in a society that mostly only offers me less.

The trait that tends to hurt me most is also the one that I value most. Even if noticing all the little things is something that contributes to my own heartache, I love those moments. There is something beautiful about those tiny things shared by two people, even if the connection ends there.

Sure, it can be hard. But so can everything.

It's just a matter of finding the beauty.

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Dedicate Your Summer To Bettering Yourself For Yourself, Not Your Ex

Why waste energy on an ex who doesn't care about you anymore?


I'm single for the summer (yet again, no shock there) but this summer there's something in the air that just feels different. It's the feeling of true acceptance of my single status.

Last summer I was single when I really didn't want to be. My heart with still holding out for a guy who wasn't interested in anything more than my friendship. It took me from late March all the way until Halloween to get over those feelings. However, while working through those tough feelings that summer, I came to enjoy my time on my own and not talking to anyone except my best friends. I didn't have to worry about when I'd get a text back, or if I'd be left on read, or who he'd be out with since I wasn't around. The only thing I needed to worry about was my paychecks and tan lines.

Sometimes after breaking things off with someone who you put so much effort into, whether it was a boyfriend, an almost relationship, or even a friend with benefits, it's easy to want to show off on social media and make them regret ever hurting you or ending things. Why? It's a nice little ego boost, sure, but after those few seconds of glee from the fact that you know they've seen and maybe even liked your picture or your tweet, or saw your story on Snapchat, do you still feel happy? No, you go right back to feeling like crap, whether you want to admit it or not. Stop making yourself all about them when that ship has sailed and start being all about you.

Your ex is off doing their own thing, maybe thinking about you, but obviously not enough to want you back in their life the way you used to be. They are probably out there finding a new person to take your spot because they don't have you at their beck and call anymore. If they're also showing off to show you how much better they are without you or to make you jealous...why are you still following them or still participating in this sick little game for attention? Grow up and block them so you don't have to keep seeing their posts, or be adult enough to stop if you're doing the same as well. If it's only you posting, chances are you just look stupid, so stop before you really embarrass yourself. I was that person, and I know first hand how embarrassed I am for acting the way I did.

Summer is synonymous for doing whatever the hell you want. Wear what you want, say what you want, and be the best version of yourself that only a high dose of Vitamin D can bring out. Your ex is an ex for many reasons. You have to set aside the summer for you and what benefits you only. Don't concern yourself with an ex who doesn't care in the least about you anymore. Coming from someone who posted thirst traps aimed at a specific person along with countless shady AF stories on Snap and Insta in the hopes that this one person and their friends would see it, just stop and save yourself the energy as well as regret.

We're all adults, it's time to stop the petty posts and photos. Post your thirst trap for yourself because you're a sexy queen who doesn't need anyone but herself. Once you start focusing on yourself this summer, instead of your ex, you'll realize just have great it feels to truly be free.

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