10 Things To Do When They Put You In The Friend Zone

10 Things To Do When They Put You In The Friend Zone

The friend zone is a hard place to be-here's how to move on.

The friend zone is one of the worst places to be. It is a place I never thought I would find myself, yet somehow my position there got cemented with someone that I always saw as a lot more than that. He was gorgeous and funny and we shared the same humor. Similar can be a common ground and bond for many a romantic relationship, however, in my case, it solidified me into the friend zone. I was in a casket of our relationship that was disguised as friendship. I no way wanted his friendship yet friendship was all I was offered.

Every time I saw him or even talked with him over social media I felt the platonic nature of our relationship taunting me. I knew I couldn't change it even if I tried and there were moments where I was filled with genuine hope that it could be different, but what lay between us was nothing more than casual friendship and accepting that was a difficult thing to do.

Here are 10 steps to take when you find yourself wallowing in the friend zone as well.

1. Accept it.

Accepting that the relationship you desired is not supposed to be can be a difficult thing to do, however, it is an exceedingly necessary step to take in order to get over whoever it is you're crushing on.

2. Wallow In It.

It's completely okay to let yourself saturate in the sadness of what could have been as long as you move on once you're done grieving. Grieve for an appropriate amount of time, but make sure you move on after.

3. Take a Step Back.

It might be necessary for you to step back for a little while in order to help yourself get over it. Cutting off contact temporarily might give you time to move forward. Repeatedly talking to the person you're trying to get over might result in you repeatedly catching feelings.

4. Acknowledge It.

Living in denial about the situation will only worsen it. Admit that you've been friend zoned and that this is all out of your control. You can't control the situation, but acknowledging your feelings is a good step in moving on.

5. Talk It Out.

It depends on what kind of person you, but talking about your feelings is often times a good step to take in realizing how you are feeling and working on moving on. Speaking to a friend or loved one about how you're feeling is good because often times they have been in a similar situation as well and can come offering advice that will help you.

6. Realize You Might Be Better As Friends.

Make sure to acknowledge the fact that you probably work better as friends and being romantic with one another would tarnish your relationship.

7. See the Flaws.

When you have taken a step back and are in the friend zone you see a lot of things you might have been blind to when you were pursuing a romantic relationship with them. You have most likely been focusing only on the pros of the person you like, take time to look at the cons now.

8. Find An Outlet.

Whether it's writing, singing, dancing, or talking it out, find an outlet where you can get your feelings out so that you don't bottle everything within.

9. Take Time.

Time heals these kinds of things. Do not make any rash decisions or say anything you might regret at the moment. Realize that this is right now and you might feel differently a month or two from now then how you are feeling right now.

10. Move On.

This is so so much easier to say than to do. However, realize that if one party doesn't want to be in a relationship, it will never work. Moving on is essential. If you are not capable of having a strictly platonic relationship with the person you are interested in, then it would probably be in your best interest to not speak frequently with them. If you remain friends and remain to talk to one another even after one has caught feelings, ensure that you start the process of moving on so that one person doesn't feel weird or uncomfortable.

Moving on from something you thought was going to work out can be difficult, but it is an essential move. It can be so incredibly miserable and quite frankly a really difficult time in my life, but I do believe it strengthened me as a person. I've felt more weak and vulnerable than I have in my entire life, but I have learned a lot about myself and also a lot about others as well.

Cover Image Credit: 123rf

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

5 Questions To Ask Yourself When You're On The Fence With A Guy

Is he worth it?


Whether you're contemplating if you want to continue your fling with a guy or contemplating breaking up with your boyfriend, there are always questions we're asking ourselves. Ranging from "is this right of me?" to "is this what will make me happy?" But if you are really sitting on the fence and don't know what to do next, check out these five questions you need to ask yourself if you're torn on what to do.

1. Do I want long term or short term?

This is a huge question to ask. If you're looking to settle down for a while, your guy may not want that. And it could always be the other way around as well. Make sure to decipher this with him so you both know what you want and no one gets a broken heart.

2. Can I see myself marrying this person?

I know this is a bold question to ask, especially if you're not dating. But really thinking about if you can see yourself with them for a long time can make it or break it. But say you're dating and you're on the fence of deciding you want to break up with them or not, think about if you can see yourself saying "I do" to them, and if you can't, let him go.

3. Can I see myself living with them/how do they live?

I've seen many people get engaged and move in together and later call it quits due to the way their partner lived. If you've been getting to know your guy for a while now and notices he lives like a pig, you may have to wonder if you'd be cleaning up those messes in the future.

4. How do they make me feel?

This question in a no brainer. If they make you feel bad, why even question continuing into the relationship.

5. Are they worth it?

Is he worth it? I know I have had some experiences when I was on the fence with a couple of guys and I've had to ask myself the same question. And when I'd question if he was worth it or not, my gut feeling always came out right. If you're looking to keep him around, always ask yourself if he's worth it.

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Girls, You NEED To Understand That Fuckboy Texting You ‘wyd’ 24/7 Will Never Give You A 24 Karat Ring

I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you his wife.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

There are five unofficial steps of hookup culture: Find a guy. Get to know him a little bit, but not too much (because you have to keep "boundaries," remember?) Make a pact to keep things "casual" and promise to still be "friends" with each other. Then, hookup with him. And keep hooking up with him without any emotional attachment — just over and over again and never expect anything more.

From a birds eye view, hookup culture seems so harmless. I mean, what's more convenient than having a booty call at your doorstep with the swipe of a screen? When you want to hook up, all you have to do is shoot that 2 a.m. "U Up?" text.

Hell, I even wrote a whole article about the perfect FWB situation.

Yet suddenly—here I am, Elle Hong, resident "Uncuffed" writer on Swoon and self proclaimed fuckgirl who glorifies hookup culture above anything else, catching feelings and falling for the wrong guys just like any other girl out in the world.

Consider this blasphemy. Or maybe I'm just dying to make a confession.

A confession that I, too, have experienced the feeling of wondering why I was never enough for the guys I hooked up with. Why they never chose me over the girls they would eventually form serious relationships with and why to them I only was nothing more than a casual hookup.

So, I thought about it. I critically analyzed it. I "Aristotle-d" my way into trying to find an answer behind the impossible question of wondering why I was never considered to be anything more. Over the past few weeks, it essentially became my new research topic and now, I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you into wifey material. Here's why.

First and foremost: Guys usually (but not always) choose to hookup with girls who they don't see as anything more.

Now, keep in mind I'm not saying that guys will NEVER fall in love with the girls they hookup with because it can happen. It's life. Life is unpredictable. No doubt, people have fallen in love on Tinder and married a random match who just happened to become The One. But we all know what Tinder is really for. Generally speaking, guys will seek random hookups with the types of girls they think are "easy" and if they're desperate enough, it's definitely not going to be someone they view as their future wife.

If he thinks you're cute, you're within 10 miles radius and you can hold a conversation, it doesn't matter what your annual salary is or how many siblings you got—he wants one thing and it's to get you in bed. And until a guys find this girl who captures his heart and inevitably makes him want to settle, he's going to go around hooking up with random girls left and right. So in this case, it's not your fault. You're just with the wrong type of guy who only thinks of you as his sexual conquest.

See also: Guys want to settle with girls that don't go around hooking up with other people.

Ironic as hell because I just talked about why guys would never want to settle, period. But think about it—guys are humans with rational thoughts and animalistic desires. When they find their territory, they mark it. Once he finds a girl who is the one, he never wants to let her go. And he never wants to see that girl be with another guy or god forbid, go around hooking up with other guys. So here's the moral of the story to get my point across: I hate to break it to you, but bragging about how many other guys you're f*cking outside of your current FWB situationship isn't going to help develop the relationship any further.

Finally: A girl's "hoe phase" might seem empowering but for guys they see it as a threat.

Thanks to the wonderful millennial encyclopedia that we call Urban Dictionary, we have a definition behind this certain life style: A phase in life which occurs when a girl goes around social settings exploring herself, committing promiscuous acts and connecting with random people. For girls, it seems pretty damn empowering, doesn't it? For us it's a chance to let loose, to live a lil bit more and to run around as independent women. Nothing wrong with that of course.

But for guys to perceive this type of lifestyle, they see it as a threat which could arise if they form a relationship with you. It's simple logic here. A girl who's in her "hoe phase" is more likely to be unfaithful since they're always out and about with this person and that person. Put it this way: a guy doesn't care if you're a hoe—but he only wants you to be HIS hoe and not everyone else's. So you might think that it's a great way to express yourself and to enjoy your college years, but keep in mind that it could possibly be holding you back from taking the next step with your casual FWB.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

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