12 Lessons You Learn When You're With The Right Person For At Least A Year
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About a year and a half ago, I laid my eyes on one of the most attractive guys I have ever seen in my life. I needed to get to know him, so I went in and added him on Snapchat and made the first move by talking to him first. Long story short, I ended up liking him and he ended up liking me, so we became boyfriend and girlfriend... and now, we've been dating for a whole 3,153,600 seconds!

Every relationship comes with its ups and downs but somehow, my boyfriend and I made it through those and became stronger as a couple. I have learned so much; I was in a mentally abusive relationship before I met my current boyfriend. Luckily enough, he taught me to love myself and love someone else romantically again. I really can't thank him enough for some things, but I really have taken a new perspective on love. Here are some lessons I learned throughout this year of being together.

1. Love yourself first

In order to love somebody else, you need to love yourself first. I was in a rut for quite some time where I didn't really care for myself anymore. If I didn't have love for myself, how could I give love to someone else? Once I gained it back, I finally felt like I could love another human being again, which I did.

2. Try things your partner likes, even if you think you'll hate it

My boyfriend is a HUGE movie geek. I've never met anyone else who loves movies as much as him. I never really watched movies a lot until I met him and one of his favorite series is the Marvel movies. I never thought I'd be into those movies just because they're not my type, until I finally gave in and watched some with him. Turns out I was wrong and now the series is one of my favorites too.

3. Insecurity can ruin everything

Being insecure sucks. I'm sure anyone else who has insecurities would agree. You have to have your partner reassure you that they still like you (even though they're dating you). Over time, it can hurt you and your partner, but with time as well, it gets better.

4. You don't need to be talking 24/7

My boyfriend is a pre-dental/bio major, is in track and is always the library studying or participating in SI. He's a very busy boy. Sometimes he's so busy that he doesn't text me back for hours on end. I work three jobs too. Sometimes we just can't get to the phone.

5. Long distance sucks... even though it's not really long distance

Back home, my boyfriend and I live about 20 minutes away from each other. When we're both at college, we're an hour away from each other. It's really not long distance since it's only an hour away, but when I'm feeling down or need help with something, I can't just drive over for the day.

6. Be their biggest supporter

Being supportive is one the biggest things to do in a relationship. If my boyfriend has a bad day with track or didn't do as good as he thought he did on an exam, I'm there. He does the same thing for me.

7. Love changes over time

Obviously when you're together for a long time, things will die down. A year ago last year, my BF and I were sending such lovey dovey messages and making sure that the flirting was still going strong. Now, I'm lucky if I even get a thorough goodnight text, and that's okay because things will change over time.

8. Surprises

They don't have to be everyday or every week. It's just a little gesture to know that everything is still going good. One time I bought my boyfriend a movie and planned a night in. Sometimes he'll randomly take me out to eat at a nice restaurant. It's things like that that go a long ways.

9. Everyone shows their love in different ways

My boyfriend is not the type of guy to go out and buy me flowers or chocolates. He's the type of guy that will make fun of me and then cuddle me five minutes later... and that's how he shows his love for me. That's what makes him, him. And I love it (even though sometimes we make fun of each other like brother and sister).

10. Relationships in college are hard

I'll be honest, dating while in college really takes a toll on you. I'm either working, doing homework, or running errands. My boyfriend is either at practice, doing homework, working out or in the library. Sometimes it gets frustrating because you can't talk to them as much, especially if you go to different schools.

11. Try to show appreciation every day

The smallest bit of appreciation can make or break a day. We always make sure to show that we appreciate each other in some type of way almost every day. It really can make my day ten times better when I know I'm appreciated.

12. Your partner will become your best friend

This is the best thing that can happen in a relationship in my opinion. My boyfriend really is my best friend. I know I can trust him with anything I tell him, I can always go to him about a problem and I know I can always count on him to have my back.

Thank you for making these past 12 months unforgettable. Here's to many more, happy 1 year anniversary, Adam. I love you more than anything!

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

8 Qualities That Still Hold Up When Looking For The 'Perfect Guy' In 2019

He hasn't come along yet, but I'll know him when I see him.

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Ah, the mythical "perfect guy." Technically, he doesn't exist.

But there are guys that seem perfect to the people who love them despite their flaws. Over the years, I've compiled a mental list of things I look for in a guy. The list has changed over the years as different things became important to me. It's probably as complex and comprehensive now as it'll ever get, but I can't be sure.

The following are in order of importance, at least for me. Here are the best qualities to look for in a man in 2019:

1. Having strong faith.

This is crucial! I'm Christian, so for me, that means if he's not a Christian, it's a dealbreaker. My morals and beliefs are very strongly linked to my faith in God, and I just can't be with someone who doesn't share that conviction. I wouldn't marry a man who's not a Christian, so why even bother dating one?

"Imagine a man so focused on God that the only reason he looked up to see you is because he heard God say, 'That's her.'"

2. Kind

This is also very important! I've liked guys in the past who had some of the other qualities I looked for I but weren't kind. A relationship without kindness is toxic. Everyone deserves someone who treats them well, but that person should treat everyone well. They shouldn't discriminate with their kindness.

3. Funny

I need a guy who can make me laugh! He also needs to be able to understand my sense of humor, which is mostly sarcasm. I find a lot of things funny: jokes, puns, memes, no matter how seemingly stupid. If you've got those, you're golden.

4. Smart

Intelligence is attractive. It's true. I want a guy who's smart but isn't conceited. He knows he knows a lot but he doesn't think he's better than everyone else. He doesn't have to be a genius. He could be really smart in one subject, or kind of smart in many subjects. I just want him to know a thing or two about a thing or two.

5. Hardworking

My guy needs to be ambitious. He needs to have goals that he works toward. He can't be lazy. I believe that it is primarily the man's duty to financially support his woman. This is most applicable in marriage, but it works in dating relationships, too. I don't want someone who is unable to provide for me. In order to do that, he needs to be able to provide for himself.

6. Cute

You knew I'd get to this! I'm not blind, after all. Trust me, I think it's important for a guy to be attractive. But it's not as important as everything listed above this. I've been told I have weird taste in guys in terms of looks. What I see as cute doesn't always line up with society's definition. The important thing is that I'm attracted to him. Physical attraction is important in a relationship. To be picky: I don't like facial hair or too much muscle. I do like chest hair and back muscles.

7. Creative

This can mean a lot of different things. He could draw, paint, write, sing, play an instrument, etc. As long as it shows that he's inclined to use the right side of his brain. I'm a writer, so I'm naturally more drawn to people who prefer creativity over logic.

8. Interested in Me

Despite being last, this is extremely important! Without this, none of the other things matter. It's just like every other crush I've ever had. Nothing different. Nothing special. While I've been able to find guys who exhibit the first seven qualities, the eighth has been much harder to come by. I've never been in a relationship, so I imagine it will be really wonderful when I eventually find someone who reciprocates my feelings.


Some people may think my standards are too high, but I refuse to lower them. I believe that God has someone out there for me who lives up to these standards and even exceeds them. I just have to be patient and trust His timing.

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The Friend You Like Romantically Doesn't Owe You Anything

The friend-zone can be escaped, but not in the way you might want
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We've all heard the story of the "friend-zone." Boy is in love with his best friend, she dates all the wrong guys and fails to notice how perfect he is, then eventually realizes how wrong she was and they live happily ever after.

I used to think that the friend-zone was a myth that lonely men created to feel better about themselves. But then I got friend-zoned myself.

Yes, it sucked, but the second I realized I had feelings for a friend (that I knew had no such feelings for me), I decided to suppress the feelings. When that wasn't enough, I cut them off for a bit, then, slowly, I felt OK. I could communicate with them without having unwanted romantic feelings pop up. I had escaped the friend-zone.

Having gone through that, I had more sympathy for someone I had to friend-zone a little while later. I had been friends with this guy for a few months. I didn't have many college friends yet and I was really lonely, so having his company really meant a lot at the time.

This caused me to not be able to see what should have been clear: he had a crush on me. When I finally made the realization, I immediately let him know that I didn't feel that way about him. He said it was OK, but I could tell it wasn't.

We didn't talk at all over the summer and when we came back for the fall semester, he would barely look at me. I had started dating his friend, which caused an even bigger rift between us.

Though I understand where he's coming from, I was also really mad at him for a long time.

It was as if he was only nice to me because he wanted romance in return. But people are not vending machines. You can't put in your "nice guy" coins and expect love, sex, or whatever the hell it is you want in return.

It hurt me to know that he only wanted romance and once that was off the table, he no longer wanted anything to do with me.

But then I thought back to the friend that had friend-zoned me. Unrequited affections really suck, especially when they're for someone that you spend a lot of time with. But the key is to work to escape it.

Yes, liking someone you're friends with and them not liking you back is a real thing, but people tend to treat the friend-zone like this mythic hell dimension that can never be escaped. But you can escape. Just maybe not in the way you'd like to.

Now there are three ways you can escape the friend-zone:

The first option is to confess your feelings and try to win them over. Now, this isn't completely unheard of. I've had friends that have dated people who had previously friend-zoned them, but it's extremely rare and risky. You have to risk your entire friendship in order to do this. If it doesn't work out, it could strain the friendship or sometimes break it beyond repair.

You can also do what my ex-friend did and completely cut the person off. If you're being a love-zombie and only doing nice things for the friend because you expect romance in return, leaving the situation might be the most healthy decision for you. I understand now that my friend might have stopped talking to me out of self-preservation. But it still hurts the people involved.

The third and final option is to just get over it. It's harsh, but it's real. Why try something you know is going to fail and cause pain to both sides? Yes, getting over crushes can be really difficult, but getting a normal friendship back rather than being stuck a love-zombie for them is worth the pain.

Whichever one you choose, just remember this: Your friends do not owe you any romantic affection. The work you put into making them happy should just come out of the goodness of your own heart. If you expect romance in return, you're not being a good friend to them. If you really care about them, don't put that kind of pressure on them. They don't want a mindless love-zombie that does their bidding for the hope that they'll get a tiny love kernel out of it. They just want a friend.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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