13 Morning-After Texts You Received From The Mistakes You F*cked Last Semester

13 Morning-After Texts You Received From The Mistakes You F*cked Last Semester

I don't regret anything, but boy, were some mistakes made.
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The icing on the cake after a rather poor choice in hookup is when the boy wakes up thinking that you’re suddenly hooked on him. Yeah, like I want to repeat that mistake.

All would’ve been forgotten had he let it go, but when have you ever met a boy that didn’t complicate your life? Here's to the f*ckboys whose egos can’t grasp that we, too, wish to never see them again.

1. "No hard feelings."

No hard feelings about what? Like it's my fault you chose to sleep with me???

2. "You gamed the f*ck out of me. Well played."

I'm sorry, what the actual f*ck?

3. "Let’s just keep this to a one-time thing."

My pleasure. Your d*ck was a lot smaller than I thought it was going to be anyway. Super awkward.

4. "What happened last night?"

It's cute how you think I might have a better clue than you.

5. "If my girlfriend tries messaging you, please ignore her. I’ll explain later."

Fun fact: he will never explain later.

6. "Blackout Nate can’t f*ck."

Oh, trust me, I know. I still let you try for an hour, though.

7. "I couldn’t tell you anything about last night. I don’t even know how I got home."

It scares me how well some people function while blackout—to the point where I don't even suspect they blacked until they tell me they can't remember a damn thing.

8. "I’ll pay you back for Plan B if you need it."

That's a nice offer. It's too bad I NEVER saw that money. Boys, if you don't offer to pay for any portion of Plan B in the first place, we'll accept that you're a**holes and move on with our lives. But if you offer and ghost us or can't step up, then shut up.

9. "Oh, by the way, are you clean? Should I get tested?"

Out of context, the first question is very valid, and I'm happy to answer it. In the context that I received this text in, boy, I do NOT like what you're suggesting. If you're really that paranoid, just go get tested.

10. "I promise I’m not dodging you."

Yes, this is very evident considering you were supposed to show up three times and never did.

11. "Yeah, let’s not tell anyone about last night."

Too late. I had to tell everyone how poorly you treated me post-hookup, and I'm not sorry about it at all.

12. "It’s just that I don’t like mixing business with pleasure."

It's far too late for that. Wouldn't you agree?

13. "I left my wallet. Can you bring it to me later?"

Why do boys forget at least one item almost every single time even after spending a good 10 minutes making sure they didn't leave anything?


I don't regret any of my hookups because at one point, they're what I wanted. However, that doesn't mean that some of them weren't mistakes. So here's to smarter choices and boys that know how to treat girls better.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

10 Things Every Couple Must Complete On Their Bucket List Before They Die

If you're interested in doing sexual things that are more outside of the box, here's an intricate list of things every couple should check off their sexual bucket list before they die.

Dr King
Dr King
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In my personal experience, I noticed that conversations centered around sexual exploration are talked about in terms of what we've already done. Countless times I've played the game "Never Have I Ever" to break the ice and find out what other people have done. Even then people mostly want to know who has done butt stuff, who have had threesomes, and who has hooked up with a certain amount of people already. However, we rarely talk about all the sexual things we'd like to embark in and even when we do, it's usually kind of basic or standard.

If you're interested in doing sexual things that are more outside of the box, here's an intricate list of things every couple should check off their sexual bucket list before they die.

1. Use weed lube

Foria Pleasure's enhancement product made of cannabis oil and coconut oil provides women with mind-blowing and longer lasting orgasms. The increasing popularity of the product has gotten featured on Cosmo, PopSugar, and VICE.

2. Have a sex marathon at the Secluded Intown Treehouse Airbnb

This Airbnb in Atlanta is the #1 most-wished listing worldwide and makes for gorgeous scenery considering you're surrounded by nature. The bed is centered directly in front of the best view of its lush woods so it would be insane not to use that to your advantage and have a marathon sex session to become one with your partner and the environment.

3. Kiss in front of the Eiffel Tower

What's sex without a little romance as well? If you can afford a romantic getaway to Paris which is arguably the most romantic city in the world, make sure to kiss in front of the Eiffel Tower as a mechanism for emotional foreplay.

4. Join the Mile High Club

If you're up for something daring, have sex with your partner while you're both on a plane. One of you can head straight there as the other follows about five minutes later. Then one of you can bend the other over the sink and keep going until you're both finished. To eliminate the risk of looking too suspicious, I would at least encourage for this to be done while most people are sleeping so that people aren't wondering why the bathroom is being occupied for so long.

5. Attend a sex party

This doesn't necessarily mean you have to partake in the festivities but it's worth checking out. What happens at sex parties vary but to my understanding, it's a social gathering where couples hang out or engage in whatever sexual activities they desire as long as consent is given by whichever parties are involved. Usually, these parties are hosted at people's homes or in hotel rooms at conventions.

6. Bang against your partner's desk at their corporate job

It's a thrilling fantasy to be bent over by your partner against their desk at their fancy executive job where they have to be professional toward others on the outside but all kinds of nasty with you behind closed doors. If your partner has a job as a general manager, data analyst, consultant, accountant, corporate controller, etc then this activity is perfect for you!

7. Have a sex marathon in a snow cabin

If you're looking for a baecation at a snow cabin during the winter, here a few Airbnbs to consider. Just don't forget to have some everlasting sex sessions while you're there.

8. Play "hide and go seek" in public

This isn't inherently sexual, but if you wanted to test the waters and see how creative you can get, you could go on a picnic in the park first. Then leave trackers—whether that be bread on the ground that the ducks can eventually eat or turn on your bitmoji's location on Snapchat to have your partner find you. Then when they finally meet up with you, you both can celebrate by having sex at your final destination.

9. Bang at a sex dungeon

In Chicago, there are some of the best underground sex dungeons to fulfill the deepest fantasies of those in the kink community. There are multiple playrooms that provide all the types of bondage accessories and plays you can think of.

10. Have a baecation at Desire Couples Resort

Embrace your adventurous side and indulge in an all-inclusive, clothing optional couples resort located on the glorious beaches of Cancun. This place is tailored toward couples who are apart of the swingers lifestyle but everyone is welcome to explore. Public sexual activity is permitted in some areas of the resort so it could be a great opportunity for the two of you to try things you've never even thought of before.

Dr King
Dr King

OMG, check these out

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I Used To Think Hormones Didn't Matter Until They Ruined My Life

Hormones have spent five years ruining my life but now I'm using them to get my life back.

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I've never been one of those girls that used "Sorry, I'm on my period" as an excuse for my behavior. I've always thought that saying that didn't make sense, that I should be in control of myself and my actions at all times and that blaming it on my hormones was an irresponsible cop-out.

Then, one day in high school, I woke up at a sleepover in excruciating pain, worse than any I'd ever had before in my life. After months of doctors visits, ultrasounds and CT scans, and even surgery, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), a hormonal condition that affects 5 to 10 percent of women worldwide.

My body's hormonal imbalance was causing me terrible symptoms: pain, mood swings, acne, irregular cycles, stress, and so much more. The doctor that ultimately diagnosed me was Catholic and anti-abortion and told me "Birth control would help manage your pain but I don't prescribe it." That was the moment that I truly felt hopelessness and devastation.

Right before I left for college, I decided to take my medical fate into my own hands. I went to a different doctor and was given an IUD. It worked great for a few months and then my body rejected it. I got a new one and it rejected again. A last-ditch third effort was also rejected and then it was time to attempt another method.

I spent six months on the shot, which left me feeling amazing for a few weeks right after I was given a major dose of hormones but made me miserable for about six weeks after that when the hormones started wearing off while I waited for my next batch.

Now, finally, I'm on the pill, which generally has been a great choice for me personally. There are still some days that I feel down. I still get bad acne and headaches and a plethora of other symptoms that are influenced by hormones but generally, I'm much happier and healthier now.

Hormones are fascinating. They control everything in our bodies and even the slightest imbalance can have dramatic effects and leave you feeling miserable. It's a great scientific achievement that we have medications such as birth control that we can use to manipulate hormone levels and their effects but this technology still has so far to go before it's perfect.

Now I know how important hormones truly are and how great their effects can be on every aspect of my day-to-day life. I'll still never say "Sorry, I'm on my period" but I'm a lot more comfortable now recognizing when I'm having a bad day or if I'm having physical symptoms like acne, pain, and headaches.

Hormones have spent five years ruining my life but now I'm using them to get my life back.

OMG, check these out

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