It's almost spring and I'm still single. Am I mad? No. I'm determined. I've just been through a brutal ghosting that has left me feeling very betrayed and vulnerable, and I've grown tremendously from it. We have to go through the hard shit to get to the good shit! Dating is nothing short of a marathon in 2019, but if you work hard and pace yourself, you'll find yourself a winner by the summer.
Being single in college totally sucks, trust me I get it, but we can't let that hold us down or define us. Get up, get out and get moving girl!
1. Be 100% ready to be vulnerable. Stop trying to avoid the "bad" ones.
This I've struggled with because getting hurt sucks and keeping walls up to prevent yourself from really feeling anything seems like a quick solution. WRONG. You have to meet the wrong guys to find the right one. Trust me I went through a spell of horrible guys and met a great one (the one that got away basically) so I'm repeating the cycle now. Yes, it's tough, but it's a part of dating you need to embrace if you ever want to get anywhere.
2. Be open to different types of guys, not just the usual you think is what you want.
Being open is super important. Maybe a guy you're talking to is a bit nerdier looking than you usually like to go for. Who cares? Give yourself the chance to experience talking to new people outside of your usual "type" or else you're going to have very limited options that likely aren't what you want.
3. Listen to your gut and go for who and what you want. Other people are great as sounding boards, but it's not them in the relationship—it's you.
Your friends are great as confidants and can help you get your thoughts together on how you feel about who you're talking to. However, you are the one seeing this person, not them, and you have to decide for yourself whether this person is right or wrong for you. Your gut knows whether you're into someone or trust them, so trust what you feel while considering advice from friends.
4. Don't be afraid to set boundaries.
Voice how you feel about things, like bedroom activities or even just little things that bother you that you need this person to know. You don't like when someone holds your hand in public? Let them know. Being vocal early on will prevent issues springing up later because you were afraid to make your voice heard.
5. Just be open in general. Being closed off will prevent any real relationship from forming.
Be open to trying some new foods with him, or do a new activity like rock climbing! Don't be closed off and keep things from him either. Opening up to someone shows you care and want to share yourself with them without fear, and they will do the same. You can't bond with anyone without being vulnerable.
6. Be unapologetically you. You won't find a good boyfriend by acting like someone you're nothing like.
Don't act fake. He's going to see through it the same way everyone else can. He will fall for the 100% real you if he's a good guy and you need to harness how amazing you are. If you lack confidence in yourself, I highly suggest taking a massive break from dating until you build up that self-confidence and self-love.
7. It's not all about you, and if you think that way, good luck dating yourself.
Get over yourself. The world doesn't revolve around you and how you feel. Being concerned only about yourself and what benefits you will never let you form a genuine relationship with anyone, let alone a boyfriend. People like this are someone you need to stay away from in all aspects of your life, especially in terms of dating.
8. Relax. Take your time. Oh, and don't complain about being single!
Complaining about being single offsets your vibe completely. Yes, it sucks I'll be the first to admit it, but if I go into dating complaining about being single, how am I ever supposed to truly find someone? Don't rush onto five different dating apps and make your entire life revolve around finding yourself the perfect man because it won't happen. Chill out girl, he's out there!
9. Set time aside for yourself. Self-love is essential.
Read a book you love, do a face mask, or buy something cute for yourself every once and a while. Do what makes you happy while you're single but even more so when you're in a relationship. Be happy with yourself and be happy alone, because if you cannot be happy alone, you can't truly be happy with anyone else because you'll rely on them to make you happy and feel loved. Don't wedge yourself into that position.
10. Get yo' flirt on!
Embrace flirtation with open arms and don't be afraid to brush his arm or throw some little inuendos at him. Flirtation is as important in relationships as well as forming them, and if you don't have that chemistry, you're doomed from the start.
11. Don't have sex with a guy immediately — they love the chase.
On one hand, sex early on does help you figure out if there is going to be that chemistry in a relationship. On the other hand, if you hold off, you'll build a relationship on more than just lust. Everyone has different opinions on this, so I would say go with what you think feels right.
12. DTR ASAP. Don't waste your time on the unknown and unpredictable.
I've wasted so much time on fuckboys because I was too scared to DTR. Don't be like me. Have that talk sooner rather than later because you don't deserve to be strung around.
13. Don't go on a prowl, let them come to you.
Hunt the men like they're gazelle and you're a lion. Let the gazelle come close and then snatch them up. Don't rip them apart and eat them or anything, just smother them with your greatness.
At the end of the day, what happens will happen. Don't stress and keep your chin up. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.