Millions of law-abiding young women across North America receive text messages that include the daunting, unwelcomed, yet sometimes attractive image of a man's penis.

That's right, mandingos, bamboo sticks, meat -- the dick.

I, like many other women, do not know what inspires these animals (men) to send such photos. But I have a few suggestions for how women can respond when they receive a dick pic by surprise.

First, remain calm.

I know taking a deep breath and carefully crafting your response is not the first thing you'll think about when the image of the head, shaft, and jungle of pubes at the base appears on your screen.

But it's imperative to not let the dick pic scare you or anger you. Your next steps could be the factor in changing this animal's life, for the better.

Second, analyze the dick.

Yea, analyze it. Is it a nice dick?

One you would like to have in your life?

Did he put his face in it?

If he put his face in it, that's love right there. I mean, he trusts you. So if you get a mandingo pic with a face, don't freak out. He most likely is just a freak and wants you to be a freak too. How cute. On the grim side, is the penis lame? Like does it barely even stand up on it's own? How's the angle? Consider all three. If each warrants a thumb down, delete pic and respond accordingly.


Lastly, respond accordingly.

This can be a tricky one. Your reply really depends on 1) how well you know the guy, 2) the type of relationship you have, 3) your interest in him.

If you've just met a guy and a week later, and he is sending dick pics, and you have never flirted (hardcore flirted), and he's firing off dick pics; go for the jugular. Curse his ass out. (But if it's a nice dick, go easy.) Like don't insult the dick, just his behavior. Especially for dudes over 25. Maybe no one has ever addressed his dick-pic-sending aggressively and he needs to know why it's unacceptable.

Some relationships are hard to define. Some people flirt with one another, and even sleep with each other, but never desire anything serious. I think if this is the case, getting a dick pic may be okay as long as it's welcomed. Hey, you can even shoot back a boob pic. Keep it playful and respectful though. (NEVER PUT YOUR FACE IN IT.) I learned that the hard way.

Are you really in to this guy? Be real, some dudes are just good for the mandingo, and others you could see raising children with. If you want something meaningful, getting a dick pic too soon could mean you need to move on and look elsewhere. If you're down for a good time, simply laughing it off will save you some drama.

I have mixed feelings about this dick pic ordeal. On one hand, if a man truly wants to spend time with you and is attracted to you, he will make that known in very appropriate ways. On the other hand, I think sending pictures like this can steam things up. But only if the timing is right, and both people agree that it is OK.

As for the sudden, dude-I-barely-know-you dick pics, share with friends, get a great laugh, then delete. The dick might be nice, but he ain't shit. Reply with haste and ask, "what would your mother say?"