3 Things To Do When You Get A Dick Pic

3 Things To Do When You Get A Dick Pic

First, remain calm.
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Millions of law-abiding young women across North America receive text messages that include the daunting, unwelcomed, yet sometimes attractive image of a man's penis.

That's right, mandingos, bamboo sticks, meat -- the dick.

I, like many other women, do not know what inspires these animals (men) to send such photos. But I have a few suggestions for how women can respond when they receive a dick pic by surprise.

First, remain calm.

I know taking a deep breath and carefully crafting your response is not the first thing you'll think about when the image of the head, shaft, and jungle of pubes at the base appears on your screen.

But it's imperative to not let the dick pic scare you or anger you. Your next steps could be the factor in changing this animal's life, for the better.

Second, analyze the dick.

Yea, analyze it. Is it a nice dick?

One you would like to have in your life?

Did he put his face in it?

If he put his face in it, that's love right there. I mean, he trusts you. So if you get a mandingo pic with a face, don't freak out. He most likely is just a freak and wants you to be a freak too. How cute. On the grim side, is the penis lame? Like does it barely even stand up on it's own? How's the angle? Consider all three. If each warrants a thumb down, delete pic and respond accordingly.


Lastly, respond accordingly.

This can be a tricky one. Your reply really depends on 1) how well you know the guy, 2) the type of relationship you have, 3) your interest in him.

If you've just met a guy and a week later, and he is sending dick pics, and you have never flirted (hardcore flirted), and he's firing off dick pics; go for the jugular. Curse his ass out. (But if it's a nice dick, go easy.) Like don't insult the dick, just his behavior. Especially for dudes over 25. Maybe no one has ever addressed his dick-pic-sending aggressively and he needs to know why it's unacceptable.

Some relationships are hard to define. Some people flirt with one another, and even sleep with each other, but never desire anything serious. I think if this is the case, getting a dick pic may be okay as long as it's welcomed. Hey, you can even shoot back a boob pic. Keep it playful and respectful though. (NEVER PUT YOUR FACE IN IT.) I learned that the hard way.

Are you really in to this guy? Be real, some dudes are just good for the mandingo, and others you could see raising children with. If you want something meaningful, getting a dick pic too soon could mean you need to move on and look elsewhere. If you're down for a good time, simply laughing it off will save you some drama.

I have mixed feelings about this dick pic ordeal. On one hand, if a man truly wants to spend time with you and is attracted to you, he will make that known in very appropriate ways. On the other hand, I think sending pictures like this can steam things up. But only if the timing is right, and both people agree that it is OK.

As for the sudden, dude-I-barely-know-you dick pics, share with friends, get a great laugh, then delete. The dick might be nice, but he ain't shit. Reply with haste and ask, "what would your mother say?"

Cover Image Credit: PSU

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

What It's Like Being A 20-Year-Old Virgin In The 21st Century

For now, I wait. And that is perfectly okay.
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Sex. The topic we only spoke of in hushed tones in the past has quickly become a part of our everyday interactions. It seems to be the center of our motivations, thoughts, actions, and feelings. This is the reason I don't feel uncomfortable dedicating this week's article to the subject. Now, mom and dad, if you're reading this, I won't be offended if you stop. I'd actually be quite happy. Everybody else, do me a favor and ask yourself this:

What does it mean to be a virgin in today's society?

There is a social stigma associated with being a virgin. We're all prudes, are mega-religious, and have never even thought about what it would be like to share a night with Ryan Gosling. Right? Wrong. I promise you the majority of virgins you'll meet are virgins by choice - not because their moms have them chained to a metal post with their legs strapped shut. I've been racking my brain about questions and concerns and the million-dollar-question I have for y'all is: If it's no big deal to have sex, then why is it a big deal not to have sex? I mean really, whose business is it anyway?

I feel the criticism from my own doctor at times. She'd ask, "Are you sexually active?" I'd respond with a lightening fast "No", which she'd follow with a quick sigh and an even quicker response, "Have you ever been sexually active?" Unreal.

In a culture so consumed by "Netflix and chill" and the infamous right swipe, it's hard not to constantly wonder when (and with who) my time will come. It's almost like we're racing against the clock of chastity. I wonder if Marie Curie, Rosa Parks, or Amelia Earhart worried about who'd swipe their V-card as much as I do? Probably not, they were too busy making the world a better place.

I can't go a day without hearing about sex, talking about sex, or honestly... thinking about sex (sorry, dad). I remember a time when it was "shocking" to discover anybody was having sex and now it's "shocking" to discover anybody isn't. The reactions I get when people discover I still hold the key to my innocence aren't only mildly insulting but sad. When did it become shameful to be a virgin? I'm only 20 years old. I've only lived 1/4 of my life and in no means do I feel rushed to get down and dirty.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't plan for my life to go this way. Shocker, but my Magic 8-Ball didn't prepare me for this. I am a huge supporter of doing what you want, when you want, and with whom you want to do it with. Hell, half of my friends aren't virgins and I'm happy for them. They were with someone they loved (or at least liked) and made a choice. I've made a choice too. I am evolving with the world around me and taking life one wine bottle at a time. I don't want to settle for less than I deserve. I want somebody who loves me, respects me, and understands where I'm coming from.

I'm prepared to deal with the douchebags and the nobody losers who can't deal with the decision I've made equally as much as I'm prepared to meet the guy who can.

For now, I wait. And that is perfectly okay.

Cover Image Credit: Bustle

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I Asked People The Weirdest Thing To Happen To Them During Sex And This Is What They Said

Like having certain things blow up in your face.
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I was watching "Friends" and they were asking each other about sex and making fun of each other for weird quirks.

I began to think about what people in this generation would say so I polled them, and boy, the responses were hilarious. Absolutely hilarious.

Of course, names will be left out and you should know that this stuff happens to EVERYONE. It's normal and this is NOT meant to shame anyone. It's for humor and to make others feel comfortable about the weird things that happen during sex.

1. Having certain things blow up in your face.

"He had a funny facial expression and I thought he was well, you know. Then 0.2 seconds later he sneezed on my face."

Nope, not that.

2. In sickness and in health.

"We both came down with a cold. We decided to have sex anyway, and I think we both fell asleep in the middle of it because we woke up in the middle of the night naked and he still had the condom on. Then I'm pretty sure we tried AGAIN and either fell asleep again or just gave up at that point."

I mean, horny is horny.

3. Finding the perfect balance to your relationship.

"We have to move from the bed to the floor a lot right in the middle because both our beds are super squeaky and we both have roommates!"

A bed, sofa, table, or a floor...anywhere is a good place to let your wild side go. But the floor or couch is the best if you have loud sex. Just saying.

4. A moment to release...things.

"Pausing to fart."

Hey! Everyone does it!

5. Taking time to spend quality time together, no matter what (who?) you are doing.

"Stopped to laugh at the emoji movie playing in the background that we turned on so we wouldn't wake his uncle sleeping down the hall."

I mean, the movie was funny. James Corden was in it.

6. Nothing like a tongue punch to the fart box.

"Eating out their butthole and actually enjoying it."

Well, OK then. You never know what you'll like until you, apparently, try it.

7. Remembering to lock your phone from now on.

"Before we started having sex, I was laying down and watching videos on Facebook. One thing led to another and while it was happening, one of us accidentally touched my phone (I didn't lock it when things started up) and random noises started playing from the video I was watching. We both started cracking up and just couldn't go any further. I definitely will remember to lock my phone from now on."

At least she didn't pocket dial her phone and call her mom.

8. The other body fluids during sex.

"Drooling on him during sex."

And that's not the only thing that gets everywhere.

9. Moaning, groaning, and other noises.

"Making weird, comedic noises at each other."

On top of the none comedic ones. I hope no one was home and if they were I hope you explained things to them.

10. Shouting the wrong (or right) name.

"At the moment of climax, I (drunkenly) yelled, 'Prince Zuko' in my best Uncle Iroh voice. 'Prince Zuko' has since become a codeword...for stuff."

This is my personal favorite because it's hilarious and I love "Avatar: The Last Airbender."

11. Trying to staunch the flow and cock block a bit.

"Calling him 'daddy' if he is about to come too quickly (he hates it so it calms him down)."

Hey, you need some orgasms too, and if a word gets him a little soft then I say go for it.

12. Man-splaining at the worst moment, ever.

"He lectured me on piston-cylinder assemblies as we f*cked and differences between male and female orgasms as he came."

Ummm...I hope it was good sex, at least? If not, then at least you learned something new. Guess you really do learn things in the most unlikely of places.

13. The right kind of relationship involves laughing and more noises.

"Burped, its actually hilarious. We just stop and look at each other and start laughing. Ladies, get you a man who doesn't care if you burp during sex."

I support burping during sex.

14. Taking the good kind of break.

"Pausing to have a conversation in the middle."

Hey, everyone needs a few seconds to catch their breath.

15. Wait...before I forget!

"Pausing to remind them about something so you don't forget by the end."

It's usually something dumb or about what happened to you during the day, but it seemed important in the moment!

So just know that the weird things you guys do during a good sex session are totally normal, even if at the time they seem abnormal and embarrassing.

**Responses were edited for clarity and/or length.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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