5 Cons That Come With Dating A Trans Person That Are Actually Pros

5 Cons That Come With Dating A Trans Person That Are Actually Pros

What I've learned from dating my transgender boyfriend!
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I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 2.5 years and it has been the best 2.5 years of my life! However, it wasn't until recently that he was my boyfriend. He came out as trans a few months ago and I could not be more proud of him! We have been through a lot together but I am so happy I get to be by his side during his transition and support him in any way that I can. Even though it has only been a few months, dating a trans person is very different than dating a cis person. Different in a bad way? Of course not!!! But there are some added barriers. There are also millions of amazing things that happen when your partner is trans that not a lot of people know about...some might even say that they are cons, but I am here to show you why they are actually pros! Here are the top 5:

1. Your partner gets more attractive with each passing day

Whether they have had surgeries, are on hormones, or are just becoming the person they truly are, it's almost as if they get hotter each time you see them.

2. You really learn what empathy means

I have heard the word empathy throughout my entire life. I thought I knew what it meant but I really didn't until my boyfriend came out as trans. Gender identity and gender dysphoria are issues that not many people go through or understand, but they are some of the most intense and heartbreaking. I have learned of so many daily problems that I have the privilege of not worrying about that people in the trans community have to deal with multiple times a day. Although I can't fully understand what my boyfriend and other trans people are going through, I have learned to try my hardest to acknowledge my cis privilege, understand what trans people are dealing with, and protect my boyfriend from what I can.

3. They become more and more confident

I cannot even imagine having a body that doesn't match my heart and mind. But one thing I've found is that during the transition process, my boyfriend's confidence and joy has pretty much doubled-and it has only been a few months. But this is the good kind of confidence. It's not self-centered or egotistical. It is beautiful. Sometimes I'll walk into the bathroom and I'll see my boyfriend just staring at himself in the mirror smiling. He's finally finding the confidence that he hasn't had his entire life.

4. People ask you very inappropriate questions about your relationship

Is this annoying or uncalled for? Yes. Is there an upside? Also yes! When myself or my partner are asked these questions, we use that as an educational moment for that person. Trans ignorance and LGBTQ+ ignorance, in general, is very common but the more we can educate people, the better!

5. You kind of have to fall in love over and over again

Your partner is continuously changing throughout their transition. You learn new things about their personality every day because each day they are closer to being the person they truly are. I find this to be extremely beautiful and probably one of my favorite things about having a transgender boyfriend.

Cover Image Credit: Ciara Gazaway

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

An Open Letter To The Girl In A Toxic Relationship Who Doesn't See The Signs To Let Go

"it took letting go to realize that I was holding onto nothing" -R.H Sin

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Dear you,

I hope you're doing well. I once thought I was too. I once thought that if he would just change, for me, everything would work. However, my sweet girl, you should not have to change people, you should not have to push people to be better, for you. You cannot help anyone, that does not want to help themselves.

In the movies, we learn to love a bad boy that needs changing. However, it isn't always your job to be boys saving grace. However, his shaming and emotional abuse is not just something you should put up with so that you can love him. That is not loving.

Love is not a constant competition of who could belittle the other one first. Love is not asking for a hug and being told no. Love does not make you feel stupid for bringing up things that hurt your feelings.

Love does not grow angry because you talk to your mom about your feelings. Love does not body shame. Love does not constantly change the passcode to their phone.

Love does not laugh when you find out they're unfaithful. Love does not tell you that you are not smart enough to accomplish anything. Love does not force their hand up your thigh when the words "no" slip out of your mouth.

Love is the warmth of a hand on your cheek when you get anxious. Love is getting your backpack out the car for you. Love is turning around when you need them. Love compromises.

Love is encouraging. Love is proud. Love is forgiving. Love sees you for who you are. Love knows you are worthy.

God is your Father and you are His daughter, so do not believe for one second that this abuse is the love you think you deserve.

Love will not always be easy. Love will be challenging and a constant prayer to not anger so quickly.

However, do not mix up challenging with the abuse. If you are losing the good pieces of yourself, then it isn't love. I know that you put a lot of time and effort into this relationship, but it is no good, you are holding on to someone whose heart is not in the right place to love you.

I connected with a poem from R. H. Sin, once I left my toxic relationship which reads, "it took letting go to realize that I was holding onto nothing."

Darling girl, you are so loved by so many people, do not let this relationship hold you back or make you feel less worthy than you are. I have always been the girl with her nose stuck up in the air smelling for smoke, to follow the trail to a burning house to find a boy that needed saving, but it is more than likely a boy that lit the fire in the first place and needs changing.

So, do not be me, be better. Be the girl that lights her own world on fire, for her work, for her family, for God. You are you and you are amazing, so do not fear being without him.

You will feel as if you have come up for air after drowning in an ocean that you had no idea you were swimming in.

The emotional abuse that this boy has put you through and maybe even physical abuse will leave you building walls around your heart. It will make other relationships hard, but you are so so strong.

You will meet someone that makes you so happy and feel so easy to love, you will never understand how you stuck around with the one that hurt you for so long.

You deserve to grow from this, and I promise you will.

Let go.

xoxo,

The girl who learned from a toxic relationship

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Being Far Away From My Boyfriend Actually Strengthened Our Relationship Instead Of Forcing It Apart

While we were apart, we became closer.

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Before I really start this article, I just want to say that my relationship isn't truly a long distance relationship. We are both college students at the same university eight months out of the year, but the other four months we live quite a distance apart. Even during those four months, we are only about 150 miles from each other as the bird flies, but really about three hours from each other.

Being in a relationship where I'm not able to see my boyfriend every day or even every week has been a real challenge. But it's been a good challenge. It hasn't been a challenge because I've felt unfaithful or fallen out of love with him in any way. It's challenging because I miss him. We both work jobs and our schedules aren't the same and oftentimes we aren't able to talk to each other unless it's early in the morning or late at night. There are times when all I want to do is talk to him and tell him about how my day went and get a big bear hug from him. Unfortunately, I'm not really able to do this.

I firmly believe that being apart from each other for days, weeks, or even months have brought us closer than we could've ever imagined. We knew that this would be difficult, and we knew that there would be bad days, but we decided to power through it. It has made each time that we are able to see each other so much more special and meaningful.

Seeing each other has become more of spending time with each other than just laying around on the couch playing around on our phones. It's become really getting to know each other better and catching up on all the things we had missed. It's become a time for us to simply be in each other's presence and enjoy being able to talk face to face without a phone in the middle of us. We go on more adventurous dates, we take more pictures, and I think we would both easily say that we fall more and more in love with each other after each opportunity we have to spend time together.

Spending time together is no longer a daily activity, but it has become a right to be earned through hard work and several paychecks as travel can become expensive. We no longer take opportunities to see each other for granted, and it has made us grow closer because we aren't able to spend time together often. We look forward to the days when we won't have to worry about being apart but know that this is only a stepping stone in our relationship.

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