Yes, Divorce Can Be Tough But Here Are 5 Reasons You Don't Have To Be Ashamed

Yes, Divorce Can Be Tough But Here Are 5 Reasons You Don't Have To Be Ashamed

A humiliation stigma has been given to those who found a way out
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Divorce is quite common nowadays, and while it can be difficult to parties going through it, there is a social stigma surrounding it. When that happens, divorced couples have been reported to feel shame, isolated and even depressed.

There's nothing wrong with divorce—if two people can't make their marriage work and it is no longer worth it, then it's better to let go. No matter whose fault it was or what circumstance brought the marriage to an end, there are many reasons why you should not be ashamed about your divorce:

1. Remember why you divorced in the first place

Outsiders not involved in the marriage should remain where they are: outside. Regardless of what people will inevitably say of your failed marriage, the crucial thing to remember is the reasons why the union resulted in divorce.

No matter what the reasons are—abusive partner, infidelity, money, unrealistic expectations, etc.—you are in the right for separating with them. In the end, there was something that brought the marriage down, a factor where everything went wrong, this is what you have to remember.

2. Divorce is not a failure—marriage is not always the best

A failed marriage does not mean you're a failure in life and in everything else. Humans experience failures all the time. Some experience it with jobs, in school, finance, and some in relationships. Instead of mulling over the negatives, think of divorce as a sort of fresh start.

We all make decisions that lead to outcomes of all types. In the beginning, it might've been a healthy marriage or it could've been over before it even began, but no matter what it is important to remember that all good things come to an end when they're ready. Nothing is perfect and people change.

While marriage that ends in divorce is always a sign that your romantic relationship with your partner is over, it doesn't mean it has to end forever. This is especially useful when children are involved. Assuming that you’re both co-parenting, it can be hard if the two of you are not actively participating.

3. You're not the first or the last person to get a divorce

When you talk with a group of people your age, it is highly likely that a handful of them are divorced or are going through it. You'd be surprised by how many people lead exciting lives after their divorce. This confirms that divorce is not a failure and that everyone going through it should embrace their fresh new start in order to attract new things in their lives.

4. "Staying together for the kids" never benefits anyone

If you're in an unhealthy relationship, don't allow your kids to witness the unhealthy parts. There's a lot said about children coming from broken homes and the issues that psychologically impact them.

Well, I come from a broken family—my parents are divorced, their parents are divorced and everyone else has been through one divorce or another. I grew up believing that the best thing to do in an unhealthy situation is to leave.

Yes, I missed out on understanding how families were supposed to be and how it would've felt to be raised by both parents. Finally, I grew up. I saw how complicated relationships could be and I developed an understanding of why my parents' relationship didn't work out. I realized that some people just aren't meant to be together.

I realized that happiness matters more than the title of "divorce."

Staying together for the kids only opens up the opportunity for them to witness every negative aspect of your relationship. The last thing we should expose children to is unhappiness with someone you're supposed to love. Divorcing can be harder on children when they're young, but as they grow up they will see the bigger picture of how divorce can actually be a healthy thing.

5. Divorce can be healthy

If you caught yourself in an unhealthy relationship that changed drastically over time, it is safe to say that you probably did the right thing by divorcing them.

Your first instinct was probably not divorce. I'm sure every relationship builder handbook has been torn apart cover to cover. I'm sure you struggled to make it work with your (now ex) spouse for years. You uncovered the half-truths and the deceptions, and at times even made excuses for them, you doggedly tried to brush off concerned questions from your family and friends. And while you didn’t want to do it, you knew it had to be done. You filed for divorce.

You will be so much healthier and happier than if you stayed unhappily married.

Researchers love to praise marriage as a health-boost (they clearly were never stuck in a miserable marriage.) And the rest of us tend to think that a marriage is better than no marriage at all. And while all the stats and studies love to tout the benefits of being hitched, we often forget that it’s not about the marriage as much as it is the quality of the marriage.

There’s been plenty of science to prove that an unhappy, conflict-riddled marriage can be worse for you health-wise than if you were single. And if you hadn’t broken up, you would still be at an increased risk for heart disease, cancer, arthritis, diabetes, and depression.

A study from Michigan State University found that people who were believed to be in a bad marriage were actually more likely to experience negative cardiovascular effects, compared to people in good marriages.

So before you're quick to give someone crap about being divorced, think about all of the ways that they're better off and healthier than they were in a toxic marriage. Before we give stigmas to things we should consider the possibilities and the opportunities things like divorce actually brings.

If you have had a divorce or are going through a divorce, just remember, do what makes you happiest in the end, you don't have to live in Hell forever.

Cover Image Credit: 123rf

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

As Much As You May Want To, You'll Never Get Over Your First Love

You never forget your first

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Your first love is just that: the first person you've ever truly loved (besides your family and friends). Maybe you've kissed a few people before, but with this person it's different. They mean something to you that no other person ever has before. Maybe you met this person when you were younger in high school or met them a little later in life as I did at the end of my first year of college. Meeting my first love transformed me, both for the good and the bad, and as much as I may want to, I'll never get over my first love and neither will you.

When we met, we didn't meet in some fantastical way, we met on Tinder right after a surprise breakup of mine. We had instant chemistry, and I didn't get to kiss him for weeks because I ended up getting mono right after the breakup (haha whoops). He was the first person I've ever kissed who I didn't want to stop kissing- ever. Yes, second semester freshman year me was super extra when it came to him, but being with him was so different than anyone else. Things progressed through the summer as we talked every single day, even though we never got to meet up because we were both busy, and at the beginning of my sophomore year, I lost my virginity to him. That was a big step for someone who thought she'd wait until she was married. He made sure I was fine and didn't push me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. I'll treasure that forever.

He was someone I loved with all of my being, to the point where it was physically hurting me in the end because I knew what I felt wasn't going to ever be reciprocated the way I wanted it to be. That's when I had to end it, which was one of the hardest things I've ever done. To me, he was a boyfriend, but to him, I was a friend with benefits. I wanted something more and he wanted less, and I didn't want to accept that. I wasn't his first love but he was mine, which he doesn't know and probably never will. I have had moments where I thought I was over him, but then all the emotions flood right back. In hard moments of hurt is when I miss him the most, but also in moments of joy too. If I see a nice car I think of him, or of other little things, like a french bulldog or The Fast and The Furious.

Your first love leaves such a monumental effect on you as a person. They have seen parts of you others have not. You will always remember your firsts more than anything else, which is why your first love never leaves you. As roughly as things ended between he and I, he's always going to have a piece of me that no one else will ever have. The relationship we had wasn't what you'd expect from someone you call your first love, but his mark on me is what helped shape me into who I am today for better or for worse.

Don't let any negativity remain when it comes to your first love (if there is any). Let it go and remember the good. They will be a part of you forever, so you can never truly get over you.

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Why You Keep Falling In Love With People Who Don’t Love You Back In Your 20s

It's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

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Can love truly be both beautiful and heartbreaking?

It's a question I silently asked myself, sitting shotgun in a car next to someone I considered my friend.

A "friend" seemed to be the right label to define our relationship. To him, I was just a friend—who just happened to be a girl, a girl he texts regularly, jokes around, and can grab a drink with. And we loved each other as friends, because we both trusted each other, we had fun together and each had our own independent lives which would connect occasionally in a complete, non-questionable platonic way.

But slowly, for me, he was becoming everything I've ever wanted in a guy, standing right in front of me. But he wasn't mine to have.

And imagine being so close to someone you want except you can't have him because it might just ruin everything you've already shared together. Because what if you scare him away? What if he replies by telling you "No"?

That's the simple nature of falling in love with someone you can't be with.

In our early part of our lives—particularly in our 20s and during our college years, we all experience this type of heartbreak.

To name a few: A high school boyfriend who lives halfway across the country now. The hot guy you sit next to in lecture who already has a girlfriend. The casual hookup who you just can't manage to stop thinking about as you endlessly toss and turn at night. The platonic friend who doesn't quite see you as being something more.

We all at one point in our thoughts have imagined "coupling" or sharing a life with a guy who we can't seem to have for ourselves. We've always dreamt how things could actually work out if you actually shared your feelings with him except the closest we'll ever reach to it is in our dreams, not reality.

And to examine the logic behind why this happens, we have to first admit how we always want what we can't have.

Because it's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

So, it's not really this case of the whole Romeo and Juliet "star-crossed lovers" BS but rather, it's purely a one sided love which can most definitely be beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Beautiful because there's always a connection you feel which makes you all warm and bubbly inside but heartbreaking because you know this connection is merely flowing in a one way track.

So then, why do we tend to maintain our connections with these people who hurt us?

One reason is because you're afraid to lose him altogether. Perhaps you think he's going to go on full freak-out mode after you spill the beans to him. My piece of advice in this scenario would be to just suck it up and take the chance. Talk to him about how you feel because honestly, what's there to lose? Unless you're not reciting some sappy, over-the-top love story about how many kids you plan to have with him, you're fine.

But perhaps, the most common reason is because we assume he might eventually fall in love with us, too.

And if this pertains to you, gear up because I can write on for days about why this is a big no-no. Heck, I can probably teach a class or lecture to all of you about my elaborative theory of why you will definitely know whether a boy truly loves you or not. It's plain and simple—if he loves you, he'll make sure you know.

And you can't force someone to fall in love with you. Even if you pay them a million bucks, you can get them to pretend to love you or force them to be with you—but it's never going to be true love. Because true, unrequited love is effortless. It comes naturally. The fiery passion will be shared mutually and you won't ever have to question whether or not you belong with him.

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