Sometimes, when you start talking to someone, it's easy to fly right passed the red flags as if they were green lights. Here are five tips to avoid missing the blatantly obvious flags before your relationship progresses:
1. If they show you their true colors, believe them.
When you start out in a new relationship, it is all about figuring out who that person truly is. This is how people go into the "cupcake phase." Everything is new and exciting, and people want to do everything they can to impress their significant other, however, you could also have your first encounter with the "real" version of them in this phase.
You get comfortable, you start to relax, you get into a routine. Your mannerisms begin to show. So, when you say you want to go to a party with some friends and they won't be there, watch their reaction. Do they comment on what you're wearing? Did they just say "have fun and be safe"? Or maybe it was something more along the lines of "I don't want you going"? Whatever it was, pay attention. Take note of it.
2. If they tell you half the story instead of the full truth, they're lying.
I'm sure many of us have been in this situation before. You find something out that they didn't want you to know, and when you call them out on it, they simply say you didn't ask. "It's not lying, you didn't even ask me."
To tell a lie, by dictionary definition, is to present a false statement. Withholding information is lying. If they have to hide it from you, it is a problem. A big, fat red flag is waving in your face.
3. If the relationship is built on lies, there will never be trust.
If your relationship starts out with a lie, there is an immediate lack of trust. Tread lightly. Again, nobody can tell you whether or not you should forgive someone, but don't just walk right passed it. If you are willing to forgive them, the key is to communicate how it is all making you feel. Hiding your feelings from them makes them believe you are OK, and it is over with.
Once you forgive them, you have forgiven them. It wouldn't be fair to say you forgave them and then in a few weeks turn around and bring it up to fight about it all over again. It's a toxic circle. Take your time to build trust. If you find they aren't handling it the right way and they just want you to "get over it" — HUGE red flag. Next.
4. If they continue to disrespect you, it'll never change.
This one is more of a pattern. Commonly, it can be seen in arguments. When you get into an argument, words can start to get thrown around. Things can be said that weren't meant. After a certain point, however, it becomes normal. They start to see you are accepting them talking down to you. Words become harsher, and you keep looking the other way and brushing it off. It starts to become "just how they talk" or "just a joke."
If it hurts you and it's disrespectful, it's not a joke.
5. If YOU wouldn't treat YOU like this, they shouldn't either.
If you would not be OK treating yourself how you are currently being treated, this is the biggest red flag of all. The first step is realizing the situation you are in. Everyone can tell you what they think all night long, but at the end of the day, it is your relationship. It is OK to regain control.
Always remember that it is supposed to be you and your partner against a problem, not you and your partner against each other.
Communication is always key, but COMPREHENDING what is being communicated is the most important part.
Watch for red flags, because they could mean something bigger than what is at face value.
Follow Swoon on Instagram.