5 Ways Your Sex Life Changes When You're In A Long-term Relationship
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5 Ways Your Sex Life Changes When You're In A Long-term Relationship

Some nights, you really are too tired...

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5 Ways Your Sex Life Changes When You're In A Long-term Relationship
Sex and the City

I think we all want to believe our sex lives will be this adventurous ride from start to finish, but let's be honest with ourselves for a second...is that actually realistic?

Is it possible to eat the same kind of cake EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, and never get tired of it?

Better yet,

Is it possible to eat the same kind of cake EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, and actually enjoy it?

Yes I'm comparing sex to cake because both are amazing and both manage to satisfy what seems like all the right guilty pleasures.

Some of us would even say we could have cake for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. However, I believe the majority of us would also admit that eventually, eating the same piece of cake every single day, multiple times a day, for the rest of your life can get tiring at times.

But hey, it was our favorite for a reason, so it's obvious why we never actually give it up.

Here are 5 ways your sex life will drastically change when you're in a long-term relationship:

1. Forget breakfast, lunch, and dinner

Some call it the "cupcake" phase, but I call it the: "I haven't had sex in awhile and I'm now doing it with someone I care for deeply and it's new" phase.

Not saying that you stop caring for the person (because if that were the case, you'd just say bye, right?) But doing anything repeatedly gets a little old sometimes. It doesn't mean we don't enjoy that thing anymore, it just means we start to be content with spacing it out.

Don't get me wrong, sex with my boyfriend today, is better than it was our first time. We have grown (both together and separately) in really awesome ways, so it doesn't just reflect in our public life, but our sex life too. We have this sense of comfortableness around each other now, that makes sex not only passionate, but kinda weird, and that works for us.

There is not really anything I could do around my boyfriend (in front of people or behind closed doors) that would make me the slightest bit uncomfortable. He has seen me at every ugly, wonderful, psychotic, and absolutely beautiful moment and has chose to love me, so the security I feel with him is unlike anything else. That makes for unbelievable sex (the only difference is...we don't have it all the time like we use to).

I, for one, am completely okay with that though because sometimes waiting a few days makes the release that much more enjoyable.

It gives us time to say—"I haven't had you in awhile, and I'm genuinely looking forward to it."

That way we don't have to feel- "Ah, we use to do it multiple times a day, so we probably should have sex." No. Sex is a natural, pure thing. It should never be/feel forced and when him and I both accepted that, our sex was one million times better.

2. Some nights, you really are too tired

This goes hand and hand with number one. Our nights where we don't have sex, aren't just laying awake thinking about more sex...those nights are specifically designed for our sleep. We both over time have put so much work into making our future an amazing one, and that doesn't always leave every night open for an arousing time. There are so many nights where we look at each other and say, "Going to bed is going to feel sooo good tonight."

And please understand that's not because we're thinking about all the sex we'll have in a little, it's because we'll be cuddled under warm covers in a blissful sleep and sometimes that feels even BETTER.

Some people thinking choosing sleep over sex makes you lazy, or that you're settling into a routine with your significant other. Well, SCREW that. For those that are adventurous and love sex as much as my partner and me, we will be the first to admit that sleep is what makes our sex life so successful. The nights where we skipped sleep and opted for sex, was the same night where our energy wasn't fully invested into making each other feel loved or fulfilled, it was more focused on getting through sex just so we could pass the hell out moments after (and that was my very least favorite sex).

3. Less "doing" more "asking"

In the beginning, there was some lust behind just getting on top of my partner and letting him enjoy me taking control (vice versa). Now, we really do make sure sex is something that we are up for that night/day. Not because we don't love one another, or don't enjoy seeing one another naked/vulnerable anymore, but because if we are going to have sex, we want to make sure what we are putting in, is what we are getting in return from one another as well.

We are also comfortable enough with one another to be honest if we aren't in the mood. That was something that was really hard for me in the beginning. We spent so much time having sex that I didn't want to be the girl that said, "Ah, not today... (insert a lame reason why)." He has even admitted to me that there were times he was actually so sore down there from going so much, but felt nervous to tell me.

Looking back, I can't believe we kept this from one another because I do believe there is a point where sex can become too much and you may overdo it. Now that we appreciate our sex life so much more and hold it as such a valuable spot in our lives, we are 100 percent okay with saying, "I really don't want to tonight, rain check?," or "I'm pretty tired, but can I have you first thing in the morning?"

You'd be surprised at how great the sex is the next day when honesty about it becomes the norm.

4. Baggy sweats and a sweatshirt become the new lingerie

I have a lot of lingerie outfits. This was never something I use to do before, but my current partner is my first long-term, sexual partner, so I never really gave lingerie much thought. Though he thought I looked sexy in my outfits, he always joked with me and would say: "It doesn't really matter to me if you spend your money on lingerie or not because it'll just be coming right off you anyway." We would always laugh but I'd end up buying a new outfit and he loved it, so I continued the pattern.

Well at some point, we realized (both him and me) would rather spend the money that went into my sexy outfits or toys, on food or cool crafts for us to do on rainy days. Thus started the journey of my new lingerie—baggy sweats and a Clorox-stained sweatshirt.

Maybe some girls are different, but I have my favorite pair of sweats and sweatshirt that I wear religiously. This has become the norm for me, and I actually think my boyfriend enjoys the fact I am so comfortable in it, that it excites him even more. We joke because the same outfit he rips off me for sex, is the same one I cleaned the kitchen counters with, and I have a huge Clorox stain right on the sleeve to show for it. This doesn't stop me from wearing it, and it sure as hell doesn't stop him from taking it right off of me.

5. Shaving isn't always a top priority before sex anymore

I know for a fact I'm not the first girl to shave so much at the start of a relationship with someone because we want to give them this mindset that girls are always smooth down there, or "ha our legs are naturally shiny and wonderful, duh."

But I literally shaved so much I got razor burn so bad that sex was physically painful. That's how bad I wanted to impress my partner. It almost wasn't healthy.

I will never forget the time we were about to go swimming and I shaved WHILE DRY because I was so nervous he'd see some hair where I didn't want hair. Turns out that chlorine hurts razor burn worse than air does, and I was in so much pain that I couldn't even go swimming or have sex for that day (that was right in the cupcake phase so you can imagine my agony and embarrassment when I had to say..."Uh my razor burn is burning me alive."

Though we aren't in that cupcake phase anymore, I'm 10x happier because now I don't harp on myself when I don't shave. In fact, I can't remember the last time I had razor burn because I don't shave once a day like I use to. This actually makes me feel even smoother so I think we both are kind of relieved for this change. That and he hates seeing me in pain, so watching me cry from the sting of razor burn that day was actually hard for both of us.

He may feel some prickly leg hair every now and then, and no my lady parts aren't always perfectly shaved, but his junk isn't either, and it doesn't concern me at all.

In fact, it makes sex feel more free and spontaneous. I'm not always saying: "Hold on one second, let me just freshen up." As I go and try to shave real quick before jumping into bed with him. Now we do it when we want to and don't give a damn if hair is there for the ride or not.


Your sex life is going to change with your partner. Don't be afraid of this. Embrace this change because chances are, it might actually make things better for you. Yeah it won't be this constant state of butterflies and sparks, but it's this overwhelming feeling of love and happiness and those emotions are ones I'd choose to stick with for the rest of my life anyway.

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