Sometimes my younger self-seems so far away — like I don't even know her anymore. I think about choices and mistakes I've made in the past, and how my judgment has changed so much since then. If I had to make these choices and mistakes again, they'd be completely different, not because I wish for a different outcome, but because my values and beliefs have shifted so much since I was 15, I'm practically not even the same person.
Additionally, I reflect on past relationships I've had and some of the things I've been through within those relationships. I go over fights, arguments, and the things that led to breakups. It's amazing how our tastes and morals change as we grow up and experience more things. The fights I considered worth having in high school are minuscule and irrelevant compared to my present-day mindset, it's because we never truly consider how much our tastes and values evolve over the course of our dating lives.
Here are 6 major differences between dating in high school and dating in college:
1. In college, you don't have to involve the entire student body in your relationship.
This holds so much truth, especially if you went to a small high school. In H.S., there's not a whole lot going on other than the Friday night basketball games and who's sitting with who at lunch. To high schoolers, relationships are somewhat of an entertainment system, like reality television in real-time. It's super easy for your friends and classmates to get involved in your love-life when there's literally nothing else to do but start drama. It seems immature, but remember, we are talking about high school. College differs because no one really cares about who's dating who, and who's about to break up. Everyone is so wrapped up in their own agendas, they don't care about yours.
2. In high school, relationships are often controlled by parents.
Dating in college is so much freer than dating in high school, especially if you're living away from home. Think about it, there are no parents telling you who you can see and when you're allowed to see them, no curfews rushing you home at 10:30, and no strict rules confining you to the couch of your parents' living room. For the first time in your life, you're allowed to make decisions for yourself. The power is thrilling and all, you just have to know yourself and your limits enough to know what's best for you, and what might put you in an uncomfortable situation.
3. College is a safe place to explore your sexuality.
I know so many college students who waited until they were out of high school to come out of the closet and really be honest with themselves and their peers about their sexuality. High school is an extremely vulnerable time when you're just trying to figure yourself out. For many kids, it's not always a comfortable space to be free and open about the kinds of people you're attracted to and potentially would like to date. When you get to college, all of that changes, because you start to meet more people like you who share the same interests and values, and this creates a safe environment for individuals to feel like they can be their true selves.
4. In college, you have a better sense of what you deserve and want when it comes to relationships.
By the time you get to college, you may have dated a lot, or you may have dated zero. Either way, you're a young adult who's been equipped with knowledge and experiences that have taught you a lot about yourself. You also probably have a better sense of when someone's feeding you bullshit and when they're being sincere. It's important to know your worth and the kinds of things you expect out of a relationship, and then to be honest with your partner about what you need from them. You don't know a lot about what you like and what you don't in high school, so feel free to explore what makes you happy and what doesn't. Experience is the best teacher.
5. College enables you to meet people from places that are not from your hometown.
By the end of high school, you're so completely finished with the people you've been surrounded by for four years, the desperation to meet new people is real. There's something so exciting about making a new group of friends who have no prior knowledge of you. You have the opportunity to be the exact kind of person you want to be, without any outer sources influencing your new friend's opinions of you. Use this chance to open your heart to new people and ideas that you wouldn't have in high school due to everyone putting their two cents in. Embrace the anonymity.
6. College opens the doors to having your first serious, adult relationship.
As a college student, for the first time in your life, you're truly considered an independent adult who can make their own decisions. This is a lot of power to have, so learn to harness it and actually regard your relationship as a sacred bond between two adults. Learn to value it and treat it according to that value you place on it. You're an adult now and are expected to treat your partner with respect and regard. Basically, don't cheat, don't pick basic, unnecessary fights, and always consider the feelings of your partner.
All in all, dating in high school is just as important as dating in college because it teaches you the kinds of things you need to know in order to maintain a future healthy, adult relationship. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there and make mistakes. Just know your worth and always act out of the kindness of your heart and a strong relationship might follow.