6 Stages Of Grief You Experience When Your FWB Becomes Someone's New Bae

6 Stages Of Grief You Experience When Your FWB Becomes Someone's New Bae

Rest assured, it's definitely not as tragic as a breakup.
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Hookup culture is a tricky one.

At the end of the day, one person typically wants something more than the other. But out of fear of changing the dynamic (or in case things with a new person don't pan out), they often don't voice it. If you're on the other side of this coin and want things to remain casual, don't worry, you're not alone. After finding out my FWB started dating someone, I've come to find there are six stages of grief in this situation. But rest assured, it's definitely not as tragic as a breakup.

1. Initial Shock

So you just found out your hookup’s in a relationship, huh? I feel you. I hope for your sake that they told you rather than make you pry it out of them after they ghosted you for a couple weeks (hahaha @ my life). A simple text back sharing the news would’ve sufficed, you know.

2. Utter Disbelief

That brings me to stage 2. Now that you know ~what you know~ you’re trying to digest the information… and it may or may not be going so well. You’re starting to question when, how, and why this happened. You guys were fine just a couple of weeks ago, and suddenly they’re dating someone else? Tragic. Unbelievable.

3. Bitterness Towards Him/Her

I think this is my favorite stage. This is the [insert any and all insults you can think of here] part. That thing they did 3 months ago? Let it affect you again. That time they left you on read? What a b*tch. They never deserved you anyway. This stage is for all the petty complaints you can think of and any pent-up anger you never got a chance to share. Spend time in this stage. You deserve it.

4. Comparison With The New Bae

Now that you realize your FWB and their new bae won’t be breaking up any time soon, you’ve moved on to the comparison stage. You already know to peep new bae's ‘gram, stalk their Facebook, and text all of your friends to gossip. Once you’ve wasted about an hour of your life (or more, no shame) doing that, you’re ready to move on to stage 5.

5. Acceptance

Stage 5 is when you grow the f*ck up and realize it’s not the end of the world now that your old hookup has a new bae. In fact, you might even be happy for them. Plus, that doesn’t mean you guys can’t still be friends (in some rarer occasions). If you’ve made it this far, then congratulations, you’re ready to move on to the final stage.

6. Post-Acceptance Tragedy

Then it hits you: sh*t, you need to find someone to replace your hookup! And let’s be real, this is truly the only reason you were so upset about them getting cuffed in the first place! Do you know how much effort goes into finding a new consistent FWB? Ugh. You spend months, or even years(!) casually sleeping with the person and they go and let you down one last time. What a joke *major eye roll*.


All jokes aside, while this may be an annoyance right now, ultimately you know it’s for the best. Don’t harp on this loss. Instead, go get yourself a new FWB (or maybe even a new bae)!

And to the boy who inspired this article, I’m wishing you the best in this new chapter of life. Don’t f*ck it up!

Cover Image Credit: Instagram

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

8 Struggles That Only LGBTQ+ College Students Face Navigating Hookup Culture

Yep, college really does make being queer so much harder

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Hookup culture is an impossible labyrinth for any college student to navigate. Now imagine having to first figure out which fish are eligible in that great sea we're always told we've got to cast our lines into. That's what it's like to be LGBTQ+ and caught in the midst of a thriving sex fest, you get a smaller net and just a puddle to search through. But wait! There are even more struggles we have to cope with that I haven't even touched upon yet!

1. Bicuriosity will be the death of you

I don't have anything against people casually exploring their sexualities, but I won't lie and say it doesn't hurt to find out that someone you've been messing around with isn't actually gay. Not every queer person is willing to be "tried on" for the sake of an experiment, so you should always tell your partner beforehand that you're just acting on your curiosity and aren't looking for anything concrete. Put your intentions out there before anything physical ensues and you'll be saving yourselves from a lot of disappointment and heartache.

2. The "promiscuous" stereotype

For some reason, an individual who is anything but heterosexual is automatically assumed to be sexually-active and, dare I say it, slutty. "She says she KNOWS she likes girls, but how could she know unless she had sex with at least two or three of them to feel it out?" "He's gay, so clearly he's done it in the butt and he must be dirty as all hell."

I mean, seriously? You can be a virgin and STILL be confident about your identity! And just because we hook up with people of the same sex doesn't make us disgusting— especially while straight people hook up just as often.

3. "Was that just the alcohol or are they really into me?"

Give an sexually-adventurous college student a few ounces of liquor and you're bound to embolden them enough yield to live out their fantasies and play the field. And that's great for you at first—you've been eyeing that cutie all night and hoped they'd be into you, and it turns out that they sure do seem like they are. But there's always the possibility that your late-night lover let the alcohol do all of the talking, and they'll wake up with no desire to ever be with you again. And that can be terrifying for us queer folks to think about.

4. Chances are, your hookup knows your ex (who knows your other ex, who knows you OTHER ex)


While the LGBTQ+ community is sizable, it's not too concentrated in one area. Your college town will have a limited number of people who are emotionally and physically available to you. And your opportunities continue to shrink from there; you want to hook up with someone, for example, but you restrain yourself because you know for a fact that they're good friends or were once involved with your ex. The queer collective is the equivalent of a small town; it's inevitable that you'll cross paths with someone linked to your past in ways that aren't always the best.


5. The odds of meeting people in a public setting are slim

Assuming that 10% of the population identifies with an LGBTQ+ identity, there will only ideally be 10 people at a party of 100 who are open to being with you. And that's not even considering who is taken or just isn't into hookups…so it's safe to say that the search is going to be difficult. We aren't wearing any special badges that can distinguish us from the straight majority, so it's next to impossible to figure out if that cutie by the keg actually plays for your team without asking them.

6. People assume you're straight right off the bat

I don't need to convince you that I'm queer, nor will I ever expend precious energy attempting to do so. My sexual orientation doesn't have to be supported by evidence of a stereotypical appearance or demeanor to be valid. And it's not a safe assumption anymore to think that everyone you encounter is straight or even cisgender.

Even other queer people are guilty of expecting an explanation; some may confess to me that they were afraid to talk to me at first because I "looked too straight." What that says to me is that they don't think I'm genuine enough to be part of the LGBTQ+ community— and that is just plain hurtful.

7. Your Tinder matches only seem interested in threesomes

My sexuality isn't a toy for you to incorporate into your intimate lives. Just because I'm comfortable sleeping with the same sex doesn't imply that I'm up for being tonight's third. Bisexuals are especially victimized by dating apps in this fashion; everyone thinks you must be into threeways if you like having sex with both guys and girls because it's twice the fun.

Ugh.

8. Someone is always trying to label you

"So what are you, anyway?" "What do you MEAN you don't have a label?"

Oh, honey. Here's a newsflash: I am not a Campbell's soup can and therefore do not need to walk around with a name of any kind slapped onto my forehead. If you label yourself willingly and voluntarily, that's perfectly fine. But keep in mind that there are a lot of people who choose not to settle with one identity or simply haven't found one that fits them yet. Regardless, their sexual behaviors are none of your business. So if she exclusively sleeps with girls, but refuses to call herself a lesbian, that's HER choice.

It's not easy being queer in a college setting, but that doesn't mean we aren't proud to be who we are. The difficulties continue to shape us every day into stronger and more resilient individuals and we wouldn't trade that for the world.

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STDs Are At An All Time High In The United States Because No One Bothers Checking Their Hookup’s Sexual History

Were you safe? Did you ask about their sexual history or if they have been tested lately?

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Whenever a friend tells me they're seeing someone new, I always ask the same question:

"Were you safe? Did you ask about their sexual history or if they have been tested lately?"

My friends always roll their eyes and call me "mom." They say they didn't ask because it would've "killed the mood."Well the STD that person may have also kills the mood. Just saying.

STDs are at an all-time high because no one bothers to talk about their sexual history. Women, in particular, need to get their yearly checks because if the STD or other vaginal problems aren't caught there can be severe repercussions like contracting the new STD, donovanosis. (This is a "flesh-eating" STD that is spreading all over the UK.)

Truthfully, men and women have to be more careful, especially with hookup culture being so prominent. It's fine to sleep with whoever you want but there has to be a line and it has to be maintained. Think about what happens after that line is crossed. You get STDs, unwanted pregnancy, and, potentially, a disease for life.

Checking a hookup's sexual history is key but not just for avoiding douche canoes but also because AIDS is still prominent today. It's treatable, sure but it isn't curable. You'll suffer from a disease for the rest of your life because you didn't want to ask one simple question: Have you been tested recently?

The highest record of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis were reported in the United States in 2016. Over TWO MILLION cases were reported and we could've cut down on those numbers by practicing safe sex and asking awkward questions before jumping in bed.

These are curable but can lead to serious health issues such as infertility, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth risk, and even higher chance of contracting HIV.

So ask yourself: Is it worth it?

Practice safe sex. Wrap it up.

And ask your hookup if they've been tested lately because you don't want to be another statistic.

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