6 Times 'He's Just Not That Into You' Perfectly Described Hookup Culture

6 Times 'He's Just Not That Into You' Perfectly Described Hookup Culture

How stupid is it that a girl has to wait for a guy's call anyway, right?

Last week, I caught myself talking to one of my friends about how even if I was single, I don't believe that I'd have any interest in participating in today's so-called hookup culture. For those of you who don't know, hookup culture is what has largely replaced dating in college.

Instead of being in a committed relationship, both sides agree to keep things “casual" with “no strings attached," which is ultimately supposed to relieve the stressors brought on by commitment.

When I decided to continue my long-term relationship in college, I knowingly gave up some of the freedoms people long to experience in college, and I'd be lying if I didn't wonder what it would be like if I had chosen otherwise.

However, while at a glance “hooking up" might seem ideal, ultimately, it's pretty unsatisfying and usually, someone ends up getting hurt.

Call me an old-school hopeless romantic, but I want more from a relationship than just a hookup. What I've cherished about my relationship is the incredible bond that has grown over the course of two years, and how I can always depend on my significant other when I need to. If hooking up works for you, hey, that's great.

Regardless of how you choose to date (or not date) here's six times “He's Just Not That Into You" perfectly described hookup culture.

1. Having to constantly check a million different apps just to see if he's interested in you

Remember simpler times, when you didn't have to check Tinder, Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat just to see if he's swiped right or left you on read? Don't you miss it, even just a little bit?

Nowadays, we're constantly hung up over whether we're being left on read. What if they actually have a decent reason for why they haven't replied to your 17 Snapchats? You'd probably never know because you're too busy checking all your other social media apps.

2. Putting up with f*ckboys

While hooking up is usually a mutual decision, there's still that one f*ckboy who seems to cheat the system one way or another. Whether he likes to have his weekends free or won't text you back regarding anything other than a hookup, hooking up can be chronically unsatisfying for one (or both) parties involved.

3. Secretly wanting more out of your hookup

Along with sometimes putting up with less than you deserve, you might just want more than just a physical connection with someone. However, be wary of calling them in 15-minute intervals. If you think you want more out of a hookup, your best bet is to have a face-to-face conversation about it.

That way, they can hear your concerns and you won't look desperate while blowing up their phone. Hooking up might be fun while it lasts, but it's more than likely that there will come a time where it's no longer as great as it once was.

4. Also secretly knowing that he's not worth your time

If any of these gifs described me as a friend, this would be it. I always have to be the one to tell them when a guy just simply isn't worth their time. For a third party like myself, it's usually pretty easy to see all the red flags surrounding a hookup.

For example, if he says he's going to break up with his girlfriend for an entire semester and still hasn't done anything, he's probably not ever going to. While it may seem harsh, in the end, they usually thankfully for helping them dodge a bullet.

5. Instead of changing your look, you change your profile picture

While changing your profile picture is much cheaper than changing your hair or your clothes, it's just an illusion. In this day and age, anyone can make themselves out to be just about anyone without having to be who they truly are.

That being said, not everyone is who they say they are on the internet. When people went on actual dates with people that they'd met before, at least they knew what they were getting themselves into.

6. Despite all the bulls***, knowing that one day you'll find the right one

Despite dealing with f*ckboys, you know that one day you'll find someone who does want more than a hookup. That being said, when that day comes, you'll have a hell of a story to tell about all the f*ckboys that you met along the way.
Cover Image Credit: YouTube | Warner Movies

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Why Having A Purity Ring Was A Good Thing For Me

A ring serving a greater purpose.

I received my purity ring when I was 11 years old. I had personally asked my grandmother to get me one for Christmas and was beyond happy when I opened the little black box.

A golden butterfly, my auntie had told me that when butterflies flew around you it was a sign that God loved you and now I had a butterfly with me everywhere I went.

I was the first in my family to have a purity ring. Many of them questioned what it meant. Why did I ask for such an odd gift. Why? Well there were many reasons why I wanted a purity ring.

For starters I was in sixth grade and I had just finished taking a sex ed class. I cringed.Then we were given these stay abstinence cards that had pledges on them. Of course I pledged it. But I wanted something more. Sure this pledge was spoken and I wrote my signature on it but I wouldn’t have this card with me at all times.

The bible came into mind when I started to think about staying abstinent until marriage, or until I was personally ready.

I didn’t want my first time to mean nothing. I didn’t like calling it sex. Even at the age of 11 I knew that love had to be incorporated into sex.

When it came time for me to be interested in intimacy my purity ring always stopped me from taking it too far. Even so I had waited two weeks before I had turned 19 to have my first kiss. Embarrassing I know, but that was me.

My purity ring stopped me from being tricked into giving away something so pure to someone so tainted. I know I wanted to wait until I met someone special before I gave my innocence away to them.

My golden butterfly was always on my finger and I loved that it was. My ring and I were bonded to one another.

The day I took my purity ring off was beyond emotional. But I did not regret it. This ring had stayed on my finger for over 8 years. It had shaped me, saved me, helped me and kept myself protected.

Many laughed at the thought of me having such a ring, but I didn’t mind.

This ring to men and women meant that I was waiting. And if they did not want to wait with me, their loss.

There are many reasons why having a purity ring was good thing. Though I had learned a lot about myself after taking it off, I learned patience, kindness and hope with it on. It made me proud to know I waited a long time and that I was committed to something for so long.

My ring made sure I was mature enough to understand what sex truly was. Loved was needed in order for it to be special to me. Because as they say, you will always remember your first. It was not a mistake.

My ring now sits in its box. In hopes that one day I will pass it on to someone else whose willing to stay abstinence from sex until they are truly ready. I miss having it on my finger some days, but I know we had both had already served a purpose and now we look ahead.

The power of a purity ring is one of the strongest forces I know.

Cover Image Credit: Instagram

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Aziz Ansari, Just Because 'Awkward Sexual Experiences' Are Common Doesn't Mean They're 'Okay'

Since when does the internet decide who gets to say #MeToo?

Last weekend, a woman known simply as Grace came forward to tell Babe.net about a date she went on with comedian and "Parks and Rec" alum Aziz Ansari. After meeting at an awards show a few weeks prior, the two met for dinner and ended the date back at Ansari's apartment. Grace explained how her celeb dream date soon turned into a nightmare when she found herself feeling pressured to perform sexual acts, eventually fleeing his apartment and crying in the Uber home.

The claims have left the internet to take sides. Even my house, composed of proudly feminist women, were divided:

"Not Tommy Fresh!"

"It's not like it was as bad as the Weinstein situation."

"I don't know, from her details I definitely think it's legit, but was it necessary to tell the world?"

Everyone from random Twitter users to op-ed writers for The New York Times have opinions on whether or not the claims have any validity. And if they do, is this actually sexual misconduct? Or just bedroom miscommunication?

Whether or not you agree with Grace's decision to come forward, her description of the night clearly details her discomfort with Ansari's advances. As a single woman close to Grace's age, I can only try to put myself in her situation — which isn't difficult, as both myself and many of my friends have told this same story.

Only a celebrity wasn't involved, so who cares, right?

In the height on the #MeToo movement and the empowerment of women to come forward and tell their stories, Grace's retelling brings forth the question: Who really gets to decide when a woman is violated? Throughout the article, Grace specifies that she made both physical and verbal intimations of discomfort, yet Ansari continued to be sexually aggressive. Her "nos" were not clear enough for Ansari or half of the internet.

On a night with a similar storyline but different main characters, were my own attempts at "no" not enough to validate my feelings of defilement? Is this story controversial because of the celebrity aspect or because the public has all of a sudden created strict guidelines of how to deter unwanted sexual interactions?

Online critics have barraged Grace's reveal, accusing her of highjacking #MeToo, crossing the line between exposing Hollywood misconduct and having 15 minutes of fame. One New York Post article goes as far as saying, "But this case is off the rails. Because, from the way Grace told the story, it seems her encounter with Ansari went south for her — but she failed to tell him about it."

So, to many, this interaction comes down to communication. Perhaps Grace could have been more vocal about her discomfort. Perhaps Ansari is not used to the typical signs of rejection.

But this story leads me to ask: How far does someone have to go to be considered oblivious versus a bad person?

How far should Grace have been pushed for the public to accept her feelings of violation?

I believe Grace's story has caused so much commotion because it is a common one. People discredit her truth-telling because they don't want to open their eyes to how even the good guys can be wrong sometimes.

Shortly after the Babe article broke, Ansari issued his own statement:

"It was true that everything did seem okay to me, so when I heard that it was not the case for her, I was surprised and concerned. I took her words to heart and responded privately after taking the time to process what she had said.

I continue to support the movement that is happening in our culture. It is necessary and long overdue."

While Ansari offers concern, he does not offer much of an apology. In his eyes, the night was going "okay." And many people are agreeing with him, which is where the problem lies: This behavior has become so common that it is deemed acceptable.

If anything, we should look to Grace as an example of how hookup culture needs to change. In the end, no one will ever know exactly went down in his TriBeCa apartment last September. However, instead of fueling a witch-hunt for false accusers, society needs to reinforce that it is OK to change your mind. Just because someone gives consent at one point does not mean they are bound to going all the way. Just because Ansari was "okay" with how he felt the night was going down does not mean Grace's feelings are invalid.

We are living in a time where, for the first time in history, women saying "no" is empowering. However, we can't forget that it hasn't always been this way. We can't forget while young girls have brave role models like Rose McGowan and Ashley Judd today, the women who were young girls 10 years ago didn't receive the same message from Hollywood. Instead, their brains were constantly barraged with images of women as sexual objects. We've heard too many stories of men becoming violent when women offer a firm no. We've been subliminally taught that women should be passive and peaceful. With these thoughts ingrained, it is not hard to imagine how a young woman attempting to reject a successful, well-loved celebrity might take a diplomatic route rather than mirroring his aggression.

Women like Grace and myself have to learn this lesson of empowerment later on in life, and it doesn't always come easily. And while many say Grace should have been louder about her discomfort, I praise her ability to say anything at all.

Cover Image Credit: Netflix

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