8 Reasons You Need To Have A Hoe Phase For At Least A Semester

8 Reasons You Need To Have A Hoe Phase For At Least A Semester

What are you waiting for?
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Ah, hookup culture. You basically either love or hate it. There really isn't much wiggle room. Before my freshman year of college, I had absolutely no intention of joining the hookup culture. In fact, I thought it was dumb and an unsafe waste of time. Two years later, I decided to take part in this lifestyle, and although sometimes I might put myself in some sus situations (oops), it's arguably one of the best decisions I've ever made, and here's why.

1. You'll probably never be surrounded by as many people ever again

College is your oyster! When will you ever be among over 40,000 people for more than a few days again? Take advantage of the diversity and step outside of your comfort zone. You never know who you'll find.

2. You learn a lot about yourself and your preferences

A hoe phase teaches you a lot. You learn what works best for you, what doesn't, and what you want in a partner. The whole point is to use this time to experiment and come to better understand yourself, and trust me, you'll do just that.

3. You'll meet people you otherwise might not have

I used to be pretty closed off and shy when it came to meeting new people, which is such a shame because in the past year alone, I've gotten to know some of the most inspiring, hardworking individuals and hear some of the most heartbreaking stories. My hoe phase has made me so much more self-confident and less shy, and sure, that's great for meeting potential new hookups, but it's also an invaluable life skill.

4. You'll know enough f*ckboys to last you two lifetimes

One of the hookup culture's biggest flaws is the somehow implied idea that boys need to be jerks. At this point, I've just learned to embrace it because surprisingly there is ONE benefit.

5. You get really good at reading boys

The ONLY good thing about constantly dealing with these f*ckboys is that you get really good at reading them. They're all cut from the same cloth; never think otherwise. Your ability to notice f*ckboy tendencies will skyrocket after just a few months of being in your hoe phase. You'll be a pro in no time, and it's honestly one of the best skills to have during this time in your life.

6. It's networking at its finest

OK, this is kind of a joke, but also kind of not really. I've met so many people through my hookups that I definitely wouldn't have even crossed paths with otherwise. I'm actually shocked. Who needs LinkedIn? (Definitely joking.)

7. You learn to stop tolerating the bullsh*t boys throw at you

It's never been in my nature to be anything other than straightforward, so I'm not afraid to call people out for doing sh*t I don't like. F*ckboys will test you on every single level. Your patience will grow thinner with each boy, and eventually, you'll learn the invaluable skill of calling people on out their f*ckery before it's too late. Don't take sh*t from anyone, honey.

8. The stories are priceless

I can confidently say that my years in college would not have been nearly as exciting, heartbreaking, or aggravating if I didn't go through my hoe phase. Arguably, I'd be a little saner and my friends and I could've avoided thousands of useless rants, but I don't regret anything. My hoe phase has definitely shaped me, and I have enough laughs for years.


Don't knock it 'til you try it. Sure, a hoe phase isn't for everyone, but it can be as short or long as you want, so if you've ever needed a reason to give it a try, here are eight. What are you waiting for?

(Note: Safe and consensual sex is the best sex. Never be afraid to speak up or seek help if you are uncomfortable or believe you are in danger.)

Cover Image Credit: Instagram

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

Tumblr Is Specifically Targeting Women By Banning Porn

Tumblr's male CEO Jeff D'Onofrio belief that, "there are no shortage of sites on the internet that feature adult content" is just as privileged as he is.

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If you've logged into your middle school Tumblr recently, you'd notice that Tumblr is still the same place you remember. Perhaps stuck in a bit of a time warp, it's still full of fanfiction, fan pages, basic white girl stuff, and porn. A lot of porn.

Tumblr announced Monday, December 3 that all adult content AKA pornography will no longer be allowed on the site.

Excuse me. What?

First, Tumblr have you forgotten that porn and thinspiration blogs are what made you famous? Tumblr has always been the "legit" version of the dark dim part of the internet.

Jeff D'Onofrio, Tumblr's white, male CEO said this in the announcement blog post:

"Bottom line: There are no shortage of sites on the internet that feature adult content. We will leave it to them and focus our efforts on creating the most welcoming environment possible for our community."

Jeff—I'm here to tell you that you are incorrect.

As a woman, I never felt like it was acceptable to view porn. PornHub and sites like it were not an option.

It was Tumblr that introduced me and many of my friends to "tasteful," soft pornography. For myself and many other women I know, they still felt safe viewing porn on Tumblr.

Tumblr does not fill the same niche as PornHub.

Adult content on Tumblr is as wide-reaching as the mind. D'Onofrio said himself, "Tumblr has always been a place for wide open, creative self-expression at the heart of community and culture."

I hate to break it to you, but adult content is culture.

Tumblr was a place where folks could find their sexual identity. Stumble into kinks and fetishes that they never knew existed.

Tumblr is shamming every woman that found their sexuality on the platform.

By banning adult content, Tumblr is saying, "Hey Women! The content that you found sexually freeing is wrong, it doesn't belong here, and you should go find it somewhere else. We don't care if we're taking away your community."

Sex workers are concerned about the impact on their lives as well.

To be clear, Tumblr should do its best to limit illegal and underage pornography. But, let's not throw out the champagne with the cork.

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Pelvic Floor Dysfunction Is More Common Than You Think And It's The Reason Sex Can Be So Painful

Pelvic Floor what?

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Losing your virginity comes with a flood of different emotions like excitement, fear, happiness, oh, and pain. Wow did you not expect the pain, but you heard it's supposed to hurt a lot less the second time, and every other time after.

Only, for you, it's painful every single time, you tense up and don't know why. Your partner tells you just to relax, but it's not that easy, and it feels like it's something you can't control. Why does this happen? I might just have an answer for it, and a way to make it better.

Pelvic Floor Dysfunction. Pelvic what now?

Pelvic Floor Dysfunction, according to a blog written by the Florida Hospital, "refers to a wide range of disorders that occur when muscles of the pelvic floor are weak, tight or torn." Ouch. The pelvic floor muscles keep your organs in place, and when they are weakened, you can develop PFD. The range of symptoms can go from the strong frequent urge to urinate, painful periods and difficulty with going a number two. The symptom I found most surprising was painful intercourse.

This isn't something my gyno ever talked to me about or even my regular doctor. I literally just found out this existed, and it makes a lot of sense in terms of the issues a lot of women, in particular, have with their sex lives.

Definitely do not pull a me and self-diagnose, talk to your gyno. I have researched a good chunk of ways that this issue can be fixed, or at least made more bearable. We deserve a sex life that doesn't involve pain to the extent we experience it, it's time to be liberated ladies!

Try doing yoga. Three out of four women surveyed said their sex lives improved in all aspects due to doing yoga. Yoga relaxes you, which is where the benefits of a better sex life come from. You can try yoga in a class, or even watch a video on Youtube and teach yourself.

Kegel exercises are another thing to try. Kegel is when you contract and relax the muscles of your pelvic floor, where your uterus and bladder are held in place. The goal is to give your muscles a toned effect, and this can result in reducing pain (yay) during sex, being aware of yourself climaxing/ having a better orgasm (HELLO) and helping with urinary incontinence too. The basics are pretending you're holding your pee when you really have to go. Do this for two to three seconds on an empty bladder and then release. Once you get the hang of it, do about five sets of ten reps a day, and await the improvements.

There is also pelvic floor physical therapy you can try. The International Society for Sexual Medicine says you are "taught how to contract and relax pelvic floor muscles in relation to other muscles and breathing and timing techniques to make the exercises more effective. These exercises can stretch tight muscles, strengthen weak ones, and improve flexibility." Other forms of therapy include self-education, manual therapy, pelvic floor biofeedback, electronic simulation, and vaginal dilators. I know some of those terms sound like a foreign language, so I'm linking the website for you all to check out.

In terms of sex positions, it's honestly up to you and how you feel. Experiment with what feels good and what doesn't feel so good. If you have a solid man in your life, he'll do whatever he can to make sure you feel the best you can. Use a pillow under your pelvis and have him hit it from behind, because sis, it makes the world of a difference compared to the lovely standard missionary. That's something I've heard helps. Cosmopolitan has done a fabulous job of listing five positions you should try if sex hurts, and I hope they work and feel as great as they look.

To all my ladies who experience painful sex on the regular, I feel you, and we deserve better. Talk to your gyno about what you're experiencing, and don't let any guy tell you to "relax and stop tensing up." Have some great sex!

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