If Your 80/20 Doesn't Average Out To 50/50, Then I Don't Want It

Most of us are probably familiar with the 80/20 rule of emotional availability: the amount of support you and your partner give each other won't always be 50/50.

Sometimes, your partner/friend/person will have days where they have been through the mill, and you have to pick yourself up and give them that 80 percent when they're too exhausted to be there for themselves, let alone you.

This is basically a given. We are all human, and we experience hardships that seem to come out of nowhere.

I have gone through tough times that I could not have gotten through if it weren't for the love and support of those around me.

For a while, I was only able to give 20 percent given my circumstances, but I had amazing people around me who gave 80 percent, and I can't thank them enough.

However, I had to keep in mind that they also needed a strong support system. I couldn't expect them to be my personal therapists, continuously dumping all of my problems on them. They're human beings, too.

When the 80/20 no longer averages out to 50/50, the relationship is no longer equal.

I've seen instances where people take advantage of the amount of emotional support they receive from their partner, and they begin to expect nothing less than that.

What they fail to realize is how draining and exhausting it can be to give so much to someone that you receive little to nothing from in return.

I have been on both ends of this—I have been the "personal therapist" as well as the "patient." Most of the people I used as my personal therapists eventually left me. I used to resent them for this, but now I understand why they did it.

I would've done the same thing.

Think of it like a bank account. Let's suppose you really enjoy painting, and you pay for painting classes. A give-and-take relationship is involved. In order to pay for these classes, money has to be going into your account.

Suppose you suddenly lose your job, but you try to continue painting because you really enjoy it. You are now giving without receiving, and your art class goes from an enjoyable activity to a burden.

Eventually, you'll have nothing left to give, and you have to quit your class unless you start receiving income again.

It's the same with relationships. As much as we love those around us, people get tired eventually.

When people decide to leave after giving their all to someone, it's not out of spite. They're not giving up; they just have nothing left to give.

Don't be discouraged from turning to your loved ones during difficult times, but don't forget to be emotionally available for them, too.

Sometimes you'll have to be the 80 to their 20; other times they'll be the 80 to your 20, but it should always average out to 50/50.

Cover Image Credit:

Scott Garfield / Sony Pictures

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

11 Things The Man You Love Should Do For You, No Questions Asked

Sometimes it's just the simple things in life that mean a lot.


Every girl feels special when the guy she's dating does simple things for her that not everyone thinks about. Here's a list of 10 things that every girl genuinely appreciates.

1. Open/Hold the door

I feel like this one is really simple because everyone has to walk through doors. Chivalry isn't dead, let him open the door for you. He's not trying to prove that you can't do it for yourself, but he's trying to be polite and show you that he cares for you.

2. Give you really big hugs

Everyone has bad days, and sometimes you just need a really big hug. Whether it be a bear hug or the hug where he picks you up and spins you around, it will make you feel better in the long run.

3. Buy you really small gifts

One of the best things my boyfriend has ever done for me is simply bringing me a Dr. Pepper when he knows I'm tired from a long hard day full of exams or work. Sonic slushes will also make my day in a heartbeat.

4. Text/Call you just to tell you he loves you

This is pretty simple. It takes less than 10 seconds to text, and only a few minutes to call. Sometimes you get these texts right at the perfect moment, and it makes you feel so much better.

5. Come see you when you're sick

Everyone hates being sick. But seeing your friends and family while you're sick can make you feel so much better. Having your boyfriend come to see you and possibly even take care of you just makes being sick that much easier.

6. Respect your decisions

You're not married yet, so your decisions are up to you! He should respect the decisions you make and support you, even if it's not what he thinks is the best decision. After all, you know yourself better than anyone else!

7. Give you a shoulder to cry on

We all have bad days, and sometimes you just can't stop the tears from coming. Even if he's not good with crying, he should give you hugs and love to help you get through it.

8. Compliment you

Even if you look horrible and know so, hopefully, he'll still tell you that you look good. Even if the clothes you're wearing aren't his style, he should still tell you that they look good on you and that you are beautiful each and every day.

9. Call you when you're away or he's away

If you're like me, I miss my boyfriend after being away for about three hours, so when we're apart for more than a couple days, I love getting random calls from him when he knows I'm not busy. It's definitely better than a text.

10. Deal with all your annoying quirks

So if you're anything like me, you enjoy screaming music as loudly and horribly as you can in the car and making a complete fool of yourself, but he should love you for that anyway. I also love to take really stupid pictures, and he should put up with that too. He shouldn't be annoyed by your quirks, he should love them and laugh along with you.

11. Love you no matter what

I honestly feel like this goes without saying, but I put it on here so that the girls who don't feel like they're being loved no matter what can realize. He should want to work out problems with you instead of calling it quits and holding a grudge. He should want you to be happy and support you in every decision you make in life. When he loves you unconditionally, he will do all of the above things and more.

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If You View Being In A Relationship As 'Losing Your Freedom,' You’re In The Wrong Relationship

Someone had to say it.


Relationships are about being the best possible version of yourself separate and together. They're about growing with and doing life alongside your partner. They're fun, loving, and granted, they can sometimes be challenging.

Some challenges that frequently come up in relationships are disagreements (which are for sure gonna happen, because you're two individual people!), dealing with stress, and depending on where you're at in life, it could also be financial struggles. Of course, all relationships are going to have problems and everything won't always be “rainbows and butterflies" as Maroon 5 like to put it.

That being said though, one challenge that shouldn't ever be an issue in a relationship is the loss of freedom. Where did this idea come from?

I see it all the time, people talking about not wanting to get into a relationship because they don't want to "lose their freedom".

If you are in a relationship which causes you to lose your freedom, you are 100% in the wrong relationship.

Being in a relationship is not synonymous with not being able to be yourself or be able to do what you want. In a good relationship, you will be able to still have your alone time, be your own person, hang out with your friends, the list goes on and on. All of these things are so important. Relationships should never consume your life, they should complement it.

Why is this even a conversation we need to be having? Seriously.

Now obviously if you're referring to losing the option of getting with other people or dating around, then yes, you're right, you absolutely shouldn't get into a relationship... but that doesn't mean relationships mean losing your freedom.

If you are in a relationship with someone you love and respect, getting with other people isn't even going to be on your radar. It truly is that simple.

The trend of hating on relationships, for this reason, has gotten so out of hand in recent years, especially on social media. It's so frustrating, though, because it could not be any more inaccurate.

You should absolutely still have freedom in relationships. You can have it. I for one absolutely have it and do not view my relationship as the loss of freedom, at all. If you don't, maybe evaluate that relationship and realize it's not the best one to be in.

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