I've been where you are. I know what you're going through. You love him with every piece and part of you. You wish he'd just love you the same, but the cold, hard, simple truth is he won't.
You wear your heart on your sleeve for this man. You've done so much for him, you couldn't count it all up. Not that you'd want to, because everything you've done had no strings attached, it was all out of love and you're not keeping score. Even after all of the wrong he's done to you, you still went back.
Each time you hoped it'd be different, but it never was...
The things he said he'd never do to you again happen over and over again. You catch him positioning himself in an obvious manner to where you can't see his phone screen, but if you ask what he's hiding, he'll tell you he was just getting comfortable. You catch him taking a few too many bathroom breaks, each one getting longer and longer. You catch him coming to bed later and later. You could walk in the room and he would act as if he didn't notice, but you watch him as he switched his phone screen to scroll back through Facebook as if he'd been on there the whole time. His phone is never available to you, not even for the smallest thing, and if you figure out his passcode, he's quick to change it. You cringe and this wave of emotion literally goes through you every time his camera clicks because you know he's probably not sending a snap to the boys.
You wish so badly that you could be oblivious to it all. You don't want to know what's going on because if you don't, everything seems OK. You could build your own fantasy in your head and almost convince yourself that it's true.
Baby girl, you deserve so much more. You deserve someone who's willing to treat you like the only woman in the world. You deserve someone who's afraid to lose you. You deserve someone who's going to devote his time and energy into making you happy and in return, you'll do the same. You deserve a consistent love, not one that flips on and off. You deserve BETTER.
I know it doesn't seem fair to just walk away with nothing after all you've put in, all you've given him, but you don't want to live the rest of your life with this heartache and humiliation. It's going to be hard, really HARD. When you have that kind of history with someone, it's hard to just let go.
Grab you a good friend, get sloppy drunk, and cry it out. Pick up that extra shift at work and stay busy. Focus on YOU.
You won't see the light at first, but I promise you that you will get over him. You will meet someone who thinks the world of you and treats you like you deserve. And him? He'll realize one day what he had. He'll figure out that you were the best thing to ever happen to him, but by then you'll have met the one who didn't have to figure it out because he knew it from the moment he saw you.
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