10 Things You Learn Being With The Right Guy After Being In An Abusive Relationship

10 Things You Learn Being With The Right Guy After Being In An Abusive Relationship

What you deserve is NOT impossible.

This is out of bounds for me to write about a guy I have only been talking to for a short period of time but there has been so much I have learned within these past few months that no one else has taught me. Well, no romantic relationship that I have shared with another individual has taught me. But coming out of an abusive relationship, I was very guarded and very stubborn about how I want to be treated. I was never going to settle for less than I deserve again. Whether what I have with someone who treats me this good lasts or not, the lesson has been more than enough for me. And now that I am where I am with someone else, here are 10 things I have learned in the process:

1. You are not wrong for having standards

For the longest time after my relationship ended, I thought my standards were too high. Although, now that I think about it, my standards only consist of one being emotionally intelligent, having good communication skills, and honesty. Regardless of your standards, be true to who you are and what you know you deserve. I promise, whether it comes and goes, there is someone who will look at what you deserve as pebbles instead of mountains.

2. There is no such thing as trust issues, just the people you trust

My mom told me two years ago that I don't have trust issues, I just am trusting the wrong people. Then, I thought she was wrong but now I understand. I understand now that your intuition is right about people. When you're up all night worried if someone is going to hurt you in any way, listen to yourself. You only think you have issues trusting others because poor quality people have led you to believe that being dishonest is normal. It isn't normal, just listen to what your body is telling you.

3. Someone who wants you will be what you need

No, this doesn't mean be with someone you need to change or ask someone to change for you. What I mean is for you and the person that is interested in you both realize what the other needs and act accordingly.

For example, I need emotion and someone who is secure with who they are and how they feel. This -said- man isn't a very emotional person and isn't really verbal with emotions at all, but for me he is. He says and acts on his feelings in ways that don't require me to sit and wonder if he likes me or what things are. I have expressed what I want and don't want from a romantic relationship and he has listened to that.

4. Communicate

This one is a no-brainer but somehow I still find myself feeling off about something that I want the other person to know right off the bat. They aren't going to know unless I tell them. Communication is truly the key to any relationship you will have in your life. Communicate what hurts you, what you like and don't like, and everything that will benefit what you guys have. Communicate the miscommunication as well.

5. Potential partners are not mind-readers

Communication brings me to the idea that we share that our partners are masters at mind-reading. I was disappointed when I found out that men I like aren't mind-readers. As I am sure we all were when we were pitching a fit and expected the person we like to know why. Well, they don't know anything unless you tell them, the same way you don't.

If you take anything from this article, your partner cannot read your mind. Be open to communication, even if it sucks to say out loud.

6. Be open and vulnerable to change

One thing I have been working on is accepting change as it comes. I have grown tired of my surroundings looking and sounding the same, and with that, I know I needed to be okay with different and change. Being around someone new, someone different, someone right after a toxic relationship scared me. I wanted nothing more than to hold onto the hurt I have always known with the hope that it would change.

When I let my guard down and let go of the idea that every guy is going to treat me poorly is when I knew that the moment I accept change, I will accept all that's good. I have never been so vulnerable and so open to different than I am right now. Which I think, too, comes with trust.

7. Do not carry your hurt over into your next relationship

Just because you have been treated poorly in the past doesn't mean someone else is going to treat you that way. You need to know your worth and what you deserve and surround yourself with people who know that as well. Trust yourself and those around you. If you continue to respond to your old hurt with your new partner, do not expect things to last with them. No one wants to put up with someone's hurt, although it's sweet, it's unrealistic.

8. What's yours is yours

What's yours will never keep you wondering if they're with someone else. What's yours will never have you wondering if it's not. What's yours will be clearly yours. You will not have to ponder on whether or not it's anything but yours. It'll come easy and it'll be effortless. You won't have to battle for what's your's day in and day out.

9. If your friends and family do not like the person you're interested in, listen

This is what I have ignored as well as almost every girl/guy, my age, in my life has. We are so notorious for ignoring the opinions of our family and friends. These are the people who know us sometimes better than we know ourselves. They at least know what's best for you when you are so blindly in love. Listen to these people you surround yourself with and trust their opinions.

10. How you treat yourself will be how they treat you

And lastly, you do indeed set the example of how people will and should treat you. Let the love you have for yourself be the example of how others should love you. If you are in a position of having no love for yourself, I think it's best you don't let anyone in until you do.

In my last relationship, I was poorly treated and I know for a fact it had a lot to do with how I saw myself. He said the same things I would say to myself, regardless of whether I set that for myself from the beginning or because of, it still became how he and I saw me. I didn't love myself and that showed him how he should love me. Now, I treat myself with so much care and love and those around me do the same.

Cover Image Credit: Becca Tapert

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

My Boyfriend Is Deaf, But He's Still A Great Listener

This is what dating my deaf boyfriend has taught me.


I have heard countless complaints over the years resembling the statement, "My boyfriend is a terrible listener."

Women say this simply to describe how irritating it is when their boyfriends zone out as they are talking about their day or when they simply stare off into space as they try and ask whether they wanna order pizza or Chinese. They may use phrases such as "selective hearing" or compare the likeness of talking to their boyfriend to "talking to a wall."

I must say that I can relate to these women but in a much different way.

My boyfriend is deaf.

I have to say that my boyfriend's deafness has never once been a roadblock for me. If anything, it made me more interested in him. I had zero experience when it came to his deafness. I had many misconceptions of his hearing ability in the beginning. But, overall, it was something that just increased my interest in this kind-hearted, goofy guy. As I started to date this person that sometimes can't help but not listen to me, I realized that his deafness had zero effect on how much I cared for him and how well we worked together.

Unlike some other members of the deaf community, my boyfriend has two cochlear implants. Fun fact: cochlear implants are actually frowned upon throughout the deaf community a lot of times. They are said to remove the individuality that comes with the deaf community and its members. However, and I will admit I am biased, I do not agree and neither does my boyfriend. Cochlear implants assist him in living his life, but that does not mean that every deaf person needs or wants them to live theirs—which is OK. They benefit this person that is very important to me, and that is all that matters in my mind.

While all cases of deafness and implant-users are unique to the individual, my boyfriend had his first implant surgery when he was just 2-years-old. Then, his second when he was 10. I knew cochlear implants existed before I met him, but I had no idea how they worked, which was soon very apparent to myself and him.

Gabby Sheets

So, basically in the simplest terms possible, there are two magnetic receivers implanted in his skull. Then, there is the outer part that holds a circular magnet, a transmitter, and a microphone that magnetizes through his skull and to his actual implant. This, somehow, gives him the ability to hear, and to be fully honest I do not understand how they work. I probably never will. All I know is that he can hear me, which I did not know would necessarily be the case when we first met...

Gabby Sheets

When we first started going out with each other, I definitely had many misconceptions about my boyfriend's hearing, misconceptions that he will tease me about to this day. For example, I thought that I had to look directly at him whenever I spoke. My mistaken logic was that he would have to read my lips in order to understand me. False. Wrong. His implants allow him to hear exactly what I am saying the majority of the time, depending on if he actually is paying attention and how loud I am talking. He can, however, read lips though, which he has to do any time he is not wearing his implants, or like when I knock them out of his head on accident... Woops.

I also, at first, had this hilarious belief that he wouldn't be able to talk to me on the phone. I thought this even after I knew he could hear me in person with practically zero difficulties. It wasn't until he was over at my place visiting me, and I came out of my room to see that he was talking to his mom. On the phone. Because he can, perfectly well. To this day, I cannot explain why I thought he wouldn't be able to speak on the phone. It was my stupid, stupid mistake, and my boyfriend still finds my naivete when it came to his hearing oh so amusing.

All of this comes to show that I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I have confessed to my boyfriend that I was self-conscious at times, simply because I didn't understand. I was terrified to ask the wrong questions and upset him, but then I came to find out that he makes deaf jokes that make me cringe, not him. I was afraid of yanking one of his implants out of his head on accident. I have multiple times now, and it has never once been a big deal. I was self-conscious about hitting a nerve, about something that not only impairs his hearing but his life as a whole.

There was one night, at the beginning of our relationship, where we just sat asking each other questions as new couples commonly do. The question was, "What is your biggest insecurity?"

His answer was his hearing. My answer was my body.

I discovered that there are always times where he will feel insecure because he isn't able to hear like everyone else. However, I love the fact that he isn't like everyone else. I sincerely hope that he realizes that.

But no, I will never be able to truly understand what it is like to be deaf, to have this life-changing impairment, and that's OK.

What I do know is that by dating my boyfriend I have learned this—everybody is insecure about something. Some are insecure about something as superficial as their looks like I am. Then some are insecure about something that affects their entire life, such as my boyfriend with his hearing. It has occurred to me that if my boyfriend can overcome something as life-altering as his deafness then I can overcome body insecurity and many other obstacles in my life now, thanks to him.

I have never met a guy as willing to listen to me and my minuscule problems as my boyfriend. I have never experienced problems in my life as severe as his deafness, but he always makes my problems, thoughts, insecurities, etc. feel validated. He is understanding and considerate. He is reassuring and has a heart of gold, and I continue to be amazed by him each day that we spend together.

So, yes, my boyfriend is deaf, but he most definitely is not a terrible listener. Not at all.

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The 7 Best Restaurants For Valentine's Day Dates In Springfield, Missouri

No matter what you and your date are feeling, the Queen City has something for you.


Love may be in the air, but so are the smells of some delicious restaurants. Springfield, Missouri is a place I have been lucky to call home for the past three years. And it's full of restaurants of all varieties, perfect for any Valentine—even the pickiest of eaters.

From casual dining to the finer side, Springfield has what you're looking for. By knowing some options besides Olive Garden, you can add a little variety to your dining experience and ensure a happy and romantic evening.

Take a look, build your appetite, and make your reservations early (if you can) so you can treat your date to the evening they deserve.

1. Aviary Cafe & Creperie

The Aviary Cafe is a Springfield favorite. This restaurant is open late, has a full bar, and serves sweet and savory crepes along with other traditional bistro items. The Aviary allows you to make reservations for Valentine's Day and even has a unique menu specifically for the holiday, which includes a pan-seared pork chop, pommes frites, and New York cheesecake made fresh in the bakery.

2. Flame Steakhouse

Flame is a great place to go for a more upscale and expensive Valentine's Day dinner if you're in the mood to wine and dine your date. Rated three dollar signs our of four on Yelp, this steakhouse and wine bar has everything from Alaskan King Crab legs to fresh flash-fried calamari to a dry aged 24 oz Porterhouse steak. This restaurant will no doubt be packed on Valentine's Day, so be sure to make your reservation as soon as possible.

3. Bambinos Italian Cafe

Bambinos Italian Cafe has some of the best Italian food in the Springfield area. Rated "Best Date-Night Dinner" by Missouri State University's newspaper The Standard in 2017 and Best Italian Dining in 2018 by 417 Magazine, this cafe proves it can back up that claim, too. This quaint Italian restaurant has some of the best food the city has to offer from crab cakes and pasta to tiramisu to some house pastas that are to die for. With vegan options, Bambinos is the place for everyone.

4. Druff's

If you're looking for more casual of a dining experience, look no further. Druff's is known for it's incredibly tasty and different sandwiches and soups. For Valentine's Day, though, things are getting a little spiced up at this downtown hot spot. For just $45, you and your Valentine can experience the magic of Druff's with an appetizer, some sandwiches, soups, and a dessert. Make your reservation now, because it's going to be a busy night on Valentine's Day!

5. Metropolitan Grill

On the more expensive side, Metropolitan Grill is sure to make this Valentine's Day a romantic one. If you and your date come here for your evening, be sure to dress the part that this upscale restaurant expects. From pasta to steak to surf and turf, there's plenty of food to choose from. This fine dining experience is a great way to show your Valentine just how much they mean to you.

6. Nakato Japanese Restaurant

Nakato is a Japanese steakhouse and sushi bar that will leave you and your date wanting to come back again and again. With a full bar and a hibachi grill experience like no other, you can have a great evening with food cooked just the way both you and your Valentine like it. Whether you're a sushi fanatic or experiencing it for the first time, Nakato is sure to provide a fun and interactive Valentine's Day experience.

7. Black Sheep Burgers & Shakes

Who says Valentine's Day needs to be steak and wine? Known for their fun alcoholic shakes and crazy burgers, Black Sheep is also filled with some yummy food. If fine dining isn't your style, relax this Valentine's Day with a nice decadent burger and a shake or beer. You don't have to go all out for Valentine's Day to make it a great one, and Black Sheep's burgers won't disappoint.

From burgers to steaks to grilled cheese, Springfield is known for all kinds of foods. With seemingly unending options for your Valentine's Day date, it's fair to say this list is not at all the only restaurants to consider.

The most important thing to remember is that no matter where you and your Valentine go out to eat, make your date special. With the right person, it doesn't even matter if you're eating at Steak 'N Shake or Applebee's. There's a lot of pressure to make Valentine's Day special and perfect, but as long as you think the person you're with is both of those things, you're set.

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