This is out of bounds for me to write about a guy I have only been talking to for a short period of time but there has been so much I have learned within these past few months that no one else has taught me. Well, no romantic relationship that I have shared with another individual has taught me. But coming out of an abusive relationship, I was very guarded and very stubborn about how I want to be treated. I was never going to settle for less than I deserve again. Whether what I have with someone who treats me this good lasts or not, the lesson has been more than enough for me. And now that I am where I am with someone else, here are 10 things I have learned in the process:
1. You are not wrong for having standards
For the longest time after my relationship ended, I thought my standards were too high. Although, now that I think about it, my standards only consist of one being emotionally intelligent, having good communication skills, and honesty. Regardless of your standards, be true to who you are and what you know you deserve. I promise, whether it comes and goes, there is someone who will look at what you deserve as pebbles instead of mountains.
2. There is no such thing as trust issues, just the people you trust
My mom told me two years ago that I don't have trust issues, I just am trusting the wrong people. Then, I thought she was wrong but now I understand. I understand now that your intuition is right about people. When you're up all night worried if someone is going to hurt you in any way, listen to yourself. You only think you have issues trusting others because poor quality people have led you to believe that being dishonest is normal. It isn't normal, just listen to what your body is telling you.
3. Someone who wants you will be what you need
No, this doesn't mean be with someone you need to change or ask someone to change for you. What I mean is for you and the person that is interested in you both realize what the other needs and act accordingly.
For example, I need emotion and someone who is secure with who they are and how they feel. This -said- man isn't a very emotional person and isn't really verbal with emotions at all, but for me he is. He says and acts on his feelings in ways that don't require me to sit and wonder if he likes me or what things are. I have expressed what I want and don't want from a romantic relationship and he has listened to that.
This one is a no-brainer but somehow I still find myself feeling off about something that I want the other person to know right off the bat. They aren't going to know unless I tell them. Communication is truly the key to any relationship you will have in your life. Communicate what hurts you, what you like and don't like, and everything that will benefit what you guys have. Communicate the miscommunication as well.
5. Potential partners are not mind-readers
Communication brings me to the idea that we share that our partners are masters at mind-reading. I was disappointed when I found out that men I like aren't mind-readers. As I am sure we all were when we were pitching a fit and expected the person we like to know why. Well, they don't know anything unless you tell them, the same way you don't.
If you take anything from this article, your partner cannot read your mind. Be open to communication, even if it sucks to say out loud.
6. Be open and vulnerable to change
One thing I have been working on is accepting change as it comes. I have grown tired of my surroundings looking and sounding the same, and with that, I know I needed to be okay with different and change. Being around someone new, someone different, someone right after a toxic relationship scared me. I wanted nothing more than to hold onto the hurt I have always known with the hope that it would change.
When I let my guard down and let go of the idea that every guy is going to treat me poorly is when I knew that the moment I accept change, I will accept all that's good. I have never been so vulnerable and so open to different than I am right now. Which I think, too, comes with trust.
7. Do not carry your hurt over into your next relationship
Just because you have been treated poorly in the past doesn't mean someone else is going to treat you that way. You need to know your worth and what you deserve and surround yourself with people who know that as well. Trust yourself and those around you. If you continue to respond to your old hurt with your new partner, do not expect things to last with them. No one wants to put up with someone's hurt, although it's sweet, it's unrealistic.
8. What's yours is yours
What's yours will never keep you wondering if they're with someone else. What's yours will never have you wondering if it's not. What's yours will be clearly yours. You will not have to ponder on whether or not it's anything but yours. It'll come easy and it'll be effortless. You won't have to battle for what's your's day in and day out.
9. If your friends and family do not like the person you're interested in, listen
This is what I have ignored as well as almost every girl/guy, my age, in my life has. We are so notorious for ignoring the opinions of our family and friends. These are the people who know us sometimes better than we know ourselves. They at least know what's best for you when you are so blindly in love. Listen to these people you surround yourself with and trust their opinions.
10. How you treat yourself will be how they treat you
And lastly, you do indeed set the example of how people will and should treat you. Let the love you have for yourself be the example of how others should love you. If you are in a position of having no love for yourself, I think it's best you don't let anyone in until you do.
In my last relationship, I was poorly treated and I know for a fact it had a lot to do with how I saw myself. He said the same things I would say to myself, regardless of whether I set that for myself from the beginning or because of, it still became how he and I saw me. I didn't love myself and that showed him how he should love me. Now, I treat myself with so much care and love and those around me do the same.