I was watching "Friends" and they were asking each other about sex and making fun of each other for weird quirks.
I began to think about what people in this generation would say so I polled them, and boy, the responses were hilarious. Absolutely hilarious.
Of course, names will be left out and you should know that this stuff happens to EVERYONE. It's normal and this is NOT meant to shame anyone. It's for humor and to make others feel comfortable about the weird things that happen during sex.
1. Having certain things blow up in your face.
"He had a funny facial expression and I thought he was well, you know. Then 0.2 seconds later he sneezed on my face."
Nope, not that.
2. In sickness and in health.
"We both came down with a cold. We decided to have sex anyway, and I think we both fell asleep in the middle of it because we woke up in the middle of the night naked and he still had the condom on. Then I'm pretty sure we tried AGAIN and either fell asleep again or just gave up at that point."
I mean, horny is horny.
3. Finding the perfect balance to your relationship.
"We have to move from the bed to the floor a lot right in the middle because both our beds are super squeaky and we both have roommates!"
A bed, sofa, table, or a floor...anywhere is a good place to let your wild side go. But the floor or couch is the best if you have loud sex. Just saying.
4. A moment to release...things.
"Pausing to fart."
Hey! Everyone does it!
5. Taking time to spend quality time together, no matter what (who?) you are doing.
"Stopped to laugh at the emoji movie playing in the background that we turned on so we wouldn't wake his uncle sleeping down the hall."
I mean, the movie was funny. James Corden was in it.
6. Nothing like a tongue punch to the fart box.
"Eating out their butthole and actually enjoying it."
Well, OK then. You never know what you'll like until you, apparently, try it.
7. Remembering to lock your phone from now on.
"Before we started having sex, I was laying down and watching videos on Facebook. One thing led to another and while it was happening, one of us accidentally touched my phone (I didn't lock it when things started up) and random noises started playing from the video I was watching. We both started cracking up and just couldn't go any further. I definitely will remember to lock my phone from now on."
At least she didn't pocket dial her phone and call her mom.
8. The other body fluids during sex.
"Drooling on him during sex."
And that's not the only thing that gets everywhere.
9. Moaning, groaning, and other noises.
"Making weird, comedic noises at each other."
On top of the none comedic ones. I hope no one was home and if they were I hope you explained things to them.
10. Shouting the wrong (or right) name.
"At the moment of climax, I (drunkenly) yelled, 'Prince Zuko' in my best Uncle Iroh voice. 'Prince Zuko' has since become a codeword...for stuff."
This is my personal favorite because it's hilarious and I love "Avatar: The Last Airbender."
11. Trying to staunch the flow and cock block a bit.
"Calling him 'daddy' if he is about to come too quickly (he hates it so it calms him down)."
Hey, you need some orgasms too, and if a word gets him a little soft then I say go for it.
12. Man-splaining at the worst moment, ever.
"He lectured me on piston-cylinder assemblies as we f*cked and differences between male and female orgasms as he came."
Ummm...I hope it was good sex, at least? If not, then at least you learned something new. Guess you really do learn things in the most unlikely of places.
13. The right kind of relationship involves laughing and more noises.
"Burped, its actually hilarious. We just stop and look at each other and start laughing. Ladies, get you a man who doesn't care if you burp during sex."
I support burping during sex.
14. Taking the good kind of break.
"Pausing to have a conversation in the middle."
Hey, everyone needs a few seconds to catch their breath.
15. Wait...before I forget!
"Pausing to remind them about something so you don't forget by the end."
It's usually something dumb or about what happened to you during the day, but it seemed important in the moment!
So just know that the weird things you guys do during a good sex session are totally normal, even if at the time they seem abnormal and embarrassing.
**Responses were edited for clarity and/or length.