The 10 Most Awko-Taco Parts Of First Dates That Make Me Want To Stay Single FOREVER

The 10 Most Awko-Taco Parts Of First Dates That Make Me Want To Stay Single FOREVER

Analysis Paralysis: The debilitating syndrome of over-analyzing how the date went, to the point of losing your mind.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong
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First Dates. They can go two ways: either there's an immediate spark between you two, the conversation goes smoothly and there's shared mutual interest which leads to a definite second date. OR it's the complete opposite—a complication of awkward hugs, cringe worthy jokes and sporadic random questions which ends with both of you running away from each other into opposite directions.

I've been a single, "uncuffed" girl for a little over a year now so it's plausible to assume that I've gone on a number of first dates, both good and bad. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing better than going on a really amazing date with an equally amazing guy. But you know what's even more memorable? All the awkward parts of a bad one which you're traumatized with for the rest of your lifetime.

Here's a complication of 10 awkward parts of first dates which make me want to stay single FOREVER:

1. Schedule match maker

Match making to find a date-able guy is one thing. But, trying to figure out a date, time and place where you can meet him requires a full on FBI crime investigation spread sheet.

My new business proposal is to create an app like Tinder where you and your potential BF candidate both plug in your day/time/restaurant preferences and you two can swipe your way into a match to determine where and when you get to meet up.

2. Awkward greetings 

Me: "Hiii! Are you ____?"

Him: "Hey! Yes, I am. Are you Elle?"

Me: No, I'm just a random stranger who just happens to know your name and decided to say hi to you.

*cue the random, incommodiously posed hug*

3. The classic: "You look cuter in person than in pictures"

I mean, thanks for telling me that—but it just sends this metamessage that you stalked my Instagram feed moments before meeting me in person and it's kiiiinda creeping me out.

 4. Conversation hell 

Which way is this conversation going? If we get set up by mutual friends into a blind date situation, do we start talking about our friends? Should I talk about the weather? Do I start talking about myself?Would that make me come off as an arrogant, stuck up little bitch?

What. Do. We. Talk. About?!

5. Unnecessary humble brags 

When I ask you: Where do you work?, I don't need an entire improvised speech about how you got recruited onto the team, became regional district champion of sales two months in and got a signing bonus of $1,000 on your promotion.

That said, when you ask me about school, I will be HONEST and say that I am currently being destroyed with classes blow after blow, I just bombed a practice LSAT last weekend and my hobbies include crying myself to sleep every night, thank you for asking.

6. Hella weird questions

Case in point

Him: Is Elle short for anything? Like Elizabeth or Eleanor?

Me: No. It's just Elle.

Him: Then why do you spell it like "L" but you pronounce it like "eh-lee"?

Me: Because...it's my name??

7. "Do you see us being together?"

Another hella weird question which deserves a point of its own. I beg to ask you WHY you think that's a great question to ask me on a first date and WHY you suddenly sound like my crazy psycho ex drunk texting me on a Saturday night?

8. The why-do-I-keep-randomly-laughing

That moment when he cracks a "punny" joke that you've already heard before but you still do your best impression of a throaty laugh/knee slap.

See also: When you're in a crowded bar with BLARING MUSIC and you seriously cannot hear a word he is saying, but you just nod your head and laugh, silently hoping he didn't ask you a question.

9. Who waits and who texts first afterwards

The million dollar question: Do I swallow my inner pride and text him first, anxiously waiting for him to respond OR do I anxiously wait for him to text me first and slowly die on the inside, losing all existence of my self worth????

10. Analysis paralysis

The debilitating syndrome of over-analyzing how the date went, to the point of losing your mind, personally criticizing everything you said to him and hitting yourself on the forehead about your stupidity

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

I Am A Hopeless Romantic Living In A World Where One-Night Stands Are The Norm

It's the little things.

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In today's society, it can certainly start to feel like no one takes love seriously anymore.

Whether it's that one couple who has broken up and gotten back together more times than you can count, the two friends-with-benefits no one can figure out, your local womanizer, or just hookups in general, love and lust are a huge part of specifically college life and culture.

As a hopeless romantic, being part of a generation that "just wants to have fun" can be really frustrating, especially when you just want to find something real. It is so easy for people to put on a fake act just to get what they want and sometimes this can be extremely hard to see through. I'm sure we've all had some kind of incident with someone who played nice but had ulterior motives and the sad truth is that it can be impossible to recognize a person's artificiality.

I am a hopeless romantic.

I have always classified myself as such, and it has remained true. Sure, I can make the most of the freedoms I have as a single college woman, but deep down I just want to find my person.

I've had my fair share of letdowns, and I think we all have, but being a hopeless romantic makes it that much more difficult to get past the "what ifs" and fantasies that come along with starting something with someone new. We may already have our hearts set on a person when they decide they've gotten what they wanted and leave.

For me, I find myself caught up in the little things that someone does. I have always been someone who picks up on small details in situations, and sometimes this works against me.

I pick up on the small facial expressions that he may not even realize he is making; the ones that tell you when their guard has been let down, even just for a split second.

I pick up on the way he sits our two cellphones side by side on the nightstand, taking care to line them up perfectly as if that's just their spot.

I pick up on the short moments of laughter where he actually lets himself laugh and forgets about the act.

I pick up on things, and sometimes I end up hurting because of it.

When it comes down to it, though, I wouldn't change the way that I am. I wouldn't change the fact that I find myself in the search for more in a society that mostly only offers me less.

The trait that tends to hurt me most is also the one that I value most. Even if noticing all the little things is something that contributes to my own heartache, I love those moments. There is something beautiful about those tiny things shared by two people, even if the connection ends there.

Sure, it can be hard. But so can everything.

It's just a matter of finding the beauty.

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Dedicate Your Summer To Bettering Yourself For Yourself, Not Your Ex

Why waste energy on an ex who doesn't care about you anymore?

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I'm single for the summer (yet again, no shock there) but this summer there's something in the air that just feels different. It's the feeling of true acceptance of my single status.

Last summer I was single when I really didn't want to be. My heart with still holding out for a guy who wasn't interested in anything more than my friendship. It took me from late March all the way until Halloween to get over those feelings. However, while working through those tough feelings that summer, I came to enjoy my time on my own and not talking to anyone except my best friends. I didn't have to worry about when I'd get a text back, or if I'd be left on read, or who he'd be out with since I wasn't around. The only thing I needed to worry about was my paychecks and tan lines.

Sometimes after breaking things off with someone who you put so much effort into, whether it was a boyfriend, an almost relationship, or even a friend with benefits, it's easy to want to show off on social media and make them regret ever hurting you or ending things. Why? It's a nice little ego boost, sure, but after those few seconds of glee from the fact that you know they've seen and maybe even liked your picture or your tweet, or saw your story on Snapchat, do you still feel happy? No, you go right back to feeling like crap, whether you want to admit it or not. Stop making yourself all about them when that ship has sailed and start being all about you.

Your ex is off doing their own thing, maybe thinking about you, but obviously not enough to want you back in their life the way you used to be. They are probably out there finding a new person to take your spot because they don't have you at their beck and call anymore. If they're also showing off to show you how much better they are without you or to make you jealous...why are you still following them or still participating in this sick little game for attention? Grow up and block them so you don't have to keep seeing their posts, or be adult enough to stop if you're doing the same as well. If it's only you posting, chances are you just look stupid, so stop before you really embarrass yourself. I was that person, and I know first hand how embarrassed I am for acting the way I did.

Summer is synonymous for doing whatever the hell you want. Wear what you want, say what you want, and be the best version of yourself that only a high dose of Vitamin D can bring out. Your ex is an ex for many reasons. You have to set aside the summer for you and what benefits you only. Don't concern yourself with an ex who doesn't care in the least about you anymore. Coming from someone who posted thirst traps aimed at a specific person along with countless shady AF stories on Snap and Insta in the hopes that this one person and their friends would see it, just stop and save yourself the energy as well as regret.

We're all adults, it's time to stop the petty posts and photos. Post your thirst trap for yourself because you're a sexy queen who doesn't need anyone but herself. Once you start focusing on yourself this summer, instead of your ex, you'll realize just have great it feels to truly be free.

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