How To Tell If You’re Depressed Or Just Sad Over A Breakup

Breakups are heartbreaking. Literally. It's as though someone takes your heart and smashes it into pieces. The pain is unbearable and has honestly reverted me from giving my heart out to anyone. I wanted to steer clear of vulnerability, which is a huge aspect of love. It took a while until I could open myself up a pinch to my current boyfriend, and that took a lot of effort on his part to pry me open.

I'm still traumatized.

My breakup devastated me. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't do anything, but cry, shake, and hurt. I went through a wide range of emotions, even feeling the need for revenge–an emotion I'd never in a million years think I'd feel. My heart, body, and soul were broken, the pain was like no other. This was such a low time in my life that a portion of it, my mind has chosen to conceal from my recollection.

There is a multitude of reasons why breakups are so hard for people to go through. The experience of rejection, loss, failure, play with one's questioned confidence leaving him/her feeling empty. Nevertheless, clinical psychologist Russ Federman claims, "Sadness is a normal part of the range of emotions that humans typically feel."

However, when researching the "brain chemistry of being rejected" and parting from a past partner, there is a difference between depression and sadness. If you can be distracted from the agony of the breakup for a period of time, then you are sad and can easily pick yourself back up. This does not mean that your relationship meant nothing to you. Instead, it reveals that your emotional state will eventually equalize as your hormonal levels do the same. You can come to terms with the fact that your relationship ended for a reason. For the better. Another clinical psychologist Michael Brustein asserts, "But, ultimately, although you're sad, you still have your sense of self-intact and feel lovable—you're able to maintain the hope and belief that there will be somebody else." Grief is a normal reaction to a breakup (and can even last for weeks on end), but if you know there is a silver lining, then this is identified as post-breakup sadness.

Look at "Legally Blonde's" Elle Woods, after the demise of her relationship with Warner Huntington III, she got up, went to Harvard Law school, and realized that she is worth more than the fractured bond.

Nonetheless, after a breakup, one's emotions can fluctuate and drop dramatically as his/her levels of serotonin and dopamine–also known as the happy hormones–decrease. Both these neurotransmitters are associated with depression and, thus, can affect one's emotional and psychological state after a breakup. Depression is "a persistent, long-lasting mental health condition that interferes with daily life" and can surface as one's loss influences negative feelings. Post-breakup depression is linked to notions of hopelessness, worthlessness, loss of interest in relevant activities, alterations to appetite, and depleting energy. When one faces depression, he/she no longer has hope for the future. Psychologist Chloe Carmichael maintains that "When somebody literally abandons you... sometimes the message that we hear is 'I didn't value you enough to have you in my life.' That can be a hit on your self-worth." If you suffer from these impressions, then you have to ensure you don't isolate yourself. This will only make things worse.

Anyone's post-breakup sadness can morph into depression.

In the manner of Elle Woods, laying in in bed, devouring chocolate to soothe her angered soul, and lashing out on friends are symptoms of post-breakup sadness–these are ordinary emotional responses. With the exercise of repeated, positive affirmations, she gained back her positivity and self-esteem. Her faith in herself became a grounded habit.

Yet, as Dr. Brustein intelligibly clarifies, "If you start to feel defective as a result of the breakup — you start judging your entire sense of self-based on the breakup—that's a sign that it's leading to significant distress."

Good thing is, you can always rise up from a breakup, even if you are undergoing post-breakup depression. With professional help, treatment, and guidance, you can regain your faith in yourself and your future, including but not limited to your ensuing lovers.

I'm a huge believer that everything happens for a reason. Each experience molds you into a stronger, more resilient individual; hence, every breakup will elicit an assortment of miserable sentiments, but it's all worth it in the end. This may be impossible for an individual facing depression to acknowledge right this minute, but hopefully one day they will be able to.

I personally recovered from my particular depressive thoughts that I will never find someone else or that there is no prospect for my love life, but I needed crucial assistance to crawl out of my degrading opinions.

For all that, it is possible to recover from post-breakup agony.

Never shy away from receiving help, please call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

As Much As You May Want To, You'll Never Get Over Your First Love

You never forget your first


Your first love is just that: the first person you've ever truly loved (besides your family and friends). Maybe you've kissed a few people before, but with this person it's different. They mean something to you that no other person ever has before. Maybe you met this person when you were younger in high school or met them a little later in life as I did at the end of my first year of college. Meeting my first love transformed me, both for the good and the bad, and as much as I may want to, I'll never get over my first love and neither will you.

When we met, we didn't meet in some fantastical way, we met on Tinder right after a surprise breakup of mine. We had instant chemistry, and I didn't get to kiss him for weeks because I ended up getting mono right after the breakup (haha whoops). He was the first person I've ever kissed who I didn't want to stop kissing- ever. Yes, second semester freshman year me was super extra when it came to him, but being with him was so different than anyone else. Things progressed through the summer as we talked every single day, even though we never got to meet up because we were both busy, and at the beginning of my sophomore year, I lost my virginity to him. That was a big step for someone who thought she'd wait until she was married. He made sure I was fine and didn't push me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. I'll treasure that forever.

He was someone I loved with all of my being, to the point where it was physically hurting me in the end because I knew what I felt wasn't going to ever be reciprocated the way I wanted it to be. That's when I had to end it, which was one of the hardest things I've ever done. To me, he was a boyfriend, but to him, I was a friend with benefits. I wanted something more and he wanted less, and I didn't want to accept that. I wasn't his first love but he was mine, which he doesn't know and probably never will. I have had moments where I thought I was over him, but then all the emotions flood right back. In hard moments of hurt is when I miss him the most, but also in moments of joy too. If I see a nice car I think of him, or of other little things, like a french bulldog or The Fast and The Furious.

Your first love leaves such a monumental effect on you as a person. They have seen parts of you others have not. You will always remember your firsts more than anything else, which is why your first love never leaves you. As roughly as things ended between he and I, he's always going to have a piece of me that no one else will ever have. The relationship we had wasn't what you'd expect from someone you call your first love, but his mark on me is what helped shape me into who I am today for better or for worse.

Don't let any negativity remain when it comes to your first love (if there is any). Let it go and remember the good. They will be a part of you forever, so you can never truly get over you.

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Why You Keep Falling In Love With People Who Don’t Love You Back In Your 20s

It's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.


Can love truly be both beautiful and heartbreaking?

It's a question I silently asked myself, sitting shotgun in a car next to someone I considered my friend.

A "friend" seemed to be the right label to define our relationship. To him, I was just a friend—who just happened to be a girl, a girl he texts regularly, jokes around, and can grab a drink with. And we loved each other as friends, because we both trusted each other, we had fun together and each had our own independent lives which would connect occasionally in a complete, non-questionable platonic way.

But slowly, for me, he was becoming everything I've ever wanted in a guy, standing right in front of me. But he wasn't mine to have.

And imagine being so close to someone you want except you can't have him because it might just ruin everything you've already shared together. Because what if you scare him away? What if he replies by telling you "No"?

That's the simple nature of falling in love with someone you can't be with.

In our early part of our lives—particularly in our 20s and during our college years, we all experience this type of heartbreak.

To name a few: A high school boyfriend who lives halfway across the country now. The hot guy you sit next to in lecture who already has a girlfriend. The casual hookup who you just can't manage to stop thinking about as you endlessly toss and turn at night. The platonic friend who doesn't quite see you as being something more.

We all at one point in our thoughts have imagined "coupling" or sharing a life with a guy who we can't seem to have for ourselves. We've always dreamt how things could actually work out if you actually shared your feelings with him except the closest we'll ever reach to it is in our dreams, not reality.

And to examine the logic behind why this happens, we have to first admit how we always want what we can't have.

Because it's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

So, it's not really this case of the whole Romeo and Juliet "star-crossed lovers" BS but rather, it's purely a one sided love which can most definitely be beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Beautiful because there's always a connection you feel which makes you all warm and bubbly inside but heartbreaking because you know this connection is merely flowing in a one way track.

So then, why do we tend to maintain our connections with these people who hurt us?

One reason is because you're afraid to lose him altogether. Perhaps you think he's going to go on full freak-out mode after you spill the beans to him. My piece of advice in this scenario would be to just suck it up and take the chance. Talk to him about how you feel because honestly, what's there to lose? Unless you're not reciting some sappy, over-the-top love story about how many kids you plan to have with him, you're fine.

But perhaps, the most common reason is because we assume he might eventually fall in love with us, too.

And if this pertains to you, gear up because I can write on for days about why this is a big no-no. Heck, I can probably teach a class or lecture to all of you about my elaborative theory of why you will definitely know whether a boy truly loves you or not. It's plain and simple—if he loves you, he'll make sure you know.

And you can't force someone to fall in love with you. Even if you pay them a million bucks, you can get them to pretend to love you or force them to be with you—but it's never going to be true love. Because true, unrequited love is effortless. It comes naturally. The fiery passion will be shared mutually and you won't ever have to question whether or not you belong with him.

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