Breakups are heartbreaking. Literally. It's as though someone takes your heart and smashes it into pieces. The pain is unbearable and has honestly reverted me from giving my heart out to anyone. I wanted to steer clear of vulnerability, which is a huge aspect of love. It took a while until I could open myself up a pinch to my current boyfriend, and that took a lot of effort on his part to pry me open.
I'm still traumatized.
My breakup devastated me. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't do anything, but cry, shake, and hurt. I went through a wide range of emotions, even feeling the need for revenge–an emotion I'd never in a million years think I'd feel. My heart, body, and soul were broken, the pain was like no other. This was such a low time in my life that a portion of it, my mind has chosen to conceal from my recollection.
There is a multitude of reasons why breakups are so hard for people to go through. The experience of rejection, loss, failure, play with one's questioned confidence leaving him/her feeling empty. Nevertheless, clinical psychologist Russ Federman claims, "Sadness is a normal part of the range of emotions that humans typically feel."
However, when researching the "brain chemistry of being rejected" and parting from a past partner, there is a difference between depression and sadness. If you can be distracted from the agony of the breakup for a period of time, then you are sad and can easily pick yourself back up. This does not mean that your relationship meant nothing to you. Instead, it reveals that your emotional state will eventually equalize as your hormonal levels do the same. You can come to terms with the fact that your relationship ended for a reason. For the better. Another clinical psychologist Michael Brustein asserts, "But, ultimately, although you're sad, you still have your sense of self-intact and feel lovable—you're able to maintain the hope and belief that there will be somebody else." Grief is a normal reaction to a breakup (and can even last for weeks on end), but if you know there is a silver lining, then this is identified as post-breakup sadness.
Look at "Legally Blonde's" Elle Woods, after the demise of her relationship with Warner Huntington III, she got up, went to Harvard Law school, and realized that she is worth more than the fractured bond.
Nonetheless, after a breakup, one's emotions can fluctuate and drop dramatically as his/her levels of serotonin and dopamine–also known as the happy hormones–decrease. Both these neurotransmitters are associated with depression and, thus, can affect one's emotional and psychological state after a breakup. Depression is "a persistent, long-lasting mental health condition that interferes with daily life" and can surface as one's loss influences negative feelings. Post-breakup depression is linked to notions of hopelessness, worthlessness, loss of interest in relevant activities, alterations to appetite, and depleting energy. When one faces depression, he/she no longer has hope for the future. Psychologist Chloe Carmichael maintains that "When somebody literally abandons you... sometimes the message that we hear is 'I didn't value you enough to have you in my life.' That can be a hit on your self-worth." If you suffer from these impressions, then you have to ensure you don't isolate yourself. This will only make things worse.
Anyone's post-breakup sadness can morph into depression.
In the manner of Elle Woods, laying in in bed, devouring chocolate to soothe her angered soul, and lashing out on friends are symptoms of post-breakup sadness–these are ordinary emotional responses. With the exercise of repeated, positive affirmations, she gained back her positivity and self-esteem. Her faith in herself became a grounded habit.
Yet, as Dr. Brustein intelligibly clarifies, "If you start to feel defective as a result of the breakup — you start judging your entire sense of self-based on the breakup—that's a sign that it's leading to significant distress."
Good thing is, you can always rise up from a breakup, even if you are undergoing post-breakup depression. With professional help, treatment, and guidance, you can regain your faith in yourself and your future, including but not limited to your ensuing lovers.
I'm a huge believer that everything happens for a reason. Each experience molds you into a stronger, more resilient individual; hence, every breakup will elicit an assortment of miserable sentiments, but it's all worth it in the end. This may be impossible for an individual facing depression to acknowledge right this minute, but hopefully one day they will be able to.
I personally recovered from my particular depressive thoughts that I will never find someone else or that there is no prospect for my love life, but I needed crucial assistance to crawl out of my degrading opinions.
For all that, it is possible to recover from post-breakup agony.
Never shy away from receiving help, please call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.