Black Women Will Be Single As Long As America Criminalizes Being A Black Man

Black Women Will Be Single As Long As America Criminalizes Being A Black Man

Where'd the brothers go?
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Something that appears to be a trend among Black women these days is "singleness." I am at that weird age where I have friends that are 20-something year-old's and friends that are 30-something year-old's and the one constant between my groups of friends and acquaintances is the lack of a significant other.

When I look at the white people in my life, I don't see this issue at all and I wanted to know why this was. Why this odd discrepancy? Is it because Black women are considered less attractive? Is it the fault of stereotypes? Or is it because Black men just simply don't want to settle down?

According to an ABC poll, 42% of Black women in the United States have never walked down the isle. The percentage of white women in the U.S who have never tied the knot is only half that.

The biggest reason so many Black women remain single? - Mathematics. While there are more woman walking this earth than men, in the U.S there are 1.8 million more Black women (18 and older) than black men. That means that if every Black man married a black woman, one in 12 Black women would still be single.

More than one out of every six black men who today should be between 25 and 54 years old have disappeared from everyday life.

Why? Health and healthcare related issues that begin before birth directly affect the life expectancy of Black Americans...i.e lack of access to education about prenatal care is an issue among Black women.

Black women also have a higher rate of unplanned pregnancies which means more Black women don't realize they are pregnant for more weeks compared to that of white women. This leads to lack of preparedness.

Researchers have also found that Black mothers tend to breastfeed for shorter times compared to white mothers due shorter maternity leave and workplaces that simply aren't "breastfeeding friendly."

As Black young girls grow up, they learn to offset some of these factors with healthier lifestyles, which is why women, in general, tend to live longer than men. And while women across the board live longer than men due to a host of lifestyle factors, Black men, in particular, happen to have the lowest life expectancy rating.

Less black babies make it through birth and infant mortality rate for Black babies is 11.5% which is more than double that of white babies. From there we take into account, childhood obesity, gaps in access to healthcare and the rates of long-term illnesses like cancer. These factors all lead up to less adult Black men.

Aside from health-related issues that produce a high percentage of death among Black men, societal and political factors also play a role. Homicide is also a big contributor. According to ABC, "Homicides are responsible for 0.5 years' worth of lost life expectancy for blacks.

While whites lose 100 years per 100,000 people under age 75 due to homicides, blacks lose more than 800 years. The difference is most stark for males between 15 and 24 years old." And whilst Black people are only 13% of the population, we make up 25% of police killings, so thousands of more Black men cease to exist.

From there we subtract the millions of Black men who are incarcerated. Since the 1980's the U.S prison population has soared. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, 1 in 3 Black men can expect to go to prison at least once in their lifetime, and once convicted, Black men tend to receive longer sentences than their white counterparts. In fact, on average, Black men receive sentences 10% longer than white men.


"For every 100 black women not in jail, there are only 83 black men. The remaining men – 1.5 million of them – are, in a sense, missing."

After removing all of the Black men who simply no longer exist, we then have to consider the hundreds of thousands already in committed relationships. As I said before, there are nearly 2 million more Black women than Black men, so there's a good chance the majority of them have already been snatched up.

Then, onto something most of us probably wouldn't have even thought about—Gay men. As society inches closer and closer to acceptance of the LGBTQ community, Black men are feeling more and more comfortable coming out of the closet—as they should. Sadly, though, this means fewer men in the dating pool for heterosexual Black women.

Next, we subtract the Black men who simply don't care for Black women. Though this tends to be a touchy subject, Black women know all too well the collective of Black men who prefer to date outside of their race. Whether it be they consider Black women less attractive or have found a reason to idolize a different group of women, we know how real self-hate is.

From what's left, we weed out the ones we simply don't like or are otherwise "un-dateable." Just because the statistics are not in our favor doesn't mean we aren't allowed to have standards, "types," or have a mutual attraction to a man. While "types" can be overlooked, attraction shouldn't be. Most Black women want just a nice, attractive Black man with a job, and all his teeth, and I don't think that's too much to ask for?

So then the sifting begins. If you're a put together, college educated Black women, making decent money, there is nothing wrong with wanting a man who can match that. So, you swerve the men without a college education or at least adequate life experience, men without a job, the ones who have horrible relationships with the mother of their children, the ones who speak with a 5th grade vernacular, and the ones who would be uncomfortable with your success or wouldn't support your boss-ass-bitchness.

You ignore the ones with venereal diseases, the ones who have no goals or aspirations in life, the ones who never learned the importance of personal hygiene, the criminals, the ones you wouldn't trust around your kids, the ones who have a history of abuse or emotional neglect...etc.

Never mind the Black men who aren't woke, don't respect Black women, or have an issue with the way you wear your hair or still live at home with their mom.

The pool of men who are left eventually gets smaller, and the majority of Black women remain single.

So, what are our options? Date outside of our race? The issue then becomes finding non-black men who actually date Black women.

Welp. There's always enough wine...


"African-American men have long been more likely to be locked up and more likely to die young, but the scale of the combined toll is nonetheless jarring. It is a measure of the deep disparities that continue to afflict black men — disparities being debated after a recent spate of killings by the police — and the gender gap is itself a further cause of social ills, leaving many communities without enough men to be fathers and husbands." - The Upshot
Cover Image Credit: Cortney White

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

Sorry Boys, But I Won’t Be That Girl Who Waits Around For You Anymore

Just because I know my worth doesn't mean I should have to wait around for you to realize it too.

ninitran2
ninitran2
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I'm like most girls. I am such a hopeless romantic when it comes to dating and all that jazz. With that being said, I have also been the type of girl who has waited around for that guy once or twice (OK let's be real, one too many times).

I am a nice person and a lot of my friends know that I have a kind heart. You can do me dirty and I will forgive you. When it came to guys they could have led me on or ghosted me and later on came back out of nowhere and apologized, more than likely I would have given them a second chance at redemption.

I waited around for that guy to either realize how great we would be together or realize how great of a girl I was. All of my friends would tell me how great I was and how worthy I was but in the end, they weren't the ones I wanted to hear that from. Which was why I waited around and thought up of an excuse to defend the guy I was waiting around for.

The older I got the more I realized how silly I was for waiting around for a guy who probably did not appreciate me the way I should have been appreciated. I realized that I was much better than that and I made a promise that I would stop waiting around. Of course, I did slip up here and there (I mean, I am only human after all).

It wasn't until I was beyond over the male species that I realize how ridiculous I was being for crying over someone who stopped talking to me without rhyme or reason. That was the moment that I realized how worthy I was of a great relationship. A relationship that you see in movies or see in old couples who have been married for 65 years.

I decided I was no longer going to be THAT girl who waited around for a guy. I was no longer going to defend him when my friends asked me why I was still talking to him. I was no longer going to wait around for him to realize how worthy I was. Ever since I promised myself that I was going to live MY best life I have been beyond happy.

Yeah sometimes I say to myself "he was different" but then I remind myself that if he truly cared for me the way I cared for him then I would not have to wait around. He would not only pursue me but also my heart.

So ladies, realize your worth. Stop waiting around for that guy to come to the conclusion how amazing you are. You are a queen and if he can't see that right off the bat, he is NOT worth your time. Wear your crown with your head held high, live your best life, and slay the day away, queen.

ninitran2
ninitran2

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You’re Not Going To Meet Someone On Your Couch Watching Netflix, So Get Your Ass Up

Dating isn't easy, but getting off the couch shouldn't be too hard.

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I don't mean to come off as harsh.

The words are directed at me just as much as they are anyone else. Dating isn't easy, especially when most of us have been out of practice. Even as an extroverted person, the idea of striking up a conversation with an attractive guy makes me anxious. If you are fine with being single then this article isn't for you but for the rest of us who want to change our stagnant relationship status, keep on reading.

Dating has changed drastically since our parents' days. In-person conversations have shifted to words on screens, while dinners and drive-in movie theaters have turned into "Netflix and chill." While some of us might be OK with these casual meetings, others want to be wooed. No matter what kind of relationship you're looking for, I can tell you that you aren't going to find it while laying on your couch. Starting something new is stressful and nerve-wracking, but you have to start somewhere. Sometimes we need to get out of our comfort zones in order to put ourselves in a situation to meet someone new. Whether it's a house party, a nice night out with your girls, or maybe even an invite to study with a new group of friends, these all have the possibility of you putting yourself out there.

There is the potential to meet someone new anywhere: the library, the grocery store, or even in class. While it's important to put yourself out there, don't put so much pressure on everyone you meet. Some people are meant to just be friends, while others have the possibility to be so much more. If you try and it doesn't work out with one person, don't beat yourself up — maybe it wasn't meant to be, or the timing just wasn't right. All I'm trying to say is that you will never know what's out there if you don't get off the couch. I've had a lot of heartbreak in my life and sometimes I think that stops me from trying something new. It's hard to come to terms with that you might be what's stopping you from having a relationship with somebody. We need to remind ourselves that we deserve to be loved and be happy, and a healthy romantic relationship can give us that, we just have to be willing to try.

So strike up a conversation with the cute guy in your English class. Text the boy who you've always wondered "what if." Flirt with the guy who you make eye contact with across the bar. Or don't. The choice is yours. Sitting on the couch hasn't been working for you though, so you might as well try something new.

If you're truly content with being single, I'm happy for you. Keep watching Netflix on your couch, don't let me stop you. But for everyone else who wants to change their relationship status, pause the show, close the laptop or turn off the TV. Try something new, even though it's scary. I'm not saying a boyfriend will just fall into your lap, but it certainly doesn't hurt to try.

Someone could be out there waiting for you, all you have to do is get off the damn couch.

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