When You're With The Right Guy, He'll Take The Time To Learn About Your Mental Illness, Trust Me

When You're With The Right Guy, He'll Take The Time To Learn About Your Mental Illness, Trust Me

If he wants to make it work and really loves you, he'll learn all of your ins and outs.

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year. The journey we've been on to get to where we are now has been one of the scariest and most fun roller coasters I've ever been on.

My mental health has come in the way of a lot of relationships, both romantic and platonic. I've never quite been able to find a way to master explaining it to people. And I still haven't. Explaining what can happen in your head, when you can barely explain it to yourself is a very difficult and often heart wrenching task.

When I had started dating my boyfriend, I was scared to tell him about my mental health. While I have gained a lot of confidence and it isn't nearly as severe as it was years ago, I know how it can get when "one of those days" comes. I know how scary I can get when I fall into a panic attack. I know how hard it can be to look at someone you love while they have a tear stained face unable to tell you what's wrong.

In the past I've tried two different things. One being that I wouldn't tell them at all and I would try to go day by day like I didn't have this cloud above my head. Once they'd see what I can get like, they'd leave. They "couldn't handle the amount of work I needed" or they felt burdened by being with me. Some would even say they "love me too much to put themselves through seeing me like that."

The other option I tried was putting it all out on the table. I had tried that once. I had told my most recent ex boyfriend everything. I laid it all out on the line, hoping that it would be different. At first, it was. He was comforting and understanding. Until it got to a point where he was using what I told him against me.

He knew my weak points. He knew what would hit the hardest and he was good at what he was doing.

It wasn't until my current boyfriend that I realized that isn't how love should be.

He could tell from the beginning that there were missing puzzle pieces. There were walls that I had build around me that I wasn't about to let just anyone knock down. At first, I found his pestering quite rude. Until he proved his point. He had come to me one night and said he wanted me to tell him everything. No details left behind.

I kind of sat there with my mouth open. I actually tried to pretend as if I didn't know what he was talking about. Within minutes, I was spilling everything. Every crevice I could have touched base on, I did. While I thought he was going to look shocked, scared, or bored even.

He didn't.

He was looking deep into my eyes the whole time. He never broke eye contact with me. He was focused and didn't say anything, just nodded his head. After I was finished and the tears were falling, he held me in an embrace and the only words he could mutter was, "You are so beautiful and one of the strongest people I know. You will get stronger. I promise."

He's taken the time to learn everything. He's watched psychologist's lectures, he's read articles. He's done everything in his power to learn what I need on my dark times. He honestly has gotten to know me so well, I think he knows me better than I know myself.

Not only has it helped our relationship as a whole, but it's helped me learn about myself in a way that I couldn't quite do on my own. He's offered me a kind of love that I've never had before. One where I don't have to fear rejection or getting left behind.

Ladies, if he's the right guy, he'll do whatever it takes to make sure that you have exactly what you need. Not just physically but mentally as well. My guy knows the days where, I could just really use a good cry and being held for 20 minutes. He also knows when I need reassurance.

A guy that truly loves you will learn these things about you. He won't ignore you, he won't brush it off and say "you'll be fine."

Take my word on it, that's the guy you'll want to marry someday.

I know I do.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

When You're Dating A First Responder, Sacrifice Is Something You Have To Respect

It is his career and I respect that 100%.

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I have heard all kinds of stories about women whose boyfriends/husbands are firefighters that died in the line of duty. One that always surprises me is when they get angry with their significant other for not considering them or their families when on the job.

As the girlfriend of a firefighter, I 100% disagree with how those women feel and here's why.

My boyfriend has been a firefighter for about a year and a half now and has known that it would be his career since we started dating as seniors in high school. Before he even started working for a department, I was constantly nervous about how I would feel when he was out on calls. Would I ever get over the anxiety of the possibility of him losing his life and putting it at risk with every call?

When he did finally get on a department, I was extremely nervous for the first six months or so. Then something hit me. This career was his decision. He encouraged me to attend a school six hours away from home and said doing long distance would be ok and we'd make it work. While that's not the same as running into burning buildings, he always supports me with everything I do.

Running into burning buildings, standing on the side of busy roads and climbing dangerous ladders is what he chose to do for a living. It's his calling, his way of finding his place in the world. He trains harder than anyone I've ever met and is currently studying extremely hard to become a paramedic. Saving people's lives is in his blood.

If he gives up his life to save someone else's, I will not be angry or upset. I will be proud. If I have to go to his funeral, I will be surrounded by his brothers for support and my children will know their dad was a hero. In my eyes, regardless of if he's driving the engine, working the hose or running into those houses, he is a hero. Every time the tones drop, I no longer feel anxiety. I feel a sense of pride knowing that he is there for people in their worst moments. He's the beacon of light at the end of the tunnel, the literal saving grace.

There is nothing in this world that makes me prouder of my firefighter boyfriend than the selfless job he chose. I chose him because of that selflessness and I will never regret that, regardless of the fact that he may lose his life for someone else.

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To The Boy Who Loves Me Next, You're Allowed To Leave Me

And I am not scared of it happening anymore.

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"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." -C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

I used to, in the past, fall for people because they made me feel like it was safe to.

The guy who brought me flowers on the first date, told me he would follow me anywhere a week and a half after meeting me, and blew hundreds of dollars to impress me, seemed like the right option. I was so proud of myself for ending the cycle of going for the "wrong guy." I ignored all of the red flags because he was a comfortable, safe choice. If he was that emotionally connected to me, I should like him. I chose to pursue him over a guy I had feelings for at the time because I felt like it was the "right" choice to be with the "good guy." It didn't matter that I felt nothing when he kissed me, that we had nothing in common, and that I truly was not okay with some of his life decisions. It didn't matter that he treated me horribly, because as long as I felt like he was loyal to me, needed me, and wouldn't leave me, I didn't care what happened within those parameters. I fell for security, or the illusion of security. I didn't fall for a person.

The biggest fear I had was if I let my guard down for somebody, that they would walk away. I couldn't have known that choosing security, choosing the person I didn't think would walk away, would carry me right into the most toxic and suffocating relationship possible — one that drained all of the life force out of me and actually never ended up making me feel any positive feelings. He mistreated me over and over, leaving permanent scars on my heart that I'm not sure will ever fully heal. But I felt like I had invested too much emotion already. Opening my heart up was the most difficult thing I had done, and I didn't think I could ever do it again after the immense failure I felt had come from that relationship. So, it was better to be safe with the devil I knew than the devil I didn't.

Eventually, though, the hurt came. He did leave, and it felt like he had taken everything from me but my ability to feel pain. Despite me choosing the safest route I could possibly find, I still was left totally devastated. But I wasn't devastated over losing him. I was devastated over losing my security.

This, unfortunately, is the caveat of love. If you can manage to fall for someone when they fall for you, you are very lucky. But you will never have that guarantee. Somebody could promise you on their lives that they will never leave, they will never lose interest, that they will be the one in your life who doesn't hurt you, but they still don't owe you anything. You could be with somebody for years and years and they could wake up one day and decide that they don't love you anymore. In a healthy relationship, the person you're with needs to feel like they have this freedom, and you need to be comfortable with them having it.

We have to be strong enough to be okay with this harsh truth. There are no guarantees in love, or in life. It is devastating to fall for somebody and to lose them. But the solution to this is not to avoid falling for people — the solution is to accept that you might lose them. But you must love them despite that.

You must love despite the risk because it is selfish to love somebody only when they have proven to be a low-risk investment for you.

You must love despite the risk because love is not rooted in codependency and safety.

You must love despite the risk because that is the only way you will ever be able to experience the deeply satisfying feeling of being vulnerable with somebody with absolutely no expectations of them, knowing what you're risking and doing it anyway, throwing caution to the wind- and for them to return it.

You must love despite the risk because everybody you love will eventually be taken away from you. Permanence in love simply does not exist.

You must love despite the risk because you are strong enough to.

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