I Finally Got A Boyfriend Who Respects Open Communication And It's Changed My Whole Perspective On Dating
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Growing up, I always thought that the person you're dating should be your best friend. I thought they should know absolutely everything about you, knowing you better than you know yourself. You knew you could always go to them about anything, no matter what it was, and they would be there for you and love you the same.

Unfortunately, sometimes that's not always the case. Sometimes an attempt at open communication only leads to yelling, shaming, and withholding.

I have a tendency to say how I'm feeling all the time, not really having boundaries about my private life and feelings. Part of that comes from my struggles with my mental health and wanting to talk about it to erase the stigma, and the other part of that comes from me just being an extrovert.

In my last relationship, this part of who I was became a burden to him. My feelings and the consequences of having spiraling mental health at the time only made him angry with me. I learned the hard way that I couldn't communicate openly with someone I had grown to love, someone I had thought I could always talk to about everything. I learned the hard way that this was no longer love, that this was no longer healthy.

It got to the point where I just shoved my feelings down inside me. I believed that everyone felt the way he did whenever I would open my mouth about things he didn't like or necessarily approve of. Instead of being the expressive person I was before, I became closed off, only opening up completely to one or two people I felt I could still trust.

Getting out of that relationship was like a breath of fresh air. I realized the toxicity of the way that I was being treated and how open communication became impossible. I realized I shouldn't have to be fearful of talking about how I feel or even just hanging out with friends due to the possibility of being yelled at for seemingly no reason again.

Now, I've learned what a healthy relationship is. When I was younger, I always thought my boyfriend would be my best friend and now he is. We talk about everything, and I know that if I'm feeling like my depression is acting up or if I get upset by something he did unintentionally, I can have a calm and genuine discussion with him. I don't have to tiptoe around my word choices to try to find a way to say how I feel without angering him.

I may get annoying, but he's never once yelled at me or shamed me for how or what I'm feeling. He treats every single thought and feeling I've ever had as if they are the most valid and important things he's ever heard of. He knows that talking about problems and feelings is important to me, and he makes sure that he communicates how he feels to me as well. We've created a safe and healthy environment with each other.

After my last relationship, I didn't really know what healthy love and communication were like anymore. I was very anxious the first time my boyfriend and I had a discussion about something that bothered me because I was afraid of being yelled at again. I thought that was just how people would treat me from that moment forward. He restored my faith in love, and he showed me that open communication is the most important thing a relationship can have. We are so strong and so in love, and a lot of that can be credited to how we talk to one another.

I finally got a boyfriend who respects open communication and it truly changed my entire perspective on dating. I learned that if a relationship doesn't feel like a safe place where you can talk about anything and everything to your best friend, it's not a healthy relationship like you think it is.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

An Open Letter To The Girl In A Toxic Relationship Who Doesn't See The Signs To Let Go

"it took letting go to realize that I was holding onto nothing" -R.H Sin

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Dear you,

I hope you're doing well. I once thought I was too. I once thought that if he would just change, for me, everything would work. However, my sweet girl, you should not have to change people, you should not have to push people to be better, for you. You cannot help anyone, that does not want to help themselves.

In the movies, we learn to love a bad boy that needs changing. However, it isn't always your job to be boys saving grace. However, his shaming and emotional abuse is not just something you should put up with so that you can love him. That is not loving.

Love is not a constant competition of who could belittle the other one first. Love is not asking for a hug and being told no. Love does not make you feel stupid for bringing up things that hurt your feelings.

Love does not grow angry because you talk to your mom about your feelings. Love does not body shame. Love does not constantly change the passcode to their phone.

Love does not laugh when you find out they're unfaithful. Love does not tell you that you are not smart enough to accomplish anything. Love does not force their hand up your thigh when the words "no" slip out of your mouth.

Love is the warmth of a hand on your cheek when you get anxious. Love is getting your backpack out the car for you. Love is turning around when you need them. Love compromises.

Love is encouraging. Love is proud. Love is forgiving. Love sees you for who you are. Love knows you are worthy.

God is your Father and you are His daughter, so do not believe for one second that this abuse is the love you think you deserve.

Love will not always be easy. Love will be challenging and a constant prayer to not anger so quickly.

However, do not mix up challenging with the abuse. If you are losing the good pieces of yourself, then it isn't love. I know that you put a lot of time and effort into this relationship, but it is no good, you are holding on to someone whose heart is not in the right place to love you.

I connected with a poem from R. H. Sin, once I left my toxic relationship which reads, "it took letting go to realize that I was holding onto nothing."

Darling girl, you are so loved by so many people, do not let this relationship hold you back or make you feel less worthy than you are. I have always been the girl with her nose stuck up in the air smelling for smoke, to follow the trail to a burning house to find a boy that needed saving, but it is more than likely a boy that lit the fire in the first place and needs changing.

So, do not be me, be better. Be the girl that lights her own world on fire, for her work, for her family, for God. You are you and you are amazing, so do not fear being without him.

You will feel as if you have come up for air after drowning in an ocean that you had no idea you were swimming in.

The emotional abuse that this boy has put you through and maybe even physical abuse will leave you building walls around your heart. It will make other relationships hard, but you are so so strong.

You will meet someone that makes you so happy and feel so easy to love, you will never understand how you stuck around with the one that hurt you for so long.

You deserve to grow from this, and I promise you will.

Let go.

xoxo,

The girl who learned from a toxic relationship

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Being Far Away From My Boyfriend Actually Strengthened Our Relationship Instead Of Forcing It Apart

While we were apart, we became closer.

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Before I really start this article, I just want to say that my relationship isn't truly a long distance relationship. We are both college students at the same university eight months out of the year, but the other four months we live quite a distance apart. Even during those four months, we are only about 150 miles from each other as the bird flies, but really about three hours from each other.

Being in a relationship where I'm not able to see my boyfriend every day or even every week has been a real challenge. But it's been a good challenge. It hasn't been a challenge because I've felt unfaithful or fallen out of love with him in any way. It's challenging because I miss him. We both work jobs and our schedules aren't the same and oftentimes we aren't able to talk to each other unless it's early in the morning or late at night. There are times when all I want to do is talk to him and tell him about how my day went and get a big bear hug from him. Unfortunately, I'm not really able to do this.

I firmly believe that being apart from each other for days, weeks, or even months have brought us closer than we could've ever imagined. We knew that this would be difficult, and we knew that there would be bad days, but we decided to power through it. It has made each time that we are able to see each other so much more special and meaningful.

Seeing each other has become more of spending time with each other than just laying around on the couch playing around on our phones. It's become really getting to know each other better and catching up on all the things we had missed. It's become a time for us to simply be in each other's presence and enjoy being able to talk face to face without a phone in the middle of us. We go on more adventurous dates, we take more pictures, and I think we would both easily say that we fall more and more in love with each other after each opportunity we have to spend time together.

Spending time together is no longer a daily activity, but it has become a right to be earned through hard work and several paychecks as travel can become expensive. We no longer take opportunities to see each other for granted, and it has made us grow closer because we aren't able to spend time together often. We look forward to the days when we won't have to worry about being apart but know that this is only a stepping stone in our relationship.

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