If you're going to "talk" to a bunch of girls, you need to do a better job at it. You players aren't really players because you have no game. Just because we go along with your sorry excuse for "talking" to us doesn't mean that we don't notice.

You're not fooling us. Even though you'd never dream of calling us on the phone, believe me, we've got your number.

I'm hoping that this list will be helpful to you if you're a girl trying to decide if your latest interest is actually interested and/or lead you to believe whether or not you are one of the many girls he's talking to. If you already know these tell-tale signs of the inner workings of impersonal technological contact then I hope you read this and laugh at how pathetic dating culture has become.

If you're a guy reading this maybe you will realize that SURPRISE! We know! Time to rethink how you run your women factory you were previously so proud of. If you are a guy reading this who doesn't do these things then go crack open a cold one and take the rest of the day off!

1. He resorts to Snapchat rather than texting

Hear me now, believe me later: Nothing good happens after 2 a.m. and very rarely do any real plans get made over Snapchat. Actual mail delivery on horseback Paul Revere-style would be more efficient (OK now I'm picturing Paul Revere singing "Old Town Road"). If they do try to make plans you might want to save the details in the chat and if you do that you look like a serial killer as well as someone who wants to show the messages to their friends (which you do want to show them, but he can never know that).

2. You slowly notice that his responses maybeeee aren't tailored to you

Oh gosh, this feels like realizing your favorite singer lip syncs. You don't want it to be true but it is. Perhaps the photo of the sports game on T.V. that he was watching wasn't only seen by you. I know, it cuts deep. Alexa, play "Womanizer."

3. You're receiving a reply that definitely wasn't meant for you

You send a selfie of you with iced coffee in the sunshine because duh, use straws to your advantage (is it just me or does my smile look especially good when I pose like that? I swear the coffee by my teeth makes them look whiter!) and he replies with a "for sure" or "yes" or "idk." You don't know about my coffee? Maybe you would know about it if you actually ever hung out with me, loser.

4. He leaves you on open and replies hours later

Most likely he did this to all his ladies. With no shock value, he conveniently replies when it is nearing evening and asks you what you're doing that night. But of course, you only get the three letters of "wyd." He left everyone on open and then sent that to everyone.

5. You receive the same snap back-to-back

This is a serious sign. If he sends you "wyd tonight" twice you know that the second one was meant for another person. He wasn't doubly curious about your plans.