To The Girl Who Thinks Getting A Boyfriend Will Fix Everything, Sorry, It Doesn't Work That Way

To The Girl Who Thinks Getting A Boyfriend Will Fix Everything, Sorry, It Doesn't Work That Way

People say that you can't properly love someone else if you don't love yourself, and no matter how annoying it is to hear, it's true.

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Hey, you.

I want to start off by saying that I may be a hypocrite by writing this, but I don't care. There's that whole saying, "Do as I say, not as I do," right? Let's go with that because I've been in your shoes. I have thought many times that everything wrong in my life like low self-esteem and loneliness would go away if I wasn't single. It doesn't. It really, really doesn't, and maybe by reading this, you will realize that.

So, I'm gonna be as straightforward and honest as I can be based on my experiences.

There's still a chance you won't agree with me. Maybe you will have to do what I did. You may have to date the wrong people before you realize it isn't fixing anything. And let me tell you, it's not fun, but I got through it. So will you.

I always believed that if I fell in love with someone that I would automatically be able to fall in love with myself, no matter how painfully cliche and melodramatic that may sound. I found out this was not true the hard way, by dating someone and quickly realizing that I didn't become an amazingly confident person as a consequence. No matter how annoying it is to hear from your lecturing mother or meddling friend, you can't properly love someone else if you don't know how to love yourself first. This is not me saying that you have to become the epitome of self-confidence. No one that I have ever met is, even if it seems like it at first. I know that I'm not, and I highly doubt that I ever will be. However, this is me saying that you have to stop looking for validation from other people, whether that be from friends, family, or a significant other.

I know you're probably being really harsh on yourself right now.

You probably don't always like what you see in the mirror, maybe you never do, and I am so sorry you feel that way. If I had to guess, I'd say you probably keep repeating things like "I am not good enough" in your head like it's your own personal mantra. Probably because it is. You've made it your motto these days after all. The solution you have thought up is this: I will find someone that will make me feel better. I will find someone that will be my own form of reassurance, of motivation to stop hating myself.

I'm sorry, but it really doesn't work that way.

I know you hate it when you're scrolling through some form of social media and you have to stare at all the pictures of couples holding hands with those cliche Pinterest quotes. I know that there is probably some sort of jealous ache when you double tap on your friend's Instagram picture with their boyfriend.

Being lonely is the worst feeling, but let me tell you something that I know from experience, and I am going to be blunt: Starting a new relationship with someone just for the sake of not being alone anymore will make you feel worse, not better.

At the end of the day, the problem is that these kinds of relationships end. Then, there is a whole new ounce of self-loathing to add to the pot.

There isn't a person on this Earth that will automatically make all of your insecurities, your problems, your negative thoughts and emotions disappear. You have to realize that you're great on your own, not just because someone else tells you so. You are great though, just for the record. You are just as great on your own as you will be alongside another person someday. Just give yourself some time first to find out how fantastic of a person you are.

You need to give yourself more credit. You deserve more than a half-assed relationship. You deserve real love, no matter how cheesy that sounds. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone that you are head over heels for and that is head over heels for you in return. I understand that you're lonely. I understand that you may feel like the odd one out. I understand that it sucks to be the third wheel, but take it from me: a person that has had two best friends be in love with each other for the past two and a half years. It's gonna suck sometimes, but don't date the first guy that comes along.

Give yourself the time you deserve. You have you're whole life ahead of you to date the wrong guys and get your heart broken (I'm sorry if that is pessimistic, but I told you this was gonna be an honest letter). Don't increase your bad luck by pushing yourself. Life goes by fast enough, or so my wise elders have existentially told me.

No, a boyfriend is not what you need right now.

You need a friend. You need to be your own friend. You need to start realizing that you have a lot going on right now and that it is OK, that there are probably thousands, maybe millions of girls just like you feel the same way. I know that I felt like you before, and sometimes I thought that feeling would never go away. But it does. It always does, and before you know it it will happen for you.

The day will come that you look in the mirror and think you are beautiful, and you'll be happy. And that's when it happens. That is the time that someone will come up behind you and say, "Yes, you are."

But you will already know it by then.

Sincerely,

A Friend

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

Sorry Boys, But I Won’t Be That Girl Who Waits Around For You Anymore

Just because I know my worth doesn't mean I should have to wait around for you to realize it too.

ninitran2
ninitran2
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I'm like most girls. I am such a hopeless romantic when it comes to dating and all that jazz. With that being said, I have also been the type of girl who has waited around for that guy once or twice (OK let's be real, one too many times).

I am a nice person and a lot of my friends know that I have a kind heart. You can do me dirty and I will forgive you. When it came to guys they could have led me on or ghosted me and later on came back out of nowhere and apologized, more than likely I would have given them a second chance at redemption.

I waited around for that guy to either realize how great we would be together or realize how great of a girl I was. All of my friends would tell me how great I was and how worthy I was but in the end, they weren't the ones I wanted to hear that from. Which was why I waited around and thought up of an excuse to defend the guy I was waiting around for.

The older I got the more I realized how silly I was for waiting around for a guy who probably did not appreciate me the way I should have been appreciated. I realized that I was much better than that and I made a promise that I would stop waiting around. Of course, I did slip up here and there (I mean, I am only human after all).

It wasn't until I was beyond over the male species that I realize how ridiculous I was being for crying over someone who stopped talking to me without rhyme or reason. That was the moment that I realized how worthy I was of a great relationship. A relationship that you see in movies or see in old couples who have been married for 65 years.

I decided I was no longer going to be THAT girl who waited around for a guy. I was no longer going to defend him when my friends asked me why I was still talking to him. I was no longer going to wait around for him to realize how worthy I was. Ever since I promised myself that I was going to live MY best life I have been beyond happy.

Yeah sometimes I say to myself "he was different" but then I remind myself that if he truly cared for me the way I cared for him then I would not have to wait around. He would not only pursue me but also my heart.

So ladies, realize your worth. Stop waiting around for that guy to come to the conclusion how amazing you are. You are a queen and if he can't see that right off the bat, he is NOT worth your time. Wear your crown with your head held high, live your best life, and slay the day away, queen.

ninitran2
ninitran2

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You’re Not Going To Meet Someone On Your Couch Watching Netflix, So Get Your Ass Up

Dating isn't easy, but getting off the couch shouldn't be too hard.

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I don't mean to come off as harsh.

The words are directed at me just as much as they are anyone else. Dating isn't easy, especially when most of us have been out of practice. Even as an extroverted person, the idea of striking up a conversation with an attractive guy makes me anxious. If you are fine with being single then this article isn't for you but for the rest of us who want to change our stagnant relationship status, keep on reading.

Dating has changed drastically since our parents' days. In-person conversations have shifted to words on screens, while dinners and drive-in movie theaters have turned into "Netflix and chill." While some of us might be OK with these casual meetings, others want to be wooed. No matter what kind of relationship you're looking for, I can tell you that you aren't going to find it while laying on your couch. Starting something new is stressful and nerve-wracking, but you have to start somewhere. Sometimes we need to get out of our comfort zones in order to put ourselves in a situation to meet someone new. Whether it's a house party, a nice night out with your girls, or maybe even an invite to study with a new group of friends, these all have the possibility of you putting yourself out there.

There is the potential to meet someone new anywhere: the library, the grocery store, or even in class. While it's important to put yourself out there, don't put so much pressure on everyone you meet. Some people are meant to just be friends, while others have the possibility to be so much more. If you try and it doesn't work out with one person, don't beat yourself up — maybe it wasn't meant to be, or the timing just wasn't right. All I'm trying to say is that you will never know what's out there if you don't get off the couch. I've had a lot of heartbreak in my life and sometimes I think that stops me from trying something new. It's hard to come to terms with that you might be what's stopping you from having a relationship with somebody. We need to remind ourselves that we deserve to be loved and be happy, and a healthy romantic relationship can give us that, we just have to be willing to try.

So strike up a conversation with the cute guy in your English class. Text the boy who you've always wondered "what if." Flirt with the guy who you make eye contact with across the bar. Or don't. The choice is yours. Sitting on the couch hasn't been working for you though, so you might as well try something new.

If you're truly content with being single, I'm happy for you. Keep watching Netflix on your couch, don't let me stop you. But for everyone else who wants to change their relationship status, pause the show, close the laptop or turn off the TV. Try something new, even though it's scary. I'm not saying a boyfriend will just fall into your lap, but it certainly doesn't hurt to try.

Someone could be out there waiting for you, all you have to do is get off the damn couch.

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