Not All Boys Are Going To Love Me For Who I Am, But That Won’t Stop Me From Being The Real Me

It all started with something that my then-boyfriend had said.

"You have a really pretty face, but sometimes I wish your waist was a bit smaller."

I was 16 years old at the time, a sophomore in high school dating a graduating senior.

It was only after he said that, though, when my obsession with body image began to control me. It initiated my daily, grueling routines of waking up, weighing myself on a scale before staring at the reflection of myself in the mirror while I brushed my teeth—assessing where exactly I hated the most about my body and internally screaming at myself about why I didn't have a thigh gap like most other girls in my class.

My obsession led me to desperately scour the internet over weight loss tricks, fitspo pictures, diet fads and hundreds of screenshots of my "dream body" which I would stare at every time I felt hungry but lied I wasn't whenever my mom would call me down from the kitchen to eat dinner.

A year later, I moved to an entirely new high school the middle of my junior year, relocating from a small, teeny tiny town in Connecticut to big and bright Los Angeles.

My obsession worsened because I inevitably stuck out like a sore thumb, in my preppy Polo shirts and Sperry's, and I started to compare myself to all the pretty, curvy girls in my class.

I overheard my crush talk to his friend, about how he probably wasn't going to ask me to prom because my ass wasn't attractive enough compared to this other girl he ended up going with.

It made me re-assess everything about my body—in a way, I switched tracks and I "skinny-shamed" myself into believing that the boys I wanted to date wanted a girl to have an ideal body of someone like Kim Kardashian.

All the boys I encountered in college continued my struggle with body acceptance. Some boys thought I was too fat, some thought I was skinny-fat, some thought I was more skinny than fat but that I didn't have any curves. Some thought I should go run a lap, others thought I should do squats instead, while another laughed when I said I was interested in becoming a Barre instructor because he blatantly asked,

"Aren't all girls who do barre supposed to be like, really skinny?"

It confused me because I truly didn't know what it meant for my body to beautiful.

Why I would only be called beautiful whenever some fuckboy wanted to get me laid, but then he would pretend like he never said that to me after we smashed.

Why I thought some boy didn't want to me to be his girlfriend unless I had a skinny waist, collarbones popping out and a thigh gap.

Why I would have to hear, yet again that I had a pretty face, a pretty smile and a great personality but that my body wasn't just that pretty compared to everything else.

It took me a while to come to the realization that I was only going to be beautiful after self acceptance.

After I stopped comparing myself, and stopped self harming my own body. After I stopped defining happiness in relationships when a boy would call be beautiful—because let's be honest here, a real desperate boy is willing to fuck any obliging girl so everything already seems beautiful to him.

So I left all these toxic relationships I had with inordinate boys who had the nerve to tell me who I had to become.

I learned to laugh at the harsh comments thrown at me, because look—my mom didn't raise a little bitch who cries over them.

I slowly (but surely) started to find the real me.

The real me accepts what my body looks like, including the chubby thighs I used to hate and the broad shoulders that don't so attractive in off-the-shoulder tops.

The real me knows better than to fall for a fuckboy's elaborate compliments because I know they don't really mean it in the way that my future husband would mean it as.

And most importantly, the real me never ever lets some boy tell me what it means to be beautiful.

Because now I look in the mirror, and appreciate how real my body is, instead of pointing out all the parts I hate about it or how it looks nothing like the "dream body" screenshots stored somewhere deep in my iCloud storage.

Not all boys are going to love me, or my body for what it is. And that's ok. Because that won't ever stop me from being who I really am.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

5 Questions To Ask Yourself When You're On The Fence With A Guy

Is he worth it?


Whether you're contemplating if you want to continue your fling with a guy or contemplating breaking up with your boyfriend, there are always questions we're asking ourselves. Ranging from "is this right of me?" to "is this what will make me happy?" But if you are really sitting on the fence and don't know what to do next, check out these five questions you need to ask yourself if you're torn on what to do.

1. Do I want long term or short term?

This is a huge question to ask. If you're looking to settle down for a while, your guy may not want that. And it could always be the other way around as well. Make sure to decipher this with him so you both know what you want and no one gets a broken heart.

2. Can I see myself marrying this person?

I know this is a bold question to ask, especially if you're not dating. But really thinking about if you can see yourself with them for a long time can make it or break it. But say you're dating and you're on the fence of deciding you want to break up with them or not, think about if you can see yourself saying "I do" to them, and if you can't, let him go.

3. Can I see myself living with them/how do they live?

I've seen many people get engaged and move in together and later call it quits due to the way their partner lived. If you've been getting to know your guy for a while now and notices he lives like a pig, you may have to wonder if you'd be cleaning up those messes in the future.

4. How do they make me feel?

This question in a no brainer. If they make you feel bad, why even question continuing into the relationship.

5. Are they worth it?

Is he worth it? I know I have had some experiences when I was on the fence with a couple of guys and I've had to ask myself the same question. And when I'd question if he was worth it or not, my gut feeling always came out right. If you're looking to keep him around, always ask yourself if he's worth it.

OMG, check these out

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Girls, You NEED To Understand That Fuckboy Texting You ‘wyd’ 24/7 Will Never Give You A 24 Karat Ring

I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you his wife.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

There are five unofficial steps of hookup culture: Find a guy. Get to know him a little bit, but not too much (because you have to keep "boundaries," remember?) Make a pact to keep things "casual" and promise to still be "friends" with each other. Then, hookup with him. And keep hooking up with him without any emotional attachment — just over and over again and never expect anything more.

From a birds eye view, hookup culture seems so harmless. I mean, what's more convenient than having a booty call at your doorstep with the swipe of a screen? When you want to hook up, all you have to do is shoot that 2 a.m. "U Up?" text.

Hell, I even wrote a whole article about the perfect FWB situation.

Yet suddenly—here I am, Elle Hong, resident "Uncuffed" writer on Swoon and self proclaimed fuckgirl who glorifies hookup culture above anything else, catching feelings and falling for the wrong guys just like any other girl out in the world.

Consider this blasphemy. Or maybe I'm just dying to make a confession.

A confession that I, too, have experienced the feeling of wondering why I was never enough for the guys I hooked up with. Why they never chose me over the girls they would eventually form serious relationships with and why to them I only was nothing more than a casual hookup.

So, I thought about it. I critically analyzed it. I "Aristotle-d" my way into trying to find an answer behind the impossible question of wondering why I was never considered to be anything more. Over the past few weeks, it essentially became my new research topic and now, I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you into wifey material. Here's why.

First and foremost: Guys usually (but not always) choose to hookup with girls who they don't see as anything more.

Now, keep in mind I'm not saying that guys will NEVER fall in love with the girls they hookup with because it can happen. It's life. Life is unpredictable. No doubt, people have fallen in love on Tinder and married a random match who just happened to become The One. But we all know what Tinder is really for. Generally speaking, guys will seek random hookups with the types of girls they think are "easy" and if they're desperate enough, it's definitely not going to be someone they view as their future wife.

If he thinks you're cute, you're within 10 miles radius and you can hold a conversation, it doesn't matter what your annual salary is or how many siblings you got—he wants one thing and it's to get you in bed. And until a guys find this girl who captures his heart and inevitably makes him want to settle, he's going to go around hooking up with random girls left and right. So in this case, it's not your fault. You're just with the wrong type of guy who only thinks of you as his sexual conquest.

See also: Guys want to settle with girls that don't go around hooking up with other people.

Ironic as hell because I just talked about why guys would never want to settle, period. But think about it—guys are humans with rational thoughts and animalistic desires. When they find their territory, they mark it. Once he finds a girl who is the one, he never wants to let her go. And he never wants to see that girl be with another guy or god forbid, go around hooking up with other guys. So here's the moral of the story to get my point across: I hate to break it to you, but bragging about how many other guys you're f*cking outside of your current FWB situationship isn't going to help develop the relationship any further.

Finally: A girl's "hoe phase" might seem empowering but for guys they see it as a threat.

Thanks to the wonderful millennial encyclopedia that we call Urban Dictionary, we have a definition behind this certain life style: A phase in life which occurs when a girl goes around social settings exploring herself, committing promiscuous acts and connecting with random people. For girls, it seems pretty damn empowering, doesn't it? For us it's a chance to let loose, to live a lil bit more and to run around as independent women. Nothing wrong with that of course.

But for guys to perceive this type of lifestyle, they see it as a threat which could arise if they form a relationship with you. It's simple logic here. A girl who's in her "hoe phase" is more likely to be unfaithful since they're always out and about with this person and that person. Put it this way: a guy doesn't care if you're a hoe—but he only wants you to be HIS hoe and not everyone else's. So you might think that it's a great way to express yourself and to enjoy your college years, but keep in mind that it could possibly be holding you back from taking the next step with your casual FWB.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

OMG, check these out

Facebook Comments