I have given and taken my fair share of relationship advice since I had my first, real boyfriend. I have never found more peace and comfort than knowing that others around me have experienced the same thing, and are standing strong. I would spend hours online looking for articles and advice from people I didn't know and would probably never meet, just to feel comfortable. Just to know that I can be happy again.
When we are so broken down we often forget that we can get back up or that there will be happier times once we get over what we are going through. So I have asked people, through my social media, to give me advice that they would give someone going through a breakup or someone getting over an ex. Here are my results:
1. "Don’t hate yourself for it. It makes everything worse." - Kendall R.
2. "There isn't a time limit in which you have to be over someone, let yourself be sad and let it ease with time. It's ok to hate your ex for a hot minute but you probably shouldn't forever, it makes it harder to actually get over them. Don't blame yourself for them not wanting you. Delete their number and delete them off social media so you don't get hammered and then try to communicate with them because that's never a good idea Also, it didn't work out with them because it wasn't right." - Landon S.
3. "Try to stay as busy as possible. Find a new hobby or get reacquainted with an old friend, one you haven't in a while, especially if a relationship was what took away from your time doing it. I'd also say spend time with new or old friends you haven't seen in a while. Creating/reviving relationships has always been super helpful for me." - Wesley B.
4. "I wish that people had told me it is okay to hurt...
That it's okay to not understand why it's so hard to breathe without someone after they are gone. I also wish someone had told me to look at the situation from a holistic standpoint and try to see reasons that they did leave their life, good and bad and be thankful for the good and use the bad to grow." - Morgan H.
5. "I have been there, it sucks. It's not going to be easy. Take everyday day by day and try to find the positives in it. You're gonna have bad days but as long as you're overall moving positively, that is what matters." - Austin M.
6. "Keep busy. Acquire new hobbies and immerse yourself in learning. Change your environment or get a change of scenery. Focus on growth and personal development." - Carlos D.
7. "Most that things happen at this age you won't even think about in the future. And booze helps a lot." - Robby S.
I added this for shits and gigs and out of respect that I said all advice is appreciated, but maybe let this be your last resort.
8. "It'll be hard and rough but stay true, be yourself, keep busy, and just do you cause things will only get better." - Jared M.
9. "Find a creative outlet and let yourself be consumed by it. Speaking for myself, drawing has allowed me to heal in ways unimaginable. Not only so, but unleashing my creativity has allowed me, and I believe so many others, to understand the pain and how to deal with pain in other ways that could otherwise be self-destructive." Gabe E.
I want to personally mention how true this is. I turned to writing for the Odyssey as an outlet to get over a breakup and it has helped me in so many ways. I highly suggest finding something you enjoy doing and expressing your hurt through that instead of resorting to more self-destructive habits - Robby S's comment.
10. "Know your worth, and don't ever have to beg someone to treat you how you deserve." - Kimberly Y.
11. "I wish that I knew at the time was that I needed to stop blaming myself. To block him on everything - and I mean everything. To stop feeling the need to explain myself to everyone. For a little while, I would stop going to places that brought back bad memories (at least for a little while before I was able to face it). Keeping busy helped, praying, meditating, relaxation techniques, pilates, and hiking." - Sara M.
12. "Don't talk to them. Fuck closure. Just delete them from your life as much as possible until the thought of them in general or the thought of them being with someone else doesn't make you feel some type of way." - Kaloni K.
13. "Don't blame yourself." - Madison D.
14. "It's a process. Being with someone for a short time or a long time can still be rough to get over. I firmly believe there has to be a complete separation between the two people in order for healing to take place." - Gary B.
15. "I ask my friends, hypothetically, if they somehow have kids in the future (despite current views or whether or not they want/are able to have kids), "what love story do you want to tell your children?" A story of your significant other fucking three other people and then eventually choosing you after years of mindfucking you, does not sound like the best tales or example of love." - Emily M.
We all needed to hear this. Nothing but toxic and loneliness are involved in these kinds of relationships.
16. "Whatever you do, don't ever let yourself get depressed over that guy or girl. You're beautiful, strong, courageous, and so much more, that you don't need someone...
Don't let something get in the way of your happiness no matter what. All that matters in life is that you're happy and if nobody's got you, you've got yourself! And also, look up to God. Pray for things, and life will be so much easier you will feel the stress lift up off of your shoulders." - Jessica M.
Even if you aren't religious, I strongly suggest affirmations or meditation. Tell yourself how much you forgive and love yourself. I promise, if nothing else in this world works, affirmations work.
17. "Get yourself together and focus on yourself. Take all the negative energy and turn it into something positive. Love yourself the way that they couldn't." - Jenna S.
18. "You may say you want to keep them in your life. But when you really love them sometimes the best thing to do is to let them go completely. Don’t torture yourself with keeping them on social media." - Eva P.
19. "It’s okay to not be okay, but you can’t just accept that and wallow in pity. The relationship may have come to an end but you haven’t. Your life still goes on and you gotta go with it. Let yourself hurt, open up to it completely and let it all out. So that when it’s time to rebuild there’s nothing left of all that brokenness and sadness just a new beginning to grow from. It’s okay to hurt but it can’t last and you have to know when to call it quits." - RiLeigh A.
20. "I say if you are holding onto hope that a toxic relationship will work out, it makes it worst because you know it wouldn't work out anyway. You should totally isolate yourself from that person and try your best not to talk about them or let places or things remind you of them. If you just remove yourself, the time it takes to move on will be so much shorter. It honestly just takes time. Once you realize the relationship was toxic and there is life outside of your ex, you will see it is actually possible to be happy beyond them and you can find yourself without that person, opposed to when you only knew yourself with that person." - Kaylee S.
21. "Time really does heal. It seems like forever at first but by the time you know it, you'll be going about your day and you'll find that you're no longer dwelling on the pain or the person. You'll just be you." - Tracey R.
22. "Treat yourself! Get your hair done, nails, buy new clothes, and do whatever makes you feel better." - Tara K.
23. "Focus on self-growth, discover new things about you and take healthy risks in life." - Elizabeth S.
24. "Use it as motivation and try to put that focus and energy into something else like school, work, or anything that can help you long term. Even if that's another person down the road." - Rome C.
25. "Regardless of what something looks like on paper (a relationship could look perfect or faulty) what matters more is how that said relationship makes you feel. Whether that be good or bad, your feelings constitute that relationship. It's not just how it appears but how you internally feel." - Alexis S.
My advice would be to let yourself hurt. Let yourself feel all the pain that you need to and rid yourself of it once you're ready. Healing is not an overnight thing and it definitely doesn't come the moment you see your ex-lover move on. It isn't when you drown yourself in bad habits and resort to things that bring you temporary happiness. It comes when you have accepted that what is for you will always be yours and what misses you or leaves you, was never for you.
Things and people come to teach you lessons, and you need to work on loving while being unattached. You are the source of your happiness and you attract those who view you in the same way that you view yourself. Love yourself and understand what you are worthy of, you will attract someone who will do the same so you are the one that will be giving the advice and not receive it.
And, you get the point. We have all been there and we all know what it is like to leave someone or be that someone that someone left. We know the pain that comes with losing someone you thought you were going to spend your whole life with. But we also know that you are going to get over this and you are going to be happy.
You need to take this hurt and sit with it and let it be one of the lessons that help you grow into who you are supposed to be.