I Asked 25 Strangers On How To Handle A Breakup And Every Answer Will Hit You In The Feels

I Asked 25 Strangers On How To Handle A Breakup And Every Answer Will Hit You In The Feels

Let yourself hurt, open up to it completely and let it all out. So that when it’s time to rebuild there’s nothing left of all that brokenness and sadness just a new beginning to grow from.
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I have given and taken my fair share of relationship advice since I had my first, real boyfriend. I have never found more peace and comfort than knowing that others around me have experienced the same thing, and are standing strong. I would spend hours online looking for articles and advice from people I didn't know and would probably never meet, just to feel comfortable. Just to know that I can be happy again.

When we are so broken down we often forget that we can get back up or that there will be happier times once we get over what we are going through. So I have asked people, through my social media, to give me advice that they would give someone going through a breakup or someone getting over an ex. Here are my results:

1. "Don’t hate yourself for it. It makes everything worse." - Kendall R.

2. "There isn't a time limit in which you have to be over someone, let yourself be sad and let it ease with time. It's ok to hate your ex for a hot minute but you probably shouldn't forever, it makes it harder to actually get over them. Don't blame yourself for them not wanting you. Delete their number and delete them off social media so you don't get hammered and then try to communicate with them because that's never a good idea Also, it didn't work out with them because it wasn't right." - Landon S.

3. "Try to stay as busy as possible. Find a new hobby or get reacquainted with an old friend, one you haven't in a while, especially if a relationship was what took away from your time doing it. I'd also say spend time with new or old friends you haven't seen in a while. Creating/reviving relationships has always been super helpful for me." - Wesley B.

4. "I wish that people had told me it is okay to hurt...

That it's okay to not understand why it's so hard to breathe without someone after they are gone. I also wish someone had told me to look at the situation from a holistic standpoint and try to see reasons that they did leave their life, good and bad and be thankful for the good and use the bad to grow." - Morgan H.

5. "I have been there, it sucks. It's not going to be easy. Take everyday day by day and try to find the positives in it. You're gonna have bad days but as long as you're overall moving positively, that is what matters." - Austin M.

6. "Keep busy. Acquire new hobbies and immerse yourself in learning. Change your environment or get a change of scenery. Focus on growth and personal development." - Carlos D.

7. "Most that things happen at this age you won't even think about in the future. And booze helps a lot." - Robby S.

I added this for shits and gigs and out of respect that I said all advice is appreciated, but maybe let this be your last resort.

8. "It'll be hard and rough but stay true, be yourself, keep busy, and just do you cause things will only get better." - Jared M.

9. "Find a creative outlet and let yourself be consumed by it. Speaking for myself, drawing has allowed me to heal in ways unimaginable. Not only so, but unleashing my creativity has allowed me, and I believe so many others, to understand the pain and how to deal with pain in other ways that could otherwise be self-destructive." Gabe E.

I want to personally mention how true this is. I turned to writing for the Odyssey as an outlet to get over a breakup and it has helped me in so many ways. I highly suggest finding something you enjoy doing and expressing your hurt through that instead of resorting to more self-destructive habits - Robby S's comment.

10. "Know your worth, and don't ever have to beg someone to treat you how you deserve." - Kimberly Y.

11. "I wish that I knew at the time was that I needed to stop blaming myself. To block him on everything - and I mean everything. To stop feeling the need to explain myself to everyone. For a little while, I would stop going to places that brought back bad memories (at least for a little while before I was able to face it). Keeping busy helped, praying, meditating, relaxation techniques, pilates, and hiking." - Sara M.

12. "Don't talk to them. Fuck closure. Just delete them from your life as much as possible until the thought of them in general or the thought of them being with someone else doesn't make you feel some type of way." - Kaloni K.

13. "Don't blame yourself." - Madison D.

14. "It's a process. Being with someone for a short time or a long time can still be rough to get over. I firmly believe there has to be a complete separation between the two people in order for healing to take place." - Gary B.

15. "I ask my friends, hypothetically, if they somehow have kids in the future (despite current views or whether or not they want/are able to have kids), "what love story do you want to tell your children?" A story of your significant other fucking three other people and then eventually choosing you after years of mindfucking you, does not sound like the best tales or example of love." - Emily M.

We all needed to hear this. Nothing but toxic and loneliness are involved in these kinds of relationships.

16. "Whatever you do, don't ever let yourself get depressed over that guy or girl. You're beautiful, strong, courageous, and so much more, that you don't need someone...

Don't let something get in the way of your happiness no matter what. All that matters in life is that you're happy and if nobody's got you, you've got yourself! And also, look up to God. Pray for things, and life will be so much easier you will feel the stress lift up off of your shoulders." - Jessica M.

Even if you aren't religious, I strongly suggest affirmations or meditation. Tell yourself how much you forgive and love yourself. I promise, if nothing else in this world works, affirmations work.

17. "Get yourself together and focus on yourself. Take all the negative energy and turn it into something positive. Love yourself the way that they couldn't." - Jenna S.

18. "You may say you want to keep them in your life. But when you really love them sometimes the best thing to do is to let them go completely. Don’t torture yourself with keeping them on social media." - Eva P.

19. "It’s okay to not be okay, but you can’t just accept that and wallow in pity. The relationship may have come to an end but you haven’t. Your life still goes on and you gotta go with it. Let yourself hurt, open up to it completely and let it all out. So that when it’s time to rebuild there’s nothing left of all that brokenness and sadness just a new beginning to grow from. It’s okay to hurt but it can’t last and you have to know when to call it quits." - RiLeigh A.

20. "I say if you are holding onto hope that a toxic relationship will work out, it makes it worst because you know it wouldn't work out anyway. You should totally isolate yourself from that person and try your best not to talk about them or let places or things remind you of them. If you just remove yourself, the time it takes to move on will be so much shorter. It honestly just takes time. Once you realize the relationship was toxic and there is life outside of your ex, you will see it is actually possible to be happy beyond them and you can find yourself without that person, opposed to when you only knew yourself with that person." - Kaylee S.

21. "Time really does heal. It seems like forever at first but by the time you know it, you'll be going about your day and you'll find that you're no longer dwelling on the pain or the person. You'll just be you." - Tracey R.

22. "Treat yourself! Get your hair done, nails, buy new clothes, and do whatever makes you feel better." - Tara K.

23. "Focus on self-growth, discover new things about you and take healthy risks in life." - Elizabeth S.

24. "Use it as motivation and try to put that focus and energy into something else like school, work, or anything that can help you long term. Even if that's another person down the road." - Rome C.

25. "Regardless of what something looks like on paper (a relationship could look perfect or faulty) what matters more is how that said relationship makes you feel. Whether that be good or bad, your feelings constitute that relationship. It's not just how it appears but how you internally feel." - Alexis S.

My advice would be to let yourself hurt. Let yourself feel all the pain that you need to and rid yourself of it once you're ready. Healing is not an overnight thing and it definitely doesn't come the moment you see your ex-lover move on. It isn't when you drown yourself in bad habits and resort to things that bring you temporary happiness. It comes when you have accepted that what is for you will always be yours and what misses you or leaves you, was never for you.

Things and people come to teach you lessons, and you need to work on loving while being unattached. You are the source of your happiness and you attract those who view you in the same way that you view yourself. Love yourself and understand what you are worthy of, you will attract someone who will do the same so you are the one that will be giving the advice and not receive it.

And, you get the point. We have all been there and we all know what it is like to leave someone or be that someone that someone left. We know the pain that comes with losing someone you thought you were going to spend your whole life with. But we also know that you are going to get over this and you are going to be happy.

You need to take this hurt and sit with it and let it be one of the lessons that help you grow into who you are supposed to be.

Cover Image Credit: Alexis Brown

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

As Much As You May Want To, You'll Never Get Over Your First Love

You never forget your first

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Your first love is just that: the first person you've ever truly loved (besides your family and friends). Maybe you've kissed a few people before, but with this person it's different. They mean something to you that no other person ever has before. Maybe you met this person when you were younger in high school or met them a little later in life as I did at the end of my first year of college. Meeting my first love transformed me, both for the good and the bad, and as much as I may want to, I'll never get over my first love and neither will you.

When we met, we didn't meet in some fantastical way, we met on Tinder right after a surprise breakup of mine. We had instant chemistry, and I didn't get to kiss him for weeks because I ended up getting mono right after the breakup (haha whoops). He was the first person I've ever kissed who I didn't want to stop kissing- ever. Yes, second semester freshman year me was super extra when it came to him, but being with him was so different than anyone else. Things progressed through the summer as we talked every single day, even though we never got to meet up because we were both busy, and at the beginning of my sophomore year, I lost my virginity to him. That was a big step for someone who thought she'd wait until she was married. He made sure I was fine and didn't push me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. I'll treasure that forever.

He was someone I loved with all of my being, to the point where it was physically hurting me in the end because I knew what I felt wasn't going to ever be reciprocated the way I wanted it to be. That's when I had to end it, which was one of the hardest things I've ever done. To me, he was a boyfriend, but to him, I was a friend with benefits. I wanted something more and he wanted less, and I didn't want to accept that. I wasn't his first love but he was mine, which he doesn't know and probably never will. I have had moments where I thought I was over him, but then all the emotions flood right back. In hard moments of hurt is when I miss him the most, but also in moments of joy too. If I see a nice car I think of him, or of other little things, like a french bulldog or The Fast and The Furious.

Your first love leaves such a monumental effect on you as a person. They have seen parts of you others have not. You will always remember your firsts more than anything else, which is why your first love never leaves you. As roughly as things ended between he and I, he's always going to have a piece of me that no one else will ever have. The relationship we had wasn't what you'd expect from someone you call your first love, but his mark on me is what helped shape me into who I am today for better or for worse.

Don't let any negativity remain when it comes to your first love (if there is any). Let it go and remember the good. They will be a part of you forever, so you can never truly get over you.

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Why You Keep Falling In Love With People Who Don’t Love You Back In Your 20s

It's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

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Can love truly be both beautiful and heartbreaking?

It's a question I silently asked myself, sitting shotgun in a car next to someone I considered my friend.

A "friend" seemed to be the right label to define our relationship. To him, I was just a friend—who just happened to be a girl, a girl he texts regularly, jokes around, and can grab a drink with. And we loved each other as friends, because we both trusted each other, we had fun together and each had our own independent lives which would connect occasionally in a complete, non-questionable platonic way.

But slowly, for me, he was becoming everything I've ever wanted in a guy, standing right in front of me. But he wasn't mine to have.

And imagine being so close to someone you want except you can't have him because it might just ruin everything you've already shared together. Because what if you scare him away? What if he replies by telling you "No"?

That's the simple nature of falling in love with someone you can't be with.

In our early part of our lives—particularly in our 20s and during our college years, we all experience this type of heartbreak.

To name a few: A high school boyfriend who lives halfway across the country now. The hot guy you sit next to in lecture who already has a girlfriend. The casual hookup who you just can't manage to stop thinking about as you endlessly toss and turn at night. The platonic friend who doesn't quite see you as being something more.

We all at one point in our thoughts have imagined "coupling" or sharing a life with a guy who we can't seem to have for ourselves. We've always dreamt how things could actually work out if you actually shared your feelings with him except the closest we'll ever reach to it is in our dreams, not reality.

And to examine the logic behind why this happens, we have to first admit how we always want what we can't have.

Because it's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

So, it's not really this case of the whole Romeo and Juliet "star-crossed lovers" BS but rather, it's purely a one sided love which can most definitely be beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Beautiful because there's always a connection you feel which makes you all warm and bubbly inside but heartbreaking because you know this connection is merely flowing in a one way track.

So then, why do we tend to maintain our connections with these people who hurt us?

One reason is because you're afraid to lose him altogether. Perhaps you think he's going to go on full freak-out mode after you spill the beans to him. My piece of advice in this scenario would be to just suck it up and take the chance. Talk to him about how you feel because honestly, what's there to lose? Unless you're not reciting some sappy, over-the-top love story about how many kids you plan to have with him, you're fine.

But perhaps, the most common reason is because we assume he might eventually fall in love with us, too.

And if this pertains to you, gear up because I can write on for days about why this is a big no-no. Heck, I can probably teach a class or lecture to all of you about my elaborative theory of why you will definitely know whether a boy truly loves you or not. It's plain and simple—if he loves you, he'll make sure you know.

And you can't force someone to fall in love with you. Even if you pay them a million bucks, you can get them to pretend to love you or force them to be with you—but it's never going to be true love. Because true, unrequited love is effortless. It comes naturally. The fiery passion will be shared mutually and you won't ever have to question whether or not you belong with him.

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