I Broke Up With My Boyfriend And It Was The Best Thing I Could Have Done For Myself

I Broke Up With My Boyfriend And It Was The Best Thing I Could Have Done For Myself

After four years of giving my body, mind, and soul to him, it was time to tell the truth and in the end, we were both better for it.

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I didn't really know if I wanted to write about this. I'm a pretty open person but this began as a painful process that ended in resolution. I think a lot of the times, we begin to open up about what's really going on with us when we let other people see how we feel. I didn't want to slander him because we ended on good terms. But I feel like I need to tell you all how I've been feeling.

About a year ago, a lot of things changed with me and him. We didn't really see it at the time but something was wrong. Circumstances were different for him, his life was being set up exactly as he wanted it, and I was still in school.

That's when I started to see that we were becoming two different people.

I don't think he ever saw anything wrong with us the entire time. I started to feel lesser than him and I think even now, I would still feel that way. It wasn't something that I could shake, even knowing that we were in two different places in our lives.

About three months ago, I started imagining my life outside of school, where I wanted to be and who I could be once I was free. I started to realize that the answer was already there in front of me. My home was picked, the district I would be working in and most importantly, the person I would be spending the rest of my life with.

I had spent my entire college career up until that point with a specific plan in place with no extra time to think. Over time, I felt the walls caving in like I was losing air every minute I thought about the after. I questioned myself being with only one guy, having only ever dated just him. It may have been fate or the universe telling me that we weren't meant to be together, at least not now.

He helped me a lot with school and I'll always thank him for that. He brought me out of a deep dark place, one that gave me anxiety to even think about for months after. I had never thought I would find someone to spend that long a time with but I had. He was my everything but there were a lot of issues that kept bubbling from under the surface whenever things got hard, and they often did for me.

I often got confused as to what I wanted when it came to a relationship. There were a lot of times that I wanted to be alone and there were times that all I wanted was to have someone near me. We both had changed over the years and I think in the end, that's what made it all go away.

He became more independent and more isolated from me in a way that is hard to describe. He had already known who he was for a long time and I am still trying to figure that out today. I believe he wanted someone who could give him everything and I wasn't able to do that for him.

I saw a timeline of my life every time I looked into his eyes and that scared me to no end. The unpredictability of life is what makes it so exciting and that's exactly what I had been missing for so long. People can think that it's childish to want something like that but I believe life is too short to not experience the things that make life so great.

It's so hard to give all of yourself to one person. It makes for a lot of love but also a lot to lose. We had a lot of great times together but I kind of knew that something was very wrong for a long time. I didn't want to deny myself the truth and I kept it up for too long. I wanted to be myself without having to hold someone else back.

I wanted the freedom to choose where I wanted to live and what I could do with the rest of my life. I know now that he was that freedom too. This was a decision that made both of us stronger, just now separately.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

I Never Wanted A Wedding, But In The End, I Fell In Love With Our Unforgettable Day For These 6 Reasons

At first, I anxiously dreamed of escaping my wedding and eloping. In the end, I came to love every bit of our unrepeatable day.

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I remember the day of my proposal very clearly. It was a sunny September morning, and my then-boyfriend surprised me out of nowhere on our vacation by dropping to one knee and popping the question right then and there in our cozy Airbnb apartment in the heart of Berlin.

I wish I could say I started planning the wedding right then and there, as many enthusiastic brides-to-be would do. But I'd be lying, big time.

The truth is, I didn't want to make a big fuss out of our wedding. No big church, no fancy meals, no flower arrangements, I said. I dreaded the planning, and I didn't know where to start.

Some days, I anxiously dreamed of escaping everything and eloping, just the two of us.

Fast forward to my wedding day, there I was - standing in the middle of the beautiful medieval church in our hometown, dressed in a white lace dress, nervously clutching a bouquet of beige roses and my new husband's hand.

Somehow, I'd made it to my wedding, and it was way bigger than I expected. And surprisingly - I was glad!

In the process of preparing for our special day, I'd somehow found the excitement for celebrating our wedding and found a deeper meaning to the whole process.

In the end, I came to love every bit of that unrepeatable day.

1. It's the perfect time for both families to meet

Somewhere along the process of preparing the wedding, my mom said to me in a preaching, serious voice: your wedding will be the first time both sides of the family, yours and your future husband's, meet. Like a bridge that connects two shores.

I thought to myself, "nonsense! It's not like they're complete strangers."

But as I started contemplating it, I had no other choice than to agree with her. Some of our relatives came from further away in the country, and many of them didn't even know each others' names.

It was us, the couple in the middle of the whole wedding hoopla, who'd met everyone. Our relatives, however, hadn't bonded with each other, and this was the perfect occasion for them to do so.

2. Reconnecting with friends

My wedding was one of those turning points when I realized how much I love my friends and, surprisingly, how much they love me.

Our friends selflessly offered to help with everything and anytime. By doing so, they conveyed a sense that our wedding was not only important to us, but it was really important to them, too.

"Need any help with the flowers? Should I talk to your mom about why that third-degree relative is not invited? Are you getting nervous? We can go out for a drink and talk anytime you need!"

This level of sincerity felt somewhat unreal to me. Generally, I'm a person who goes through life selfishly thinking I don't need anybody else and that I can do everything on my own.

This time, I let go of the urge to be in absolute control and used our wedding as a chance to be enwrapped in love and friendship.

3. Bonding with parents

Seeing your children walk down the aisle can be especially emotional, even for cool-headed parents who never shed a tear.

And who can blame them? After all, weddings mark the departure of a child when they enter adulthood and start their own family, as their primary loyalty will now be to their spouse.

So, use this special time to bond with your parents and in-laws. Find out what their own weddings were like, and how their life changed afterward. Spend as much time as you can with them because later it will be work, duty, and "the adult life".

For example, even though I wasn't planning on getting a big white wedding dress, I spent a whole day with my mom looking and trying on the especially puffy ones just for the fun of it. And even despite a big fight, we had at the end of trying on dresses, this day with her turned into one of the dearest memories from the whole wedding.

4. Present time!

Don't get me wrong, I don't think the main purpose of a wedding is to receive presents. Not at all.

But I do believe that besides gifting you and your significant other their time, your friends and family will also want to get you something to remember them by.

It's okay to give hints about what wedding gifts you'd like to get. We'd politely asked our guests to gift us cash to contribute to our honeymoon fund. But my all-time favorite gift came from my colleagues who got us comfy couple's clothing with secret openings to encourage hugs and cuddling on a daily basis. Cute, yet practical!

5. All eyes on you

I couldn't say I particularly enjoy being in the center of attention. In fact, when it comes to social events, I prefer the smaller ones without any crowds where you can easily slip away unnoticed.

However, during my wedding, I enjoyed every bit of attention my husband and I received that day. Because this level of happiness doesn't happen often on a daily basis, and I felt like sharing it with the whole world.

And so I waved happily to the group of Asian tourists who stopped and watched us get out of the car in front of the church, taking photos of our ecstatic faces.

I smiled at the kids passing us on the street, saying to us "this must be the best wedding ever!". Because to me, it really did feel like the best wedding, and the happiest day of my life, at least, up until that point in my life.

6. Good vibes only

It might be because of the great, Italian summer-like weather or because everything went exactly as we'd planned that I felt our wedding was filled with positive vibes only.

Or it might be that I got to see all the dearest and nearest, hug them, sing and dance with them, talk to them in one single day.

Whichever way, in that aspect our wedding did feel like a fairy tale - because I don't ever remember another day in my life when I've felt that pure level of happiness 24/7.

Final words

The thing about weddings is that most likely, it will be a very joyous day with lots of laughs and happy tears. Your marriage, on the other hand, will have its ups and downs, challenges and plenty of times when you'll just want to give up - and that's fine, too.

That's why I came to think about our wedding as a motivational benchmark, to start our path off on the right foot.

And as the saying goes, if on your wedding day, you look to the side and you're excited to spend the rest of your life with the person you see there, odds are - you're in for a long and fulfilling ride.

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An Open Letter To The Girl In A Toxic Relationship Who Doesn't See The Signs To Let Go

"it took letting go to realize that I was holding onto nothing" -R.H Sin

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Dear you,

I hope you're doing well. I once thought I was too. I once thought that if he would just change, for me, everything would work. However, my sweet girl, you should not have to change people, you should not have to push people to be better, for you. You cannot help anyone, that does not want to help themselves.

In the movies, we learn to love a bad boy that needs changing. However, it isn't always your job to be boys saving grace. However, his shaming and emotional abuse is not just something you should put up with so that you can love him. That is not loving.

Love is not a constant competition of who could belittle the other one first. Love is not asking for a hug and being told no. Love does not make you feel stupid for bringing up things that hurt your feelings.

Love does not grow angry because you talk to your mom about your feelings. Love does not body shame. Love does not constantly change the passcode to their phone.

Love does not laugh when you find out they're unfaithful. Love does not tell you that you are not smart enough to accomplish anything. Love does not force their hand up your thigh when the words "no" slip out of your mouth.

Love is the warmth of a hand on your cheek when you get anxious. Love is getting your backpack out the car for you. Love is turning around when you need them. Love compromises.

Love is encouraging. Love is proud. Love is forgiving. Love sees you for who you are. Love knows you are worthy.

God is your Father and you are His daughter, so do not believe for one second that this abuse is the love you think you deserve.

Love will not always be easy. Love will be challenging and a constant prayer to not anger so quickly.

However, do not mix up challenging with the abuse. If you are losing the good pieces of yourself, then it isn't love. I know that you put a lot of time and effort into this relationship, but it is no good, you are holding on to someone whose heart is not in the right place to love you.

I connected with a poem from R. H. Sin, once I left my toxic relationship which reads, "it took letting go to realize that I was holding onto nothing."

Darling girl, you are so loved by so many people, do not let this relationship hold you back or make you feel less worthy than you are. I have always been the girl with her nose stuck up in the air smelling for smoke, to follow the trail to a burning house to find a boy that needed saving, but it is more than likely a boy that lit the fire in the first place and needs changing.

So, do not be me, be better. Be the girl that lights her own world on fire, for her work, for her family, for God. You are you and you are amazing, so do not fear being without him.

You will feel as if you have come up for air after drowning in an ocean that you had no idea you were swimming in.

The emotional abuse that this boy has put you through and maybe even physical abuse will leave you building walls around your heart. It will make other relationships hard, but you are so so strong.

You will meet someone that makes you so happy and feel so easy to love, you will never understand how you stuck around with the one that hurt you for so long.

You deserve to grow from this, and I promise you will.

Let go.

xoxo,

The girl who learned from a toxic relationship

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