To The Boy Who I Still Can't Get Over, No Matter How Hard I Try

To The Boy Who I Still Can't Get Over, No Matter How Hard I Try

I moved continents and still haven't been able to move on.

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You make it so hard for me to move on. Not because of your charm, charisma, or stunning personality.

You don't have any of that. I can't get over you because of the manipulation games you make me play. I have tried to get over you for a year. I moved across the world thinking that if we weren't on the same continent it would be easier to forget about you and everything we never had.

I moved continents and still haven't been able to move on.

When you hit me up with that 'I miss you and can't wait for you to come home' text I think that maybe I'm worth something to you, something more than easy bang. But the reality is that I don't feel like I am anything more than another girl. You don't make me feel special, superb, or extraordinary. In fact, I feel exhausted, foolish, and anything but worthy when we're together. Yet, despite all of this, I still can't move on from you and I don't know why. It's not because you treat me with great respect, make me feel loved, or treat me right.

So why can't I move on?

One would think that after the countless break-ups, tears shed, and lack of involvement that that would be enough to get me to walk away. At what point will enough be enough? I am a strong girl who thinks she knows her worth. I know that I deserve someone who genuinely loves me, wants to grow with me, cheer me on, put in the same effort, if not more that I put into a relationship, and more. If I know what I want in a man and you aren't it, why do I stay? Is it because I have underlying daddy issues? Because I think I'm not worth anything more than what you bring to the table?

Even though what you bring to the table is dollar store cutlery when I deserve sterling silver? Why can't I get over you?

I've been on countless first dates since I've moved, but never initiated a second because all I can think of is you at home, waiting for me. But the truth is, you probably aren't waiting for me. You're filling a void by girl jumping, drinking cheap whiskey, or talking women up on dating apps. You aren't waiting for me to come home with open arms. I know you aren't, that's just the person you are. You aren't one to sit still and wait for one woman, even though this one woman offers you more than you deserve.

So, why can't I get over you?

I've been on dates where the men pick up the check, open the door for me, drive me around, and show great interest in the work I do. They don't become bored easily, insist on me driving and playing the male role. They are genuine and they care and they so badly want a second date, but here I am, declining second date invitations because you're the only one on my mind.

Why are you always on my mind when I don't even cross yours?

I have had men pour their hearts out to me. Tell me how they feel and open up about their past- something you can't do. It's like you're on an emotional lockdown and can't open up. Almost as if you are afraid or you're hiding something. I've tried for two years nearly to get you to open up and you won't. I've been patient and kind and generous. But my patience is running out. I've been open with you, that's just who I am. It's so hard for an emotional woman to be with a man who's on emotional lockdown.

But opposites attract, right?

If I know that you're not good enough for me, why do I still hold on? Have I really become the woman who settles for less than she deserves? Or am I trying to fix you? Either way, none of these things create the equation for a healthy relationship. I can't be constantly exhausted because I try to pry you open and figure out what's going on inside. I can't be the one to constantly put in work while you stand on the sidelines watching. I exhaust myself trying to please you and make you happy. Yet where is that on your side? If I can identify the signs that this might not work, why can't I move on?

I don't want to move on. I am stuck on the thought of you.

I am stuck on the idea that one day you will open up to me emotionally. I am so convinced that one day my feelings won't be bothersome to you and that you'll understand me. But one day isn't coming. It isn't coming because you're not the type of person to offer emotional support or understanding, let alone release your own emotions into the wild. I have to accept that one day isn't going to come because some relationships aren't meant to have a 'someday' moment.

But maybe someday I'll get over you and settle for what I deserve, instead of settling for less than.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

As Much As You May Want To, You'll Never Get Over Your First Love

You never forget your first

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Your first love is just that: the first person you've ever truly loved (besides your family and friends). Maybe you've kissed a few people before, but with this person it's different. They mean something to you that no other person ever has before. Maybe you met this person when you were younger in high school or met them a little later in life as I did at the end of my first year of college. Meeting my first love transformed me, both for the good and the bad, and as much as I may want to, I'll never get over my first love and neither will you.

When we met, we didn't meet in some fantastical way, we met on Tinder right after a surprise breakup of mine. We had instant chemistry, and I didn't get to kiss him for weeks because I ended up getting mono right after the breakup (haha whoops). He was the first person I've ever kissed who I didn't want to stop kissing- ever. Yes, second semester freshman year me was super extra when it came to him, but being with him was so different than anyone else. Things progressed through the summer as we talked every single day, even though we never got to meet up because we were both busy, and at the beginning of my sophomore year, I lost my virginity to him. That was a big step for someone who thought she'd wait until she was married. He made sure I was fine and didn't push me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. I'll treasure that forever.

He was someone I loved with all of my being, to the point where it was physically hurting me in the end because I knew what I felt wasn't going to ever be reciprocated the way I wanted it to be. That's when I had to end it, which was one of the hardest things I've ever done. To me, he was a boyfriend, but to him, I was a friend with benefits. I wanted something more and he wanted less, and I didn't want to accept that. I wasn't his first love but he was mine, which he doesn't know and probably never will. I have had moments where I thought I was over him, but then all the emotions flood right back. In hard moments of hurt is when I miss him the most, but also in moments of joy too. If I see a nice car I think of him, or of other little things, like a french bulldog or The Fast and The Furious.

Your first love leaves such a monumental effect on you as a person. They have seen parts of you others have not. You will always remember your firsts more than anything else, which is why your first love never leaves you. As roughly as things ended between he and I, he's always going to have a piece of me that no one else will ever have. The relationship we had wasn't what you'd expect from someone you call your first love, but his mark on me is what helped shape me into who I am today for better or for worse.

Don't let any negativity remain when it comes to your first love (if there is any). Let it go and remember the good. They will be a part of you forever, so you can never truly get over you.

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Why You Keep Falling In Love With People Who Don’t Love You Back In Your 20s

It's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

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Can love truly be both beautiful and heartbreaking?

It's a question I silently asked myself, sitting shotgun in a car next to someone I considered my friend.

A "friend" seemed to be the right label to define our relationship. To him, I was just a friend—who just happened to be a girl, a girl he texts regularly, jokes around, and can grab a drink with. And we loved each other as friends, because we both trusted each other, we had fun together and each had our own independent lives which would connect occasionally in a complete, non-questionable platonic way.

But slowly, for me, he was becoming everything I've ever wanted in a guy, standing right in front of me. But he wasn't mine to have.

And imagine being so close to someone you want except you can't have him because it might just ruin everything you've already shared together. Because what if you scare him away? What if he replies by telling you "No"?

That's the simple nature of falling in love with someone you can't be with.

In our early part of our lives—particularly in our 20s and during our college years, we all experience this type of heartbreak.

To name a few: A high school boyfriend who lives halfway across the country now. The hot guy you sit next to in lecture who already has a girlfriend. The casual hookup who you just can't manage to stop thinking about as you endlessly toss and turn at night. The platonic friend who doesn't quite see you as being something more.

We all at one point in our thoughts have imagined "coupling" or sharing a life with a guy who we can't seem to have for ourselves. We've always dreamt how things could actually work out if you actually shared your feelings with him except the closest we'll ever reach to it is in our dreams, not reality.

And to examine the logic behind why this happens, we have to first admit how we always want what we can't have.

Because it's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

So, it's not really this case of the whole Romeo and Juliet "star-crossed lovers" BS but rather, it's purely a one sided love which can most definitely be beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Beautiful because there's always a connection you feel which makes you all warm and bubbly inside but heartbreaking because you know this connection is merely flowing in a one way track.

So then, why do we tend to maintain our connections with these people who hurt us?

One reason is because you're afraid to lose him altogether. Perhaps you think he's going to go on full freak-out mode after you spill the beans to him. My piece of advice in this scenario would be to just suck it up and take the chance. Talk to him about how you feel because honestly, what's there to lose? Unless you're not reciting some sappy, over-the-top love story about how many kids you plan to have with him, you're fine.

But perhaps, the most common reason is because we assume he might eventually fall in love with us, too.

And if this pertains to you, gear up because I can write on for days about why this is a big no-no. Heck, I can probably teach a class or lecture to all of you about my elaborative theory of why you will definitely know whether a boy truly loves you or not. It's plain and simple—if he loves you, he'll make sure you know.

And you can't force someone to fall in love with you. Even if you pay them a million bucks, you can get them to pretend to love you or force them to be with you—but it's never going to be true love. Because true, unrequited love is effortless. It comes naturally. The fiery passion will be shared mutually and you won't ever have to question whether or not you belong with him.

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