Why Cardi B and Offset Have An Unstable Relationship

Why Cardi B and Offset Have An Unstable Relationship

When we analyze this "IT" couple and their relationship, we find out that their bond is built on a flawed foundation and riddled with toxic behaviors.
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The two rappers are extremely popular in today's music, with Cardi breaking multiple records recently and Offset being a member of the hottest rap group out, so of course, they're the entertainment businesses' 'IT' couple. The internet went wild when they announced their engagement and many people claim them to be “couple goals." The majority of hip-hop fans, from young tweens to middle-aged women, seem to be rooting for the success of their relationship, claiming them to be the last living testament to true love.

Yeah, it's a no from me. I'm not feeling this relationship whatsoever — and not because I'm a hater, but because their relationship embodies the majority of the characteristics of a toxic partnership. By promoting their relationship as an apotheosis of love and healthy commitment, we're sending a flawed and damaging message to the youth (and impressionable older people). A healthy relationship is built on trust, respect, and commitment; in addition to each person in the relationship maintaining their individual autonomy. In the case of Cardi B and Offset, all of those qualities are nonexistent.

1. Trust

Obviously, it's not like I, or any of us, have the ability to ask Cardi B herself whether she trusts Offset, but if I had to make an inference I would say it's a no. From personal experience, (a shared personal experience because I'm sure we've all been through it) once someone cheats on you — or does anything that can be perceived as a betrayal — you immediately become suspicious or doubtful of their every action. Of course, you can overcome a betrayal and restore that trust, but it will never be the same. Offset has cheated on Cardi B, not once, but twice, and both instances were close in chronological proximity.

Cheating on someone is the ultimate form of disloyalty and a complete disregard of the trust your partner has stored in you. To cheat on someone is a complete neglect of that person's feelings and confidence. For Cardi specifically, to be betrayed and promptly betrayed again after her partner promised to change is like a slap in the face — which brings me to my next point…

2. Respect

Maybe by hood nigga standards, Offset has the utmost respect for Cardi. By normal standards, he has absolutely none. Exhibit A: he's a serial cheater. I'm not going to pretend like cheating is this uncommon, disturbing activity that barely any men (or women) participate in. Almost everyone will be cheated on once in their life and it's not a secret that the majority of men cheat (I don't care how sexist or biased that sounded — it's true!). So, my main problem is not with Offset's cheating — even though I'm disappointed — my problem is that his cheating was so obvious. As a celebrity, your private life is never private, so you have to take extra precautions to safeguard any instance that may be embarrassing or emotionally-damaging if it were made public. In the words of our famous "bald head scallywag" (Amber Rose), “all men will cheat, but if he loves you enough he'll make sure you never find out."

I'm a realist — I expect the majority of men to cheat, but for those who do, I expect them to also take every single precaution to make sure that whomever they love will never find out or be publicly embarrassed. The fact that Offset recorded himself cheating just shows that he felt absolutely no shame for his behavior, nor did he give one thought about his significant other. He wanted to keep a memory of his tryst — which is disgustingly disrespectful (aside from the obvious cheating).

Any man that feels comfortable documenting his infidelity is not a man that any woman should desire to be with. Men like that premeditate their cheating, meaning they've never had any intentions to be monogamous in the first place. On a more depressing note, we have to question Cardi's respect for herself. She was publicly embarrassed and betrayed twice, but doesn't feel the need to leave him in order to save an inch of her dignity. Women (and men) that stay with serial cheaters usually tend to have some form of low self-esteem or self-worth (or dependency issues). If she can't love herself, then how does she expect to love someone else?

3. Commitment

He did propose to her, so there is an agreement between the two that they do want to spend the rest of their lives with one another; however, the two definitions for commitment state that it is “the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc." and “an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action." Commitment in a relationship, then, must mean that both parties are dedicated to one another, and restrict some of their actions in order to show their dedication. If Offset can't even restrain himself from banging random groupies, what other kinds of activities do you think he will be able to refrain from?

Men love to throw around the term “model wife", so let's ponder what a “model husband" would look like. A model husband should — at the least — be someone that a) doesn't spend the majority of his time partying or going to the strip club, b) doesn't spend all of his money on jewelry, clothes, and cars instead of investing and saving for the future (yes, he's very wealthy now, but if you don't save or double your money, it can dissipate quickly), and c) exhibits maturity and decorum (aka not getting into fights at award shows). Does it seem like he'll be changing any of those behaviors soon?

Even worse, Cardi doesn't even seem to think there's anything wrong with the behavior. Marriage gets real, real quick. They're both very young and don't seem to be making any changes anytime soon (which they shouldn't!), but herein lies the problem: marriage requires sacrifice because it is a commitment. Pretty soon, Cardi will get tired of him running the streets, and he may get tired of her always ranting on twitter. Once you get someone to dedicate their life to you, you expect them to start acting differently; and if both parties don't want to do that, the marriage will fail.

4. Individual Autonomy

I've never seen someone so obsessed with their significant other. There's a thin line between adoring your partner and worshipping them — and I'm not exactly sure where Cardi B falls on that line. She has mentioned his name in multiple songs and talks about him all the time (she feels the need to insert herself into every single aspect of his life, even defending him for cheating). Aside from him tattooing her name on his neck, Offset, for the most part, does not fawn over Cardi like she does for him.

I fear that she is falling into the 'Cassie' trap — a dreaded circumstance where a woman is most notable for who they're dating. Cardi will always be more relevant than Cassie -- she actually has made history and truly established herself as a talented artist — but with her devoting so much time into her relationship and gassing up her fiancé, his name will constantly be attached to her's. When we think of Cardi B, we also think of Offset, which in our already sexist society is unacceptable. It's hard enough for women to step out of the shadow of their partner — Cardi is basking in his. Rihanna and Chris Brown were an "IT" couple for a while, but that never stopped Rihanna from having her own shine.

I'm pretty sure the only time Rihanna was asked excessively about Chris Brown was after he beat her (which I'm still pissed about). Recently, Cardi has been featured on blogs only when it has something to do with her relationship or something controversial she said. A person in a healthy relationship doesn't lose him or herself in their partner. There is a difference between being supportive and pouring your whole self into your significant other.

Look at Beyonce and Jay Z — they rarely mention each other, and when they do, it's part of a big ploy to boost their albums. This unhealthy level of attachment is establishing a detrimental level of need between the two (but mostly on Cardi's part). If they ever decide to break up, how will she return to standing on her own? In her own words, she believes it to be too much work to “start over" with a new man.

If she ever chooses to end a relationship, her thoughts should be on how she will take care of herself first, not about how dreadful it will be to start a new relationship. I'm sure that no one wants to be alone for an extended period of time, but on the other hand, no one should fear being alone. I fear that Cardi will tolerate any behavior from Offset just so she doesn't have to be single. *Sigh*

Based on the most basic principles that a relationship is built on, their's doesn't seem stable or healthy in the slightest; but, I have to admit that their relationship isn't all bad. I do believe that there is actual love between the two, but under the current circumstances, I smell doom and disaster heading their way. Perhaps I'm just “hating," but I'll hold on to the belief that their relationship is far from “goals."

Cover Image Credit: Offset / Instagram

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

The 5 Differences Between Physical and Emotional Cheating Every College Girl Should Know

Regardless of their differences, they're still equally awful.

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Cheating can be a violation of another partner's physical and mental health when it occurs and is often a dealbreaker in a relationship. While cheating of any sort is often traumatic and upsetting for a partner, there exist a variety of ways in which their partner might cheat. Of the many ways in which infidelity can occur, the way a person cheats falls under the categories of physical or emotional cheating.

While overlap can occur between the two within a relationship, there exist a few differences between physical and emotional cheating that often differentiate the two.

1. Physical cheating requires  a physical relationship, whereas emotional cheating doesn't

This is the most self-explanatory difference between physical and emotional cheating. When someone physically cheats on their partner, that means they've decided to engage in sexual acts without the knowledge or consent of their partner. Emotional intimacy involves emotional contact without the partner's consent, such as intimate conversations, extensive flirting and doting behaviors practiced outside the context of the couple's relationship.

2. Physical cheating may not involve feelings or emotional intimacy, whereas emotional cheating does

Physical cheating can involve long-term sexual relations with one person or involve sporadic incidences with multiple people. The archetype of physical cheating is cheating without feelings attached, where people have sex without attachment. While attachment can occur within physical relationships, the assumption is that physical cheating is sex-based.

Emotional cheating, however, is based on forming a strong bond and romantic attachment to someone in a way that's meant to be reserved for their partner. For emotional cheating, the cheater is deliberately seeking validation and affection through non-sexual contact and communication with someone else.

3. Physical cheating involves in person contact, whereas emotional cheating can exist in person or digitally

Physical cheating involves a formed sexual relationship, which can only occur in person. Emotional cheating, however, can include both in-person contact or extensive online communication with a non-partner. For example, a partner could be emotionally cheating through the extensive use of a dating app, wherein said partner channels their affection and emotions into the digital person instead of their partner.

4. Physical cheating is secretive, whereas emotional cheating might not be

In monogamous, non-open relationships, it is expected that each person in the relationship is only sexually active with their partner. For a partner that chooses to cheat, it is imperative they keep their new, sexual partner (or partners) under wraps to prevent sabotaging their relationship. Emotional cheating, however, can manifest gradually without being under wraps.

For example, it's possible one's partner could become romantically and emotionally involved with a friend over time, where time spent with a said friend or acquaintance grows. The investment and growth of the new relationship could occur within social circles that allow one partner to witness the new relationship grow over time. This gradual growth could be masked as a new colleague, friend or contact.

If a partner who's cheating exploits their current partner's trust, they could disguise their new relationship until they decide to leave or break up with the current partner.

5. Physical cheating can cause bodily harm to your partner, while emotional cheating doesn't

While both physical and emotional cheating can result in plenty of hurt, there exist potential health complications from physical cheating beyond impacting one's mental health. If one partner is having sex with one or more people outside their relationship, they risk transmitting STI's to their partner.

Certain STI's manifest in men's and women's bodies differently. Gonorrhea, for instance, doesn't always present with symptoms in women, similarly to chlamydia in men. Untreated STI's can lead to severe infections or infertility, or even cancer or chronic illness if a partner contracts HPV, HIV, syphilis or herpes. So if you and your partner were monogamous and you break that pact, you can put yourself and them at serious risk for health complications.

So if you didn't think cheating on your partner was bad enough, passing on a preventable STI makes you even more of an inconsiderate asshole.

Collectively, physical and emotional cheating are two broad categories of cheating that describe hurtful envelope behaviors within relationships. While both types of cheating often have behaviors that intersect, it's important to recognize what they are to protect yourself in the event they happen.

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8 Signs Of Cheating That Every College Girl Should Know How To Spot

The tell-tale signs that the person you're with is absolute garbage

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You may not realize it, but there are quite a few tell-tale signs that the person you're with is absolute garbage. Whether it's signs they have a side bae or signs that they're being unfaithful to you in other ways, everyone should know how to spot these red flags:

1. They won't let you anywhere near their phone

It's not cool to pry through every single message on your S.O.'s phone, but if they've been acting secretive about who they're been talking to, or what the notifications on their lock screen are, there's something they don't want you to see.

2. They ask you to do things and be things that you aren't

Are they suddenly asking you to fulfill some crazy fantasy? Or dress a certain way that's completely out of your style? Red flag.

3. They're on Tinder

Pretty self-explanatory. Nothing is more awkward than one of your friends matching with them.

4. They've become increasingly disinterested in you

Even though this doesn't for sure signal cheating (it could be your relationship dying, or a host of other reasons), it's important to pay attention to where their attention is—or isn't—in your relationship.

5. Lies have been adding up

Even if they're little white lies, a constant habit of lying from you or keeping things from you is a major red flag. It shows that your partner is accustomed to deceiving you.

6. They're really secretive or vague about their plans

Not sure what they've been doing after class or on the weekends lately? And they won't tell you? Hmm.

7. They stop posting about you completely on social media or untag themselves in your posts

Not everyone is big on social media, but if your boo is and has been throughout your relationship, and suddenly stops, that's sus.

8. There's a general sense that you aren't close anymore, for no apparent reason

Pretty broad, but if your gut is telling you that something's up, and you can't think of a good reason why, it's probably time to confront your S.O. about it.

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