Why Cardi B and Offset Have An Unstable Relationship

Why Cardi B and Offset Have An Unstable Relationship

When we analyze this "IT" couple and their relationship, we find out that their bond is built on a flawed foundation and riddled with toxic behaviors.
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The two rappers are extremely popular in today's music, with Cardi breaking multiple records recently and Offset being a member of the hottest rap group out, so of course, they're the entertainment businesses' 'IT' couple. The internet went wild when they announced their engagement and many people claim them to be “couple goals." The majority of hip-hop fans, from young tweens to middle-aged women, seem to be rooting for the success of their relationship, claiming them to be the last living testament to true love.

Yeah, it's a no from me. I'm not feeling this relationship whatsoever — and not because I'm a hater, but because their relationship embodies the majority of the characteristics of a toxic partnership. By promoting their relationship as an apotheosis of love and healthy commitment, we're sending a flawed and damaging message to the youth (and impressionable older people). A healthy relationship is built on trust, respect, and commitment; in addition to each person in the relationship maintaining their individual autonomy. In the case of Cardi B and Offset, all of those qualities are nonexistent.

1. Trust

Obviously, it's not like I, or any of us, have the ability to ask Cardi B herself whether she trusts Offset, but if I had to make an inference I would say it's a no. From personal experience, (a shared personal experience because I'm sure we've all been through it) once someone cheats on you — or does anything that can be perceived as a betrayal — you immediately become suspicious or doubtful of their every action. Of course, you can overcome a betrayal and restore that trust, but it will never be the same. Offset has cheated on Cardi B, not once, but twice, and both instances were close in chronological proximity.

Cheating on someone is the ultimate form of disloyalty and a complete disregard of the trust your partner has stored in you. To cheat on someone is a complete neglect of that person's feelings and confidence. For Cardi specifically, to be betrayed and promptly betrayed again after her partner promised to change is like a slap in the face — which brings me to my next point…

2. Respect

Maybe by hood nigga standards, Offset has the utmost respect for Cardi. By normal standards, he has absolutely none. Exhibit A: he's a serial cheater. I'm not going to pretend like cheating is this uncommon, disturbing activity that barely any men (or women) participate in. Almost everyone will be cheated on once in their life and it's not a secret that the majority of men cheat (I don't care how sexist or biased that sounded — it's true!). So, my main problem is not with Offset's cheating — even though I'm disappointed — my problem is that his cheating was so obvious. As a celebrity, your private life is never private, so you have to take extra precautions to safeguard any instance that may be embarrassing or emotionally-damaging if it were made public. In the words of our famous "bald head scallywag" (Amber Rose), “all men will cheat, but if he loves you enough he'll make sure you never find out."

I'm a realist — I expect the majority of men to cheat, but for those who do, I expect them to also take every single precaution to make sure that whomever they love will never find out or be publicly embarrassed. The fact that Offset recorded himself cheating just shows that he felt absolutely no shame for his behavior, nor did he give one thought about his significant other. He wanted to keep a memory of his tryst — which is disgustingly disrespectful (aside from the obvious cheating).

Any man that feels comfortable documenting his infidelity is not a man that any woman should desire to be with. Men like that premeditate their cheating, meaning they've never had any intentions to be monogamous in the first place. On a more depressing note, we have to question Cardi's respect for herself. She was publicly embarrassed and betrayed twice, but doesn't feel the need to leave him in order to save an inch of her dignity. Women (and men) that stay with serial cheaters usually tend to have some form of low self-esteem or self-worth (or dependency issues). If she can't love herself, then how does she expect to love someone else?

3. Commitment

He did propose to her, so there is an agreement between the two that they do want to spend the rest of their lives with one another; however, the two definitions for commitment state that it is “the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc." and “an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action." Commitment in a relationship, then, must mean that both parties are dedicated to one another, and restrict some of their actions in order to show their dedication. If Offset can't even restrain himself from banging random groupies, what other kinds of activities do you think he will be able to refrain from?

Men love to throw around the term “model wife", so let's ponder what a “model husband" would look like. A model husband should — at the least — be someone that a) doesn't spend the majority of his time partying or going to the strip club, b) doesn't spend all of his money on jewelry, clothes, and cars instead of investing and saving for the future (yes, he's very wealthy now, but if you don't save or double your money, it can dissipate quickly), and c) exhibits maturity and decorum (aka not getting into fights at award shows). Does it seem like he'll be changing any of those behaviors soon?

Even worse, Cardi doesn't even seem to think there's anything wrong with the behavior. Marriage gets real, real quick. They're both very young and don't seem to be making any changes anytime soon (which they shouldn't!), but herein lies the problem: marriage requires sacrifice because it is a commitment. Pretty soon, Cardi will get tired of him running the streets, and he may get tired of her always ranting on twitter. Once you get someone to dedicate their life to you, you expect them to start acting differently; and if both parties don't want to do that, the marriage will fail.

4. Individual Autonomy

I've never seen someone so obsessed with their significant other. There's a thin line between adoring your partner and worshipping them — and I'm not exactly sure where Cardi B falls on that line. She has mentioned his name in multiple songs and talks about him all the time (she feels the need to insert herself into every single aspect of his life, even defending him for cheating). Aside from him tattooing her name on his neck, Offset, for the most part, does not fawn over Cardi like she does for him.

I fear that she is falling into the 'Cassie' trap — a dreaded circumstance where a woman is most notable for who they're dating. Cardi will always be more relevant than Cassie -- she actually has made history and truly established herself as a talented artist — but with her devoting so much time into her relationship and gassing up her fiancé, his name will constantly be attached to her's. When we think of Cardi B, we also think of Offset, which in our already sexist society is unacceptable. It's hard enough for women to step out of the shadow of their partner — Cardi is basking in his. Rihanna and Chris Brown were an "IT" couple for a while, but that never stopped Rihanna from having her own shine.

I'm pretty sure the only time Rihanna was asked excessively about Chris Brown was after he beat her (which I'm still pissed about). Recently, Cardi has been featured on blogs only when it has something to do with her relationship or something controversial she said. A person in a healthy relationship doesn't lose him or herself in their partner. There is a difference between being supportive and pouring your whole self into your significant other.

Look at Beyonce and Jay Z — they rarely mention each other, and when they do, it's part of a big ploy to boost their albums. This unhealthy level of attachment is establishing a detrimental level of need between the two (but mostly on Cardi's part). If they ever decide to break up, how will she return to standing on her own? In her own words, she believes it to be too much work to “start over" with a new man.

If she ever chooses to end a relationship, her thoughts should be on how she will take care of herself first, not about how dreadful it will be to start a new relationship. I'm sure that no one wants to be alone for an extended period of time, but on the other hand, no one should fear being alone. I fear that Cardi will tolerate any behavior from Offset just so she doesn't have to be single. *Sigh*

Based on the most basic principles that a relationship is built on, their's doesn't seem stable or healthy in the slightest; but, I have to admit that their relationship isn't all bad. I do believe that there is actual love between the two, but under the current circumstances, I smell doom and disaster heading their way. Perhaps I'm just “hating," but I'll hold on to the belief that their relationship is far from “goals."

Cover Image Credit: Offset / Instagram

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

As Much As You May Want To, You'll Never Get Over Your First Love

You never forget your first

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Your first love is just that: the first person you've ever truly loved (besides your family and friends). Maybe you've kissed a few people before, but with this person it's different. They mean something to you that no other person ever has before. Maybe you met this person when you were younger in high school or met them a little later in life as I did at the end of my first year of college. Meeting my first love transformed me, both for the good and the bad, and as much as I may want to, I'll never get over my first love and neither will you.

When we met, we didn't meet in some fantastical way, we met on Tinder right after a surprise breakup of mine. We had instant chemistry, and I didn't get to kiss him for weeks because I ended up getting mono right after the breakup (haha whoops). He was the first person I've ever kissed who I didn't want to stop kissing- ever. Yes, second semester freshman year me was super extra when it came to him, but being with him was so different than anyone else. Things progressed through the summer as we talked every single day, even though we never got to meet up because we were both busy, and at the beginning of my sophomore year, I lost my virginity to him. That was a big step for someone who thought she'd wait until she was married. He made sure I was fine and didn't push me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. I'll treasure that forever.

He was someone I loved with all of my being, to the point where it was physically hurting me in the end because I knew what I felt wasn't going to ever be reciprocated the way I wanted it to be. That's when I had to end it, which was one of the hardest things I've ever done. To me, he was a boyfriend, but to him, I was a friend with benefits. I wanted something more and he wanted less, and I didn't want to accept that. I wasn't his first love but he was mine, which he doesn't know and probably never will. I have had moments where I thought I was over him, but then all the emotions flood right back. In hard moments of hurt is when I miss him the most, but also in moments of joy too. If I see a nice car I think of him, or of other little things, like a french bulldog or The Fast and The Furious.

Your first love leaves such a monumental effect on you as a person. They have seen parts of you others have not. You will always remember your firsts more than anything else, which is why your first love never leaves you. As roughly as things ended between he and I, he's always going to have a piece of me that no one else will ever have. The relationship we had wasn't what you'd expect from someone you call your first love, but his mark on me is what helped shape me into who I am today for better or for worse.

Don't let any negativity remain when it comes to your first love (if there is any). Let it go and remember the good. They will be a part of you forever, so you can never truly get over you.

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Why You Keep Falling In Love With People Who Don’t Love You Back In Your 20s

It's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

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Can love truly be both beautiful and heartbreaking?

It's a question I silently asked myself, sitting shotgun in a car next to someone I considered my friend.

A "friend" seemed to be the right label to define our relationship. To him, I was just a friend—who just happened to be a girl, a girl he texts regularly, jokes around, and can grab a drink with. And we loved each other as friends, because we both trusted each other, we had fun together and each had our own independent lives which would connect occasionally in a complete, non-questionable platonic way.

But slowly, for me, he was becoming everything I've ever wanted in a guy, standing right in front of me. But he wasn't mine to have.

And imagine being so close to someone you want except you can't have him because it might just ruin everything you've already shared together. Because what if you scare him away? What if he replies by telling you "No"?

That's the simple nature of falling in love with someone you can't be with.

In our early part of our lives—particularly in our 20s and during our college years, we all experience this type of heartbreak.

To name a few: A high school boyfriend who lives halfway across the country now. The hot guy you sit next to in lecture who already has a girlfriend. The casual hookup who you just can't manage to stop thinking about as you endlessly toss and turn at night. The platonic friend who doesn't quite see you as being something more.

We all at one point in our thoughts have imagined "coupling" or sharing a life with a guy who we can't seem to have for ourselves. We've always dreamt how things could actually work out if you actually shared your feelings with him except the closest we'll ever reach to it is in our dreams, not reality.

And to examine the logic behind why this happens, we have to first admit how we always want what we can't have.

Because it's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

So, it's not really this case of the whole Romeo and Juliet "star-crossed lovers" BS but rather, it's purely a one sided love which can most definitely be beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Beautiful because there's always a connection you feel which makes you all warm and bubbly inside but heartbreaking because you know this connection is merely flowing in a one way track.

So then, why do we tend to maintain our connections with these people who hurt us?

One reason is because you're afraid to lose him altogether. Perhaps you think he's going to go on full freak-out mode after you spill the beans to him. My piece of advice in this scenario would be to just suck it up and take the chance. Talk to him about how you feel because honestly, what's there to lose? Unless you're not reciting some sappy, over-the-top love story about how many kids you plan to have with him, you're fine.

But perhaps, the most common reason is because we assume he might eventually fall in love with us, too.

And if this pertains to you, gear up because I can write on for days about why this is a big no-no. Heck, I can probably teach a class or lecture to all of you about my elaborative theory of why you will definitely know whether a boy truly loves you or not. It's plain and simple—if he loves you, he'll make sure you know.

And you can't force someone to fall in love with you. Even if you pay them a million bucks, you can get them to pretend to love you or force them to be with you—but it's never going to be true love. Because true, unrequited love is effortless. It comes naturally. The fiery passion will be shared mutually and you won't ever have to question whether or not you belong with him.

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