Why Cardi B and Offset Have An Unstable Relationship

Why Cardi B and Offset Have An Unstable Relationship

When we analyze this "IT" couple and their relationship, we find out that their bond is built on a flawed foundation and riddled with toxic behaviors.
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The two rappers are extremely popular in today's music, with Cardi breaking multiple records recently and Offset being a member of the hottest rap group out, so of course, they're the entertainment businesses' 'IT' couple. The internet went wild when they announced their engagement and many people claim them to be “couple goals." The majority of hip-hop fans, from young tweens to middle-aged women, seem to be rooting for the success of their relationship, claiming them to be the last living testament to true love.

Yeah, it's a no from me. I'm not feeling this relationship whatsoever — and not because I'm a hater, but because their relationship embodies the majority of the characteristics of a toxic partnership. By promoting their relationship as an apotheosis of love and healthy commitment, we're sending a flawed and damaging message to the youth (and impressionable older people). A healthy relationship is built on trust, respect, and commitment; in addition to each person in the relationship maintaining their individual autonomy. In the case of Cardi B and Offset, all of those qualities are nonexistent.

1. Trust

Obviously, it's not like I, or any of us, have the ability to ask Cardi B herself whether she trusts Offset, but if I had to make an inference I would say it's a no. From personal experience, (a shared personal experience because I'm sure we've all been through it) once someone cheats on you — or does anything that can be perceived as a betrayal — you immediately become suspicious or doubtful of their every action. Of course, you can overcome a betrayal and restore that trust, but it will never be the same. Offset has cheated on Cardi B, not once, but twice, and both instances were close in chronological proximity.

Cheating on someone is the ultimate form of disloyalty and a complete disregard of the trust your partner has stored in you. To cheat on someone is a complete neglect of that person's feelings and confidence. For Cardi specifically, to be betrayed and promptly betrayed again after her partner promised to change is like a slap in the face — which brings me to my next point…

2. Respect

Maybe by hood nigga standards, Offset has the utmost respect for Cardi. By normal standards, he has absolutely none. Exhibit A: he's a serial cheater. I'm not going to pretend like cheating is this uncommon, disturbing activity that barely any men (or women) participate in. Almost everyone will be cheated on once in their life and it's not a secret that the majority of men cheat (I don't care how sexist or biased that sounded — it's true!). So, my main problem is not with Offset's cheating — even though I'm disappointed — my problem is that his cheating was so obvious. As a celebrity, your private life is never private, so you have to take extra precautions to safeguard any instance that may be embarrassing or emotionally-damaging if it were made public. In the words of our famous "bald head scallywag" (Amber Rose), “all men will cheat, but if he loves you enough he'll make sure you never find out."

I'm a realist — I expect the majority of men to cheat, but for those who do, I expect them to also take every single precaution to make sure that whomever they love will never find out or be publicly embarrassed. The fact that Offset recorded himself cheating just shows that he felt absolutely no shame for his behavior, nor did he give one thought about his significant other. He wanted to keep a memory of his tryst — which is disgustingly disrespectful (aside from the obvious cheating).

Any man that feels comfortable documenting his infidelity is not a man that any woman should desire to be with. Men like that premeditate their cheating, meaning they've never had any intentions to be monogamous in the first place. On a more depressing note, we have to question Cardi's respect for herself. She was publicly embarrassed and betrayed twice, but doesn't feel the need to leave him in order to save an inch of her dignity. Women (and men) that stay with serial cheaters usually tend to have some form of low self-esteem or self-worth (or dependency issues). If she can't love herself, then how does she expect to love someone else?

3. Commitment

He did propose to her, so there is an agreement between the two that they do want to spend the rest of their lives with one another; however, the two definitions for commitment state that it is “the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc." and “an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action." Commitment in a relationship, then, must mean that both parties are dedicated to one another, and restrict some of their actions in order to show their dedication. If Offset can't even restrain himself from banging random groupies, what other kinds of activities do you think he will be able to refrain from?

Men love to throw around the term “model wife", so let's ponder what a “model husband" would look like. A model husband should — at the least — be someone that a) doesn't spend the majority of his time partying or going to the strip club, b) doesn't spend all of his money on jewelry, clothes, and cars instead of investing and saving for the future (yes, he's very wealthy now, but if you don't save or double your money, it can dissipate quickly), and c) exhibits maturity and decorum (aka not getting into fights at award shows). Does it seem like he'll be changing any of those behaviors soon?

Even worse, Cardi doesn't even seem to think there's anything wrong with the behavior. Marriage gets real, real quick. They're both very young and don't seem to be making any changes anytime soon (which they shouldn't!), but herein lies the problem: marriage requires sacrifice because it is a commitment. Pretty soon, Cardi will get tired of him running the streets, and he may get tired of her always ranting on twitter. Once you get someone to dedicate their life to you, you expect them to start acting differently; and if both parties don't want to do that, the marriage will fail.

4. Individual Autonomy

I've never seen someone so obsessed with their significant other. There's a thin line between adoring your partner and worshipping them — and I'm not exactly sure where Cardi B falls on that line. She has mentioned his name in multiple songs and talks about him all the time (she feels the need to insert herself into every single aspect of his life, even defending him for cheating). Aside from him tattooing her name on his neck, Offset, for the most part, does not fawn over Cardi like she does for him.

I fear that she is falling into the 'Cassie' trap — a dreaded circumstance where a woman is most notable for who they're dating. Cardi will always be more relevant than Cassie -- she actually has made history and truly established herself as a talented artist — but with her devoting so much time into her relationship and gassing up her fiancé, his name will constantly be attached to her's. When we think of Cardi B, we also think of Offset, which in our already sexist society is unacceptable. It's hard enough for women to step out of the shadow of their partner — Cardi is basking in his. Rihanna and Chris Brown were an "IT" couple for a while, but that never stopped Rihanna from having her own shine.

I'm pretty sure the only time Rihanna was asked excessively about Chris Brown was after he beat her (which I'm still pissed about). Recently, Cardi has been featured on blogs only when it has something to do with her relationship or something controversial she said. A person in a healthy relationship doesn't lose him or herself in their partner. There is a difference between being supportive and pouring your whole self into your significant other.

Look at Beyonce and Jay Z — they rarely mention each other, and when they do, it's part of a big ploy to boost their albums. This unhealthy level of attachment is establishing a detrimental level of need between the two (but mostly on Cardi's part). If they ever decide to break up, how will she return to standing on her own? In her own words, she believes it to be too much work to “start over" with a new man.

If she ever chooses to end a relationship, her thoughts should be on how she will take care of herself first, not about how dreadful it will be to start a new relationship. I'm sure that no one wants to be alone for an extended period of time, but on the other hand, no one should fear being alone. I fear that Cardi will tolerate any behavior from Offset just so she doesn't have to be single. *Sigh*

Based on the most basic principles that a relationship is built on, their's doesn't seem stable or healthy in the slightest; but, I have to admit that their relationship isn't all bad. I do believe that there is actual love between the two, but under the current circumstances, I smell doom and disaster heading their way. Perhaps I'm just “hating," but I'll hold on to the belief that their relationship is far from “goals."

Cover Image Credit: Offset / Instagram

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

When You Feel Like Nobody Ever Likes You Back

Please don't let it break you.

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It appears that I reached many people when I described how it felt to be single for 18 years (and update: it's almost 20 years now), but perhaps I can reach even more people when I explain the feeling when it seems like nobody *ever* likes you back. It's tough and it sucks. Maybe people feel this way about you. Or maybe you're in the exact same position that I am. Whatever end you're on, I'd imagine that you could relate or understand in some sort of way.

It's always fun to like someone new. We all love to fantasize about this new person, tell our friends (or enjoy the sneaky satisfaction of remaining cryptic about it), give him the Instagram follow (but you can't be the first to like his pictures so you wait to be the 23rd), get his phone number (and try *extra* hard not to text it too often), and gaze at a fresh face in class or at our activities.

We get that rush of happiness when he likes our Instagram pictures or when he answers our texts or when he views our Snapchat story or when he makes any type of effort to speak to us.

It's all fun and games. Until reality creeps in and so do our doubts and realizations that he probably doesn't like us back.

And I understand that feeling. We get left on open or read with no follow-up and freeze in our tracks. We see him flirting with someone else and our stomachs churn. And, worst of all, we find out he is in a relationship with someone else and we can feel our hearts physically sink. We begin doubting and hating ourselves and questioning our own intrinsic worth.

In the prolonged time I've been single, I've felt these feelings over and over and over again. And sometimes people can undermine the pain because it isn't a real break-up from an established boyfriend. But we still feel the breaking of our hearts and like our feelings are valid.

It's safe to say I've had to take many Ls in the relationship department, and I continue to take Ls, so I can (probably) relate to what you're feeling.

I've been explicitly told, "I don't like you back." I've tried to break down the touch barrier, but it would build itself back up stronger than ever. I've felt led on only to discover that the person was seeing someone else all along. Even today as a (nearly) 20-year-old, my doubts set in, my flirting efforts are either too strong or not strong enough, and I receive telltale signs that my fantasies will stay fantasies.

And you probably have been in similar situations or perhaps taken different Ls. And you feel ugly. And you feel unlovable. And it sucks.

But you're not. Please don't let it break you.

If you wouldn't place your self-esteem in the hands of the stranger at the bus stop, you shouldn't place your self-esteem in the hands of any one guy. Both the stranger and your love interest are individuals and don't deserve that kind of power. Some situations are not meant to be and that doesn't make you any less beautiful or amazing of a person. Everybody will only have one truly happy ending regardless of who they are. So muster up the strength to move on, and realize that perhaps the happiest endings require the most loss and heartbreak to get there.

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14 Song Lyrics That Say 'I Miss You' Just As Good As Blink 182

Because sometimes you want to say more than just "I miss you."

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Music can speak incredible volumes that regular words can't reach. I use music all the time to describe how I'm feeling or what I'm going through. I use it most in my relationships, especially with my boyfriend. As a musician, him and I are always finding songs that describe how we feel for each other and the emotions we experience.

Saying "I miss you", sometimes can feel, almost dissipated. But song lyrics can *really* tell someone how much you actually miss them. These are 11 song lyrics that are perfect to tell that special someone you miss them.

1. "Wish You Were Here" by Avril Lavigne

"You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here"

2. "Far Away" by Nickleback

"That I love you I have loved you all along and I miss you
Been far away for far too long"

3. "Hey There, Delilah" by Plain White T's

"Hey there, Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side"





4. "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" by Aerosmith

"Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't want to miss a thing"


5. "Home" by Michael Buble or Blake Shelton

"Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just want to go home
Oh I miss you, you know"



6. "Faithfully" by Journey

"Two strangers learn
To fall in love again
I get the joy
Of rediscovering you
Oh girl, you stand by me
I'm forever yours
Faithfully"





7. "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum

"It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now"

8. "Making Memories Of Us" by Keith Urban

"I'm gonna be here for you from now on
This you know somehow
You've been stretched to the limits but it's alright now
And I'm gonna make you a promise
If there's life after this
I'm gonna be there to meet you with a warm, wet kiss"




9. "I'm Already There" by Lonestar

"Wish I was in your arms
Lying right there beside you
But I know that I'll be in your dreams tonight"

10. "Talking to the Moon" by Bruno Mars

"At night when the stars
Light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the moon
Tryin' to get to you
In hopes you're on
The other side
Talking to me too"






11. "All I Want" by Kodaline

"All I want is nothing more
To hear you knocking at my door
'Cause if I could see your face once more
I could die as a happy man I'm sure"


12.  "The Few Things" by JP Saxe

"You're one of the few things that I'm sure of
You're one of the few things that I know already
I could build my world of
One of the few things that I'm sure of"


13. "Kiss Me Thru The Phone" by Soulja Boy

"And that's the issue, girl you know I miss you
I just wanna kiss you
But I can't right now
So baby kiss me thru the phone (kiss me thru the phone)"


14.  "Falling for You" by The 1975

"I'll take it one day at a time
Soon you will be mine, oh, but I want you now (I want you now)
When the smoke is in your eyes, you look so alive
Do you fancy sitting down with me maybe
'Cause you're all I need"




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