I'm A Christian Girl Who Lost Her Virginity In A Frat House With A Lil Dicky Song On Repeat, And No I'm Not Any Less Blessed

I'm A Christian Girl Who Lost Her Virginity In A Frat House With A Lil Dicky Song On Repeat, And No I'm Not Any Less Blessed

If you're not a virgin you are not a paper plate, you are not a used piece of tape and despite what those sorry illustrations exemplify, you are not worthless.

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12-years-old. That's how old I was when I was told that if I were to have sex before marriage that my wedding night wouldn't be special.

I was given sorry illustrations about being "fine China" and that I would be comparable to a paper plate if I had sex before marriage. I was also compared to tape. With each premarital act, I would become a dirty piece of tape with no value—unable to stick or "connect" with the husband God meant for me.

I went through my church's version of "True Love Waits." Yes, I know the intentions were good, but what stuck with me like a very unused piece of tape was that my worth was in my virginity. I still have letters I wrote to my future husband 11 years ago, pledging to save myself for him on our wedding night. I wore a purity ring to signify that promise and it served as a reminder every day that I wouldn't fall into the temptations of premarital sex.

I am now 23 and *surprise*—not a virgin. I lost my virginity in a frat house with a Lil Dicky song on repeat.

I was in and out of consciousness and this guy wasn't taking no for an answer. I was just too drunk to "stop it" like I wanted to. I still feel pretty worthless when I think about that night—and for good reason.

After that happened, despite the fact that it was just an unfortunate situation all around, I felt like I had nothing to give.

I saw myself as a used paper plate and a dirty piece of tape.

I had let down God, myself, my family, my church and my future husband. My wedding night wasn't going to be special anymore because I had nothing to give. So I just thought, what's the point?

Thankfully now, I know that I was completely and utterly wrong. Two years later and I have reestablished my self-worth and don't buy into the lies I was told as a prepubescent teen.

A person's worth is not in their virginity.

Whether you lose your virginity with someone you love, with a one-night stand or are taken advantage of, you still have your entire self to give to your future spouse. Those scare tactics and illustrations do nothing more than misconstrue where a person's purity truly lies.

I am not saying to not teach about waiting until marriage. I believe the Bible and God calling Christians to wait until marriage. I am saying that, as Christians, we should change the way we teach this value.

Yes, by all means, encourage teens and young adults to wait until marriage. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But as Christians, we should also teach that no matter what—you are loved. You are loved whether you sleep with nobody or everyone. You are valuable. You will always be valuable and no one and no experience can take that from you.

As a Christian, you will always be pure, valued and whole so long as God is in your heart.

I agree that God calls Christians to wait, but:

I will never agree that a person's wedding night won't be special if they don't wait.

I will never agree that a person can't fully give themselves to their husband or wife if they've had premarital sex.

I will never agree that a person is comparable to a paper plate or dirty piece of tape (why this is even a popular illustration I don't know).

If you are a Christian and you've lost your virginity you still are worthy. You are still pure. You still have your entire self to give your husband or wife. Your wedding night will be special. You will be able to connect strongly with your spouse no matter who you've slept with. Why? Because Jesus died on the FREAKING CROSS. He died for our sins, and that's not exclusive to premarital sex.

Your value and identity is in Christ—not something as overrated as your virginity.


Writer's Note: For any reader who finds themselves confused, I do realize I was raped but the point of my writing is to have a conversation about how the way I—and many other young women—are raised to believe that once they lose their virginity (from sexual assault or by their own choice) are devalued, which only added to my trauma. I know what rape and sexual assault is, and have even written about it, but I wanted this particular piece to be about my virginity and how the way I was raised impacted the way I felt about myself when I lost it and how I felt about myself being raped and what my mindset was at the time because of what I was taught.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

How Much Do You REALLY Know About Contracting STDs? Take This Quiz To Test Yourself

Time to find out how much you really know.

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I don't care what anyone says, safe sex is better than unprotected sex. There are a ton of myths regarding sex, STDs, and germs. It's time to learn the facts. Be kind to your body and protect it. Be honest with yourself and a partner. Even if it's a one night stand, STDs should be on your mind–don't let it be a turnoff. STDs have been on the rise and "The United States continues to have the highest STD rates in the industrialized world." This is your wake-up call.





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My Parents Didn’t Tell Me To Stay Pure Until Marriage, I Made That Decision On My Own

So, please respect my decision.

tiannat
tiannat
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As we evolve into a more open and accepting world, the one thing that is getting less taboo is sex. It's not something that is talked about behind closed doors. It's something that is on the television screens and easily accessible on our phones. People talk about it and promote it like it's small talk. It's so hard to escape, especially as a young adult.

To say that I am staying pure until marriage is a very uncommon thing, at least in my opinion. Sure, I have friends who are in the same boat as I am. But, even at a Christian college, sex is everywhere and most people are partaking in it. However, I decided to not.

Growing up, my parents never told me to stay pure until marriage directly. I went to church and heard about it in sermons. I knew that by keeping myself pure until marriage, I would enjoy it more knowing that I waited for my future husband. I understand that some people may not agree with me on this topic, but here's why I am saving myself.

1. I want to know that the man loves me.

For me, I want to have sex with someone that I love. Now, you may defend this with the fact that your boyfriend loves you. That's great. But, dating isn't always a sure thing. Boys (and girls) can say that they love you, just to get in your pants. And, they will. It happens all the time. And, because you are blinded by love, you will end up giving in and doing it. But, see, I don't want to be blinded by love. I want to know that the person I am with, is with me forever. By making the biggest commitment aka marriage, that is a clear sign that they love me and want me forever. This is a good example of actions show more than words do. They can say they love me, but when they showcase that love, that's when I know it is real.

2. I want to give all of me to one person.

I heard this great example my senior year that discusses this exact thing. For someone like Hugh Hefner, who was with HUNDREDS of women, when he got older, he said he didn't feel anything anymore when it came to sex. He was numbed by the whole experience. It wasn't pleasurable or for love. By having sex with countless women, he had given a little part of himself to each of them, until he had nothing left. Therefore, by saving myself for one person, they would be getting all of me. As a whole. 100%. This is special because no one else has that except for my future husband.

3. The idea of getting pregnant scares me because of the lack of security.

For the past three generations in my family, they have all had children young. 15, to 17, to 20 years old. Blinded by love. Manipulated by their hormones. They had sex and got pregnant. To see not only 1 woman, but 3 women in my life go through that, I know how difficult it is. You're a kid yourself. Personally, I do want children. However, I have so many dreams and goals for myself. I want to graduate from college. Get a good career. Travel. Fall in love. A lot of that can be halted by a child. I don't know if I would get to achieve everything I want to, especially if I would have to raise the child alone (which usually happens). So, by waiting for marriage, I am using the biggest form of birth control.

4. There's no comparing, if you have only been with one person.

Now, this is different for every relationship. However, everyone feels insecure or uncomfortable when it comes to dating and relationships. Knowing that someone has had sex prior, you wonder if you are shaping up or doing better than the previous. By only having sex with one person, it relieves the stress of comparison.

5. It brings me closer to God.

One important lesson I have learned from friends, college, and personal experience, is that relationships (when it isn't built on God), you tend to stray away from Him. Therefore, by making my relationship with God stronger, I fall in love with Him first. Then, I am capable of loving a boy and committing to something like marriage and sex.

So, no, my parents never convinced me to stay pure until marriage. It was my own decision. I have reasoning for staying pure and it's my choice. So, please stop shaming virginity in the 21st century, because I'm not shaming you if you aren't one.

tiannat
tiannat

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