He Gave Me A House Before A Ring And That's OK

He Gave Me A House Before A Ring And That's OK

You may not agree and that's fine but it works for us and that's what matters.
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Recently, my boyfriend and I moved in together. We've been living together for about three months now. Ever since then, I've had some negative comments and disapproving looks thrown my way, mainly from older adults, but even some from people my age. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and I respect that. When my boyfriend and I made this decision, we didn't expect everyone to agree, but then again we can't make decisions in our relationship based off trying to please everyone else.

Some of the negative things I have been told include, "Y'all are too young for that," "Y'all are rushing things," "That's not the Christian way of doing things," and "If you move in with a guy before he proposes, he will get comfortable and never pop the question."

Well first off, we are 20 and 22. I don't really think that's too young. I am a student and also have a job and my boyfriend has a full-time job. A good portion of the people I graduated with are engaged, married, have kids, or a combination, so we aren't the only ones making adult choices. Also, I don't believe we rushed things. We had been dating for almost a year when we moved in, and have now been dating more than a year. I have never believed in having a timeline for when things should happen in a relationship. Some people wait five years and that's great. Some wait three months, and that's great too.

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As far as not doing things the Christian way, I understand that we probably should have gotten married first. I'm aware that we didn't follow the bible, and that does bother me. I can promise you this though: I do pray about it, and we are very serious. We talk about marriage quite often and we know that this is it. Now, I know what you're thinking, that could always change. As of right now, though, we do have good intentions. Lastly, whoever came up with that old rule about a man getting comfortable and not proposing because you already live with him must have dealt with a crappy guy. Us moving in together has done nothing but strengthen our relationship, (yes, we had a little more fighting at first, but what doesn't break you makes you stronger and that's what it did), and made us more excited about getting married.

You see, I've always thought it was smart to live together before marriage. I can speak from experience now, and I can say that I have learned so much more about my boyfriend from living with him than I ever did before. Stuff that can make or break a relationship for some people. I mean if one person is a super clean freak and the other is a slob, that could cause issues right? Living together also adds stress to a relationship by adding a whole lot of extra responsibility. For instance, we bought a house, and with that comes bills, a lot to clean, cooking, property upkeep, groceries, a mortgage, etc, etc. It will sure test your relationship. You have to be a good team and work together and communicate. Some couples are great, they think, until a little stress is added and then they crumble.

So, think what you want about us living together before we get married. I respect that not everyone will agree with it. But this man I live with is the love of my life and we will get married. This step in our journey just happened to happen before that one.

Cover Image Credit: Sydney Moore

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

I’m The Girl Who Never Dreams Of Her Wedding, Because Getting Married Is Not A Career

I have others dreams in life that are much bigger than marriage.

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Ever since we were little girls, the idea of a dream wedding has always been built up around us.

Everyone has one, everyone knows what season they want to get married in, what their dress looks like, what flowers they want, and so on.

But I've never had that. I've never had a time in my life where I knew what kind of wedding I wanted or what kind of dress I'm going to walk down the aisle in or what kind of flowers I want. I've never been the kind of person to dream of a prince charming sweeping me off my feet and taking me away to my happily ever after.

Growing up, my idea of a "perfect life" was being a working, single mom with one child that I'll adopt, and living in a decent, upper-middle-class apartment. I have never thought of myself with a significant other. I've never thought of myself as someone that would get married, much less someone that would dream of a wedding.

And the fact is: that's okay. It's perfectly acceptable for a woman to want to focus on her career.

It's perfectly acceptable for a woman, or person for that matter, to not want to get married. It is perfectly acceptable, in this day and age, for me to be a single woman and not want or dream of a wedding.

No, there's nothing wrong with that.

No, it doesn't mean I won't ever get married (don't stress, mom). No, it doesn't mean I'll be a bad parent because I want to do it on my own. No, it doesn't mean I'm "crazy."

Yes, it is terrible for people to look down on others because they do not want the "norm."

Yes, it is rude to assume that I'll become an old cat lady. Yes, it is rude to assume that being a cat lady is a "bad thing." And yes, your opinion of my future does not matter to me.

Part of the good thing about this day and age is the fact that we have a chance to choose. We can choose a career, family, or both. And if someone chooses differently than you or the "norm," that's OK, too.

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Before You Get Married To Him, Ask Yourself These Things

Marriage isn't just a decision you make for yourself, it's a decision you make for your future children, too.

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Maybe you're engaged and the happiest human ever, filled to the brim with excitement and business towards wedding planning. Maybe you're on year one of dating, but you've discussed the future and know this is who you want to spend the rest of your life with. I've been there. Both of those places. And I want to remind you to ponder a couple of things.

First, I want you to check yourself and make sure your love isn't based on feeling. I also want you to make sure your love isn't based on status. And I say this because my first college relationship was fun and it made me feel like I was the "in crowd" or I looked cool walking around campus hand in hand with him. Needless to say, that didn't last...probably cause status and feelings fade.

Next, I want you to imagine a couple years down the road, financially your budget is tight, you're struggling to make ends meet, he's frustrated and you two get into a fight. Do you genuinely see it resolving quickly? Will you be able to hug it out and choose him above it all? Will he take responsibility as the man of the house and work to make things better? Because these things are REAL. They're not "young love happiness and butterflies 24/7" and they're more real than any petty arguments you may be having now about how he didn't text you back.

Then I want you to ask yourself the last time he apologized. Drawing a blank? That's not good. Life is messy, miscommunication is inevitable, and humility is required for strength and growth in a relationship. If he can't instantly and genuinely apologizes when he hurts you in the slightest, then I'd be concerned.

Lastly, picture your family. Will he spend time with his kids after work or go straight to the sofa and TV? Will he prioritize you STILL? Does he prioritize you now? Will he lead always and fall on his knees often? Right now, is he a model for your future son? Marriage isn't just a decision you make for yourself, it's a decision you make for your future children, too.

I only want you to stop and ask yourself these questions because the divorce rate is so high right now and I don't want you to add to it. I want you to understand the weight, depth, and length marriage is supposed to hold and I want you to be happy beyond today. So before you marry him, stop and ask yourself these questions.

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