7 Months Ago I Used To Google 'How To Make Breakup Pain Go Away' But I Got Through It And So Can You

7 Months Ago I Used To Google 'How To Make Breakup Pain Go Away' But I Got Through It And So Can You

Breakups are the worst, but the frustration that follows doesn't last forever. Here is some advice for someone who has gone through it.

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This is one of those topics that it's hard to form an introduction for. I could give you some cliché about how everything will get better, or some speech about how sucky a breakup is to go through, but I'm sure this is the same thing all those friends and family will tell you over what is supposed to be a reassuring phone call. Although you may feel hopeless right now, I can promise you that reading this article will restore that faith in you, even if it's for a short period of time.

In short, I was sitting in my same bed seven months ago Googling "how to make breakup pain go away". I had gone through more tissue boxes than I could keep track of, and a week felt way too long for me to continue to have these feelings. Much to my dismay, every single article said the same thing: "It will get better, just continue to have faith!". I wanted to chuck my computer across the room at that point. Seeing millions of people saying they're so much better after a breakup won't help you when you're down in the dumps, and I can attest to that firsthand. But, in what was the worst of my frustration, I found myself at a crossroads

I could continue to sulk in my misery, or I could choose to let myself grow. Objectively, growing is the obvious option, but when you're stuck in such a difficult spot, it's a lot harder to feel that motivation. But I was tired of it. I went to the mirror, looked at my puffy eyes, and decided that no matter how badly it hurt, I needed to face what I was going through, and stop being afraid of it. It's the only way I would grow.

And there was one obstacle in my way. Feelings. They're almost unpredictable, and they'll often confuse you. You will wish to eradicate and get rid of those emotions, and to be honest, the way to do that is what I looked for when I was doing my Google search. But, much to my dismay, I wasn't going to get through this if I didn't embrace these emotions. They're uncomfortable, daunting, and scary. But, this is something I feel like isn't said enough. You are human, and you are entitled to every emotion that you feel. There is not "good" or "bad", rather "uncomfortable" and "comfortable".

So give yourself a break from that negative self-talk. You don't "need" to not cry, or "need" to stop feeling sad. Because having feelings is important. It helps you contemplate what your relationship was, what you lost, and how you can move forward without that. If you don't give yourself the opportunity to feel these things, how can you move past them? So please, if there's anything I want you to read in this article, it's the following: Let yourself cry and cry until you have no tears left; let yourself be so frustrated that you scream and let it all out; let yourself reminisce over the memories and contemplate the magnitude of your loss. The only thing that you "should" be doing is working through your emotions.

I lied at the beginning of the article when I made fun of those silly clichés. I want you to realize that the same girl who googled these answers seven months ago is living a life better than she could've imagined. As a student, I have found so many reasons to love myself, the people around me, and the things I do. I have developed new passions, newfound confidence, and an incredible motivation that never would've existed before my breakup. I'm not here to tell you my sob story, but I want to show you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Even if it's not clear now, I promise you that there will be soon. If there's nothing else that you take away from this, I want you to hang on. Hang on with all of that strong will that I know you are capable of having. Because in time, you will find that the other side of what seems like a mountain is absolutely beautiful.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

As Much As You May Want To, You'll Never Get Over Your First Love

You never forget your first

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Your first love is just that: the first person you've ever truly loved (besides your family and friends). Maybe you've kissed a few people before, but with this person it's different. They mean something to you that no other person ever has before. Maybe you met this person when you were younger in high school or met them a little later in life as I did at the end of my first year of college. Meeting my first love transformed me, both for the good and the bad, and as much as I may want to, I'll never get over my first love and neither will you.

When we met, we didn't meet in some fantastical way, we met on Tinder right after a surprise breakup of mine. We had instant chemistry, and I didn't get to kiss him for weeks because I ended up getting mono right after the breakup (haha whoops). He was the first person I've ever kissed who I didn't want to stop kissing- ever. Yes, second semester freshman year me was super extra when it came to him, but being with him was so different than anyone else. Things progressed through the summer as we talked every single day, even though we never got to meet up because we were both busy, and at the beginning of my sophomore year, I lost my virginity to him. That was a big step for someone who thought she'd wait until she was married. He made sure I was fine and didn't push me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. I'll treasure that forever.

He was someone I loved with all of my being, to the point where it was physically hurting me in the end because I knew what I felt wasn't going to ever be reciprocated the way I wanted it to be. That's when I had to end it, which was one of the hardest things I've ever done. To me, he was a boyfriend, but to him, I was a friend with benefits. I wanted something more and he wanted less, and I didn't want to accept that. I wasn't his first love but he was mine, which he doesn't know and probably never will. I have had moments where I thought I was over him, but then all the emotions flood right back. In hard moments of hurt is when I miss him the most, but also in moments of joy too. If I see a nice car I think of him, or of other little things, like a french bulldog or The Fast and The Furious.

Your first love leaves such a monumental effect on you as a person. They have seen parts of you others have not. You will always remember your firsts more than anything else, which is why your first love never leaves you. As roughly as things ended between he and I, he's always going to have a piece of me that no one else will ever have. The relationship we had wasn't what you'd expect from someone you call your first love, but his mark on me is what helped shape me into who I am today for better or for worse.

Don't let any negativity remain when it comes to your first love (if there is any). Let it go and remember the good. They will be a part of you forever, so you can never truly get over you.

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Why You Keep Falling In Love With People Who Don’t Love You Back In Your 20s

It's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

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Can love truly be both beautiful and heartbreaking?

It's a question I silently asked myself, sitting shotgun in a car next to someone I considered my friend.

A "friend" seemed to be the right label to define our relationship. To him, I was just a friend—who just happened to be a girl, a girl he texts regularly, jokes around, and can grab a drink with. And we loved each other as friends, because we both trusted each other, we had fun together and each had our own independent lives which would connect occasionally in a complete, non-questionable platonic way.

But slowly, for me, he was becoming everything I've ever wanted in a guy, standing right in front of me. But he wasn't mine to have.

And imagine being so close to someone you want except you can't have him because it might just ruin everything you've already shared together. Because what if you scare him away? What if he replies by telling you "No"?

That's the simple nature of falling in love with someone you can't be with.

In our early part of our lives—particularly in our 20s and during our college years, we all experience this type of heartbreak.

To name a few: A high school boyfriend who lives halfway across the country now. The hot guy you sit next to in lecture who already has a girlfriend. The casual hookup who you just can't manage to stop thinking about as you endlessly toss and turn at night. The platonic friend who doesn't quite see you as being something more.

We all at one point in our thoughts have imagined "coupling" or sharing a life with a guy who we can't seem to have for ourselves. We've always dreamt how things could actually work out if you actually shared your feelings with him except the closest we'll ever reach to it is in our dreams, not reality.

And to examine the logic behind why this happens, we have to first admit how we always want what we can't have.

Because it's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

So, it's not really this case of the whole Romeo and Juliet "star-crossed lovers" BS but rather, it's purely a one sided love which can most definitely be beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Beautiful because there's always a connection you feel which makes you all warm and bubbly inside but heartbreaking because you know this connection is merely flowing in a one way track.

So then, why do we tend to maintain our connections with these people who hurt us?

One reason is because you're afraid to lose him altogether. Perhaps you think he's going to go on full freak-out mode after you spill the beans to him. My piece of advice in this scenario would be to just suck it up and take the chance. Talk to him about how you feel because honestly, what's there to lose? Unless you're not reciting some sappy, over-the-top love story about how many kids you plan to have with him, you're fine.

But perhaps, the most common reason is because we assume he might eventually fall in love with us, too.

And if this pertains to you, gear up because I can write on for days about why this is a big no-no. Heck, I can probably teach a class or lecture to all of you about my elaborative theory of why you will definitely know whether a boy truly loves you or not. It's plain and simple—if he loves you, he'll make sure you know.

And you can't force someone to fall in love with you. Even if you pay them a million bucks, you can get them to pretend to love you or force them to be with you—but it's never going to be true love. Because true, unrequited love is effortless. It comes naturally. The fiery passion will be shared mutually and you won't ever have to question whether or not you belong with him.

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