As Long As You're Safe, You've Got Nothing To Lose Bouncing From Guy To Guy In Your 20s
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Dating, relationships, and sex are all such controversial topics. We tend to judge each other heavily on who we date, sleep with, and end up in a relationship with.

Our early 20s are all about getting to know who we truly are, and I am a firm believer that the best way to do that is to be around other people.

Others teach us about ourselves, relationships especially. Through others, we find our boundaries, what we will and will not tolerate. We learn how we react to certain situations and where we fit in. Through others, we find what kind of people we want to be friends with and date. So why is dating around and hooking up considered so taboo? Doesn't experience make one wiser?

Recently, I've met a guy who quickly became interested in me.

One night, he invited me out with his best friends. While he pushed his way through the crowded bar to get some drinks, one of his friends, Taylor, started a conversation with me that made me raise an eyebrow. He began by asking me whether I was in a sorority, to which my answer was no.

"Nothing against sororities, but it's just not my thing," I said.

He nodded in approval and replied with, "Good. Because most sorority girls are whores."

I cannot say that his answer surprised me, because I have heard multiple guys call other girls degrading terms. It is sad to admit that this happens so often that I became immune to it. I thought to myself, so what if she sleeps around? Is getting to know what you like and gaining experience such a bad thing? I proceeded to ask him whether this certain girl he started talking about (who is in a sorority and a "whore", as he put it) is being safe and he replied with "Well yeah...but still."

Still what? Again, what is the big problem with a girl who wants to find more about herself and gain some experience? The answer is nothing. No, I am not encouraging anyone to do what they're not comfortable with. I am simply clarifying that we should try to stay away from judging others based on who they have been with and with how many people.

A lot of men prefer the "innocent," untouched, shy girl.

As a matter of fact, I always felt terrified talking to my ex-boyfriend about the people I have dated or hooked up with in the past. I didn't want his image of me as a "good girl" to change. This attitude is deeply flawed and men who decide whether a woman is "relationship material" by her body count or how many people she has dated are simply immature. I have also heard many men say that they like a girl, but won't date her because they know that she has slept around. Come on, seriously?

If you don't experiment, how will you know what you like? How will you be able to catch red flags in potential partners?

As for relationships, they are the best teachers. For instance, through my last relationship, I realized that I can sometimes get irrationally angry. The best part? I have worked on it and managed to fix this problem.

I truly believe that every heartbreak leads you closer to finding "the one."

Thank you, next. Cliche, but so true. I am honestly grateful for every single relationship I have had because they all taught me so much about myself and I hold zero resentments towards my ex-boyfriends.

In my humble opinion, as long as you are staying safe, you should not feel any shame about experimenting and figuring out who you like. Every person you meet can teach you something about yourself. Stay safe, approach it with a light heart, and try to learn something from every situation.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

5 Questions To Ask Yourself When You're On The Fence With A Guy

Is he worth it?

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Whether you're contemplating if you want to continue your fling with a guy or contemplating breaking up with your boyfriend, there are always questions we're asking ourselves. Ranging from "is this right of me?" to "is this what will make me happy?" But if you are really sitting on the fence and don't know what to do next, check out these five questions you need to ask yourself if you're torn on what to do.

1. Do I want long term or short term?

This is a huge question to ask. If you're looking to settle down for a while, your guy may not want that. And it could always be the other way around as well. Make sure to decipher this with him so you both know what you want and no one gets a broken heart.

2. Can I see myself marrying this person?

I know this is a bold question to ask, especially if you're not dating. But really thinking about if you can see yourself with them for a long time can make it or break it. But say you're dating and you're on the fence of deciding you want to break up with them or not, think about if you can see yourself saying "I do" to them, and if you can't, let him go.

3. Can I see myself living with them/how do they live?

I've seen many people get engaged and move in together and later call it quits due to the way their partner lived. If you've been getting to know your guy for a while now and notices he lives like a pig, you may have to wonder if you'd be cleaning up those messes in the future.

4. How do they make me feel?

This question in a no brainer. If they make you feel bad, why even question continuing into the relationship.

5. Are they worth it?

Is he worth it? I know I have had some experiences when I was on the fence with a couple of guys and I've had to ask myself the same question. And when I'd question if he was worth it or not, my gut feeling always came out right. If you're looking to keep him around, always ask yourself if he's worth it.

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Girls, You NEED To Understand That Fuckboy Texting You ‘wyd’ 24/7 Will Never Give You A 24 Karat Ring

I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you his wife.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong
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There are five unofficial steps of hookup culture: Find a guy. Get to know him a little bit, but not too much (because you have to keep "boundaries," remember?) Make a pact to keep things "casual" and promise to still be "friends" with each other. Then, hookup with him. And keep hooking up with him without any emotional attachment — just over and over again and never expect anything more.

From a birds eye view, hookup culture seems so harmless. I mean, what's more convenient than having a booty call at your doorstep with the swipe of a screen? When you want to hook up, all you have to do is shoot that 2 a.m. "U Up?" text.

Hell, I even wrote a whole article about the perfect FWB situation.

Yet suddenly—here I am, Elle Hong, resident "Uncuffed" writer on Swoon and self proclaimed fuckgirl who glorifies hookup culture above anything else, catching feelings and falling for the wrong guys just like any other girl out in the world.

Consider this blasphemy. Or maybe I'm just dying to make a confession.

A confession that I, too, have experienced the feeling of wondering why I was never enough for the guys I hooked up with. Why they never chose me over the girls they would eventually form serious relationships with and why to them I only was nothing more than a casual hookup.

So, I thought about it. I critically analyzed it. I "Aristotle-d" my way into trying to find an answer behind the impossible question of wondering why I was never considered to be anything more. Over the past few weeks, it essentially became my new research topic and now, I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you into wifey material. Here's why.

First and foremost: Guys usually (but not always) choose to hookup with girls who they don't see as anything more.

Now, keep in mind I'm not saying that guys will NEVER fall in love with the girls they hookup with because it can happen. It's life. Life is unpredictable. No doubt, people have fallen in love on Tinder and married a random match who just happened to become The One. But we all know what Tinder is really for. Generally speaking, guys will seek random hookups with the types of girls they think are "easy" and if they're desperate enough, it's definitely not going to be someone they view as their future wife.

If he thinks you're cute, you're within 10 miles radius and you can hold a conversation, it doesn't matter what your annual salary is or how many siblings you got—he wants one thing and it's to get you in bed. And until a guys find this girl who captures his heart and inevitably makes him want to settle, he's going to go around hooking up with random girls left and right. So in this case, it's not your fault. You're just with the wrong type of guy who only thinks of you as his sexual conquest.

See also: Guys want to settle with girls that don't go around hooking up with other people.

Ironic as hell because I just talked about why guys would never want to settle, period. But think about it—guys are humans with rational thoughts and animalistic desires. When they find their territory, they mark it. Once he finds a girl who is the one, he never wants to let her go. And he never wants to see that girl be with another guy or god forbid, go around hooking up with other guys. So here's the moral of the story to get my point across: I hate to break it to you, but bragging about how many other guys you're f*cking outside of your current FWB situationship isn't going to help develop the relationship any further.

Finally: A girl's "hoe phase" might seem empowering but for guys they see it as a threat.

Thanks to the wonderful millennial encyclopedia that we call Urban Dictionary, we have a definition behind this certain life style: A phase in life which occurs when a girl goes around social settings exploring herself, committing promiscuous acts and connecting with random people. For girls, it seems pretty damn empowering, doesn't it? For us it's a chance to let loose, to live a lil bit more and to run around as independent women. Nothing wrong with that of course.

But for guys to perceive this type of lifestyle, they see it as a threat which could arise if they form a relationship with you. It's simple logic here. A girl who's in her "hoe phase" is more likely to be unfaithful since they're always out and about with this person and that person. Put it this way: a guy doesn't care if you're a hoe—but he only wants you to be HIS hoe and not everyone else's. So you might think that it's a great way to express yourself and to enjoy your college years, but keep in mind that it could possibly be holding you back from taking the next step with your casual FWB.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

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