I’m A Bisexual Feminist And Never Had Any Problems—Until I Dated A Man

I’m A Bisexual Feminist And Never Had Any Problems—Until I Dated A Man

I found myself doing the ultimate equality no-no... comparing myself to another woman.
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The hardest moment to be a feminist for me is when I am dating a man.

I found this to be true when I found myself falling deeply in love for someone who just never saw me in that way. My heart hurt a lot and I decided I would go through the reasons that I was being rejected. Perhaps it was because I wasn’t as funny or I was more awkward or I wasn’t as good socially as she was. Maybe I was weird. Maybe I wasn’t as funny as I thought I was. Maybe I was just a joke and I wasn’t aware of it.

Then, the thought popped into my head that perhaps it was because I was a feminist.

One time, when eating lunch with this individual I was shown a weird and offensive paper that had been given as a handout in school. I just laughed at it. Surely it couldn't be serious. I moved on after that, but the thought kept floating in my head that perhaps a more outlandish reaction was expecting of me. I really didn't have one. In all truthfulness, I had only skimmed the words on the paper and not truly read them. Some of the most offensive quotes were highlights and I mostly just read those.

I am a bisexual woman. Dating women has always been a little easier and more comfortable for me. However, I always found myself in a really weird situation when I was interested in pursuing a man. The words "dyke" and "feminazi" are perhaps the favorite two words for men to sling at women who identify as feminists.

I read many an article about how deranged feminists were and how you couldn’t help biology.

Toxic masculinity wasn’t a thing and it was just a woman’s way of shaming a man for his gender.

These things are quite obviously not true and failure to see that really showed me that some people can’t see things differently than their own current perspective.

It sort of seemed like a game men and women alike often played. It was a “piss off the feminist” game in which they said the most offensive thing they could fathom for a reaction. I just decided that my energy was best spent elsewhere and never gave them the satisfaction of any sort of reaction.

However, feminism is something that often seems to cause men to flee.

The minute they find out who they’re interested in is a feminist they run for the hills. I wondered if perhaps that was why I was not being romantically pursued by a boy I thought day and night about. Maybe he assumed women who didn’t define as such to be more his cup of tea, more level-headed. Maybe he wanted a woman who would submit more or he thought to be less high strung.

Truly, I had never really had such thoughts before. I had never thought of my feminism to be anything but beneficial until I find myself falling quite hard for someone who did not identify as such. I felt like my heart was in my feet and I also found myself deciding if equality was even worth it. I had no proof that he didn’t want me due to my positions of social rights. I obviously had not asked him and really did not have much evidence at all for when I was being rejected for someone else, however, since I did not have any conclusions, I was forced to come to my own.

I kind of assumed that many men flee from feminist and this was the reasoning behind my rejection. I was not the stereotypical southern submissive woman. I never thought myself to be less attractive or less worthy of the affections of someone I was interested in, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t get creative with feeling inferior. Perhaps I was just too much of a feminist. Maybe I was annoying, indignant, high strung, or flaky. Maybe I corrected people too much. Maybe I wasn’t as easy going as I should be. The thoughts and reasons flew through my head at an incredibly rapid speed. However, the one that I felt I could really settle on was my stance as a feminist.

Maybe feminism had gone too far if it was costing me potential relationships.

Maybe I should cool it down some if it meant I could have the one boy I wanted more than anyone else. These were all lies of course like a little devil whispering poor decisions into my ear. I knew that equal rights shouldn’t be cast aside for a person in my life that was temporary. However, my heart yearned for the one thing I was unable to have. I wanted him and him only and to be honest, even though I knew it was a bad idea and would never work, my heart still wanted what it wanted.

Women often want to be viewed as attraction and this means even ditching political views if it serves a repellent to the ones they desire to be with. I know this because I fell victim to the exact same thing. I was almost tempted to ditch what I had worked towards for years for a boy that I thought of night and day. He was my friend and someone I felt I could confide in, but as we spent time together the potential to be so much more forever lingered in my mind. I compared myself to the girl he actually liked which again is an ultimate no-no for women who desire to be equal.

But I did so, breaking all the feminist rules.

I wondered what she had and why I didn’t have it. I compared myself to her in almost every aspect of my life whether it be looks, personality, tolerance, or political views. I simply wondered why I was being cast aside when we had the potential to be compatible.

Dating as a feminist can be really hard.

It can be hard because the intimidation of a woman who is very firm in who she is, what she wants, and will compromise under no costs can be a lot to stomach at times. I feel like I view myself and my relationships view differently than most might. I hold myself to a bit of a higher standard whereas I truly believe some settle and compensate for their happiness and in love. I truly want to be in love, but that love cannot come with a compromise on who I am, what I believe, and what I want to be in the future. Comparison truly is the thief of joy.

This is a statement that is exceedingly applicable to all genders and people.

Comparison is something I don’t preach against as a feminist, but as a human who is aware of happiness and how it can be easily destroyed. Comparing yourself to someone isn’t something that I believe to be anti-feminist, but something I believe to be detrimental to health and happiness of an individual. I work hard as a feminist to hold myself to a bit of a higher standard, but I also work hard to be certain that I do not allow myself to fall victim to the scary ways of thinking that we so often entertain. I am not inferior to any woman nor is any woman even remotely inferior to me no matter what the reasoning may be. Anti-feminists, feminists, or neutralist are all equal in every way.

Me ever thinking myself to be less likely to be chosen by a man due to my political views was ridiculous and I should have realized this long before now.

I am worthy despite my views, opinions, looks, or personality. I truly believe that there is someone for everyone and there is someone for this thoughtful, confused, driven, hard-working, wild, outspoken, insecure, confident, artistic, creative, emotional, all-feeling, sensitive and proud feminist.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

12 Things To Know Before Dating A Girl Who Loves Country Singers More Than She Loves You

They’re just as important as you, babe.

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If you're about to fall for a girl who falls for country singers, prepare yourself by knowing the following:

1. The playlist 

My playlist will go from Luke Combs to Blake Shelton and you'll have to deal with it. Your playlists are not an option. I will go on and on about how beautiful their voice is, but don't get jealous.

2. Releases

I will set alarms for new releases like Luke Combs "The Prequel" and you HAVE to be as excited as I am. I will be more excited about these releases than I am about anything else in life, but suck it up buttercup.

3. Concerts

I will give up time with you to go see my favorite singers and you’ll just have to understand. You can either join or not, but the plans aren’t changing.

4. Lyrics

You will hear me quote their lyrics more than I’ll say I love you, but just know I still love you.

5. Car rides

Every car ride will include country music, while it will most likely be Luke Combs or Adam Doleac blaring on the radio, you better enjoy every bit of it.

6. I will talk about how beautiful they are.

You’ll hear about their looks often, wether it be Luke Combs eyes or Luke Bryan’s voice, the looks will be brought up. Don’t get jealous, you’re just as handsome.

7. Their voices

Their voices are BEAUTIFUL. While I personally favor Luke Combs, just know I love yours too.

8. Phone backgrounds 

My phone background is most likely some country singer and not a picture of us, but you’re important, I promise.

9. Home Decor 

I will have pictures of Faren Rachels and I up before I have some of us, but realize I have plenty of pictures of us and one with her.

10. Awards

Whenever any awards are on, they’re number one priority compared to your Braves games. You can always watch recaps.

11. Singing 

I will randomly start singing any song by them and probably interrupt any story you're telling, sorry they're on my mind.

12. Dates

I will make sure any release dates for new songs, albums, or concerts are on my calendar; however, I will probably forget our anniversaries.

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11 Things The Man You Love Should Do For You, No Questions Asked

Sometimes it's just the simple things in life that mean a lot.

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Every girl feels special when the guy she's dating does simple things for her that not everyone thinks about. Here's a list of 10 things that every girl genuinely appreciates.

1. Open/Hold the door

I feel like this one is really simple because everyone has to walk through doors. Chivalry isn't dead, let him open the door for you. He's not trying to prove that you can't do it for yourself, but he's trying to be polite and show you that he cares for you.

2. Give you really big hugs

Everyone has bad days, and sometimes you just need a really big hug. Whether it be a bear hug or the hug where he picks you up and spins you around, it will make you feel better in the long run.

3. Buy you really small gifts

One of the best things my boyfriend has ever done for me is simply bringing me a Dr. Pepper when he knows I'm tired from a long hard day full of exams or work. Sonic slushes will also make my day in a heartbeat.

4. Text/Call you just to tell you he loves you

This is pretty simple. It takes less than 10 seconds to text, and only a few minutes to call. Sometimes you get these texts right at the perfect moment, and it makes you feel so much better.

5. Come see you when you're sick

Everyone hates being sick. But seeing your friends and family while you're sick can make you feel so much better. Having your boyfriend come to see you and possibly even take care of you just makes being sick that much easier.

6. Respect your decisions

You're not married yet, so your decisions are up to you! He should respect the decisions you make and support you, even if it's not what he thinks is the best decision. After all, you know yourself better than anyone else!

7. Give you a shoulder to cry on

We all have bad days, and sometimes you just can't stop the tears from coming. Even if he's not good with crying, he should give you hugs and love to help you get through it.

8. Compliment you

Even if you look horrible and know so, hopefully, he'll still tell you that you look good. Even if the clothes you're wearing aren't his style, he should still tell you that they look good on you and that you are beautiful each and every day.

9. Call you when you're away or he's away

If you're like me, I miss my boyfriend after being away for about three hours, so when we're apart for more than a couple days, I love getting random calls from him when he knows I'm not busy. It's definitely better than a text.

10. Deal with all your annoying quirks

So if you're anything like me, you enjoy screaming music as loudly and horribly as you can in the car and making a complete fool of yourself, but he should love you for that anyway. I also love to take really stupid pictures, and he should put up with that too. He shouldn't be annoyed by your quirks, he should love them and laugh along with you.

11. Love you no matter what

I honestly feel like this goes without saying, but I put it on here so that the girls who don't feel like they're being loved no matter what can realize. He should want to work out problems with you instead of calling it quits and holding a grudge. He should want you to be happy and support you in every decision you make in life. When he loves you unconditionally, he will do all of the above things and more.

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