Whether it is your grandparents or the sweet couple you met at the grocery store, you probably know at least one elderly pair that has been married for more than 40 years and still goes out for date nights. And, if you get a chance to talk with them, they will probably jump at the opportunity to share the story of how they met. Most people dream of these off-chance encounters when they spot someone from across the room and spend the night making awkward eye contact until one of them musters up the courage to talk to the other. They imagine a story about the chase, where the guy spends weeks trying to win the girl’s affection or vice versa.
But this idealized love story has become rarer as we continue to embrace our tech-savvy society. Fewer people are meeting in person and instead, more of us are succumbing to the instant gratification provided by various dating apps.
While dating apps like Tinder, Grindr or OkCupid provide a convenient way to meet people, they strip away the authenticity that can only come from meeting someone organically in the "real" world. These apps offer a vast selection of potential suiters and give a person the power to accept or reject him/her based on looks and a sentence or two written about himself/herself.
Not only does this method of selecting a suitor within a matter of seconds seem superficial, it has also developed a culture of impatience and a need for a fast-paced lifestyle. In a world where people can purchase something, search something on Google, or even choose someone to date within a matter of clicks, it makes us expectant of instant feedback and quick results.
Slogans like, “Buy now with one click,” “Hassle-free service” or “Love is a swipe away,” intrigue us because the thought of working hard for love seems pointless when there are faster and more efficient ways of finding it. Why go and drive to a pizzeria when you can get one delivered within minutes? Why go to a store when you can buy everything you need from the comfort of your couch? Why humiliate yourself by approaching someone in public when you can analyze a vast array of eligible singles at your fingertips? In this day and age, finding a suitable date or sexual partner is as simple as ordering tickets to a sporting event.
Along with the rise of an impatient culture comes an even more prominent "hookup culture." The casual sex and relationships these apps culturally encourage results in a new attitude towards dating. Not only are relationships more face-paced, but they are also more short-lived.
Unfortunately, these apps promote the idea that one doesn’t have to put effort into a relationship; they can simply move on to the next person who may be "easier" and more inclined to go along with what they want. App users don’t have to face the repercussions of talking to multiple people at once, since it is easy to meet people from different social circles. They also don’t have to go through the tedious process of rejection because the lack of face-to-face encounters allows people to ditch or ‘ghost’ someone online with no consequence.
Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of dating-app success stories out there and the apps wouldn’t be this successful if there weren’t people who enjoyed the lifestyle it offered. They allow you to meet unique people and strike up conversations you’d never have otherwise. There’s something addictive in the mindless task of swiping left or right. It has the potential to boost your confidence and dissolve your boredom. However, it’s important to grasp how these sites are affecting society and the dating world. The era of unforced and natural meet-ups is behind us as we enter a world where technology dictates our actions. Because of this, any hope for a romantic encounter that our grandparents likely shared is almost forgotten.
So, let’s not forget that meaningful relationships take time and effort and that cultivating honest conversation and substantial connections requires a boldness many of us seem to lack. Finding love is a lot more complicated and messier than what dating apps make it out to be. In the end, these apps are not a sufficient substitute for finding love, but rather an artificial mechanism that can be both temporary and insincere.