Dating in college generally sucks.
I will admit this, I am a hypocrite. Why? Because I tell everyone, literally everyone (cough cough, my sister) to be single in college—this is the time to have a blast, to be confused, find yourself and make mistakes. However, I'm not single. After I transferred to a four-year college, I found myself in a VERY committed relationship after my first quarter.
My man is a stunner, he really is.
He's a fourth-year medical student and we are graduating together this year. When he first told me he was a med student, I heard Ali Wong's voice in my head saying "trap his ass" and I mean, I did but if you're not familiar with her stand up show, Ali Wong ends her skit claiming that she wasn't the one who trapped her Harvard Business School Alum husband but rather he trapped her!
Obviously, her and I are in different circumstances but when I say my man trapped me, I mean, I didn't know how much patience, work and understanding I have to go through dating a medical student.
I consider myself lucky because I met him at the end of the line. Our schedules are pretty different whereas he would leave to go to the hospital at 3 a.m. and comes home around 7 p.m. While I, the undergraduate student with no real job (OK, they're remote), spends most of my time in bed, on the couch, you get the picture, I'm indoors always. So when we do see each other I'm always eager to do something with him that is not just watching movies at home.
Quickly, I realized dating a med student is not fun and games.
Sometimes he has to stay longer at the hospital, sometimes it's "I'm on call and I have to go into the hospital on the weekend" and a lot of the time he is too tired to do things when he has free time because he's not getting enough sleep. The weekends (if lucky) are the days he has to catch up on all the naps he's missed. As a pro napper, I can relate.
It did take time for me to understand where he's coming from and I still struggle with it now.
I would get annoyed when all he wanted to do was rest. I would get frustrated at the fact that he was home later than he told me he was going to be. Our plans would be pushed back, delayed or canceled. His schedule is so hectic, we can't even plan future trips. I have FOMO seeing other couples go on trips while we can't even go on an overnight stay in the next city.
Jumping into a relationship like this takes a lot of patience and compromise.
Not only do I have to understand that he's drained physically and mentally but he also has to understand at a certain point, I'm going to need attention. And I don't mean that in a needy way—if you're going to be in a relationship with someone, you have to be ready to put the time and the effort into making it work.
I know, I sound like a brat but having one person bend over backward for the other in the relationship doesn't sound like compromise. If he was a first-year med student, I don't think we would have worked out.
All I'm saying is, sure, support your significant other 100% in whatever they are pursuing but be ready to sacrifice some one-on-one time with them due to both of your insane schedules.