2019 was quite the year... especially for me.

As stated in the title, I was broken up with, became single, got played, almost dated my ex again, broke someone's heart, got played and now I'm with someone new.

I'm 20 years old, so this past decade was the one I really grew up in. I was 9 years old when 2010 hit and now I'm just a month and a half away from my 21st birthday (but who's counting?). But this year, I truly experienced it all.

I've experienced heartbreaks and all the other stuff before, but this year was just a little different.

Everything was great when 2019 started, I was in a relationship that I'd been in for about a year and three months. As summer approached, out of nowhere, I got dumped. I was devastated because I truly pictured myself with this guy for a lot longer than a year and a couple of months. I've had a broken heart before but not like this. I only had one previous boyfriend before him, and I broke things off in that relationship.

I lost my appetite, I would cry every 15 minutes and it truly felt like my life was over.

I knew I couldn't sit and sulk over someone who didn't want me anymore. I wasn't quite sure how to handle being single because last time I was single was the summer after I graduated high school and this past summer I was going into my junior year of college. So I downloaded Tinder and Bumble like every other single college girl out there.

Long story short... I thought I met my next boyfriend off of Bumble. We'd go on dates, I'd go down at least once a week to where he lived so I could see him, and I met his family. He told me he wanted to date me, but wanted to wait for the right moment, which never came and he changed his mind out of nowhere.

And that's when I realized I was over dating for a while.

Summer was all about me. I didn't commit directly to anyone. I was having my fun until my ex came back into my life and we started talking again. I knew it probably wasn't the best idea since exes are exes for a reason, but of course, I had the feeling that I was maybe still in love with him. Eventually, I didn't want to commit to him or anyone and we cut things off for good.

I met a new guy who I thought I liked more than I realized and I'll be honest and say I strung him along longer than I should have. I thought maybe if I kept talking to him, I'd get the feelings that I thought I had for him. But I didn't in the end and we didn't end on good terms.

I then met the guy who I wanted to drop everything for.

I wasn't checking Bumble or Tinder anymore, I was wanting to see him all the time and I was doing everything for him. We discussed feelings for each other and I thought everything was going great. Until he slowly started to stop talking to me. And eventually, I asked him about it and he told me he wasn't in the place to be dating at that moment. I was once again, crushed because I was truly all in on this guy.

I realized I had to stop chasing guys who didn't want me like I wanted them.

I'm a relationship type of person but I'm also a person who likes the thrill of the chase. I finally took a risk and started dating someone who I wouldn't consider "my average guy." And honestly, I'm happy I did. Yes, I've had my fair share of dates, hookups, heartbreaks, and lead-ons. I'm grateful for most of the guys I've encountered because either I've learned something good or bad that will stick with me.

So, here I am at the end of the decade and taking all the things I've learned into consideration for the future decade ahead.

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