In a recent article on Vice's Broadly titled "Breaking Up With a Depressed Partner Doesn't Make You A Bad Person" the writer spoke about her own experience breaking up with a depressed partner and defended Ariana Grande's breakup with late rapper Mac Miller.
I disagree. I am that depressed partner. I will always be that depressed partner and leaving me will make me worse.
I understand that's a huge responsibility, I understand this is scary–but it if you sincerely love them, understand that you took up this responsibility when you claimed them as yours.
You are not responsible to make them happy at every given moment—you are not responsible for their self-harm, or even for their thoughts of suicide. But you should be responsible for pushing them for that extra help even if it hurts them when you tell them so.
Let's talk Mac and Arianna.
Let me make this crystal clear—Ariana is not responsible for Mac's death, Ariana was allowed to be happy without Mac. But she met someone and was engaged to them not even a month after their break up? Was Ariana leaving to get Mac to find help, or was she leaving because she cheated on him? Because she fell for someone else?
I just don't get it.
Put yourself in Mac's shoes, I have millions of times, even more since his death, and I would be broken.
Mac Miller admitted a drug problem in his music, in talking–did she not think he was going to use again?
I just wish she waited, and I know that's not fair to her. But, I just wish she waited for him to seriously get better. I'm broken over his death: it's so hard to see someone that appeared so strong break like that.
Let's get personal.
My boyfriend is the most happy-go-lucky kid I ever met. I rarely see him upset, and if he is he knows how to dig himself out of that rut and move on. He's always confused on why I stay sad all the time, and why I let small things affect me. I don't want to say that he doesn't get it, but it's true, most people just don't get it.
I'm always afraid that he'd leave because I'd start effecting his happiness, that he'd be embarrassed to have such a sad girlfriend and maybe that's my anxiety settling in but, they're actually my fears.
I know I'm not alone in this.
And if those fears came true one day, if he left me because he thought it would better me, and if he meant that. I can promise you–my depression and anxiety would never, ever let me believe that.
You know, when you're in those lows. You'll never believe that anyone is there for you.
Take this for an example:
My therapist always told me to think about my mother and my parents when you're in that dark place. When you want to OD, or end your life. I have never in my life not thought about my parents when I do something, but hell, it's so freaking hard to make myself understand how broken my parents would be if I killed myself, but even just hurt myself.
And that they're there for you, always.
One time, I was in one of my "depressive episodes" and I told my boyfriend to "just break up with me." It was empowering to watch something so huge deflect right off of him like he didn't even hear it. He just kept walking and let me calm down.
Because did I want him to break up with me? No.
He was strong enough to just hug me right after and tell me he loved me. He was strong enough to be strong for me in that moment.