What Is Benching In Dating?
Ah, benching. While some of the other dating problems of 2020 might need a bit of explaining, the word "benching" kind of speaks for itself. In case it's not clear to you though, I can break it down most easily by saying it's when you keep someone on your dating roster to keep the bench warm in case your starting lineup (i.e. your first choices) can't play one day — or they quit.
In other words, it's having someone in your life who you're not completely disinterested in but also not giving the MVP title to. If your MVP no longer wants to play, you can still call up the guy or girl on the bench to keep the game alive. Benching someone, therefore, is putting someone on the back burner in case you need a backup plan.
Brutal, I know. But it's common.
According to Urban Dictionary, benching is "when you start dating someone you think is nice and who has potential, but you're not crazy about them. You don't know whether to keep dating them or dump them and move on to the next one. [So] instead of going for either of the above polarized options, you put your date in your mental 'maybe' folder and 'bench them' so you date around to see what else is out there."
How Do You Know If You're Being Benched?
While some of the signs of benching can also be mistaken for someone who is just "playing hard to get," the outcome might be pretty similar: you'll have to choose whether you're getting enough out of the relationship.
Here are seven signs to consider before you decide whether to have a conversation:
1. They are conveniently busy every time you ask to hang out
2. You rarely get to see them in person
3. They are very interested sometimes and not very interested others
4. There is little consistency in your communication
5. You're constantly worried about where your relationship stands
6. They haven't told their friends about you
7. You're always the one texting first or initiating conversation
What Should I Do If I'm Being Benched?
If you suspect you're being benched, it's important to be honest and talk to them so they know exactly where you're out. Yes, there is always the fear of rejection, but the best-case scenario is that you get some clarity and can move your relationship forward and the worst-case scenario is that they tell you they're not ready for more or can't give you what you're looking for and you now know you can stop wasting your time and start the process of moving onto someone who is better suited (and more worthy) of you!
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