The Difference Between Missing Someone And Missing The Idea Of Someone

The Difference Between Missing Someone And Missing The Idea Of Someone

Moving on is difficult, but maybe you already have?
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Relationships. One word. Thirteen letters. If only that was all there is to it.

Unfortunately, relationships often become the one thing I spend most of my time thinking about, analyzing, and stressing over. However, the actual relationship isn't what gets to me. The problem arises when everything ends, and I have no choice but to admit that I am the worst when it comes to moving on.

Maybe I'm bad at moving on because my idea of healing revolves around Pinteresting break-up quotes until I find the perfect one to tweet, because I just know that as soon as my ex sees that he'll come crawling back, right? Although I am still testing this theory, it has proven to be highly unsuccessful. As frustrating as that might be, I've realized the blessing behind my failed attempts to get the one who possibly-kind-of sort-of got away back.

Days, months, and soon a year will have passed since the relationship took a turn for the worst. I don't talk to him, I don't ever see him, and in a way it is the best thing that could have happened for right now. Simply because the longer that time goes on, the more I have to really think about how I feel towards the situation. Without this, I never could have realized the difference between missing someone and missing this idea of someone.

It would be wrong to say that for a while I didn't genuinely miss him. Him, as in the actual person. I missed his smile, his laugh, his eyes, and even the way he dressed. Those days were awful, but time goes on. And as time did go on, I stopped missing him. I stopped missing the actual person he was. Maybe it was because he had changed, or maybe because I changed, but all I knew was that the pain was gone.

It would be wrong to say that I didn't still miss him, though. However, now I just miss the version of him that loved me. I miss having someone to laugh with, someone who looked at me with love in their eyes, someone who couldn't say goodbye without giving me one more kiss. I miss the idea of going on dates and doing something special just to make someone that I cared about happy.

One day I do believe that my "Pinterest quote" method will be a hit, but until then I can say that I'm no longer bothered by the fact that a beautiful relationship cannot be mended. Time has made me realize that, truthfully, I don't want it to.

Every now and then I'll still get sad and wish he was around, but when I really take a step back to think about, analyze, and stress over the relationship, I remember that it is not him that I miss, but simply the idea of what it felt like to have someone. Because now our relationship is just one word, thirteen letters, and that's all there is to it.

Cover Image Credit: The Epoch

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

Once You Become My Ex, Please Know I Never Want Another Text From You Again

Block my number. I've already blocked yours.

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Growing up, it was always super important to me to end a relationship on good terms, at least as best as I could. I was friends with pretty much all of my exes, whether we talked frequently or not. It just made things easier in a small town with one high school.

I had it all wrong, though.

The truth is, I don't want to be your friend if we break up. Hell, I don't even want you to text me. There's no reason for it.

Be up in arms all you want at the "pettiness" or "drama" of this if that's what you want to do, I don't really care either way. Each relationship I've experienced in my lifetime has a specific place in my past, but that's exactly where they'll stay: my past. Every ex has their own designated chapter in a closed book.

When you end on terms that are even remotely OK, it's easy to stay checked in into each other's lives, whether that's texting or following them on social media. Something reminds you of them and you both text and reminisce about it, you congratulate them on a Facebook post, you watch their Snapchat and Instagram stories.

I don't care if you think we ended on good terms or not, don't check up on me. Don't tell me you hope I'm doing well. Don't try to contact me at all, frankly.

We're not friends. We were a couple, but now we're not. Any form of a relationship between the two of us ceased to exist the moment we ended our relationship. I'm not in high school anymore, I'm not still in that small town. I don't need to be your friend and keep up appearances to ensure the friend group still feels like nothing's really changed or to make everyone feel comfortable when we're both around.

So who are we kidding? There's just no reason for you to interact with me in any capacity. I don't need to be checked up on. I don't need you to text me for any reason, ever. Trust me, I'm doing just fine.

To all of my exes, you've held a significant place in my life, sure.

But your friendship isn't crucial to my happiness anymore.

I learned how to be just fine without you, so it's time for you to do the same.

I don't need the pleasantries, so just forget them. It's fine and all that maybe they matter to you, but they don't to me. I can promise you that I don't want to hear from you. I don't want to know how you've been, I don't want to know what you've been up to.

I've moved on. I don't need you in my life anymore, and frankly, I don't want you in it. I don't need to be your friend. So don't follow me on Twitter, delete me from your Snapchat, and block my number. I've already blocked yours.

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To My Best Friend Dealing With A Broken Heart, We'll Get Through This Together

I can't actually fill that void.

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To my best friend dealing with a broken heart,

It won't last forever.

Your heart, scratch that—you—will heal. You're already strong, but you'll become tougher. You're already smart, but you'll become wiser. You're already sexy, but you'll become even more irresistible.

And I'll be here the entire time. I can't wait to see who you become.

It won't be easy. I'm not going to sugar coat it and say that you'll be smiling and confidently strutting the streets by tomorrow. You have everything you need, but if your heart needs some time, take it. There's no rulebook. Honestly, I don't know how I got out of my rut, but I did and now I'm here. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I cried on end, but my support group–you–helped me through it one day at a time. Don't stress about what other people think—even me, forget my thoughts! Focus on you. What does your body need? What does your soul need?

I'm sorry. I wish I could take away this pain.

There's nothing that can compare to this feeling and I know I can't actually fill that void—no one can, other than you.

You never think it'll happen to you.

You had the future planned out. You shared your deepest darkest secrets. You both shared, I love you's and genuinely meant it. Of course, there were happy times. It was all real. I won't bash your ex unless you need me to (personally, I cringe anytime someone speaks badly of my ex... at the end of the day, I loved that man) but, just know, you did everything you could.

It wasn't meant to be and, one day, you will find your happily ever after. That love will be greater than anything you can ever imagine.

I'm not going to sit here and let you mope. The memories will never fade, but at this moment, forget about the past and the future, only the now. If you are angry, punch a wall, but steer away from feeling regret. Nothing in life is worth regretting over. It is all lessons-learned and adventures to remember later on.

This will pass and you will laugh about it. When I heard that for the first time, I wanted to scream, I could never laugh at the situation, but here I am now. You lost someone and that's never easy, but you've also gained so much experience.

You are gorgeous and breathtaking, you better start believing it because anyone would be so lucky to have you in their life.

Today, you start loving yourself.

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