The Difference Between Missing Someone And Missing The Idea Of Someone

The Difference Between Missing Someone And Missing The Idea Of Someone

Moving on is difficult, but maybe you already have?
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Relationships. One word. Thirteen letters. If only that was all there is to it.

Unfortunately, relationships often become the one thing I spend most of my time thinking about, analyzing, and stressing over. However, the actual relationship isn't what gets to me. The problem arises when everything ends, and I have no choice but to admit that I am the worst when it comes to moving on.

Maybe I'm bad at moving on because my idea of healing revolves around Pinteresting break-up quotes until I find the perfect one to tweet, because I just know that as soon as my ex sees that he'll come crawling back, right? Although I am still testing this theory, it has proven to be highly unsuccessful. As frustrating as that might be, I've realized the blessing behind my failed attempts to get the one who possibly-kind-of sort-of got away back.

Days, months, and soon a year will have passed since the relationship took a turn for the worst. I don't talk to him, I don't ever see him, and in a way it is the best thing that could have happened for right now. Simply because the longer that time goes on, the more I have to really think about how I feel towards the situation. Without this, I never could have realized the difference between missing someone and missing this idea of someone.

It would be wrong to say that for a while I didn't genuinely miss him. Him, as in the actual person. I missed his smile, his laugh, his eyes, and even the way he dressed. Those days were awful, but time goes on. And as time did go on, I stopped missing him. I stopped missing the actual person he was. Maybe it was because he had changed, or maybe because I changed, but all I knew was that the pain was gone.

It would be wrong to say that I didn't still miss him, though. However, now I just miss the version of him that loved me. I miss having someone to laugh with, someone who looked at me with love in their eyes, someone who couldn't say goodbye without giving me one more kiss. I miss the idea of going on dates and doing something special just to make someone that I cared about happy.

One day I do believe that my "Pinterest quote" method will be a hit, but until then I can say that I'm no longer bothered by the fact that a beautiful relationship cannot be mended. Time has made me realize that, truthfully, I don't want it to.

Every now and then I'll still get sad and wish he was around, but when I really take a step back to think about, analyze, and stress over the relationship, I remember that it is not him that I miss, but simply the idea of what it felt like to have someone. Because now our relationship is just one word, thirteen letters, and that's all there is to it.

Cover Image Credit: The Epoch

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

20 Feelings You Probably Still Have When You See Your Ex

It's never really over.

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Getting over an ex and moving on is HARD. We all felt at least one of these feelings:

1. You changed me 

2. You hurt me 

3. I still care, always will. 

4. I hate myself for caring still 

5. I still think of you 

6. I hate myself for thinking of you 

7. I know you are happier without me, and that hurts. 

8. I still feel like you are the one 

9. I want you back in my life

10. I don't want you back, I just miss the memories, I'm hurt. 

11. I wish you knew how I still cry over you 

12. You broke my heart and you don't even care 

13. I wonder if you even think of me

14. I will never find love because of you 

15. I feel damaged 

16. I don't want to fall in love anymore 

17. I would rather feel nothing 

18. I feel like I'm drowning in my own tears every time I see you

19. I want to be happy again, let me free, please. 

20. I deserve better, but you could of just been..BETTER. 

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10 Guys Admit The Moment They Realized Their Relationship Was Doomed

If you know, you know.

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It's not breaking news that you can just tell when your relationship is going downhill. Whether it's a mood change, a lack of wanting to be around each other, or a blatant fight, the signs are everywhere.

I sent out a survey asking guys to confess when they realized their relationship was bound to fail. Not necessarily a time stamp in the relationship duration where they realized this, but a realization that was prompted by something happening.

This is what they had to say.

1. The little things

"When she stopped smiling in our pictures."

2. Pretty obvious

"When she told me she wanted to break up with me."

3. Friends come first

"She made every excuse under the sun for not being able to be around when my friends were around and refused to meet my family, even after we'd been a thing for almost six months. Whenever I finally asked her about it, she changed the subject and adamantly refused to talk about it. So, I told her if she didn't want to meet my family yet, that was one thing. But if I had to choose between her or my friends, my friends win every time. So, we broke up."

4. Might want a restraining order

"When she broke into my home and I was woken up to her crying and yelling at me."

5. Red flags

"Talking to my partner started to fill me with dread and anxiety, texting was always just a series of miscommunications and fights and we only ever got along in person. There were so many flags that we were incompatible that I ignored throughout the relationship that all coalesced into a massive weight on my chest. Complaining to a close friend and hearing their advice was what finally tipped me off that waiting for things to change was going to get me absolutely nowhere, so I finally broke it off."

6. Communication is key

"Lack of respectful communication."

7. Hindsight is 20/20

"When she stopped texting me very often. The signs were there before but I was oblivious. 20/20 hindsight I guess."

8. Feeling's mutual

"My last relationship only ended because of long distance problems, and because I had to move. It was a mutual agreement."

9. Not enough time

"Neither of us had enough time for the other."

10. Not the right fit

"Our personalities really clashed. She kept participating in activities I wasn't really happy about and we fought about it a lot. We used to get along and be able to have a good time, but something happened I guess. She became a different person."

Responses have been edited for length or clarity.

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