When A Relationship Doesn’t Feel Right, Don’t Force Yourself To Make It Right

When A Relationship Doesn’t Feel Right, Don’t Force Yourself To Make It Right

I am 18, edging on 19, and I still haven't had my first relationship yet. Although I am perfectly content with the single life, I understand societal pressures of finding someone.

Linda Sun
Linda Sun

Lately, I've been really trying to branch out a meet new people. As a disclaimer, I want to say that I am as inexperienced as they come. I have never had my first relationship, boyfriend, or kiss. At this point in time, I don't think I have found anyone that I liked enough to share these first experiences. I have gone on a couple of dates with guys that I potentially thought I could date. However, with each and every one, I realized that I don't like them enough to actually date them. There was pitfalls and cringe-worthy moments to each. And, although they were experiences I would not trade for the world, they definitely aren't ones that I would choose to relive.

I am 18, edging on 19, and I still haven't had my first relationship yet. Although I am perfectly content with the single life, I understand the societal pressures of finding someone. In our society, it seems that being in a relationship is a mark of success. However, this is oftentimes true even for relationships that do not work and are toxic. Having the experience is sometimes more valued that having a good experience.

And, as time passed and more and more of my friends entered relationships, I began to question the amount I should treasure all the first. And, as time passed and more and more of my friends experienced a really crappy first relationship, I began to realize that maybe first times aren't that special. Recently, after going on a date with a guy that is mutual friends with my friend, I definitely began to feel uneasy.

On the date, there seemed to be moments when we clicked and things were going smoothly. Yet, the more the date progressed, he kept going with vague definitions of what he wanted in a relationship, and that ultimately didn't align with mine.

But, I was at a bypass. I felt like society was pressuring me to get a boyfriend, and I felt like I "needed" one. But, this date and this boy didn't seem right. I was trying to hold onto the brief moments when we clicked and tried to stretch it to form a whole relationship. And, for a bit, I really wanted it to stretch no matter how thin the connection became. It just didn't feel right. But, I tried to make right. I wanted so hard to finally get over with my potentially crappy first relationship to mark another spot on my belt.

Nevertheless, after talking more with my friends, they told me to treasure myself. As a result, I realized I REALLY wasn't interested in the boy. I would definitely be settling for less than best. This article is nothing against the boy, but I know when a relationship or a conversation feels right, it just feels right. Period. I know he would have been settling less than best if he were to get into a relationship with me too. There is someone out there that fits him more perfectly. And, that's not me and I'm not for him. Still, that's OK.

I have to tell him that I'm not interested. My firsts are special, and I deserve special experiences. I might have forgotten this briefly. But, it's important to not compromise on your morals. The worst thing you can do is waste time on something that won't bear fruit for you or your fake "boyfriend to be."

Linda Sun
Linda Sun

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

5 Movie Sex Scenes That Would Never Go Down Like That In Real Life

There's a lot of time, scripts, makeup, and lights that are involved in these scenes that make them what they are, unlike the sex that happens in real life.

Dr King
Dr King

When I was a child, my idea of sex was confined to what I saw in the media—two people rolling around underneath the sheets of their bed. I didn't understand what was going on at the time until my parents had the birds and the bees talk with me, but still, sex was not something that was discussed regularly in any setting so I couldn't help but use the movies and television as my main source for sex education. When I was a teenager, I started watching rom-coms so my idea of sex expanded to a scenario where two people who loved each other effortlessly fall into a euphoric experience and then they live happily ever after.

Then something about the idea I had changed as I watched the series premiere of "Secret Life of the American Teenager," a popular teen drama from ABC family about a girl who struggles with being a mother in high school. One of the first and most memorable scenes of the show is when Amy Juergens talks to her best friends about what it was like to have sex for the first time. Her friends were ecstatic for her at first until she revealed her dismay, telling them "I didn't exactly realize what was happening until, like, after two seconds, and then it was just over. And it wasn't fun and definitely not like what you see in the movies, you know, all romantic and stuff."

I heard those words and was immediately taken aback. As a 13-year-old, sex wasn't on my mind much, but I couldn't help but hope that I could experience the magic I saw on screen. Then eight years later I have sex for the first time and I realized that what she said was right...not about the part about it not being fun, but more-so about the part that sex is not actually like what is depicted in the movies.

Here are five examples in movies that created unrealistic sex scenes for its viewers:

1. Skyfall

This steamy scene between Bond and Severine make shower sex look passionate and trouble-free, but do its expectations match reality? No. What they don't show you is the sting from the water getting into your eyes, the awkward positions your bodies have to accommodate with if there's a significant height difference between you and your partner and the fact that water is a terrible substitute for lube because it strips away the natural lubrication your genitals produce.

2. No Strings Attached

Sometimes there are those moments when you want to have sex, but you don't have that much time on your hands so you have to fit in a quick session before work in the morning, in between classes, or right before the kids come back home. Though Natalie Portman's "O" face is spot on, the main thing that makes her quickie with Ashton Kutcher's unrealistic is that she still manages to climax after 45 seconds without any kind of foreplay, lube, or toys involved. The female orgasm is still possible during a quickie, but in real life, there will still have to be creative measures involved so that enough stimulation outside of penetration is involved to get her warmed up.

3. Fifty Shades of Grey

As much as I enjoyed the playfulness behind Ana and Christian dipping ice cream on each other's bodies and licking it off each other, I couldn't help but roll my eyes at how over exaggerated it became. Yes, I understand that when something feels good, a moan or some type of vocalization will happen, but getting some kisses and licks on your thighs isn't going to have you arching your back like a demon going through an exorcism.

4. Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's chemistry and passion in this scene is undeniable and it almost makes you want to start a fight with your partner just so you two can have some hot, angry sex just like them. Here's the problem though. They go from nearly killing each other to being boo'ed up like nothing happened. While angry sex can be a way for some couples to express emotions through adrenaline, it isn't the answer to our problems and shouldn't be a substitute for healthy communication.

5. Titantic

The moment in the movie when Kate Winslet's hand slams against the door of the car and drifts down as we stare at her steamy handprint and secretly wish we were sleeping with Leonardo DiCaprio will always be a classic. However, this scene is still a scam for those who hope car sex is as passionate and heartfelt as that. Truth be told, there's limited space to feel comfortable so leg cramps are inevitable and sliding against leather feels awful on your skin. To top things off, if you aren't careful enough, you may get caught by the police and ultimately have to register as a sex offender depending on your state's laws.

I truly hope for the day that sex in the media is represented in more of a realistic way, but until then, we just have to remember to take movies for what they are. Acting. There's a lot of time, scripts, makeup, and lights that are involved in these scenes that make them what they are, unlike the sex that happens in real life. As a matter of fact, sometimes sex isn't romantic. Sometimes it's not a fairy tale. There are times when it can be mind-blowing and other times when it's awkward, funny, or simply not what we expect. Do I appreciate fictional sex? Of course. But mainstream entertainment should also take the time to show us more than the sex we supposedly fantasize about and also show us sex that we can look at and see ourselves.

Dr King
Dr King

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To The Ex Who Won’t Move On, It’s Time To Let Go

Moving on is hard, but it’s time for you to realize I’m gone.


It's been a year. It's been 365 days since I left you. I was ready for a change. Our relationship was unhealthy and very toxic. We argued constantly. You were very controlling, and it was time to end it. You knew you were the issue in the relationship and you knew what needed to be fixed.

You couldn't change.

After figuring out I couldn't live the rest of my life unhappy, I left. It was hard no doubt. We had good memories, but the bad outweighed the good. You never appreciated me. You weren't loyal to me and I never understand why. You always made me feel as if I was never enough.

I finally left you. You couldn't accept the fact that I was done. I told you I discovered my self-worth and you were angry. You didn't want to see me go. You called and texted me for weeks.

I ignored you.

You were so mad because I was finally done. You had convinced yourself that I would come back but little did you know, I wouldn't. You called and texted daily. You even called my job. You didn't understand. I could no longer listen to ongoing insults and constant accusations. I had enough of it.

When I didn't respond to your calls and texts, you began using text apps and calling me from restricted. You wouldn't stop. When you found out I moved on, it got worse. I begged you to stop and you wouldn't. I finally stopped responding. You still continue to try to contact me.

I need you to move on. I want to put everything behind us. I want you to go out and find someone to make you happy. I need you to realize you and I are over. I want you to move on like I did. I am happy now and I don't need you ruining that. To my ex who is struggling to move on, it's time to let go and move on.

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