Please Don't Shame Me For Liking "Traditional" Gender Roles

Please Don't Shame Me For Liking "Traditional" Gender Roles

I will never diminish your dreams, please don't diminish mine.

You can't talk about relationships without talking about gender roles, and of course you can't talk about gender roles without talking about sexism. So, let me give you a super quick rundown of the different kinds of sexism, how they're defined, and how they affect women.

Sexism, like any other bias, is based on the idea that one gender is superior to the other gender. Research has shown that the stereotypes attached to social appropriate gender roles are the driving factor in the propagation of sexism. Now, sexism has two main categories: hostile and benevolent. Hostile sexism is characterized by an antagonistic attitude toward women and the suggestion that women are trying to use their "feminist ideal" and "sexual power" to overthrow the masculine rule. Benevolent sexism on the other hand includes these ideas of chivalry and care for women; on the surface this benevolence seems favorable, but it is undertone with ideas that women are weak and incapable without a men in their lives. A subcategory, ambivalent sexism, produces idea that women are capable, but should be cherished, or perhaps that a good woman would appreciate the things a man does for her. Still, this could be detrimental.

And then there's me...educated, understanding how these views can be detrimental to humanity, having brushed up on the waves of feminism, but nonetheless, still subscribing to gender roles. There, I said it, I love the idea of traditional gender roles.

Don't shame me for it. Slack jawed girls look at me in my Gender and Women's Studies courses, and a symphony of scoffs follow all my comments in Psychology of Gender, but hey, why?

I was raised in a traditonal family. No matter what occupation my father had, he worked day in and day out to make sure there was food on our table. My mother, she was a mama. My mother has the hardest job in the world, being a mom. I grew up with her as my role model; attentive, kind, collected, nurturing, faithful, caring. As I continued to grow, the girls around me were talking about how they want to be lawyers, congresswomen, doctors, judges; they made me feel like my dream of being a mother was worthless.

For me, being a mother and a wife is the epitome of womanhood. Taking the gifts I was given, and the love I share with a man, to create new life in the world...that's incredible. To be given the responsibility to raise, rear, and revere this child as the work of my hands is huge. Since the dawn of time women have served a purpose in the both the household and the community as caretakers, and I don't know why that has to change. The more shocking part for most of my peers is that I am comfortable "submitting" to my future husband.

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the Church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the Church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." (Ephesians 5:22, NKJV)

I believe with everything in myself that the Lord created men and women with different affects, different emotions, different sensibilities. I choose to celebrate these differences in my everyday life. So, sure, I am going to submit to my husband, and yes, maybe I'd like him to put me on a pedestal, but worry not, it's not one sided, he will be on a pedestal too.

I will always be the biggest supporter of women doing what they want to do. I impatiently await the day I see a woman as the President, and I hope to see hospitals flooded with female doctors, courtrooms scattered with female attorneys. I will never diminish your dreams, please don't diminish mine.

Cover Image Credit: Tom Pumford//Unsplash

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

I Am A Hopeless Romantic Living In A World Where One-Night Stands Are The Norm

It's the little things.


In today's society, it can certainly start to feel like no one takes love seriously anymore.

Whether it's that one couple who has broken up and gotten back together more times than you can count, the two friends-with-benefits no one can figure out, your local womanizer, or just hookups in general, love and lust are a huge part of specifically college life and culture.

As a hopeless romantic, being part of a generation that "just wants to have fun" can be really frustrating, especially when you just want to find something real. It is so easy for people to put on a fake act just to get what they want and sometimes this can be extremely hard to see through. I'm sure we've all had some kind of incident with someone who played nice but had ulterior motives and the sad truth is that it can be impossible to recognize a person's artificiality.

I am a hopeless romantic.

I have always classified myself as such, and it has remained true. Sure, I can make the most of the freedoms I have as a single college woman, but deep down I just want to find my person.

I've had my fair share of letdowns, and I think we all have, but being a hopeless romantic makes it that much more difficult to get past the "what ifs" and fantasies that come along with starting something with someone new. We may already have our hearts set on a person when they decide they've gotten what they wanted and leave.

For me, I find myself caught up in the little things that someone does. I have always been someone who picks up on small details in situations, and sometimes this works against me.

I pick up on the small facial expressions that he may not even realize he is making; the ones that tell you when their guard has been let down, even just for a split second.

I pick up on the way he sits our two cellphones side by side on the nightstand, taking care to line them up perfectly as if that's just their spot.

I pick up on the short moments of laughter where he actually lets himself laugh and forgets about the act.

I pick up on things, and sometimes I end up hurting because of it.

When it comes down to it, though, I wouldn't change the way that I am. I wouldn't change the fact that I find myself in the search for more in a society that mostly only offers me less.

The trait that tends to hurt me most is also the one that I value most. Even if noticing all the little things is something that contributes to my own heartache, I love those moments. There is something beautiful about those tiny things shared by two people, even if the connection ends there.

Sure, it can be hard. But so can everything.

It's just a matter of finding the beauty.

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Dedicate Your Summer To Bettering Yourself For Yourself, Not Your Ex

Why waste energy on an ex who doesn't care about you anymore?


I'm single for the summer (yet again, no shock there) but this summer there's something in the air that just feels different. It's the feeling of true acceptance of my single status.

Last summer I was single when I really didn't want to be. My heart with still holding out for a guy who wasn't interested in anything more than my friendship. It took me from late March all the way until Halloween to get over those feelings. However, while working through those tough feelings that summer, I came to enjoy my time on my own and not talking to anyone except my best friends. I didn't have to worry about when I'd get a text back, or if I'd be left on read, or who he'd be out with since I wasn't around. The only thing I needed to worry about was my paychecks and tan lines.

Sometimes after breaking things off with someone who you put so much effort into, whether it was a boyfriend, an almost relationship, or even a friend with benefits, it's easy to want to show off on social media and make them regret ever hurting you or ending things. Why? It's a nice little ego boost, sure, but after those few seconds of glee from the fact that you know they've seen and maybe even liked your picture or your tweet, or saw your story on Snapchat, do you still feel happy? No, you go right back to feeling like crap, whether you want to admit it or not. Stop making yourself all about them when that ship has sailed and start being all about you.

Your ex is off doing their own thing, maybe thinking about you, but obviously not enough to want you back in their life the way you used to be. They are probably out there finding a new person to take your spot because they don't have you at their beck and call anymore. If they're also showing off to show you how much better they are without you or to make you jealous...why are you still following them or still participating in this sick little game for attention? Grow up and block them so you don't have to keep seeing their posts, or be adult enough to stop if you're doing the same as well. If it's only you posting, chances are you just look stupid, so stop before you really embarrass yourself. I was that person, and I know first hand how embarrassed I am for acting the way I did.

Summer is synonymous for doing whatever the hell you want. Wear what you want, say what you want, and be the best version of yourself that only a high dose of Vitamin D can bring out. Your ex is an ex for many reasons. You have to set aside the summer for you and what benefits you only. Don't concern yourself with an ex who doesn't care in the least about you anymore. Coming from someone who posted thirst traps aimed at a specific person along with countless shady AF stories on Snap and Insta in the hopes that this one person and their friends would see it, just stop and save yourself the energy as well as regret.

We're all adults, it's time to stop the petty posts and photos. Post your thirst trap for yourself because you're a sexy queen who doesn't need anyone but herself. Once you start focusing on yourself this summer, instead of your ex, you'll realize just have great it feels to truly be free.

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