Don't Tell A Woman 'Her Clock Is Ticking' When You Don't Even Know

Don't Tell A Woman 'Her Clock Is Ticking' When You Don't Even Know

Asking a women if/when she will be having kids is both rude and insensitive.

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"Your clock is ticking"

"Your time is running out"

As a woman, especially now reaching adulthood, I'm quite frequently asked about my plan for children. When I plan on having them, if I plan on having them and then the opinions of those who ask. If I say I'm not ready for kids yet, which I'm not being only 21, I get told not to wait too long. If I say I don't know when I'm having kids, which I don't because in truth it's often uncontrollable, I get told that I should know at this age.

If I tell them that I want to wait until I'm at least 26, they tell my my biological clock is ticking. I shouldn't wait, before it's too late.

Why do we ask women these questions? What if I was infertile? What if it was impossible for me to have kids on my own? How would I know how to answer these questions?

Those are the things nobody thinks about when they ask someone about their plans for children. Nobody thinks about the challenges that a woman can face while trying to get herself pregnant. It's not as easy as "just having sex" like it can be for most.

You often will meet women in your life who can't have kids, but really want to. When they get asked those questions, you're putting them in the most painful and uncomfortable situation possible. Her heart will break and she'll try to hold back the tears as the "what if" thoughts come rolling through. And because you asked her this question, she can't just disappear and walk away. She's forced to swallow back the lump in her throat and give you some kind of answer as to why she doesn't have kids.

Some women face the problem where they've tried having kids and they do get pregnant. But face problems early in the pregnancy where they lose the baby. Then they're struck with the reminder of what could've been.

Stop asking women anything about when or if they will be having children.

That is a personal question that should never be asked. Whether by a man or another woman. As a fellow woman, you should know not to ask another about their possibility of childbirth.

If a woman is waiting to have kids, do not tell her that her biological clock is ticking. Not only is it incredibly rude, but it is entirely insensitive. A woman should be allowed to decide when or if she wants to birth children. We do not live in the 1950's where every woman had to marry by a certain age and have kids right after.

We now live in a world where, women have a choice. Some women don't want kids, they'd rather focus on their careers and living their life. Some do want kids, but want to wait until they are out of college.

Whatever the case may be. Don't, ever, ask a woman about when she's having kids or if she's having kids. That is her business and her partners. Not yours. Unless she brings up the conversation with you first. Do not ask. Whether you have known her for years and especially if you have just met her.

Stop asking.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

Tumblr Is Specifically Targeting Women By Banning Porn

Tumblr's male CEO Jeff D'Onofrio belief that, "there are no shortage of sites on the internet that feature adult content" is just as privileged as he is.

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If you've logged into your middle school Tumblr recently, you'd notice that Tumblr is still the same place you remember. Perhaps stuck in a bit of a time warp, it's still full of fanfiction, fan pages, basic white girl stuff, and porn. A lot of porn.

Tumblr announced Monday, December 3 that all adult content AKA pornography will no longer be allowed on the site.

Excuse me. What?

First, Tumblr have you forgotten that porn and thinspiration blogs are what made you famous? Tumblr has always been the "legit" version of the dark dim part of the internet.

Jeff D'Onofrio, Tumblr's white, male CEO said this in the announcement blog post:

"Bottom line: There are no shortage of sites on the internet that feature adult content. We will leave it to them and focus our efforts on creating the most welcoming environment possible for our community."

Jeff—I'm here to tell you that you are incorrect.

As a woman, I never felt like it was acceptable to view porn. PornHub and sites like it were not an option.

It was Tumblr that introduced me and many of my friends to "tasteful," soft pornography. For myself and many other women I know, they still felt safe viewing porn on Tumblr.

Tumblr does not fill the same niche as PornHub.

Adult content on Tumblr is as wide-reaching as the mind. D'Onofrio said himself, "Tumblr has always been a place for wide open, creative self-expression at the heart of community and culture."

I hate to break it to you, but adult content is culture.

Tumblr was a place where folks could find their sexual identity. Stumble into kinks and fetishes that they never knew existed.

Tumblr is shamming every woman that found their sexuality on the platform.

By banning adult content, Tumblr is saying, "Hey Women! The content that you found sexually freeing is wrong, it doesn't belong here, and you should go find it somewhere else. We don't care if we're taking away your community."

Sex workers are concerned about the impact on their lives as well.

To be clear, Tumblr should do its best to limit illegal and underage pornography. But, let's not throw out the champagne with the cork.

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Pelvic Floor Dysfunction Is More Common Than You Think And It's The Reason Sex Can Be So Painful

Pelvic Floor what?

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Losing your virginity comes with a flood of different emotions like excitement, fear, happiness, oh, and pain. Wow did you not expect the pain, but you heard it's supposed to hurt a lot less the second time, and every other time after.

Only, for you, it's painful every single time, you tense up and don't know why. Your partner tells you just to relax, but it's not that easy, and it feels like it's something you can't control. Why does this happen? I might just have an answer for it, and a way to make it better.

Pelvic Floor Dysfunction. Pelvic what now?

Pelvic Floor Dysfunction, according to a blog written by the Florida Hospital, "refers to a wide range of disorders that occur when muscles of the pelvic floor are weak, tight or torn." Ouch. The pelvic floor muscles keep your organs in place, and when they are weakened, you can develop PFD. The range of symptoms can go from the strong frequent urge to urinate, painful periods and difficulty with going a number two. The symptom I found most surprising was painful intercourse.

This isn't something my gyno ever talked to me about or even my regular doctor. I literally just found out this existed, and it makes a lot of sense in terms of the issues a lot of women, in particular, have with their sex lives.

Definitely do not pull a me and self-diagnose, talk to your gyno. I have researched a good chunk of ways that this issue can be fixed, or at least made more bearable. We deserve a sex life that doesn't involve pain to the extent we experience it, it's time to be liberated ladies!

Try doing yoga. Three out of four women surveyed said their sex lives improved in all aspects due to doing yoga. Yoga relaxes you, which is where the benefits of a better sex life come from. You can try yoga in a class, or even watch a video on Youtube and teach yourself.

Kegel exercises are another thing to try. Kegel is when you contract and relax the muscles of your pelvic floor, where your uterus and bladder are held in place. The goal is to give your muscles a toned effect, and this can result in reducing pain (yay) during sex, being aware of yourself climaxing/ having a better orgasm (HELLO) and helping with urinary incontinence too. The basics are pretending you're holding your pee when you really have to go. Do this for two to three seconds on an empty bladder and then release. Once you get the hang of it, do about five sets of ten reps a day, and await the improvements.

There is also pelvic floor physical therapy you can try. The International Society for Sexual Medicine says you are "taught how to contract and relax pelvic floor muscles in relation to other muscles and breathing and timing techniques to make the exercises more effective. These exercises can stretch tight muscles, strengthen weak ones, and improve flexibility." Other forms of therapy include self-education, manual therapy, pelvic floor biofeedback, electronic simulation, and vaginal dilators. I know some of those terms sound like a foreign language, so I'm linking the website for you all to check out.

In terms of sex positions, it's honestly up to you and how you feel. Experiment with what feels good and what doesn't feel so good. If you have a solid man in your life, he'll do whatever he can to make sure you feel the best you can. Use a pillow under your pelvis and have him hit it from behind, because sis, it makes the world of a difference compared to the lovely standard missionary. That's something I've heard helps. Cosmopolitan has done a fabulous job of listing five positions you should try if sex hurts, and I hope they work and feel as great as they look.

To all my ladies who experience painful sex on the regular, I feel you, and we deserve better. Talk to your gyno about what you're experiencing, and don't let any guy tell you to "relax and stop tensing up." Have some great sex!

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