If You Dumped Her, Then Let Her Be

If You Dumped Her, Then Let Her Be

It's OK to want the best for her, but if you don't want her, then retreat.


The thing about breakups is that they are an end to something. They stop friendships in their tracks, cut off emotions, and strip you and your partner of the title "significant other."

One of the strangest and most difficult parts is cutting contact with one another. It's when you go from talking all the time, texting, Snapchatting and calling one another to absolute radio silence.

That would be the normal response, but what about the exes that never really go away? The ones that hover around you and keep in touch with you, even while your heart is on the mend?

For whatever reason, sometimes exes don't actually leave. They break up with you. They give you some sad reason, ranging from their lack of feelings for you to why you're not the one. Then they feed you lines about what a great person you are and tell you that they want to remain friends. And they actually try to remain friends!

Here's the thing, guys. You're not helping.

If her heart is on the mend, it's on the mend.

You're right, she is an absolutely fantastic person. She is funny and smart and caring. She is an amazing friend. She's an amazing cook. And she does your laundry better than you ever could.

But do you really think you're doing her any favors by following her around? What do you gain from keeping tabs on her? You Snapchat her flirty comments, randomly "drop by" her apartment and send texts to "check in."

I get it. You want her to be happy. You want to make sure she's OK. You want the best for her. You just don't want her.

You're allowed to want more for her. You're allowed to care about her and want someone to treat her right. You're allowed to be curious and want to know that she's OK. You just can't ask her.

When you hang around, you don't give her heart a chance to forget you. When you remain curious about her, you don't give her room to heal from how you hurt her. You make her even more confused.

Your intentions might be clear to you. You know that you're just making sure she's OK. But to her, you regret breaking up. There's no way she won't confuse that.

Maybe you really are conflicted. And if so, figure it out before you come talk to her. Otherwise, keep it to yourself.

You're probably a really decent guy, with nothing but pure intentions and love for someone you once dated. But you're doing her a disservice but following her around. You're leaving her accidental breadcrumbs, and she's going to follow your trail. Don't tease her with food when you intend to cut her off.

Maybe you really can be friends again someday, but give her some time before you make that choice for her. Give her heart a break. Give her head a break. Give it all a break.

It's OK to want the best for her, but if you don't want her, then retreat.

Don't hang around. Don't "check in." Don't drop by her apartment or send her texts to ask about her life. Don't give her a reason to still love you. Because that is so unfair.

You broke up with her, so let her be. She deserves peace and clarity, and all you're dishing out is confusion.

It's OK to miss her. Just shut up.

She knows she's a good person. You're not the person she needs to hear that from. So, from now on, try gifting her with silence.

She will be OK.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

As Much As You May Want To, You'll Never Get Over Your First Love

You never forget your first


Your first love is just that: the first person you've ever truly loved (besides your family and friends). Maybe you've kissed a few people before, but with this person it's different. They mean something to you that no other person ever has before. Maybe you met this person when you were younger in high school or met them a little later in life as I did at the end of my first year of college. Meeting my first love transformed me, both for the good and the bad, and as much as I may want to, I'll never get over my first love and neither will you.

When we met, we didn't meet in some fantastical way, we met on Tinder right after a surprise breakup of mine. We had instant chemistry, and I didn't get to kiss him for weeks because I ended up getting mono right after the breakup (haha whoops). He was the first person I've ever kissed who I didn't want to stop kissing- ever. Yes, second semester freshman year me was super extra when it came to him, but being with him was so different than anyone else. Things progressed through the summer as we talked every single day, even though we never got to meet up because we were both busy, and at the beginning of my sophomore year, I lost my virginity to him. That was a big step for someone who thought she'd wait until she was married. He made sure I was fine and didn't push me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. I'll treasure that forever.

He was someone I loved with all of my being, to the point where it was physically hurting me in the end because I knew what I felt wasn't going to ever be reciprocated the way I wanted it to be. That's when I had to end it, which was one of the hardest things I've ever done. To me, he was a boyfriend, but to him, I was a friend with benefits. I wanted something more and he wanted less, and I didn't want to accept that. I wasn't his first love but he was mine, which he doesn't know and probably never will. I have had moments where I thought I was over him, but then all the emotions flood right back. In hard moments of hurt is when I miss him the most, but also in moments of joy too. If I see a nice car I think of him, or of other little things, like a french bulldog or The Fast and The Furious.

Your first love leaves such a monumental effect on you as a person. They have seen parts of you others have not. You will always remember your firsts more than anything else, which is why your first love never leaves you. As roughly as things ended between he and I, he's always going to have a piece of me that no one else will ever have. The relationship we had wasn't what you'd expect from someone you call your first love, but his mark on me is what helped shape me into who I am today for better or for worse.

Don't let any negativity remain when it comes to your first love (if there is any). Let it go and remember the good. They will be a part of you forever, so you can never truly get over you.

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Why You Keep Falling In Love With People Who Don’t Love You Back In Your 20s

It's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.


Can love truly be both beautiful and heartbreaking?

It's a question I silently asked myself, sitting shotgun in a car next to someone I considered my friend.

A "friend" seemed to be the right label to define our relationship. To him, I was just a friend—who just happened to be a girl, a girl he texts regularly, jokes around, and can grab a drink with. And we loved each other as friends, because we both trusted each other, we had fun together and each had our own independent lives which would connect occasionally in a complete, non-questionable platonic way.

But slowly, for me, he was becoming everything I've ever wanted in a guy, standing right in front of me. But he wasn't mine to have.

And imagine being so close to someone you want except you can't have him because it might just ruin everything you've already shared together. Because what if you scare him away? What if he replies by telling you "No"?

That's the simple nature of falling in love with someone you can't be with.

In our early part of our lives—particularly in our 20s and during our college years, we all experience this type of heartbreak.

To name a few: A high school boyfriend who lives halfway across the country now. The hot guy you sit next to in lecture who already has a girlfriend. The casual hookup who you just can't manage to stop thinking about as you endlessly toss and turn at night. The platonic friend who doesn't quite see you as being something more.

We all at one point in our thoughts have imagined "coupling" or sharing a life with a guy who we can't seem to have for ourselves. We've always dreamt how things could actually work out if you actually shared your feelings with him except the closest we'll ever reach to it is in our dreams, not reality.

And to examine the logic behind why this happens, we have to first admit how we always want what we can't have.

Because it's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

So, it's not really this case of the whole Romeo and Juliet "star-crossed lovers" BS but rather, it's purely a one sided love which can most definitely be beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Beautiful because there's always a connection you feel which makes you all warm and bubbly inside but heartbreaking because you know this connection is merely flowing in a one way track.

So then, why do we tend to maintain our connections with these people who hurt us?

One reason is because you're afraid to lose him altogether. Perhaps you think he's going to go on full freak-out mode after you spill the beans to him. My piece of advice in this scenario would be to just suck it up and take the chance. Talk to him about how you feel because honestly, what's there to lose? Unless you're not reciting some sappy, over-the-top love story about how many kids you plan to have with him, you're fine.

But perhaps, the most common reason is because we assume he might eventually fall in love with us, too.

And if this pertains to you, gear up because I can write on for days about why this is a big no-no. Heck, I can probably teach a class or lecture to all of you about my elaborative theory of why you will definitely know whether a boy truly loves you or not. It's plain and simple—if he loves you, he'll make sure you know.

And you can't force someone to fall in love with you. Even if you pay them a million bucks, you can get them to pretend to love you or force them to be with you—but it's never going to be true love. Because true, unrequited love is effortless. It comes naturally. The fiery passion will be shared mutually and you won't ever have to question whether or not you belong with him.

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