The thing about breakups is that they are an end to something. They stop friendships in their tracks, cut off emotions, and strip you and your partner of the title "significant other."
One of the strangest and most difficult parts is cutting contact with one another. It's when you go from talking all the time, texting, Snapchatting and calling one another to absolute radio silence.
That would be the normal response, but what about the exes that never really go away? The ones that hover around you and keep in touch with you, even while your heart is on the mend?
For whatever reason, sometimes exes don't actually leave. They break up with you. They give you some sad reason, ranging from their lack of feelings for you to why you're not the one. Then they feed you lines about what a great person you are and tell you that they want to remain friends. And they actually try to remain friends!
Here's the thing, guys. You're not helping.
If her heart is on the mend, it's on the mend.
You're right, she is an absolutely fantastic person. She is funny and smart and caring. She is an amazing friend. She's an amazing cook. And she does your laundry better than you ever could.
But do you really think you're doing her any favors by following her around? What do you gain from keeping tabs on her? You Snapchat her flirty comments, randomly "drop by" her apartment and send texts to "check in."
I get it. You want her to be happy. You want to make sure she's OK. You want the best for her. You just don't want her.
You're allowed to want more for her. You're allowed to care about her and want someone to treat her right. You're allowed to be curious and want to know that she's OK. You just can't ask her.
When you hang around, you don't give her heart a chance to forget you. When you remain curious about her, you don't give her room to heal from how you hurt her. You make her even more confused.
Your intentions might be clear to you. You know that you're just making sure she's OK. But to her, you regret breaking up. There's no way she won't confuse that.
Maybe you really are conflicted. And if so, figure it out before you come talk to her. Otherwise, keep it to yourself.
You're probably a really decent guy, with nothing but pure intentions and love for someone you once dated. But you're doing her a disservice but following her around. You're leaving her accidental breadcrumbs, and she's going to follow your trail. Don't tease her with food when you intend to cut her off.
Maybe you really can be friends again someday, but give her some time before you make that choice for her. Give her heart a break. Give her head a break. Give it all a break.
It's OK to want the best for her, but if you don't want her, then retreat.
Don't hang around. Don't "check in." Don't drop by her apartment or send her texts to ask about her life. Don't give her a reason to still love you. Because that is so unfair.
You broke up with her, so let her be. She deserves peace and clarity, and all you're dishing out is confusion.
It's OK to miss her. Just shut up.
She knows she's a good person. You're not the person she needs to hear that from. So, from now on, try gifting her with silence.
She will be OK.