The Do’s And Don’t's After A 'Mutual' Breakup

The Do’s And Don’t's After A 'Mutual' Breakup

Doing crazy things won't make you feel better.

Breakups are a truly hopeless situation to go through, especially after spending so much time with one person. Long-term relationship breakups are especially hard because you spent such a long period of time with that person that there is an extensive adjustment period when you try to be by yourself for the first time in a while. There is no estimated “recovery time”, and it is different for every person.

These Do’s and Don’ts might make it a bit easier to adjust to the situation. These universal do’s and don’ts are bound to help in most break-up situations.

DO—Let It All Out

Take out your laptop or a notebook and take as long as you need to write it out. If you truly don’t have any hard feelings about it, sit and reflect on your relationship. When you’re done, and it might take you the span of a couple weeks to make sure you got it all out, you have two options. You can either get rid of it in any way you feel fit, or, if you feel brave, keep it. When you’re ready, you can re-read it when you aren’t experiencing multiple emotions. Take accountability where its due, and acknowledge your flaws. After you feel better, just get ride of it. It’s a liberating feeling to let go of all the emotions you packed into those pages.

DO—Put Their Stuff Away

If they want it back, leave it on the front door or just mail it to them. Put it all in a box, tape it shut, and shove it in the attic or the back of your closet. You don’t want to make any rash decisions that you’ll regret later. When you find the box in the future, you might get a smile reminiscing about all the good times you had.

DO— Become Emotionally Stable

This sounds easier than it is. You’re going to wake up feeling sad one day, and want to burn the world to the ground the next. Little things you see or do might set you off, so allow yourself to have a few days to get your emotions in check.

DO— Resume an Old Hobby or Find a New One

Maybe you lost time for yourself to do what you enjoyed individually, or there has been something you’ve been meaning to try. Now is a perfect time!

DO— Listen to Some Really Sad Music

You’re allowed to sit in bed and listen to music that makes you cry. Eat in bed while you listen if you really want to. Sometimes music helps you get the tears out that you aren’t allowing yourself to shed.

DO— Stay in with Some Friends

Have a girl’s night where you can drunk-cry and be surrounded by people who won’t judge you. The last thing you need is to go out to a bar and end up crying to the guy that just bought you a drink about your tragic breakup.

DON'T—Hook Up or Rebound

You’ll probably have too many mixed emotions afterward, and it will just confuse you. Take the time to breathe. There is no point in ruining someone else’s emotions just to make yourself feel better or to help you decide if you’re over your ex or not.

DON'T—Trash Talk Your Ex

You wouldn’t want them throwing your name around, so don’t do it to them. Obviously, your closest friends are going to hear all about it, but the whole world doesn’t need to know. Stay off social media for awhile before you post anything that would make things worse.

DON'T—Block Them On Social Media

This is absolutely unnecessary and won’t make you feel better in anyway. Take the time to calm down, find yourself, and reflect. Once you think you’re ready, you can check in on how they are doing…you know you want to. If you’re unhappy with what you see, it's up to you to decide whether or not to keep them on your social media or not.

DON'T—Play the Blame Game

Pointing fingers wont make any of you feel better. There is nothing either of you could’ve done to prevent this from happening. The sooner you accept it, the better.

You broke up for a reason. Maybe there were things you just couldn’t see past, or forgive, or you were going in opposite directions. Just remember, you didn’t spend months or years with this person for no reason. The relationship wasn’t a total waste. That was the person you were in love with, and you should never take that time for granted. After all, they were the person that made you truly happy at a time in your life.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

11 reasons It's important to Be a 'Good Ex'

Because being petty and vengeful isn't cute


Bad exes are truly an epidemic and, for all of our peace at mind, they need to be stopped. There's the exes who blow up our social media and our phones, leave desperate voicemails, stalk us in public, ask our friends how we're doing all the time…and plenty others who go to extensive ends just to get our attention (mostly in a bad way).

But what about you? Are you being courteous, sophisticated, and respectful of each other's boundaries and privacy?

If not, you really should be...and here's why:

It can definitely be tempting to be petty and subtweet your ex-boyfriend just so the world can know how awful he is. It's even more satisfying to rant about him to one of his close pals, or to throw armfuls of eggs at your ex-girlfriend's white Jeep until you've stopped crying. But at the end of the day, know that whatever karma you put out into the universe will come back to you in time. Make sure that you're being a good ex— and ultimately, a good person— if you want to draw your forever love even closer to you.

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Loving The Wrong Person Can Make You Lose Yourself, Trust me, I would Know

You're just stuck loving the wrong guy in an okay situation.


In a perfect world, we wouldn't ever have to fall in love with the wrong person. Falling in love with the wrong person means you have to feel all of the right things just to eventually feel all the wrong things too. There's no preparing you for this, and there's no going back once you're already there. You're just stuck loving the wrong guy in an okay situation.

It becomes comfortable, and not too long after, you become stuck.

Loving the wrong guy didn't get me much but it definitely taught me a thing or two.

I'm weak when I'm with the wrong guy. I stop voicing my opinion because I know it's never actually heard. I let things go unsaid because even saying something got me nowhere with him. I allowed for his mistakes to be swept under the rug while we continually played out the ones I made day by day. I was a coward when it came to what I deserved, and that's actually something I will always take credit for. He didn't force me to be weak. He didn't threaten me if I voiced my opinion. He never stopped me from bringing up his mistakes. I did all of that. It was because I knew the aftermath of all of those things came with arguments I didn't have the energy to have, or tears that I didn't have the willpower to cry.

The wrong guy means different things to different people. Some may use you for what you have, while another could cheat, lie, and steal with no problem. Mine just made me feel small and insignificant. He took away my character and molded me into a person I didn't recognize. I became what I promised myself I never would, which was a puppet for him to control. I started to be someone who made decisions based on what I thought a repercussion might be. Not long after that, I noticed every decision I made lose it's meaning because it wasn't actually me making them. I was so caught up in thinking I loved the right person that I realized it was more of that person just loving himself and making me think I did too.

Loving the wrong guy is like falling in a 12-foot hole, and never trying to understand a way out. In that hole, you have everything you actually need to survive, so instead of trying to dream about the ways you can get out and how your life will be different, you accept what it is. You just adapt to what's around you and love the things you have. It's when you finally figure a way out of that soul-depriving ditch when you realize your life was so limited and time was just wasted.

Do you ever stop to look around and ask yourself if this is the life you want for your future kids? Is your happiness enough that you'd feel content with your kids having it for the rest of their life? We love the wrong person, and then we try to tell ourselves he isn't wrong for us. We stay with the wrong person. We get comfortable. We settle into a lifestyle we are not head over heels in love with. We watch the person we once were, turn into a person that is making it work. All because we loved, settled, and stayed with the wrong guy.

I loved the wrong guy.

It taught me obvious things, like strength and clarity.

However, it also taught me deeper things, like what I actually wanted out of my life. It took me way too long to say it to myself, but when I did, I realized there was nothing or no one I would ever settle for again. I'd never let my opinion go unheard, and I would never fear a single repercussion. I'd start to accept who I was and make anyone who couldn't fuck right off. I learned that courage is most respected and deserved when it hurts, but that it makes you truly feel alive. I learned to try actually falling in love with the right guy, but if I don't, take what I learned from the last wrong one, and kick the next one's ass to the curb.

Maybe I lost part of myself when it came to him, but I got it back and made that part even stronger than it used to be.

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