The Do’s And Don’t's After A 'Mutual' Breakup

The Do’s And Don’t's After A 'Mutual' Breakup

Doing crazy things won't make you feel better.

Breakups are a truly hopeless situation to go through, especially after spending so much time with one person. Long-term relationship breakups are especially hard because you spent such a long period of time with that person that there is an extensive adjustment period when you try to be by yourself for the first time in a while. There is no estimated “recovery time”, and it is different for every person.

These Do’s and Don’ts might make it a bit easier to adjust to the situation. These universal do’s and don’ts are bound to help in most break-up situations.

DO—Let It All Out

Take out your laptop or a notebook and take as long as you need to write it out. If you truly don’t have any hard feelings about it, sit and reflect on your relationship. When you’re done, and it might take you the span of a couple weeks to make sure you got it all out, you have two options. You can either get rid of it in any way you feel fit, or, if you feel brave, keep it. When you’re ready, you can re-read it when you aren’t experiencing multiple emotions. Take accountability where its due, and acknowledge your flaws. After you feel better, just get ride of it. It’s a liberating feeling to let go of all the emotions you packed into those pages.

DO—Put Their Stuff Away

If they want it back, leave it on the front door or just mail it to them. Put it all in a box, tape it shut, and shove it in the attic or the back of your closet. You don’t want to make any rash decisions that you’ll regret later. When you find the box in the future, you might get a smile reminiscing about all the good times you had.

DO— Become Emotionally Stable

This sounds easier than it is. You’re going to wake up feeling sad one day, and want to burn the world to the ground the next. Little things you see or do might set you off, so allow yourself to have a few days to get your emotions in check.

DO— Resume an Old Hobby or Find a New One

Maybe you lost time for yourself to do what you enjoyed individually, or there has been something you’ve been meaning to try. Now is a perfect time!

DO— Listen to Some Really Sad Music

You’re allowed to sit in bed and listen to music that makes you cry. Eat in bed while you listen if you really want to. Sometimes music helps you get the tears out that you aren’t allowing yourself to shed.

DO— Stay in with Some Friends

Have a girl’s night where you can drunk-cry and be surrounded by people who won’t judge you. The last thing you need is to go out to a bar and end up crying to the guy that just bought you a drink about your tragic breakup.

DON'T—Hook Up or Rebound

You’ll probably have too many mixed emotions afterward, and it will just confuse you. Take the time to breathe. There is no point in ruining someone else’s emotions just to make yourself feel better or to help you decide if you’re over your ex or not.

DON'T—Trash Talk Your Ex

You wouldn’t want them throwing your name around, so don’t do it to them. Obviously, your closest friends are going to hear all about it, but the whole world doesn’t need to know. Stay off social media for awhile before you post anything that would make things worse.

DON'T—Block Them On Social Media

This is absolutely unnecessary and won’t make you feel better in anyway. Take the time to calm down, find yourself, and reflect. Once you think you’re ready, you can check in on how they are doing…you know you want to. If you’re unhappy with what you see, it's up to you to decide whether or not to keep them on your social media or not.

DON'T—Play the Blame Game

Pointing fingers wont make any of you feel better. There is nothing either of you could’ve done to prevent this from happening. The sooner you accept it, the better.

You broke up for a reason. Maybe there were things you just couldn’t see past, or forgive, or you were going in opposite directions. Just remember, you didn’t spend months or years with this person for no reason. The relationship wasn’t a total waste. That was the person you were in love with, and you should never take that time for granted. After all, they were the person that made you truly happy at a time in your life.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

Once You Become My Ex, Please Know I Never Want Another Text From You Again

Block my number. I've already blocked yours.


Growing up, it was always super important to me to end a relationship on good terms, at least as best as I could. I was friends with pretty much all of my exes, whether we talked frequently or not. It just made things easier in a small town with one high school.

I had it all wrong, though.

The truth is, I don't want to be your friend if we break up. Hell, I don't even want you to text me. There's no reason for it.

Be up in arms all you want at the "pettiness" or "drama" of this if that's what you want to do, I don't really care either way. Each relationship I've experienced in my lifetime has a specific place in my past, but that's exactly where they'll stay: my past. Every ex has their own designated chapter in a closed book.

When you end on terms that are even remotely OK, it's easy to stay checked in into each other's lives, whether that's texting or following them on social media. Something reminds you of them and you both text and reminisce about it, you congratulate them on a Facebook post, you watch their Snapchat and Instagram stories.

I don't care if you think we ended on good terms or not, don't check up on me. Don't tell me you hope I'm doing well. Don't try to contact me at all, frankly.

We're not friends. We were a couple, but now we're not. Any form of a relationship between the two of us ceased to exist the moment we ended our relationship. I'm not in high school anymore, I'm not still in that small town. I don't need to be your friend and keep up appearances to ensure the friend group still feels like nothing's really changed or to make everyone feel comfortable when we're both around.

So who are we kidding? There's just no reason for you to interact with me in any capacity. I don't need to be checked up on. I don't need you to text me for any reason, ever. Trust me, I'm doing just fine.

To all of my exes, you've held a significant place in my life, sure.

But your friendship isn't crucial to my happiness anymore.

I learned how to be just fine without you, so it's time for you to do the same.

I don't need the pleasantries, so just forget them. It's fine and all that maybe they matter to you, but they don't to me. I can promise you that I don't want to hear from you. I don't want to know how you've been, I don't want to know what you've been up to.

I've moved on. I don't need you in my life anymore, and frankly, I don't want you in it. I don't need to be your friend. So don't follow me on Twitter, delete me from your Snapchat, and block my number. I've already blocked yours.

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To My Best Friend Dealing With A Broken Heart, We'll Get Through This Together

I can't actually fill that void.


To my best friend dealing with a broken heart,

It won't last forever.

Your heart, scratch that—you—will heal. You're already strong, but you'll become tougher. You're already smart, but you'll become wiser. You're already sexy, but you'll become even more irresistible.

And I'll be here the entire time. I can't wait to see who you become.

It won't be easy. I'm not going to sugar coat it and say that you'll be smiling and confidently strutting the streets by tomorrow. You have everything you need, but if your heart needs some time, take it. There's no rulebook. Honestly, I don't know how I got out of my rut, but I did and now I'm here. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I cried on end, but my support group–you–helped me through it one day at a time. Don't stress about what other people think—even me, forget my thoughts! Focus on you. What does your body need? What does your soul need?

I'm sorry. I wish I could take away this pain.

There's nothing that can compare to this feeling and I know I can't actually fill that void—no one can, other than you.

You never think it'll happen to you.

You had the future planned out. You shared your deepest darkest secrets. You both shared, I love you's and genuinely meant it. Of course, there were happy times. It was all real. I won't bash your ex unless you need me to (personally, I cringe anytime someone speaks badly of my ex... at the end of the day, I loved that man) but, just know, you did everything you could.

It wasn't meant to be and, one day, you will find your happily ever after. That love will be greater than anything you can ever imagine.

I'm not going to sit here and let you mope. The memories will never fade, but at this moment, forget about the past and the future, only the now. If you are angry, punch a wall, but steer away from feeling regret. Nothing in life is worth regretting over. It is all lessons-learned and adventures to remember later on.

This will pass and you will laugh about it. When I heard that for the first time, I wanted to scream, I could never laugh at the situation, but here I am now. You lost someone and that's never easy, but you've also gained so much experience.

You are gorgeous and breathtaking, you better start believing it because anyone would be so lucky to have you in their life.

Today, you start loving yourself.

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