The Do’s And Don’t's After A 'Mutual' Breakup

The Do’s And Don’t's After A 'Mutual' Breakup

Doing crazy things won't make you feel better.

Breakups are a truly hopeless situation to go through, especially after spending so much time with one person. Long-term relationship breakups are especially hard because you spent such a long period of time with that person that there is an extensive adjustment period when you try to be by yourself for the first time in a while. There is no estimated “recovery time”, and it is different for every person.

These Do’s and Don’ts might make it a bit easier to adjust to the situation. These universal do’s and don’ts are bound to help in most break-up situations.

DO—Let It All Out

Take out your laptop or a notebook and take as long as you need to write it out. If you truly don’t have any hard feelings about it, sit and reflect on your relationship. When you’re done, and it might take you the span of a couple weeks to make sure you got it all out, you have two options. You can either get rid of it in any way you feel fit, or, if you feel brave, keep it. When you’re ready, you can re-read it when you aren’t experiencing multiple emotions. Take accountability where its due, and acknowledge your flaws. After you feel better, just get ride of it. It’s a liberating feeling to let go of all the emotions you packed into those pages.

DO—Put Their Stuff Away

If they want it back, leave it on the front door or just mail it to them. Put it all in a box, tape it shut, and shove it in the attic or the back of your closet. You don’t want to make any rash decisions that you’ll regret later. When you find the box in the future, you might get a smile reminiscing about all the good times you had.

DO— Become Emotionally Stable

This sounds easier than it is. You’re going to wake up feeling sad one day, and want to burn the world to the ground the next. Little things you see or do might set you off, so allow yourself to have a few days to get your emotions in check.

DO— Resume an Old Hobby or Find a New One

Maybe you lost time for yourself to do what you enjoyed individually, or there has been something you’ve been meaning to try. Now is a perfect time!

DO— Listen to Some Really Sad Music

You’re allowed to sit in bed and listen to music that makes you cry. Eat in bed while you listen if you really want to. Sometimes music helps you get the tears out that you aren’t allowing yourself to shed.

DO— Stay in with Some Friends

Have a girl’s night where you can drunk-cry and be surrounded by people who won’t judge you. The last thing you need is to go out to a bar and end up crying to the guy that just bought you a drink about your tragic breakup.

DON'T—Hook Up or Rebound

You’ll probably have too many mixed emotions afterward, and it will just confuse you. Take the time to breathe. There is no point in ruining someone else’s emotions just to make yourself feel better or to help you decide if you’re over your ex or not.

DON'T—Trash Talk Your Ex

You wouldn’t want them throwing your name around, so don’t do it to them. Obviously, your closest friends are going to hear all about it, but the whole world doesn’t need to know. Stay off social media for awhile before you post anything that would make things worse.

DON'T—Block Them On Social Media

This is absolutely unnecessary and won’t make you feel better in anyway. Take the time to calm down, find yourself, and reflect. Once you think you’re ready, you can check in on how they are doing…you know you want to. If you’re unhappy with what you see, it's up to you to decide whether or not to keep them on your social media or not.

DON'T—Play the Blame Game

Pointing fingers wont make any of you feel better. There is nothing either of you could’ve done to prevent this from happening. The sooner you accept it, the better.

You broke up for a reason. Maybe there were things you just couldn’t see past, or forgive, or you were going in opposite directions. Just remember, you didn’t spend months or years with this person for no reason. The relationship wasn’t a total waste. That was the person you were in love with, and you should never take that time for granted. After all, they were the person that made you truly happy at a time in your life.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

5 Ways To Break Up With Someone 'The Right Way'

Suggestive statements you can use that may make a break-up end more smoothly and clearly.


Many people form relationships with others that sometimes do not last.

A lot of people actually go through multiple romantic relationships in a lifetime, which suggests that a weighty majority have experienced at least one breakup in their lives. Therefore, a weighty majority will likely experience at least another breakup.

So, people often ask, what is the best way to break up with someone? How can I minimize hurt feelings? Is there a way to truly have an amicable breakup?

Well, here are five ways you can break-up with someone the right way:

1. "I do not feel our relationship is healthy"

This breakup statement is more appropriate for those who are involved in a toxic relationship: relationships that involve excessive meaningless arguments, retaliatory behaviors, and/or emotional abuse are relationships that no one should be a part of. Stating that the relationship is not healthy would likely not be a surprise to your significant other, therefore the two of you essentially understand what is motivating this dissolution, and it may make parting ways smoother.

2. "I don't think I can trust you"

This breakup statement is suited for those who are involved in relationships with secrets, dishonesty, and/or infidelity. It is important to note that a relationship can carry on after the aforementioned events, but if you are unable to see past those incidences and feel that they will inevitable reoccur, then it may be ideal to not continue being in a relationship with this person. Your significant other, again, will understand the motivation, but it is important to make clear that trust is important, and that it is better for everyone to be in a trusting relationship.

3. "I'm not giving you my best"

This breakup statement reflects those who are not focused on the relationship: people who are dedicating more of their time to their career, education, family, or, for personal reasons, may need to distance themselves so they do not inflict neglect on their significant other. Everyone has priorities, but when your relationship is no longer at the top, you may need to take care of yourself before reengaging with someone. Your significant other has likely felt the distance, and may be more understanding and accepting of ceasing the relationship.

4. "I don't feel respected"

This breakup statement applies to those who feel devalued in their relationship. Often, you may feel disrespected, unappreciated, and "less than," and no one should feel that way with someone you are intimately and inter-personally connected to. Your significant other may not understand right away, but reasonably and carefully explain to them your position on certain matters. Some people can work through this together, but others who experience this to a high degree may want to start anew.

5. "I'm just not ready" 

This breakup statement may work for those in a relationship but are not ready to take things to another level. This is mostly for people who are not ready to be seriously dating or get married. Often, you may still be finding yourself and figuring out what you want in life. Your significant other may not understand this right away, but ultimately the two of you need to communicate if you want to progress the relationship together.

There may be more ways to effectively break-up with someone, but every break-up statement requires contemplation and consideration.


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10 Things I Want To Say To The Ex I'm Over, But Still Think About

There's a reason everything ends, but that doesn't mean you can't appreciate the good times.


A little over a year ago I left a five-year relationship. The breakup was terrible (we had to live together until our lease was up). Since our breakup I have seen him a handful of times, but at this point our communication is nonexistent but I still find myself thinking about him. I don't regret ending the relationship, and if I had to do it again I would still end it. But when you spend five years with someone, you build a life together so there are still times that I think about him and our relationship.

1. You don't realize how good you had it. 

I would describe myself as a "ride or die" when I get into a relationship. I will do whatever you need. Drunk at 4 a.m. and I have work at 8 a.m.? I'll come get you and take care of you. Short on money for your car payment? I got you. Need to cry about a really terrible day? I'll be there. Some may consider this a flaw, but when I love you and care about you I will be there day or night. And honestly, I think that is rare

2. I'm sorry I hurt you. 

When a relationship ends both parties experience a wide range of emotions. Usually the person who ends the relationship is causing the pain, but that pain is never intentional just a side effect of the relationship ending.

3. Thank you for your constant support.

Regardless of how long a relationship is, partners usually go out of their way to do things for each other, stand by each other, and provide emotional and physical support. I know that there were things that happened during our relationship that I would not have been able to get through if my ex hadn't been there.

4. Thank you for showing me what true emotional and physical intimacy looks like. 

When you grow up in a home where your parents are constantly fighting and there is no example of what love and commitment looks like your view on relationships is skewed. Thank you for showing me what it was like to give your all to someone, to commit to someone. Thank you for showing me it's okay to be vulnerable with someone. Thank you for showing me what it was like to feel safe.

5. Thank you for bringing me into your family. 

When your family is small and in shambles you don't really have much of a support system. You showed me how fun large family gatherings could be. Your family gave me a glimpse of what I want in my future.

6. Thank you for teaching me about your culture.

There's something beautiful that comes along with dating someone outside of your culture, and you showed me that. The more I learned about your culture the better I was able to understand you as a person. You taught me how beautiful interracial relationships can be.

7. Thank you for showing me what I don’t want in future relationships

A lot of things can make relationships fall apart (personalities, ideologies, mental health issues, signs of abuse etc.) There were signs from the beginning that it might not work and I ignored all of them.

8. Thank you for taking my virginity.

I was raised to believe that sex meant for marriage, but the older I got the more I realized that I didn't believe in that. But I knew I wanted my first time to be with someone special. We waited until I was ready. You were patient with me and we went at my pace. I am eternally grateful for that and I wouldn't take back any of it.

9. My heart broke too when we broke up. 

Yes, I was the one that ended the relationship. But it was the hardest and most painful decision of my life. I agonized over it for months prior and after. Ending a relationship is never easy and breaking someone's heart is painful.

10. Loving someone isn’t always enough. 

I used to think that just because you loved someone that you should be with them. I used to think that love could save a relationship. But now I know that isn't always true. Loving someone doesn't equate to a healthy and beneficial relationship. It takes more than love to make a relationship work.

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