As a twenty-one-year-old female college student, I can say that I have pinned relationship quotes on Pinterest more times than I would like to admit. One of these pins was the quote, “Effort is attractive,” which is something I think we can all agree with. It’s not about getting the “I miss you” text, it’s about getting the “I’m waiting outside your door with tacos” text. Of course, before we stuff our faces with the tacos, we must acknowledge everything that happened before that.
A few weeks ago, I wrote this article about a guy who I got just a little too overly optimistic about. For a long time I hadn’t dated anyone so when I came across him, well, my life just got a little bit more exciting. The reason I was practically seeing stars every time I thought of him was because of something I had done way back in August.
I am a firm believer that writing down my thoughts, dreams, and goals puts me one step closer to manifesting them. Flipping through my journal recently brought me to these two pages I had written in August about exactly what I wanted in a future partner. I literally began each statement with, “I DO want…” and then listed qualities that were very important to me.
Keep in mind that everything I wrote down was so specific, nothing generic about it. This is why when I read over every single statement, I became dumbfounded. HE literally encompassed almost every single sentence that I had written. Was what I really wanted for a long time standing right in front of me?
Somewhere between all of the fun-loving conversations and well-thought-out Snapchats, I let myself believe that it was him.
Like any form of attraction, effort spikes in the beginning stages of dating, and then slowly starts to drop off. In the beginning, the guy knows that he has to impress you so he is going to contact you more in an attempt to win you over.
The problem I have is that I get a bit too stoked about this and try to match my effort with his. In retrospect it sounds logical, but in reality, I have found that it only makes the chase easier for the guy. I am not saying that you shouldn’t be giving any effort at all because you should be, but don’t go overboard.
No matter how convinced you are that the two of you were just meant to be together, remember that he is just a guy - that’s all he is.
That guy you are worried about is only a fleck of dust compared to the amount of your successes that are karats of gold. The best thing you can do if he is not giving any effort is to just let it go. If you texted him and he didn’t respond, let it go. If he wants to make plans with you, he will.
No matter how badly you want it to work out, the other person has to want it as badly, too.
The fact that he hasn’t done anything about it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. YOU are freaking amazing! So what, you got a little too excited, but that shouldn’t matter. If anything, you have learned that you shouldn’t expect much, and you shouldn’t give too much of yourself away so quickly. Let him pry you open like a limited edition Jane Austen novel because YOU are something so rare and so special.
Maybe he wasn’t the one after all, or maybe he will come back in the most unexpected and beautiful way possible, but don’t count on it. Let yourself be upset for a minute (or a few days), but don’t dwell on that feeling or else you might miss out on your real prince charming.