After about the sixth night in a row of crying yourself to sleep, I think it's pretty safe to say you're not OK.
You've spent consecutive days planning out your future, talking about marriage, kids, altering life plans — all for someone who, deep down, didn't want any of it.
I think that's what hurts the most — someone having a doubt since the beginning and never expressing that to you.
You wake up every day thinking about the future and how happy you are, not knowing they wake up every day questioning everything. They tell you they'll never leave you, and then they do. They come back and say they love you and that they won't leave again, and then they turn around and they do leave again. They feel like something is constantly missing when they're with you.
They say they need to shift their focus in a different direction when the real reason, in fact, is you don't complete them.
I'm not saying it's a crime against humanity to not be totally in love with someone or that it's wrong to have doubts. I'm saying it's wrong to pretend everything is fine and to string people along into a happy, optimistic mindset when, in reality, it's all a facade.
The problem is, you can't fake love.
It doesn't matter how often you go see them, how well you treat them, how excited you are to make plans for the future... if it's not you, it's not you. You can't force it. You can do everything for someone and never be good enough for them and that's OK.
You will never be enough for the wrong person, but one day, you will be more than enough for the right person.
Take your heart and move on. Don't let someone who wasn't capable of loving every part of you ruin who you are or what you've built. Use this relationship and build on yourself. Take notes on what you want for the future and what you don't. Not every relationship has to end sourly, either.
Make your amends and have hopes that maybe time will heal your wounds, and if it's "meant to be it will be." If it's not, that's OK, too.
Pick yourself up. dust yourself off, and start over. You can do this.
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