Not Only Did The Intimidating Bouncer Let Me Into My College Bar, He Let Me Into His Heart

Not Only Did The Intimidating Bouncer Let Me Into My College Bar, He Let Me Into His Heart

But now he's just a 6' Costco teddy bear that can make a killer dinner.

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Let me just tell you, the night we met, the last thing I was expecting was to meet someone who would eventually buy a plane ticket to come to visit me, states away. Normally girls my age are scared of the big guy working the front. But for some reason, he was not scary—he was more welcoming if anything.

I had just woken up from a four hour, midday, nap and was DREADING the sound of my alarm clock telling me it was time to put on '80s aspen themed clothing. Kid-you-not, I ran out the door with barely any makeup on, wet hair, and one shot of Svedka for a fraternity date party. Definitely wouldn't say I was looking to meet someone, especially a 290-pound bouncer (250 at the time, he'd get mad if I didn't clarify that he was "skinny" back then).

Believe it or not, I was eyeing him for a while. I was trying to figure him out. He did not look like a typical bouncer, he seemed innocent and sweet. He also looked very uninterested and bored, so I wanted to lighten up his mood. I could tell he was young, only a little older than me. The all-black outfit made him appear very fit and young. I had to know more.

I approached him by saying "Hey are you on Tinder because I think I swiped left?" (Definitely not your go-to girl for pick-up lines.) I had just made a Tinder for experimental purposes and had not to clue which way was "hot" and which way was "not," so I just had to take an educated guess.

Luckily rather than him kicking me out of the event, he thought it was funny and said: "I did too."

Thanks for not completely blowing me off after that one. I guess the pickup line did the magic because you asked for my number.

Texting you was so natural and normal. I felt like I could share my entire life with you and you would listen. It was almost scary how comfortable I felt. Our conversations flowed beautifully for about a week and then you decided to make the bold move and ask me on a date.

I have never been so nervous for a date in my life. My stomach was in knots the whole time leading up to dinner. I was biting my thumbs trying not to text you canceling. And my friends didn't make it much better.

"Are you seriously going on a date with the bouncer!"

"How old is he, 40?"

I talked on the phone to my roommate the whole walk to the restaurant until I saw him waiting outside to greet me. He was intimidating for sure, mainly because of his size, but also the fact I was literally going out with someone who could potentially get me arrested.

It wasn't until we were ordering and you ordered a wrap that I realized I was really into you. Because what big boy orders a wrap for dinner besides one that's nervous on a first date? Just as our texting went, our conversations at dinner never died, and it was never awkwardly silent... at least as far as I can remember.

After that night we already had plans for a second date and the rest was history.

The hardest part about being "the girl the bouncer is dating" is getting texts every Thursday night from people I'm barely friends with saying, "Hey can your boyfriend let us into the bar?"

It was the worst when I was all the way in New Jersey, missing him, while people back at school were constantly using me to get to him. I even once had a friend of mine tell me she wanted to "take him home." Or always feeling obligated to go out nights he's working just to see him for five minutes. So it definitely isn't easy at times but that never scared me away or stopped me from pursuing him.

To me, he is so much more than the bouncer at the bar.

You are a five-star cook, world's deadliest driver and you "have the motor of a skinny little guy on the field." You have a special superpower that instantly makes me smile when I'm crying or laugh when I'm angry. Among all your talents my favorite is that you can embaress me under absolutly ANY circumstance. That, my love, is impressive.

We get through exam packed weeks, long work shifts, and average meals becuase we know we will have one another to look forward to at the end. We push each other to be the best we can be and we always encourage each other to do the absolute most.


I look up to you (literally!) and will forever be greatful for meeting you when least expected because I have gained not only a role model, but my best friend.

While dating a bouncer can get frustrating, it's what brought me to him and for that, I am so thankful.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

An Open Letter To The Girl In A Toxic Relationship Who Doesn't See The Signs To Let Go

"it took letting go to realize that I was holding onto nothing" -R.H Sin

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Dear you,

I hope you're doing well. I once thought I was too. I once thought that if he would just change, for me, everything would work. However, my sweet girl, you should not have to change people, you should not have to push people to be better, for you. You cannot help anyone, that does not want to help themselves.

In the movies, we learn to love a bad boy that needs changing. However, it isn't always your job to be boys saving grace. However, his shaming and emotional abuse is not just something you should put up with so that you can love him. That is not loving.

Love is not a constant competition of who could belittle the other one first. Love is not asking for a hug and being told no. Love does not make you feel stupid for bringing up things that hurt your feelings.

Love does not grow angry because you talk to your mom about your feelings. Love does not body shame. Love does not constantly change the passcode to their phone.

Love does not laugh when you find out they're unfaithful. Love does not tell you that you are not smart enough to accomplish anything. Love does not force their hand up your thigh when the words "no" slip out of your mouth.

Love is the warmth of a hand on your cheek when you get anxious. Love is getting your backpack out the car for you. Love is turning around when you need them. Love compromises.

Love is encouraging. Love is proud. Love is forgiving. Love sees you for who you are. Love knows you are worthy.

God is your Father and you are His daughter, so do not believe for one second that this abuse is the love you think you deserve.

Love will not always be easy. Love will be challenging and a constant prayer to not anger so quickly.

However, do not mix up challenging with the abuse. If you are losing the good pieces of yourself, then it isn't love. I know that you put a lot of time and effort into this relationship, but it is no good, you are holding on to someone whose heart is not in the right place to love you.

I connected with a poem from R. H. Sin, once I left my toxic relationship which reads, "it took letting go to realize that I was holding onto nothing."

Darling girl, you are so loved by so many people, do not let this relationship hold you back or make you feel less worthy than you are. I have always been the girl with her nose stuck up in the air smelling for smoke, to follow the trail to a burning house to find a boy that needed saving, but it is more than likely a boy that lit the fire in the first place and needs changing.

So, do not be me, be better. Be the girl that lights her own world on fire, for her work, for her family, for God. You are you and you are amazing, so do not fear being without him.

You will feel as if you have come up for air after drowning in an ocean that you had no idea you were swimming in.

The emotional abuse that this boy has put you through and maybe even physical abuse will leave you building walls around your heart. It will make other relationships hard, but you are so so strong.

You will meet someone that makes you so happy and feel so easy to love, you will never understand how you stuck around with the one that hurt you for so long.

You deserve to grow from this, and I promise you will.

Let go.

xoxo,

The girl who learned from a toxic relationship

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Being Far Away From My Boyfriend Actually Strengthened Our Relationship Instead Of Forcing It Apart

While we were apart, we became closer.

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Before I really start this article, I just want to say that my relationship isn't truly a long distance relationship. We are both college students at the same university eight months out of the year, but the other four months we live quite a distance apart. Even during those four months, we are only about 150 miles from each other as the bird flies, but really about three hours from each other.

Being in a relationship where I'm not able to see my boyfriend every day or even every week has been a real challenge. But it's been a good challenge. It hasn't been a challenge because I've felt unfaithful or fallen out of love with him in any way. It's challenging because I miss him. We both work jobs and our schedules aren't the same and oftentimes we aren't able to talk to each other unless it's early in the morning or late at night. There are times when all I want to do is talk to him and tell him about how my day went and get a big bear hug from him. Unfortunately, I'm not really able to do this.

I firmly believe that being apart from each other for days, weeks, or even months have brought us closer than we could've ever imagined. We knew that this would be difficult, and we knew that there would be bad days, but we decided to power through it. It has made each time that we are able to see each other so much more special and meaningful.

Seeing each other has become more of spending time with each other than just laying around on the couch playing around on our phones. It's become really getting to know each other better and catching up on all the things we had missed. It's become a time for us to simply be in each other's presence and enjoy being able to talk face to face without a phone in the middle of us. We go on more adventurous dates, we take more pictures, and I think we would both easily say that we fall more and more in love with each other after each opportunity we have to spend time together.

Spending time together is no longer a daily activity, but it has become a right to be earned through hard work and several paychecks as travel can become expensive. We no longer take opportunities to see each other for granted, and it has made us grow closer because we aren't able to spend time together often. We look forward to the days when we won't have to worry about being apart but know that this is only a stepping stone in our relationship.

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