Fat Girls Are Having Amazing Sex Too, But Thanks Anyway For Asking These 5 Invasive Questions
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If I had a dime for every time someone felt awkward talking about sexuality, I would be a millionaire.

If I had a dime for every person who tried to avoid talking about body size around me, I would be a billionaire.

Sex and body weight are two topics that often trigger awkward emotions.

And that sucks. I'm not going to call it, "silly" or "dumb," because it's what society has taught us to believe. Shame has been tied to sexuality and body image for a historical hot minute.

Sexuality & plus size bodies ≠ shame

I am proud to be a sexual woman. I thankful that I have always had access to the resources and education to practice safe sex. Most importantly, I was lucky to be raised in a community that did not shame people for their sexuality.

I can't say the same about my body. People have always been uncomfortable with my acceptance of my figure.

1. "But wait... If you love your body, are you not trying to lose weight?"

First of all, it's no one's business what I'm doing with my body. Second, of course, I want to be healthy. I'm working toward that. I'm not going to hate myself in the meantime.

2. "How do fat people have sex?"

Umm. The same way other people do. Everyone expresses their sexuality differently and that's not dependent on body size.

3. "I bet you can't do [insert sex position that requires lots of flexibility and balance]."

You shouldn't assume that all curvy folks aren't athletic and flexible. I've met plenty of people who are incredibly athletic and are conventionally plus size. However, if I can't do XYZ, it doesn't mean that I can't do ZYX.

4. "Will anyone want to have sex with a woman who looks you?"

Yes, they do. Pinky swear.

5. "Are you worried that you're going to hurt your partner?"

Because of my body weight? No, I'm not. In general, of course, I am. Sex is always an emotional time and it's important to have an open line of communication with my partners.

The quality of your sex is not related to body size. It is related to accepting your body, learning about safe sex and open communication.

You go, girl! Get that amazing sex!

Cover Image Credit:

@glamghoul | Instagram

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

11 Thoughts You Have While Losing Your Virginity

Oh my god, it's happening!

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Everyone has an idea of how they want the first time they have sex to be like. And while you might have this idea, and you might be prepared, you definitely aren't prepared for how awkward it can be. (Or for those awkward thoughts that are racing through your mind as it's happening.) So I surveyed former virgins about they were thinking about it when they had sex for the first time.

Here are all the thoughts they had when they lost their virginity:

1. "Is it over yet?"

OK, so this one was me. But it was so BORING. He laid there and didn't do anything, I was on top and I thought it was going to hurt but it didn't... I'll let you guys connect the dots. But anyway, I lied to him said that it hurt and asked if we could stop just so it would be over.

2. "I hope I'm doing OK."

Let's be real here though, this was probably everyone.

3. "This is happening. This is happening."

Probably everyones thoughts right when things start heating up.

4. "Well, this isn't what I expected. It's nothing like the movies."

Losing your virginity is nothing like "Fifty Shades of Grey." It's more like fifty shades of red from, embarrassment and putting in work.

5. "I hope it doesn't hurt—it hurts, when is this going to end."

I would bet that a lot of girls had this thought.

6. "He's not going anywhere."

I got a bunch of these comments.

7. "She's amazing."

Once again I got a bunch of these.

8. "This is happening fast."

It probably did, one minute you're putting on Netflix and the next you're naked...

9. "Do I really want this?"

If this is what you're thinking, just stop... yes even in the middle of it.

10. "I don't want this to end."

#CantRelate

11. "Will I look any different?"

I mean you don't look like your orgasm face, but no you won't look different.

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Contrary To Popular Belief, Friends With Benefits Can Work—But Only If You’re Willing To Take 'Friends' Out Of The Equation

The beauty of being friends with benefits is that if you find someone you trust, you can have that intimacy, without any expectations or jealousy.

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I was involved in a very toxic, controlling and jealousy-fueled relationship a few years back which was why, upon breaking off from it, I swore to myself that I will never ever commit into another relationship until I truly found The One.

After all, I'll be the one to admit—the college dating scene sucks. Every time I convince myself to try going out more and to start dating again, I end up instead going on one god-awful first date after another, relying on friends to set me up with guys, and being stampeded by that anxiety-inducing responsibility of having to text, call and snapchat a boy around the clock just to convince him that I'm into him.

I never actually considered having casual relationships or god forbid—even a friends with benefits situation with any guy I met. Maybe it's just my conservative upbringing in which my parents constantly drilled it into my head that I definitely shouldn't go around messing around with a different guy each week. Or maybe it was my reluctance to give it up to some random guy I just met and consequently come off as “easy."

But then this guy came along. And he completely transformed me, and how I viewed casual relationships.

Let's just call him "John."

But John is someone who I hit it off with from the moment we met and he's probably the only guy I've met who I had a physical attraction to, but not an emotional attraction to.

I have to admit that although he portrays this “bad boy" persona on the exterior, he does truly have a kind soul on the inside which I'm usually able to see right through. But this “bad boy" image is probably why I wouldn't consider dating him in a serious relationship. I mean, because if I brought a guy like him home, my dad would most likely flip shit and my mom would throw a plant at him.

On top of that, our interests and career paths are so different from each other that it's hard to find things to relate to or build mutual respect for each other. He's graduating in a few months, heading off to grad school or perhaps even starting a entry level corporate job, and I don't ever see myself trying to commit to someone like that when I'm still stuck in school with a gazillion responsibilities to keep track of.

But well I'll put it this way—we were extremely attracted to each other, and one thing led to another and we hooked up. And as we sat next to each other talking unanimously for probably an hour after doing the deed, we both decided that we weren't looking for a relationship but that we definitely didn't want this to be some kind of one-night stand.

So we decided to be friends with benefits.

Now, I think the reason why friends with benefits is so looked down upon in our generation is that it defines everything that's wrong with dating culture today. It takes away the conventional method of wooing someone, going on a few dates and then using intimacy as a way to express your love for one another. And also, many people don't like it because it's easy to catch feelings for someone, and that's it's nearly impossible for it to actually work out.

But contrary to popular belief, it actually works.

But here's the catch: friends with benefits is NOT a balancing act of being friends and being sex partners. Rather, you have to be willing to give up one side of the equation in order to successfully obtain the other.

And in the case between me and John, we gave up trying to be “friends" in order to maintain the “benefits" and as a result, it works out perfectly.

The beauty of being "friends with benefits" is that if you find someone you trust, you can have that intimacy, without any expectations or jealousy. And if you stop considering them to be your “friend," then you don't constantly have to think about them or try to make time to see them and you don't even need to freak out if you haven't heard from them for a few days.

But when you do get to see them and get to hang out, it's just this beautiful time you both can savor and really be in the moment without having to express all your emotional thoughts and feelings. Everything is stress-free between me and John, because of the lack of expectation of trying to either make this into an intimate relationship or trying to still be “friends" on top of it.

So here's my main piece of advice to anyone who wants friends with benefits without catching feelings: do not start texting each other all the time or try seeing each other too much. Because if you do, that's when you start catching feelings and try developing something more in the relationship.

If I had the choice, I probably wouldn't have followed John on Instagram (and I encourage you not to), just so I don't ever have to have that thought of whether he was watching my Insta Story or not, or who that girl was in his picture.

My other advice is to take try to take the notion of "friends" out of the equation. As mentioned above, I feel as if most of the time when "friends with benefits" doesn't work out, it's because you both are trying so hard to keep up the "friends" part of it that it begins to blur the lines together, which leads to confusion and heartbreak.

And if you find yourself still wanting to be his "friend" after enjoying the "benefits", I would recommend you to STOP what you're doing and have a conversation with him ASAP.

Be honest, be upfront and don't impose.

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